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- You wear the appropriate underwear for each of your dates.
- You understand the subtle differences between at least 20 brands of vodka.
- You understand the immense importance of good (or bad) lighting.
- You can be in a crowded bar and still spot a toupee from 50 yards away.
- You can tell a woman you love her bathing suit and mean her bathing suit.
- You can tell a woman she has lipstick on her teeth without embarrassing her.
- No one expects you to kiss and not tell.
- You can have naked pictures of men you know in your home.
- You can have naked pictures of men you don’t know in your home.
- You can have naked pictures of men you don’t know in your home and on your computer.
- Unlike your women friends, you can hang out in men’s locker room.
- You understand why the good Lord created spandex.
- You understand why the good Lord did not intend everyone to wear spandex.
- You know the difference between a latte, cappuccino, cafe au lait and a macchiato. And if you don’t, you know how to fake it.
- You know how to get back at just about everyone.
- Your pets always have great names.
- Nobody expects you to change a tire.
- You’re the only guy who gets to do the "Cosmo" quizzes.
- You know how to get a waiter’s attention.
- You only wear polyester when you mean to.
- At any given instant, you can recite who was gay since the dawn of history.
- You are, hands down, your nephew’s and nieces’ favorite uncle.
- You get to choose your family.
- You can tell your sexual compatibility with a potential partner by the way he holds his drink.
- You can smile to let someone know you can’t stand them.
- You wouldn’t be caught dead in Hooters.
- You can freeze an approaching bar troll twenty feet away.
- You’re good pals with women other people can’t stand.
- You’ve always got an opinion, and don’t mind sharing it.
- You’ve read the book, seen the movie, done the musical.
- You know how to "air kiss".
- You know exactly which cosmetic surgery to consider having… and the perfect excuse to give people who ask where you’ve been for two weeks.
- You know how to dress strategically.
- You know when to move out and move on.
- You are the only one at the class reunion who looks better than you did in high school.
- You’ve got at least one framed picture of a pet.
- You know that being called a "cheap slut" isn’t necessarily an insult.
- You wouldn’t buy someone a mug for their birthday.
- You know which wine to bring.
- Sales clerks don’t mess with you.
- You have a medicine chest stocked for any occasion.
- You never hold a grudge for longer than a decade.
- You’ve just about defeated the accent you were born with.
- You know the way to a man’s heart is not necessarily through his stomach.
- You choose the most fabulous greeting cards.
- You know every film ever made with male frontal nudity.
- You’ve got sunscreen at every conceivable SPF level.
- You have the latest International Male catalog.
- You wouldn’t dream of dressing out of the latest International Male catalog.
- You can be bitchy without anyone blaming it on biology.
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This Post Has 9 Comments
uhhhh….dude or chick?
who wrote it??
Who knows? It came in an email. I’m assuming a dude wrote it.
This is GREAT
defs male, You’re the only guy who gets to do the “Cosmo” quizzes…
most gay jokes on here are male orientated.
You know how I know you’re gay?
You invite people to a dinner party, THAT HATE YOU; and they come anyway, because they know you’ll serve something they can’t order out…
You know how I know you’re gay?
You can actually wear a Speedo AND pull it off.
you know how i know your gay?
because your on here!
you know how i know your gay you just said he could pull off a speeddo
you know how I know you’re gay?
1. You think the song “Cherry Pie” is about cherry pie.
2. You can name all of the Care Bears, including the non-bear care bears.