So Just How Dangerous Did Black Friday Get Around The Country? – Jezebel.com If you picked any date – say, April 13, 2011 – and counted up the number of shopping-related nonsenses that people get up to in stores, I’m convinced it wouldn’t be much different, per capita, than any “Black Friday.” Has anyone ever
Read on »Posts Tagged: holidays
Oh, yeah. Happy President’s Day.
I almost forgot to post this very important video. Maybe that’s not your cup of tea, though. (Tea, get it?) Maybe try this instead. Or, it could be that you like drag queens. That’s your choice. You’ll probably love Dina Martina.
Read on »Made in America
One of the ways we can all help our economy is to look for products made in America, especially in the upcoming Christmas season. Here are some directories to get you started finding products made here in the United States by American workers. Americans Working a Directory of products made in the United States US
Read on »Xmas Busy Busy Busy
Last night I did some major decorating of the front porch – we have garlands around all the porch posts with big red bows on them, and giant red bells hanging. Stephanie gave me candle lights for the windows for Xmas last year — they’re cool because they’re wireless and come on automagically, so you
Read on »Christmas lawn decor
There are a couple of photos I’d like to take this year that I’ve missed in past holiday seasons. The first is of a nativity scene at a church somewhere on the north side of Indianapolis. I’ve driven past several years in a row, and noted that the way the scene is set, the three
Read on »Dear Santa…
Oh, look, there’s my Amazon Wishlist. Now how did that get there? I must have left it sitting out when I was working on my ThinkGeek Wishlist. Sure. Of course, I’ve been very good this year. What? I have!
Read on »All Wrapped Up…
And just ready to have ribbons and bows put on before they go under the tree. But these are just the presents for Stephanie. I still have to wrap the presents for other people. But we’ll work on that together tomorrow. It’s funny, when I was writing out the tags for the presents, I had
Read on »we’ve been going non-stop
And I haven’t had a free moment to blog. Or perhaps I have, but I spent it trying to unwind instead. We’ve been to parties galore, but I haven’t got the pictures off my camera yet. On Saturday morning we went to my company’s warehouse book sale and walked away with 91 books for about
Read on »Great. My Birthday’s going to be so fun this year
Heck, look at all the interesting stuff planned for June 6th. Great.
Read on »My 2005 Christmas Loot
Everyone’s blogging about how wonderful it was to spend time with their friends and family. I could do that, but I talk about how great they are all the time. Instead, here’s a list of the cool stuff they got me, because they are awesome. (I still have to exchange presents with my friends Dan
Read on »How Santa Knows IF you’ve Been Good
(Supposedly written for and sung at a U.S. Department of Justice, Office of Legal Counsel, Christmas party during the Carter Administration.) –Eugene Volokh, UCLA Law
Read on »A Christmas Tradition is Born
Author Unknown One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip … but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being
Read on »ACLU Announces Lawsuit against Santa Claus
by David Bibb CHICAGO – The American CivilLiberties Union announced today that it was bringing a lawsuit against Santa Claus for violations of the civil rights of children. An ACLU spokesman, Mr. E. Scrooge stated that, "Mr. Claus has been violating children’s right to privacy and has been putting that information in a vast database.
Read on »Christmas Fruitcake Recipe
Author Unknown You’ll need the following: 1 C water 1 C sugar 4 large eggs 2 C dried fruit 1 tsp. baking soda 1 tsp. salt 1 C brown sugar lemon juice nuts 1 FULL bottle of your favorite whiskey (Sample the whiskey to check for quality). Take a large bowl. Check the whiskey again
Read on »Holiday recap
Between the weekend before Thanksgiving and New Year’s Day, my girlfriend Stephanie and I: 1) decorated my house and put up my tree, then did the same at Stephanie’s house. 2) Attended Six family Christmases involving 3 road trips (my Grandma’s in Iowa, my mom, my dad, Stephanie’s mom, Stephanie’s Dad and Stephanie’s friend Michelle’s
Read on »Thanksgiving 2003
I drove to my grandmother’s house in Brighton, Iowa on Wednesday last week. Brighton is in south eastern Iowa, an hour north and west of Burlington. My younger brother Gary went with me, and he was very cool to ride with because he’s interesting and funny, despite the constant backseat driving. 🙂 He’s twenty-five, single
Read on »Christmas Sampler
Two daughters had been given parts in a Christmas pageant at their Church. At dinner that night, they got into an argument as to who had the most important role.
Read on »How Santa Wishes He Could Answer Letters
How ’bout I send you a fucking book so you can learn to read and write? I’m giving your older brother the space ranger, at least HE can spell!
Read on »Dear Santa from Billy Gates
How are you doing? I hope you’ve had a successful year and have come up with a lot of interesting toys. It’s really neat how you’re able to do that year after year. I guess that’s how you stay number one in the Christmas presents business business.
Read on »English Xmas Kitties
Stacy Mineart Today was yet another day in that inevitable annual melee we call christmas preparation. The rarity of Sunday opening hours in England necesitates that on such occasions every able-bodied individual must pile onto the high street to take advantage of the extra shopping opportunity whether they need anything or not. Thus, when I
Read on »‘Twas the Night Before Christmas: Internet Version
Author Unknown ‘Twas the night before Christmas, and throughout the net, not a modem was chirping; (It wasn’t mail-hour yet). The peripherals down and backed up with care, In hopes that St. Echo soon would be there. The grad students home all snug in their beds, with hi-res dreams abuzz in their heads. We Sysops
Read on »Microsoft Acquires Christmas
MICROSOFT announced an agreement with Santa Claus Industries to acquire Christmas at a press conference held via sattelite from Santa’s summer estate somewhere in the southern hemisphere. In the deal, Microsoft would gain exclusive rights to Christmas, Reindeer, and other unspecified inventions. In addition, Microsoft will gain access to millions of households through the Santa Sleigh.
Read on »The Net Before Christmas
by Jim Trudeau & Jay Trudeau (1991) ‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the nets Not a mousie was stirring, not even the pets. The floppies were stacked by the modem with care In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there. The files were nestled all snug in a folder The screen
Read on »Things Not to Say When Hanging the Lights
Did you know that hanging lights on a Christmas tree is one of the three most stressful situations in an on-going relationship? One Psychiatrist claims the other two danger zones are teaching your mate to drive and wallpapering. He is rarely wrong on these things. We rush to print with an emergency prompt list of Things Not To Say When Hanging Lights on the Christmas Tree.
Read on »Company Christmas Party Memo
I’m happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the banquet room at Luigi’s Open Pit Barbecue. No-host bar, but plenty of eggnog! We’ll have a small band playing traditional carols…feel free to sing along. And don’t be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!
Read on »Signs You Won’t Be Receiving a Christmas Bonus This Year
Whenever you ask for a raise, a guy shows up at your house and breaks your jaw
Read on »‘Twas The Night Before Techmas
‘Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the annual Yuletide celebration, and throughout our place of residence, kinetic activity was not in evidence among the possessors of this potential, including that species of domestic rodent known as Mus musculus.
Read on »Top 10 Things That Sound Dirty at Christmas But Aren’t
I think your balls are hanging too low.
Read on »Fun Ways To Confuse Santa Claus
Throw a surprise party for Santa when he comes down the chimney. Refuse to let him leave until the strippers arrive.
Read on »Signs You Bought a Bad Christmas Tree
Keeps heckling your lame top ten list
Read on »The Next Stop
A little boy was playing in the living room with his new Electric Train set that he’d just gotten for Christmas. His mother was in the kitchen doing dishes.
Read on »You Might Be A Scrooge If…
If your favorite pastime is putting defective bulbs in your neighbors’ string of Christmas lights or defacing Christmas lawn characters with eggnog – you just might be a Scrooge
Read on »Politically Correct Santa
‘Twas the night before Christmas and Santa’s a wreck… How to live in a world that’s politically correct?
Read on »A Martha Stewart Christmas
The following are entries submitted in the Washington Post’s "Style Invitational," a weekly humor contest. This time, folks were asked to submit entries for Martha Stewart’s December-January calendar (the winning entry, by the way, is shown for Jan. 31.)
Read on »Dear Santa, about Martha…
If you think the dogs are spoiled, listen to how Martha treats her friends: She gave one friend all 272 books from the Knopf Everyman Library. It didn’t cost much. Pocket change, really. Just $5,000. But what price friendship, right?
Read on »The 10 Worst Gifts A Man Can Buy A Woman For The Holidays
Any lingerie made of flannel, such as a pair of feet pajamas with a trap door in back. A Little Mermaid or Barney cartoon character nightgown. It gives her the idea that you do not consider her the sexy woman that she is. Take out that wallet and buy her something sexy from Victoria Secret (just like you did for your girlfriend).
Read on »Chanukah Song (Version Two)
Winona Ryder drinks Manachevett’s wine Then spins a dreidel with Ralph Lauren and Calvin Klein
Read on »Chanukah Song (Version One)
Tell your friend Veronica It’s time to celebrate Chanukah
Read on »The Three Wise Firefighters
In a small southern town there was a nativity scene that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. However, one small feature bothered me. The three wise men were wearing firemen’s helmets. Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left.
Read on »Home for the Holidays
A man in Florida, in his 80s, calls his son in New York. The father says to the son, "I hate to tell you, but we’ve got some troubles here in the house.
Read on »Happy Easter! All Your Eggs are Belong to Us!
All Your Eggs are Belong to Us!
Read on »All I Need To Know About Life I Learned From The Easter Bunny
All I Need To Know About Life I Learned From The Easter Bunny 1. Don’t put all of your eggs in one basket 2. Walk softly and carry a big carrot 3. Everyone needs a friend who is all ears 4. There’s no such thing as too much candy 5. All work and no play
Read on »Jesus is the reason for the season
There were no riots over the fact that the wrong man is President of the United States, but in Portland, they had a riot because people wanted to see fireworks on New Year’s Eve. I think the people in Portland are a bit dim. Also, it wasn’t a holy-roller that put the “Jesus is the
Read on »The X (mas) Files
Author Unknown Mulder: We’re too late. It’s already been here. Scully: Mulder, I hope you know what you are doing. Mulder: Look, Scully, just like the other homes: Douglas fir, truncated, mounted, transformed into some sort of shrine; halls decked with boughs of holly; stockings hung by the chimney, with care. Scully: You really think
Read on »Down South Valentine
author unknown Kudzu is green, my dog’s name is Blue And I’m so lucky to have a sweet thang like you. Yore hair is like cornsilk A-flapping in the breeze. Softer than Blue’s And without all them fleas. You move like the bass, Which excite me in May. You ain’t got no scales But I
Read on »Does Santa Exist? A Scientific Inquiry
As a result of an overwhelming lack of requests, and with research help from that renowned scientific journal, SPY magazine (January, 1997) — I am pleased to present a scientific inquiry into the existence of Santa Claus.
Read on »Twas the Dieter’s Christmas
author unknown T’was the night before Christmas and all round my hips were Fannie May candies that sneaked past my lips Fudge brownies were stored in the freezer with care in hopes that my thighs would forget they were there While Mama in her my girdle and I in chin straps had just settled down
Read on »A Few Holiday Favorites With A Gay Twist
Funny gay songs for the holidays.
Read on »