Funny Lists

Author Unknown

Every office has an Office Spaz, an Office Psycho, an Office Lump, and an Office Martyr. Which one are you?

1. Your boss is giving a presentation to the 15 members of the Board of Trustees in 20 minutes. You notice a typo on page 5 of the 20-page document she will be handing out. You:

a. Call the boss’s AA and the intern who put the document together, scream at both of them for not catching the mistake, then make them reprint 15 copies of page 5, unbind all 15 copies and reinsert the new page 5 before the boss goes into the meeting.
b. Reprint page 5, unbind and reinsert the new page yourself, all the while telling everyone within earshot how you caught the AA’s mistake, and you are taking it on yourself to correct it.
c. Whiteout the error on page 5 and write in the correct word using a felt tip pen.
d. Ignore it because nobody is going to read a 20-page document anyway.

2. When the practical joker in the office strikes, you:

a. Get angry with him and tell him he obviously doesn’t have enough work to do.
b. Are working so hard you don’t even notice.
c. Laugh along with the rest of the staff at the practical joke he played on you.
d. Get inspired to plan a practical joke of your own.

3. The IT department is working on the network, which causes your computer to crash about every half-hour. You:

a. Call the Vice-President of Information Technology every time your computer goes down to complain because you don’t have time for this.
b. Tell all of your co-workers you are saving every 5 minutes to deal with this burden, and encourage them to do the same.
c. Run out of your office every time the network goes down, yelling "Is anyone else having computer problems?"
d. Stop working and make some personal phone calls.

4. The new summer intern is working on a document for you but his computer skills are limited. When you get the first draft of the document, it is a total mess. He didn’t even run Spell Check. You:

a. Throw the document at him and loudly tell him to learn how to set up a document, FAST.
b. Rework the document yourself.
c. Waste an entire day helping him set up the document, even if you have work waiting on your desk.
d. Are happy that your workload has dropped off since he arrived.

5. The CEO has asked you to work on a last minute project for him. It will require a lot of long days and weekend work. Your assistant has had a vacation scheduled for several months that now falls during the middle of the project. You:

a. Tell him to either cancel his plans or look for another job.
b. Tell you can handle the extra work for one week and he should just enjoy his vacation.
c. Frantically ask anyone on your team if they could play assistant for you during that week.
d. Plan to call in sick that week.

6. A staff meeting is held and you need to present some data, but you didn’t have time to thoroughly research your subject. One of your co-workers challenges you during the meeting on a point you made. You:

a. Begin attacking her credibility until she backs off.
b. Apologetically tell the staff you will double check your information and get back to them.
c. Agree with your co-worker.
d. Tell the staff you didn’t have time to do your research very thoroughly because of all the other things you were working on.

7. A co-worker has been out on maternity leave. When she brings the new baby in to meet the office staff, you:

a. Congratulate her quickly and get back to your work.
b. Fuss over the baby while telling her your baby horror stories, i.e., "My sisters baby was so big, he got stuck on her pubic bone on the way out."
c. Excitedly run through the office to tell everyone to "come see our new employee."
d. Stay with her and the baby until she leaves.

8. The co-worker who was out on maternity leave comes back to work. The staff decides to take her to lunch to celebrate her return. While at lunch, you:

a. Ate lunch at your desk to get work done.
b. Told her to call you if she needs ANYTHING.
c. Told her she should join the gym to get that baby weight off.
d. Had two beers.

9. A department director complains to your boss about something you did. Your boss calls you into her office to discuss the complaint. You:

a. Go back to your desk and enroll the complaining director in 15 different Internet porn email lists.
b. Apologize repeatedly to your boss and offer to contact the director to apologize.
c. Burst into hysterical tears.
d. Think about something else as your boss talks.

10. Every time you deal with the receptionist in the HR office, she treats you rudely and never answers your questions. You go to the HR office to get new forms and she tells you she doesn’t have the forms you need so you’ll have to come back next week. You:

a. Make a scene, tell her to get off her fat butt and run new copies of the form.
b. Thank her and tell her you’ll try to get back there next week if you can.
c. Tell her you can’t get back there next week because you’ll be busy and you need the forms now because the insurance company need the forms by Friday and if you don’t get the forms you will have all sorts of problems and…
d. Thank her for being so rude and walk out.

SCORING: Count the number of each letter you chose. If you chose one letter four times or more you may be one of these office types. Keep in mind that the more times you chose one letter, the more likely you are this type, i.e., 10 A’s means you are a total Psycho.

Four or more A’s: You are the Office Psycho. You work 16 hours a day, every day including weekends, in part because you work inefficiently and do not manage your time well. You expect your staff and co-workers to work the same way you do, including long days and weekends. You may be anal-retentive and/or obsessive/compulsive, which you call “detail-oriented.” You get angry easily and yell at everyone around you. You are probably a manager or director because your bosses appreciate your hard work. However, your co-workers probably hate you, and your staff would like to kill you. You have probably gone through several assistants throughout your career. Your behavior has most likely cost the company many good people who have left rather than continue working with you. Seek therapy! There is more to life than work.

Four or more B’s: You are the Office Martyr, the patron saint of the office. You take on more than your fair share of the work, and then let everyone know how long suffering you are. Your co-workers come to you when they need a favor and you always say yes, expecting them to return the favor, but they never do, because you never ask. When you get angry, you show it in a passive/aggressive manner, never directly. You may feel unappreciated and you probably are correct. You are probably frustrated because people expect so much more of you but it is you who allows people to take advantage of you. As long as you continue to play martyr nothing will ever change. Learn to say no and not feel guilty. Also, learn to talk yourself up.

Four or more C’s: You are the Office Spaz: When practical jokes are played in the office, you are usually the butt of those jokes. You have a tendency to say the first thing that comes out of your mouth without thinking of the repercussions. You are probably an emotional person, and you react to every situation with open emotions. Your co-workers probably think you are weird, and may even think of you as incompetent no matter how good you are at your job. How your co-workers view you can be important, especially if your company does peer reviews. Think more about your actions before you do or say something. And remember, the office is a political environment. Always put yourself in the best possible light.

Four or more D’s: You are the Office Lump: When there is nothing to do, you are the first one to do it. You don’t take the job very seriously, and as a result, your work is often late, sloppy, and full of mistakes. You fill a chair and that is about it. For you, it is just a job. You probably don’t make an effort to interact much with your co-workers because you don’t really care to know those people. Your coworkers resent your laziness and complain to the boss often. You should always have a quick job lined up, because chances are that you will eventually be fired.

Fairly even mix of all letters: You are the average office worker. Everyone has psycho days, spaz days, lump days and martyr days. Just be aware of yourself, and always be willing to apologize to co-workers after you’ve had a bad day.