Watch Out For These Computer Viruses

Author Unknown

Adam and Eve Virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

Airline Luggage Virus: You’re in Chicago, but your data is in Singapore.

Woody Allen virus: Bypasses the motherboard and turns on a daughter card.

AT&T Virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you’re getting with them as your phone company.

MCI Virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you’re paying too much for the AT&T Virus.

Lorena Bobbit virus: Turns your hard disk into a 3.5 inch floppy.

Pat Buchanan Virus: Your system works fine, but it complains loudly about foreign software.

Joey Buttafuoco virus: Only attacks minor files.

Hillary Clinton Virus: Files disappear, only to reappear mysteriously a year later, in another directory.

Congressional Virus: The computer locks up, and the screen splits in half with the same message appearing on each side of the screen. The message says that the blame for the gridlock is caused by the other side.

Disney virus: Everything in the computer goes Goofy.

Federal Bureaucrat Virus: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the mostimportant part of your computer.

Steve Forbes Virus: All files are reported as the same size.

Freudian Virus: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own motherboard.

GALLUP Poll Virus: Sixty percent of the PC’s infected will lose 30 percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error).

Government Economist Virus: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.

Health Care Virus: Tests your system once a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500.

Jimmy Hoffa Virus: Your programs can never be found again.

Dr. Kevorkian Virus: Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy.

Dr. Kevorkian Virus #2: Searches your hard drive for old files and deletes them.

Los Angeles Police Department Virus: It claims it feels threatened by other files on your PC and erases them in "self defense."

Imelda Marcos Virus: Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot up, then subtracts money from your Quicken account and spends it all on expensive shoes it purchases through Home Shopping Network.

New World Order Virus: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of peoplereally mad just thinking about it.

NIKE Virus: Just does it.

Richard Nixon Virus: Says, "I am not a virus!"

Ollie North Virus: Causes your printer to become a paper shredder.

PBS Virus: Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money.

Ross Perot Virus: Activates every component in your system, just before the whole thing quits.

Politcally Correct Virus: Never identifies itself as a "virus,"but instead refers to itself as an "electronic micro-organism."

Colin Powell Virus: Makes its presence known, but doesn’t do anything.Secretly, you wish it would.

Elvis Presley Virus: Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy, then self destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across ruralAmerica.

Prozac virus: Screws up your RAM but your processor doesn’t care.

Dan Quayle Virus: Their is sumthing rong with your komputer, but ewe cantfigyour outt watt!

Ronald Reagan virus: Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.

Paul Revere Virus: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack: Once, if by LAN; twice if by C.

Right to Life Virus: Won’t allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counselor about possible alternatives.

Oral Roberts Virus: Claims that if you don’t send it a million dollars, its programmer will take it back.

Sears Virus: Your data won’t appear unless you buy new cables, power supply, and a set of shocks.

O.J. Simpson Virus: You know it’s guilty of trashing your system, but you just can’t prove it.

Spice Girl virus: Has no real function, but makes a pretty desktop.

Star Trek Virus: Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.

Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus: Terminates and stays resident. It’ll be back.

Texas Virus: Makes sure that it’s bigger than any other file.

Titanic virus: Makes your whole computer go down.

Ted Turner Virus: Colorizes your monochrome monitor.

Mike Tyson virus: Quits after one byte.

Viagra virus: Expands your hard drive while putting too much pressure on your zip drive.

Oprah Winfrey Virus: Your 200mb hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80mb and then slowly expands back to 200mb.

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