You Know You’re Gay When…

Author Unknown

  1. You wear the appropriate underwear for each of your dates.
  2. You understand the subtle differences between at least 20 brands of vodka.
  3. You understand the immense importance of good (or bad) lighting.
  4. You can be in a crowded bar and still spot a toupee from 50 yards away.
  5. You can tell a woman you love her bathing suit and mean her bathing suit.
  6. You can tell a woman she has lipstick on her teeth without embarrassing her.
  7. No one expects you to kiss and not tell.
  8. You can have naked pictures of men you know in your home.
  9. You can have naked pictures of men you don’t know in your home.
  10. You can have naked pictures of men you don’t know in your home and on your computer.
  11. Unlike your women friends, you can hang out in men’s locker room.
  12. You understand why the good Lord created spandex.
  13. You understand why the good Lord did not intend everyone to wear spandex.
  14. You know the difference between a latte, cappuccino, cafe au lait and a macchiato. And if you don’t, you know how to fake it.
  15. You know how to get back at just about everyone.
  16. Your pets always have great names.
  17. Nobody expects you to change a tire.
  18. You’re the only guy who gets to do the "Cosmo" quizzes.
  19. You know how to get a waiter’s attention.
  20. You only wear polyester when you mean to.
  21. At any given instant, you can recite who was gay since the dawn of history.
  22. You are, hands down, your nephew’s and nieces’ favorite uncle.
  23. You get to choose your family.
  24. You can tell your sexual compatibility with a potential partner by the way he holds his drink.
  25. You can smile to let someone know you can’t stand them.
  26. You wouldn’t be caught dead in Hooters.
  27. You can freeze an approaching bar troll twenty feet away.
  28. You’re good pals with women other people can’t stand.
  29. You’ve always got an opinion, and don’t mind sharing it.
  30. You’ve read the book, seen the movie, done the musical.
  31. You know how to "air kiss".
  32. You know exactly which cosmetic surgery to consider having… and the perfect excuse to give people who ask where you’ve been for two weeks.
  33. You know how to dress strategically.
  34. You know when to move out and move on.
  35. You are the only one at the class reunion who looks better than you did in high school.
  36. You’ve got at least one framed picture of a pet.
  37. You know that being called a "cheap slut" isn’t necessarily an insult.
  38. You wouldn’t buy someone a mug for their birthday.
  39. You know which wine to bring.
  40. Sales clerks don’t mess with you.
  41. You have a medicine chest stocked for any occasion.
  42. You never hold a grudge for longer than a decade.
  43. You’ve just about defeated the accent you were born with.
  44. You know the way to a man’s heart is not necessarily through his stomach.
  45. You choose the most fabulous greeting cards.
  46. You know every film ever made with male frontal nudity.
  47. You’ve got sunscreen at every conceivable SPF level.
  48. You have the latest International Male catalog.
  49. You wouldn’t dream of dressing out of the latest International Male catalog.
  50. You can be bitchy without anyone blaming it on biology.

This Post Has 9 Comments

  1. bob sagit

    uhhhh….dude or chick?
    who wrote it??

  2. Steph Mineart

    Who knows? It came in an email. I’m assuming a dude wrote it.

  3. Loren

    This is GREAT

  4. Gilly

    defs male, You’re the only guy who gets to do the “Cosmo” quizzes…
    most gay jokes on here are male orientated.

  5. Abe Froman

    You know how I know you’re gay?
    You invite people to a dinner party, THAT HATE YOU; and they come anyway, because they know you’ll serve something they can’t order out…

  6. Annony Mouse

    You know how I know you’re gay?
    You can actually wear a Speedo AND pull it off.

  7. matt lawrence

    you know how i know your gay?
    because your on here!

  8. guy

    you know how i know your gay you just said he could pull off a speeddo

  9. bubba

    you know how I know you’re gay?
    1. You think the song “Cherry Pie” is about cherry pie.
    2. You can name all of the Care Bears, including the non-bear care bears.

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