Star Wars… Pants?

Lines from Star Wars that can be improved if you substitute the word "Pants" for key words.

We’ve got to be able to get some reading on those pants, up or down.

The pants may not look like much, kid, but they’ve got it where it counts.

I find your lack of pants disturbing.

Many Bobans died to bring us these pants.

These pants contain the ultimate power in the Universe. I suggest we use it.

Storm Trooper Bio-break
Storm Trooper Bio-break

Han will have those pants down. We’ve got to give him more time!

General Veers, prepare your pants for a ground assault.

I used to bulls-eye womp rats in my pants back home.

TK-421… Why aren’t you in your pants?

Lock the door. And hope they don’t have pants.

You are unwise to lower your pants.

She must have hidden the plans in her pants. Send a detachment down to retrieve them. See to it personally Commander.

Governor Tarkin. I recognized your foul pants when I was brought on board.

You look strong enough to pull the pants off a Gundark.

Luke… Help me remove these pants.

Great, Chewie, great. Always thinking with your pants.

That blast came from those pants. That thing’s operational!

Luke…..I am your pants.

A tremor in the pants. The last time I felt this was in the presence of my old master.

Don’t worry. Chewie and I have gotten into a lot of pants more heavily guarded than this.

Maybe you’d like it back in your pants, your highness.

Luke, search your pants. You know it is true.

Your pants betray you. Your feelings for them are strong. Especially one… Your sister!

Jabba doesn’t have time for smugglers who drop their pants at the first sign of an Imperial Cruiser.

Short pants is better than no pants at all.

Continue ReadingStar Wars… Pants?

Top 12 Sexual Lines in Star Wars

1. She may not look like much, but she’s got it where it counts, kid.

2. Curse my metal body, I wasn’t fast enough!

3. Look at the size of that thing!

4. Sorry about the mess…

5. You came in that thing? You’re braver than I thought.

6. Aren’t you a little short for a storm trooper?

7. You’ve got something jammed in here real good.

8. Put that thing away before you get us all killed!

9. Luke, at that speed do you think you’ll be able to pull out in time?

10. Get in there you big furry oaf, I don’t care WHAT you smell!

11. You’re all clear, kid. Now let’s blow this thing and go home!

12. Get on top of it!

And Top 11 Sexual Lines in The Empire Strikes Back:

1. And I thought they smelled bad on the outside!

2. Possible he came in through the south entrance.

3. I must’ve hit it pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up like that, huh kid?

4. Hurry up, golden rod…

5. That’s OK, I like to keep it on manual control for a while.

6. But now we must eat. Come, good food, come…

7. Control, control…You must learn control!

8. There’s an awful lot of moisture in here.

9. Size matters not…judge me by my size do you?

10. I thought that hairy beast would be the end of me!

11. Would it help if I got out and pushed?

Continue ReadingTop 12 Sexual Lines in Star Wars

How To Determine YOUR Star Wars Name

Author Unknown

For your new first name:

1. Take the first 3 letters of your 1st name

2. and add the first 2 letters of your last name.

For your new last name:

3. Take the first 2 letters of your Mom’s maiden name

4. and add the first 3 letters of the city you were born in.

How to determine your Star Wars honorific title:

1. Take the last three letters of your last name and reverse them

2. Add the first three letters of the make or model of the your first car

3. Insert the word "of"

4. Tack on the name of the last medication you took.

This would make me:

Stemi Grdes, trafox of Claritin

Continue ReadingHow To Determine YOUR Star Wars Name

You might be a Redneck Jedi Warrior if:

You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y’all."

Your Jedi robe is a camouflage color.

You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Boone’s Farm Strawberry Hill.

At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.

You have bantha horns on the front of your land speeder.

You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.

You have ever had an X-wing up on blocks in your yard.

You ever lost a hand during a light saber fight because you had to spit.

The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.

Wookies are offended by your B.O.

You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn’t have to wait for a commercial.

You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing/bowling.

Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over to the dark side…it’ll be a hoot."

You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electroshock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light.

You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your landspeeder.

You think Han Solo would look better in a flannel cause he looks like a little sissy in that vest.

You ever fantasized about Princess Leah wearing Daisy Duke shorts.

You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.

Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.

You ever fell in love with your sister.

You have ever accidentally referred to Darth Vader’s evil empire as "them damn Yankees."

You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.

You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with red wood deck.

You were the only person drinking Jack Daniels on the rocks during the cantina scene.

In your opinion, that Darth Vader fellow just "ain’t right."

Continue ReadingYou might be a Redneck Jedi Warrior if: