Posts Tagged: funny

Surprising Literary Marketing

In the New York Times – How Writers Build the Brand The surprising ways that some classic authors did some marketing prostitution (ahem) to promote their literary endeavors. “Bloomsbury set regularly posed for fashion shoots in British Vogue in the 1920s. The frumpy Virginia Woolf even went on a “Pretty Woman”-style shopping expedition at French

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GIRLTRASH All Night Long – official trailer

Another on the list of movies I’m going to see one way or another. It probably won’t come here, so I’ll have to buy the video. Produced by Power Up, the people who made D.E.B.S. Created by Angela Robinson, based on her extremely successful Web series from Showtime.

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Born This Way Blog

Okay while you’re looking at gay blogs, check out Born This Way Blog. It is safe for work viewing, and is cute as a button – gay and lesbian folks sending in pictures of themselves as children – usually photos of them doing something outside of what little boys or little girls are expected to

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They come for her jokes, and stay for her epic beatdowns

Sady wins the internet. (with [BONER] jokes!). I’m still trying to figure out how a mansplaining, boner-obsessed, “feminist if it will get me laid” dude came to a site with the word “beatdown” in the title and didn’t think he would get one for patting all the ladies on the head and thanking them for

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links for 2010-01-16

Of Rats and Jen » From Childhood Toy to Fiber Art Ploy A yarn swift from tinker toys. That rocks. (tags: knitting howto tinkertoys) Progress Trackers in Web Design: Examples and Best Practices – Smashing Magazine Sweet – I'm in the middle of redesigning one, so this is quite a dandy help. (tags: webdesign navigation

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Lamb Brains

Taken with my camera phone at a yard sale in Herron-Morton Place. I didn’t have time to compose the shot because Stephanie didn’t care for the can at all and really wanted me to put it down and get in the car. But I couldn’t let it go, so I bought the can so I

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The Onion on Obama Victory

The Onion on Obama Victory: Nation Finally Shitty Enough To Make Social Progress Carrying a majority of the popular vote, Obama did especially well among women and young voters, who polls showed were particularly sensitive to the current climate of everything being fucked. Another contributing factor to Obama’s victory, political experts said, may have been

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Barack Obama on saggy pants

In an MTV interview – Obama tells you to pull up your pants. He does it more politely than I do to teenagers in target. Sway: Our next question comes from Eric out of Huntington Beach, California: “There are numerous cultures and subcultures in the United States today. Powers-that-be set statutes with monetary penalty on

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David Sedaris on Undecided Voters

From this week’s New Yorker: Then you’ll see this man or woman– someone, I always think, who looks very happy to be on TV. “Well, Charlie,” they say, “I’ve gone back and forth on the issues and whatnot, but I just can’t seem to make up my mind!” Some insist that there’s very little difference

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Funny Error in Time News Story

A bit of a slip up in a Times Magazine article on Bush & Cheney skipping the Republican National Convention: President Bush, Vice President Cheney and prominent governors decided on Sunday to skip the Republican National Convention, and the party considered shortening its big four-day event as Hurricane Gustav approached the Gulf Coast with potentially

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Giant Inflatable Dog Crap Escapes Moorings, Wreaks Havoc

I shit you not — Paul McCartney American Artist Paul McCarthy created, for an art exhibit called “East of Eden: A Garden Show” at the Paul Klee Art Center in Switzerland, a giant inflatable dog shit balloon. On July 31, it was the victim of high winds and blew several hundred meters, damaging power lines

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Indiana political blogging

Sometimes it’s really entertaining for all the wrong [link deprecated: http://www.blueindiana.net/showDiary.do;jsessionid=38F64BC3DD2AF56DA297D48ACAA576E0?diaryId=2332] reasons. 2019 Update: Lest it be lost to the ethereal ravages of time, this was the subject of the above posts. From: gwelsh@indy.rr.com Subject: Tyrion Date: April 9, 2008 4:55:22 PM GMT-04:00 To: bil@bilerico.com It’s quite interesting that you, of all people, would allow

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Design is Dead says Phillippe Starck

The hilarity of this recent news item is only enhanced by my having just finished watching the movie Art School Confidential mere moments before I read it: BERLIN (AFP) — Renowned French designer Philippe Starck says he is fed up with his job and plans to retire in two years, in an interview published in

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Christmas lawn decor

There are a couple of photos I’d like to take this year that I’ve missed in past holiday seasons. The first is of a nativity scene at a church somewhere on the north side of Indianapolis. I’ve driven past several years in a row, and noted that the way the scene is set, the three

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This is mighty

I really need to get the hell off of youTube this morning. I love one of the comments “It’s like if Beck, John McCrea of Cake, and Liam Lynch all got together and rocked the First Continental Congress.” had a pocket full of horses, fucked the shit out of bears. threw a knife up into

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Best Acceptance Speech Ever

“A lot of people come up here and thank Jesus for this award. I want you to know that no one had less to do with this award than Jesus. Can you believe this shit? Hell has frozen over. Suck it, Jesus, this award is my god now.” — Kathy Griffin, accepting an Emmy award

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What Kind of Nerd Am I?

What Be Your Nerd Type? Your Result: Literature Nerd   Does sitting by a nice cozy fire, with a cup of hot tea/chocolate, and a book you can read for hours even when your eyes grow red and dry and you look sort of scary sitting there with your insomniac appearance? Then you fit this

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The name “Stephanie” on Babynamer.com

One of the blogs I read regularly pointed out the site babynamer.com in a blog post, because it’s a nicely-designed and interesting site on baby names. They include a long definition and origin of each name, a section on famous people with that name, a long list of related alternate names, and then a funny

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It’s Caturday!

And I R posting my 139 favoritest LOLcat pictures for your entertainment, because I R not allowed to do anything and I R bored. These probably won’t stay on my site long, ’cause of the evil bandwidth thieves who hotlink to everything. Bastages. So enjoy them now.

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XKCD Comic

I’ve visited the XKCD comic’s website before in passing, but I stumbled across it again today, and read more of it; it’s great.

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Kingdom In The Sky

Kingdom In The Sky by DaVinci’s Notebook From the album: The Life and Times of Mike Fanning Link will expire in 7 days All my life I have been searching for that fabled promised land, With my sisters and my brothers, we shall walk there hand-in-hand. Through the trials and tribulations, and the devil’s cruel

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Delicious Nut Sale – Update

Several years ago, I posted a memo that went around at work — It was a fund-raising notice from Spay-Neuter Services of Indiana announcing their “Delicious Annual Nut Sale” to raise money for their programs. Funny, right? Yesterday, one of the folks from the organization found the post on my blog and wrote me to

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The Notorious Al-Gebra Movement

At New York’s Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez said he believes the man is

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The “Hoo Haa” Monologues

Irony, the phone is for you. A Florida theater was forced to change the name on their marquee after morons complained about the word “vagina” appearing in the title of the play “The Vagina Monologues” – which is, of course, a play about making women more comfortable talking about their bodies. Personally, I wouldn’t have

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I Am The Very Model Of An Ex-Gay Individual

by Justin, of Gay Christian.net as Justin points out on his site, “Ex-gay” people admit they have what they call ongoing “same gender attraction” (called SGA in the song) but claim they’re not actually gay. (Never mind that the definition of gay is “being attracted to some one of your own sex.) I. I am

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Interoffice Games

A list of games to play at work, shamelessly cribbed from Jane McGonigal’s gaming blog, but she received it in e-mail from her mom, so fair sharing must apply. I recognize some of these from some of my other lists of pranks you can play. How many points can you rack up in a day?

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I wish it really were The Onion

The news satire paper The Onion is going to need to step it up a notch if they’re going to keep ahead of the ridiculousness of current real news, these days, There are three articles I’ve read this week online that I at first expected to be articles from that paper; turns out they aren’t,

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I am the Troll on the bridge, give me money

Stephanie’s cat Lucy is missing out. Recently, she’s been camping out at the top of the stairs hissing at the other cats when the try to come up, like the Troll under the bridge that doesn’t let people pass. But apparently she didn’t realize she should be charging money to let them by….

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Natalie Portman Rapping on SNL

Wow. That’s truly funny, and much better than the Lazy Sunday video. I want an mp3 of this. And the lyrics. Darn it. The video has already been yanked from Youtube.com, so my embedded file no longer works. Well, it’ll be on iTunes; go look at it.

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Kids suspended for massive food fight

I love kids, and this is why. Rock on, kids. Associated Press, CHESTERTON, Ind. — A massive middle school food fight left several students suspended and the eighth-grade class footing the cleaning bill that included the cost of scraping mashed potatoes off the ceiling. Last week’s fight at Chesterton Middle School left ceiling tiles damaged

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Must post this link (think of the kittens!)

I just can’t stop myself. [link deprecated: http://www.uffish.com/2006/02/requiem_to_all_the_toys_ive_lo.html] Uffish: Requiem to all the toys I’ve loved before That’s something I never thought of writing down in a public space. I could write something similar, but I’ll refrain.

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This is why my sister should have a blog

She never stops cracking me up: Why, that’s just not true. In addition to good vibes, I can send you goodies for after surgery. Of course, I can’t send anything funny, or you’ll laugh and your chest will hurt. And I can’t send you anything sad because you’ll cry and your chest will hurt. And

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Bush Dimbulbs

How many Bush administration officials does it take to change a light bulb? None. There’s nothing wrong with that light bulb. There is no need to change anything. We made the right decision and nothing has happened to change our minds. People who criticize this light bulb now, just because it doesn’t work anymore, supported

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The Laws of Physics Don’t Apply to Me

College Application essay by Hugh Gallagher, author of Teeth: 3A. ESSAY: IN ORDER FOR THE ADMISSIONS STAFF OF OUR COLLEGE TO GET TO KNOW YOU, THE APPLICANT, BETTER, WE ASK THAT YOU ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTION: ARE THERE ANY SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCES YOU HAVE HAD, OR ACCOMPLISHMENTS YOU HAVE REALIZED, THAT HAVE HELPED TO DEFINE YOU

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Real Cowboy

An old cowboy dressed to kill with cowboy shirt, hat, jeans, spurs and chaps went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat there sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him.

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Gay Sons

Four men went golfing together one day; three headed to the first tee and one went into the club house to take care of the bill. The three men started talking, bragging about their sons.

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The Intelligence of Dogs

According to Intelligence Ranking by breed: Adaptive Intelligence (learning and problem-solving ability): this is specific to the individual animal and is measured by canine IQ tests. Instinctive Intelligence: this is specific to the individual animal and is measured by canine IQ tests. Working/Obedience Intelligence: this is breed dependent. For my dog: Chihuahua: 67 – Fair

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The Golden Days of Usenet: Godwin’s Law

Godwin’s Law: prov. [Usenet] “As a Usenet argument grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches one.” There is a tradition in many groups that, once this occurs, that thread is over, and whoever mentioned the Nazis has automatically lost whatever argument was in progress. Godwin’s Law thus practically guarantees the

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Alanis: Irony Defined.

Irony defined — by the British, of course, because they did invent the language after all. I’m posting this here because I’m resisting the temptation to send it directly to people. Favorite part so far: “every one of us, I’d guess, has a friend who engages in an argument, waits patiently until you’ve said something

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Good vs. Evil

“And of course, he chose evil. I guess you can’t blame him, that’s where all the money and glamour is. The good side just has a bunch of broke, ignored, frustrated do-gooders. Evil has the top shelf gin and those nice thick ice cubes that keep the drink cold for as long as it takes.

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Mildred’s House of Signage

Tracy Jo Seneca has been roaming the streets of Chicago with a camera in search of interesting, unusual and strange signs. My favorite so far: The Mexican Pagoda Sign. Kind of reminds me of a restaurant here in Indianapolis called the “Oriental Smorgasbord.” Also, Rosario’s Italian Sausage, where the pigs just happily jump into the

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This Sounds Hauntingly Familiar

From the ONION: “Harsh Light Of Morning Falls On One-Night Stand’s DVD Collection” The harsh light of morning fell on the terrible DVD collection of Marc Koenig Monday, when Traci Pearle discovered it upon waking up from their one-night stand…. Out of the thousands of movies you could own, why would you spend your money

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Runs in the Family

A man walks into the bar and orders three double-shots of vodka. The bartender asks, "that’s a lot of liquor, what’s the problem?" The man replies, "I just found out my younger brother was gay." The next day, he comes back and orders the same thing. The bartender asks, "What’s wrong now?" The man says,

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Top Ten Jerry Falwell Pet Peeves About TV

10. Angels Shouldn’t Go Around "Touching" Anyone 9. Mister Rogers’ sissy loafers. 8. "Zoe, Duncan, Jack and Jane" are lesbian, gay, gay and lesbian. 7. Bastards at MTV didn’t even look at my "Road Rules" audition tape. 6. If you don’t pay the bill on time, Playboy channel gets all fuzzy. 5. Fox won’t even

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Dear Dr. Laura

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. How should I deal with this?

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The Perfect Car

A young woman had just purchased her dream car, a new BMW convertible, and was having trouble tuning her radio to a station she wanted. She returned to the BMW dealership and confronted the salesman, complaining about the radio.

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The Batty Hymn of the Repugnant

Mine eyes have seen the Teletubby and his cutsey little purse. He wears a purple outfit, and, dear friends, what’s even worse, He doesn’t scratch or spit or belch, He doesn’t even curse. What kind of guy is he?

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The Three Wise Firefighters

In a small southern town there was a nativity scene that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. However, one small feature bothered me. The three wise men were wearing firemen’s helmets. Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left.

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Onion: Newly Out Gay Man

I could make a big fat list of guys I know who are just like this…. Newly Out Gay Man Overdoing It PENSACOLA, FL—Calling his flamboyant air and effeminate mannerisms “a bit forced,” friends of recently out-of-the-closet homosexual Mark Glynn, 23, say he’s overdoing it. “When Mark first told us he was gay, everybody was

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Cat Psychological Test

Answer the following questions to determine if your cat has psychological problems that require treatment by a professional therapist. Does your cat sleep 22 hours a day, and spend the other two hours in non-stop eating? Does your cat take frequent naps in annoying places, such as in the center of the dinner table, in

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Fake Amazon Book

And another Fake (or at least extremely funny) Amazon book: How to Good-Bye Depression : If You Constrict Anus 100 Times Everyday. Malarkey? or Effective Way?

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Stupid Spam

Here’s some great spam of the sort I get all the time: Subject: Hello Steph. Date: Thu, 10 May 2001 01:23:07 -0400 (EDT) From: ETM Dear Steph, My name is John Barister and I work for a company called Electronic Traffic Management. Our Company has done a large amount of market research that has brought

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Einstein’s Speech

Author Unknown When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker’s circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his chauffeur (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was

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Jewish English or ‘Hebonics’

The Encino School Board has declared Jewish English a second language. Backers of the move say the district is the first in the nation to recognize Hebonics as the language of many of America’s Jews. Here are some descriptions of the characteristics of the language, and samples of phrases in standard English and Jewish English.

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Jesus is the reason for the season

There were no riots over the fact that the wrong man is President of the United States, but in Portland, they had a riot because people wanted to see fireworks on New Year’s Eve. I think the people in Portland are a bit dim. Also, it wasn’t a holy-roller that put the “Jesus is the

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Feller breaks collarbone in butch football play

Douglas E. Feller, 4445 Bevington Lane, Indianapolis, broke his collarbone this afternoon while playing touch football at Barb and Michelle’s cookout. Displaying the butch, masculine qualities for which he is so well-known, Doug was going out for a pass when he swerved to avoid a tree, did a half-somersault in the air, and landed on

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The Raft

And you thought this only happened in the movies. Jerry swears this story about a rubber boat really happened to him…

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A Heartwarming Story

The following letter was forwarded by someone who teaches at a junior high school in Memphis, Tennessee; the letter was sent to the principal’s office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly.

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The Psychic Dog

Author Unknown It’s common practice in England to ring a telephone by sending extra voltage across one side of the two wire circuit and ground (earth in England). When the subscriber answers the phone, it switches to the two wire circuit for the conversation. This method allows two parties on the same line to be

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Carjacking Foiled – A True Story…

An elderly lady did her shopping and, upon return, found four males in her car. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at them at the top of her lungs that she knew how to use the gun and she would if required: so get out of the car, NOW!

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At the Airline Ticket Counter

During the final days at Denver’s old Stapleton airport, a crowded United flight was canceled. A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk.

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The Ultimate Email Urban Legend

Author Unknown A young man was diagnosed with a life-threatening bout of food poisoning after eating part of a cooked rat that had fallen into his eight-piece chicken dinner that he had purchased from Kentucky Fried Chicken. After his recovery, he felt great, and remembering that it was National Friendship week, he asked his geeky

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The Bet

An elderly lady walked into a branch of the Chase Manhattan Bank building holding a large paper bag in her hand. She told the young man at the window that she wished to take the $3 million she had in the bag and open an account with the bank. She said that first, though, she would like to meet the President of Chase Manhattan Bank. Due to the amount of money involved, the teller seemed to think that that was a reasonable request and after opening the paper bag and seeing bundles of $1,000 bills which amounted to right around $3 million, telephoned the President’s secretary to obtain an appointment for the woman.

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Accidental Peeping Tom

When I was a kid, I was cutting through my neighbor’s side yard to get to the next street over, and as I passed Kloberdanz’ house, I saw a motion in one of the basement windows and glanced down. I saw Matt Kloberdanz in the basement, and he looked up and saw me. I was

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My Family Christmas Letter – 1999

My cousin Sarah wrote her family’s Christmas letter this year, which I just got in the mail. If I’d written the Christmas letter for my family, it probably would have gone something like this: This year was pretty amazing for the Mineart family — no one flunked out of school, or got thrown in jail,

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Be Careful What You Wish For…

Author Unknown Three guys are out having a relaxing day fishing. Out of the blue, they catch a mermaid who begs to be set free in return for granting each of them a wish. Now one of the guys just doesn’t believe it, and says: "OK, if you can really grant wishes, then double my

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Do’h!

A guy has been traveling on business all day. He checks into a hotel and tells the man behind the desk he needs a single room for the night.

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Good Music

Jerry is hired to play his trumpet on the score of a movie, and he’s excited. He’s especially thrilled because he got to take two long solos. After the sessions, which went great, Jerry can’t wait to see the finished product. He asked the producer where and when he could catch the film.

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Dinner With Mom

John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn’t help noticing how attractive and shapely the housekeeper was.

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College Glossary

Author Unknown ABSENT: (n) The notation generally following your name in a class record. ADMISSIONS OFFICE: (n) Where they take you to get you to admit you’ve mooned the keynote speaker during "new student weekend." ANATOMY: (n) One of those classes that sounds vaguely risque until you find out what it REALLY involves. BIOLOGY: (n)

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Cheddarhead Dictionary

If you think you can deck yourself out in green and gold and walk around occasionally bellowing "Go-Pack-Go!" and qualify as a Wisconsin native… you’re dead wrong. Youse gotta know the lingo too, ya-know, hey. For your enjoyment, here’s an updated list of Wisconsinisms. This stuff drives a spell checker crazy.

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The Buffalo Theory of Drinking

In one episode of “Cheers”, Cliff is seated at the bar describing the “Buffalo Theory” to his buddy Norm: A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection

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You Pay For Quality

George and Harriet decided to celebrate their 25th Wedding Anniversary with a trip to Las Vegas. When they entered the hotel/casino and registered, a sweet young woman dressed in a very short skirt became very friendly. George brushed her off.

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Adventures in a Chevy Chevette 2

I picked up my car this afternoon. It’s a 1987 Chevy Chevette, dark blue, and it’s falling apart. I had to have the alternator replaced, $141.69. This is the second time it’s been in the shop recently; two weeks ago, I just got it back after having the starter and flywheel (what the hell’s that?)

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Adventures in a Chevy Chevette

I got stuck in my car. It’s a 1987 Chevy Chevette, dark blue, and it’s falling apart. It was freezing cold this Indiana morning, and there was a thick layer of ice over everything. I made the mistake of not looking outside at this inclement weather before I got dressed for work, so I was

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Embarrassing Elevator Stories

Ah, the elevator. Such a delightful way to interact with your fellow man, especially in a workplace environment. Such a great way to act strangely in other people’s personal space. Sixth Floor I work on the fifth floor of a six floor office building here in Indianapolis. I was going home at the end of

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Dear Tech Support

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 7.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected drama processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.

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Jack and Bob

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Jack’s minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm house and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

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Ban Dihydrogen Monoxide! The Invisible Killer

author unknown Dihydrogen monoxide is colorless, odorless, tasteless, and kills uncounted thousands of people every year. Most of these deaths are caused by accidental inhalation of DHMO, but the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide do not end there. Prolonged exposure to its solid form causes severe tissue damage. Symptoms of DHMO ingestion can include excessive sweating

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