Parent’s Dictionary

by , under Funny Lists, Lexicons

condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again.

one who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

Family Planning:
the art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.

the inevitable result when the baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots.

Full Name:
what you call your child when you’re mad at him.

the people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.

what toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

a woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

how we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

the first word spoken by children with older siblings.

when your life was still somewhat your own.

a small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

Show Off:
a child who is more talented than yours.

what you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it.

Top Bunk:
Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

Two-Minute Warning:
when the baby’s face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

able to whine in words.

none of the kids that live in your house.

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