Gay Jokes

An Honest Lesbian Relationship – YouTube

It’s funny. But sort of painfully true. That bit about Ikea smarts just a little, given our recent assemblages. 🙂 As funny as it is, though, not all gay relationships work this way, any more than all straight marriages end in divorce. This may be clever, but it’s ultimately self-defeating to think this way.

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Queer Quotes

Why can’t they have gay people in the army? Personally, I think they are just afraid of a thousand guys with M16s going, “Who’d you call a faggot?” — Jon Stewart

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Etiquette Tips For The Gay Male Wedding

1. On the day of a gay wedding, it’s bad luck for the two grooms to see each other at the gym. 2. Superstition suggests that for good luck the couple should have something bold, something flirty, something trashy, something dirty. 3. It’s customary at gay and lesbian nuptials for the parents to have an

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I Am The Very Model Of An Ex-Gay Individual

by Justin, of Gay Christian.net as Justin points out on his site, “Ex-gay” people admit they have what they call ongoing “same gender attraction” (called SGA in the song) but claim they’re not actually gay. (Never mind that the definition of gay is “being attracted to some one of your own sex.) I. I am

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Chapter Titles in Jim McGreevey’s Book

From “The Late Show With David Letterman,” Top Ten Lists: 10. “The Day I Got Caught Governing Myself” 9. “How to Pretend to Like Girls for 47 Years” 8. “From Schwarzenegger to Pataki: Governors I’d Like to Oil Up” 7. “Another Confession – I Can’t Resist Entenmann’s Pound Cake” 6. “At First I Just Thought

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100 Best Things About Being a Gay Man

1. You truly don’t care who Julia Roberts is sleeping with. 2. You understand the difference between 43 brands of imported vodka. 3. You can call anyone "honey" including pets. 4. You know someone who definitely was in the emergency room with Richard Gere and the gerbil. 5. You understand the immense importance of good

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Real Cowboy

An old cowboy dressed to kill with cowboy shirt, hat, jeans, spurs and chaps went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat there sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him.

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Gay Sons

Four men went golfing together one day; three headed to the first tee and one went into the club house to take care of the bill. The three men started talking, bragging about their sons.

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Runs in the Family

A man walks into the bar and orders three double-shots of vodka. The bartender asks, "that’s a lot of liquor, what’s the problem?" The man replies, "I just found out my younger brother was gay." The next day, he comes back and orders the same thing. The bartender asks, "What’s wrong now?" The man says,

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Top Ten Jerry Falwell Pet Peeves About TV

10. Angels Shouldn’t Go Around "Touching" Anyone 9. Mister Rogers’ sissy loafers. 8. "Zoe, Duncan, Jack and Jane" are lesbian, gay, gay and lesbian. 7. Bastards at MTV didn’t even look at my "Road Rules" audition tape. 6. If you don’t pay the bill on time, Playboy channel gets all fuzzy. 5. Fox won’t even

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Dear Dr. Laura

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. How should I deal with this?

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The Perfect Car

A young woman had just purchased her dream car, a new BMW convertible, and was having trouble tuning her radio to a station she wanted. She returned to the BMW dealership and confronted the salesman, complaining about the radio.

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The Batty Hymn of the Repugnant

Mine eyes have seen the Teletubby and his cutsey little purse. He wears a purple outfit, and, dear friends, what’s even worse, He doesn’t scratch or spit or belch, He doesn’t even curse. What kind of guy is he?

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The Gay Genie

A gay man was walking along the beach at Fire Island when he stumbled upon a Genie’s lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold, out popped a gay genie.

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Having My Baby…

Two gay men decide to have a baby. They mix their sperm, then have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated. When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital. Two dozen babies are in the ward, 23 of which are crying and screaming. One, over in the corner, is smiling serenely. A nurse comes by,

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The Gay Agenda

I know that many of you have heard Pat Robertson, Jerry Fallwell and others speak of the "Homosexual Agenda," but no one has ever seen a copy of it. Well, I have finally obtained a copy directly from the Head Homosexual. It follows below: 6:00 am Gym 8:00 am Breakfast (oatmeal and egg whites) 9:00

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Attention All Heterosexual Men!

Are you disillusioned by your lifestyle? Do you want more from life besides monster truck shows? Do Budweiser commercials confuse you? Are you tired of being a year behind in fashion? Do you wish you had a nice apartment like the ones you see on "Will & Grace"? YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Act now, and

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FABULAIR … Blueprint For The First Gay Airline

Author Unknown Welcome Aboard The Fabulair experience begins when you call our reservations number, 900-FLY-FABU. We know you can make reservations on other airlines for free. But our 900 number is only 28c/minute (50% of all proceeds go to the Human Rights Campaign), and our reservationists are very good on the phone. Your tickets will

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Can’t Fly if You’re Gay

Author Unknown An employee of USAir with the last name of Gay boarded a USAir flight with a free travel voucher. Soon after he sat down, someone else came and claimed he had the same seat assignment, so Mr. Gay moved down do an empty seat. Soon after that the airplane began to fill up.

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Careful When Playing Golf

Author Unknown Two lesbians were out playing golf. They tee off and one drive goes to the right and one drive goes to the left. One of them finds her ball in a patch of buttercups. She grabs a club and takes a mighty swing at the ball. She hits a beautiful second shot, but

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Mom’s Home Cooking

A gay man, finally deciding he could no longer hide his sexuality from his parents, went over to their house, and found his mother in the kitchen cooking dinner.

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Dear Tech Support

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 7.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected drama processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.

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Ken’s Letter To Santa

Dear Santa, I understand that one of my colleagues has petitioned you for changes in her contract, specifically asking for anatomical and career changes. In addition, it is my understanding that disparaging remarks were made about me, my ability to please, and some of my fashion choices. I would like to take this opportunity to

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Barbie’s Letter to Santa

Author Unknown Dear Santa, Listen you fat little troll, I’ve been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya Santa, but IT’S DEFINITELY PAYBACK TIME!

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Nun’s Tale

Author Unknown A nun catches a ride in a taxi. As the taxi is going along, the nun notices that the cab driver keeps looking at her in the rearview mirror. She says, "What is it my son?" The cabbie replies, "Oh, I’m too embarrassed to say, sister." She says, "Please, feel free to say

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Three Wishes

Author Unknown One day in the great forest, a magical frog was hopping down to a water hole. This forest was so big that the frog had never seen another animal in all his life. By chance, today a bear was chasing after a rabbit to have for dinner, and they passed by the frog.

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The Theological Significance of Tinky Winky

Author Unknown Tinky Winky, gay? Au contraire. As any person of faith who has ever watched Teletubbies understands, Tinky Winky is actually a powerful symbol of God’s word made flesh. Or rather, plush. First of all, Tinky Winky is purple, the color of royalty and the ancient priesthood. As it is written in The Song

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Some lesbian jokes, removed

Author Unknown Post from February 10, 1996 is REDACTED. 2013 Update: I removed the list that was “funny rules of lesbian living” from this site because I’ve been undergoing a harassment campaign from the woman who claims to have originated the list, threatening me with a cease and desist and threatening to report me to

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Huntin’ Bears

Frank was excited about his new rifle. So, he went bear hunting. He spotted a small brown bear and shot it. There was then a tap on his shoulder, and he turned round to see a big black bear.

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Subject: Re: The Vicarious Thrill Is Gone…

A funny post reprinted from the rec.arts.comics.misc newsgroup: From: slieber@compuserve.com (Steve Lieber) Newsgroups: rec.arts.comics.misc fiction, for me, provides a vicarious thrill. I assume the mantle of super-human being and in my mind i fly with the heros. but recently in a main stream comic book it is made all too clear that two of the

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