More Go Iowa! news

Iowa State Senate Majority Leader Mike Gronstal’s speech on the State Senate floor, explaining why he will not support an effort to amend the state’s constitution to reverse the recent unanimous ruling legalizing same-sex marriage in Iowa.

That’s just awesome.

Continue ReadingMore Go Iowa! news

Queer Quotes

1. Why can’t they have gay people in the army? Personally, I think they are just afraid of a thousand guys with M16s going, “Who’d you call a faggot?” — Jon Stewart

2. The one bonus of not lifting the ban on gays in the military is that the next time the government mandates a draft we can all declare homosexuality instead of running off to Canada. –Lorne Bloch

3. When I was in the military they gave me a medal for killing two men and a discharge for loving one. –From the tombstone of a gay Vietnam veteran

4. The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn’t mean that God doesn’t love heterosexuals. It’s just that they need more supervision. –Lynn Lavner

5. My lesbianism is an act of Christian charity. All those women out there praying for a man, and I’m giving them my share. –Rita Mae Brown

6. Soldiers who are not afraid of guns, bombs, capture, torture or death say they are afraid of homosexuals. Clearly we should not be used as soldiers; we should be used as weapons. –Letter to the Editor, The Advocate

7. You don’t have to be straight to be in the military; you just have to be able to shoot straight. –Barry Goldwater

8. If homosexuality is a disease, let’s all call in queer to work: “Hello. Can’t work today, still queer.” –Robin Tyler

9. Why is it that, as a culture, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands? –Ernest Gaines

10. War. Rape. Murder. Poverty. Equal rights for gays. Guess which one the Southern Baptist Convention is protesting? –The Value of Families

11. I’d rather be black than gay because when you’re black you don’t have to tell your mother. –Charles Pierce, 1980

12. That word “lesbian” sounds like a disease. And straight men know because they’re sure that they’re the cure. –Denise McCanles

13. As a mother, I know that homosexuals cannot biologically reproduce children; therefore, they must recruit our children. –Anita Bryant, 1977

14. If gays are granted rights, next we’ll have to give rights to prostitutes and to people who sleep with St. Bernards and to nail biters. –Anita Bryant

15. The radical right is so homophobic that they’re blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt. –Dennis Miller

16. Jesse Helms and Newt Gingrich were shaking hands congratulating themselves on the introduction of an antigay bill in Congress. If it passes, they won’t be able to shake hands, because it will then be illegal for a prick to touch an asshole. –Judy Carter

17. My own belief is that there is hardly anyone whose sexual life, if it were broadcast, would not fill the world at large with surprise and horror. –W. Somerset Maugham

18. Drag is when a man wears everything a lesbian won’t. –Author Unknown

19. I am reminded of a colleague who reiterated, “all my Homosexual patients are quite sick” – to which I finally replied “so are all my heterosexual patients.” –Ernest van den Haag, psychotherapist

20. When it comes to exploring the sea of love, I prefer buoys. –Andrew G. Dehel

21. If male homosexuals are called “gay,” then female homosexuals should be called “ecstatic.” –Shelly Roberts

22. My mother took me to a psychiatrist when I was fifteen because she thought I was a latent homosexual. There was nothing latent about it. –Amanda Bearse

23. Some women can’t say the word Lesbian…even when their mouth is full of one. –Kate Clinton

24. No matter how far in or out of the closet you are, you still have a next step. –Author Unknown

25. It always seemed to me a bit pointless to disapprove of homosexuality. It’s like disapproving of rain. –Francis Maude

26. The only queer people are those who don’t love anybody. –Rita Mae Brown

27. ‘You could move.’ –Abigail Van Buren, “Dear Abby,” in response to a reader who complained that a gay couple was moving in across the street and wanted to know what he could do to improve the quality of the neighborhood

Continue ReadingQueer Quotes

Etiquette Tips For The Gay Male Wedding

1. On the day of a gay wedding, it’s bad luck for the two grooms to see each other at the gym.

2. Superstition suggests that for good luck the couple should have something bold, something flirty, something trashy, something dirty.

3. It’s customary at gay and lesbian nuptials for the parents to have an open bar during the ceremony.

4. Gay wedding tradition dictates that both grooms refrain from eating wedding cake because it’s all carbs.

5. It’s considered bad luck for either of the grooms to have dated the priest.

6. During the first dance, it’s considered unlucky to use glow sticks, flags, whistles or handheld lasers.

7. For good luck at the union of a drag queen, the bouquet is always thrown in the face of a hated rival.

8. The father of the Bottom pays for everything!

Continue ReadingEtiquette Tips For The Gay Male Wedding

More Gatsby

“Self-control!” Repeated Tom incredulously. “I suppose the latest thing is to sit back and let Mr. Nobody from Nowhere make love to your wife. Well, if that’s the idea you can count me out. . . . Nowadays people begin by sneering at family life and family institutions, and next they’ll throw everything overboard and have intermarriage between black and white.”

Flushed with his impassioned gibberish, he saw himself standing alone on the last barrier of civilization.

Before they blamed the “breakdown of the family” on gay people, they used to blame it on interracial marriage. Of course the character quoted–Tom Buchanan–was running around cheating on his wife, but only breaks out this diatribe when his wife is in love with someone else. Fitzgerald called out this hypocrisy in 1925, and we’re still having it stuck down our throats 81 years later.

Continue ReadingMore Gatsby

Gay/Straight Marriages and the Georges tragedy

This is in regards to Ruth Holladay’s recent column on the Georges murder tragedy. (excerpted below)

I think we as a community, and Ruth Holladay, need to separate our issues here, because we’re talking about several different issues as though they’re a single issue.

  1. We’re talking about people, regardless of their orientation, being honest with their partners (and themselves) about health-related issues.
  2. We’re also talking about people being monogamous within their relationships.
  3. We’re also talking about people being honest about their sexual orientation.
  4. And finally we’re talking about people finding ways to live together with other people’s orientations.

How any given person (gay or straight) in any kind of relationship (same sex or opposite sex) chooses to handle each of these four issues individually will determine the success of their relationship.

I can show you PLENTY of gay/straight marriages where there’s no dishonesty whatsoever — AND vice versa, lesbians married happily to straight men!
And there are PLENTY of relationships of all kinds where people are not honest — that’s the issue, really, not gay/straight but honesty/dishonesty.
And as far as the Georges go, we DON’T KNOW how they chose to handle each of these individual issues. It may very well be the case that:

  1. Lloyd Georges was completely honest with his wife about health concerns; his own and hers.
  2. Lloyd and Judy may have had an agreement that non-monogamy was okay as long as there was honesty about health, emotional, and safety concerns. Or Lloyde may have been completely monogamous — we don’t know that he ever had a sexual encounter with a man.
  3. Lloyd may have been totally out to Judy, and to their family and friends as well.
  4. Lloyd and Judy may have been happy with their arrangements.

****And this tragedy could still have occurred even if each of the above four assumptions were true. ****

The tragedy was a ROBBERY gone wrong, and nothing more. It was sad and unfortunate, but it had NOTHING to do with the fact that he was gay and she was straight. Lloyd could have met and befriended some shady characters at a gas station, rather than the Unicorn club. People, gay and straight, trust the wrong people every day.

We CANNOT sit around and make generalizations about all gay/straight relationships and marriages, any more than we can about gay/gay relationships or straight/straight ones.

There is no reason that we can or should assume that gay men married to straight women are always dishonest about their health issues, about their orientations, about their emotional and safety concerns.

We can, and should, strive to be honest and concerned about our own health and emotional well-being, and the health and emotional well-being of the people around us.

I think Ruth Holladay’s article was homophobic, even if unintentionally. She suggested that Lloyd Georges was dishonest with his wife because he was gay, that gay people live unsavory and dangerous lives, and that this alleged dishonesty was the reason they both were killed.

None of these things are true.

Ruth Holladay, May 25, 2000, Indianapolis Star:

It was not Lloyd Georges’ homosexuality that caused his death, said the veteran cop. It was his indulgence for guys with criminal histories, his fondness for men with mean streaks.

So the retired 60-year-old educator is dead, a victim of bad choices and worse company. But so is Georges’ 58-year-old wife, Judith, who had taught third grade and collected dolls and was, by all accounts, a quiet woman who left their Greenwood home on weekends so her husband could take part in “Saturday night fever.” That phrase refers to the personal ad Georges placed in an alternative newspaper; it was his invitation to party.

This is a tough one to make sense of, by anybody’s belief system. It’s even tougher in the context of conservative Midwestern family values. But it happened. It happens.

Specifically, what happened is this: The Greenwood couple, wed 32 years, were stabbed to death last Friday in their home, then their bodies were set on fire. In a community that averages one murder every six years, it was shocking. In a community where normal is the norm, it was a bombshell.

Police Chief Robert Dine liked Mrs. Georges. He’s a past president of the PTO at Isom Elementary School, where she taught for 35 years. “She was a dedicated teacher,” he says.

So he made a promise to the couple’s son to find the killer, and on Monday, he might have delivered: Detectives arrested Fernando Griffith, 22, also known as Valentino. That’s his stage name at the Unicorn, a private Indianapolis club where he worked as a stripper. The retired teacher and his friend had known each other about a year, Dine says. Sometimes, Dine says, both Mr. and Mrs. Georges invited Griffith to their home for dinner. But the relationship soured last week, police say, when Georges refused to play sugar daddy.

So much for the allegations. Now, for an effort at insight.

In the past, gay men often married: Peter Tchaikovsky, Oscar Wilde, Charles Laughton and Cole Porter come to mind.

But that was then, when just being gay was a crime. Given that the only exit from the closet was jail, it’s understandable that gays hid.

While we haven’t created utopia yet — don’t hold your breath, and keep in mind that everybody’s utopia is different — we have changed. Gay men and women can live together openly.

Despite this, old patterns and fears continue, says Amity Pierce Buxton of El Cerrito, Calif., a 71-year-old founder of the Straight Spouse Network. Buxton speaks from experience: Seventeen years ago, her husband of 23 years told her he was gay.

Now, she uses her pain to help others heal. She understands the double-edged stigma, both from the perspective of gay partner and straight spouse. She understands that gays still marry — less so today, but it happens. And it doesn’t take a degree in gay studies to realize that a teacher, like Georges, would be fearful of exposure, especially during his career.

But the bigger the lie, the harder the fall. When the truth finally comes out, as it always does, everybody gets hurt — especially the straight spouse.

As stated, it’s tough to make sense out of this. But if one message should come through, it’s this: Intolerance exists — look at Matthew Shepard, who paid with his life. Still, if you are gay or bisexual and married to a straight person, be honest. If you are absolutely petrified by that, keep your vows: Don’t have sex outside marriage.

And if you are a straight person who suspects she is married to a gay, you need to know that your choice could carry a cost.

Get out. Life is too short.

Continue ReadingGay/Straight Marriages and the Georges tragedy

Kids Say The Darndest Things

Author unknown – this is one of those lists that gets forwarded around in email, so your guess is as good as mine as to whether it’s “true” or not.

Questions concerning love and wisdom were posed to a group of children (ages 5 to 10). Their responses were amazingly astute, very enlightening, and amusing.

What Is The Proper Age To Get Married?

"Eighty-four. Because at that age, you don’t have to work anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom." (Judy, 8)

"Once I’m done with kindergarten, I’m going to find me a wife." (Tommy, 5)

What Do Most People Do On A Date?

"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." (Mike, 10)

When Is It Okay To Kiss Someone?

"You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR, ’cause she will want to have videos of the wedding." (Jim, 10)

"Never kiss in front of other people. It’s a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you. But if nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours." (Kally, 9)

The Great Debate: Is It Better To Be Single Or Married?

"It’s better for girls to be single, but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them." (Lynette, 9)

"It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I’m just a kid. I don’t need that kind of trouble." (Kenny, 7)

Concerning Why Love Happens Between Two People:

"No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That’s why perfume and deodorant are so popular." (Jan, 9)

"I think you’re supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn’t supposed to be so painful." (Harlen, 8)

On What Falling In Love Is Like:

"Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life." (Roger, 9)

"If falling in love is anything like learning to spell, I don’t want to do it. It takes too long a time to learn." (Leo, 7)

On The Role Of Good Looks In Love And Romance:

"If you want to be loved by somebody who isn’t already in your family, it doesn’t hurt to be beautiful." (Jeanne, 8)

"It isn’t always just how you look. Look at me. I’m handsome like anything and I haven’t got anybody to marry me yet." (Gary,7)

"Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time." (Christine, 9)

Concerning Why Lovers Often Hold Hands:

"They want to make sure their rings don’t fall off, because they paid good money for them." (David, 8)

Confidential Opinions About Love:

"I’m in favor of love as long as it doesn’t happen when The Simpsons’ are on TV." (Anita, 6)

"Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I’ve been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me." (Bobby, 8)

"I’m not rushing into being in love. I’m finding fourth grade hard enough." (Regina, 10)

Personal Qualities Necessary To Be A Good Lover:

"One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills."(Ava, 8)

Some Surefire Ways To Make A Person Fall In Love With You:

"Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores." (Del, 6)

"Don’t do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain’t the same thing as love." (Alonzo, 9)

"One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it’s something she likes to eat. French fries usually works for me." (Bart, 9)

How Can You Tell If Two Adults Eating Dinner At A Restaurant Are In Love?

"Just see if the man picks up the check. That’s how you can tell if he’s in love." (John, 9)

"Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold. Other people care more about the food." (Brad, 8)

"It’s love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire. They like to order those because it’s just like their hearts are on fire." (Christine, 9)

What Most People Are Thinking When They Say "I Love You":

"The person is thinking: Yeah, I really do love him, but I hope he showers at least once a day." (Michelle, 9)

How A Person Learns To Kiss:

"You learn it right on the spot, when the gooshy feelings get the best of you." (Doug, 7)

"It might help if you watched soap operas all day." (Carin, 9)

When Is It Okay To Kiss Someone?

"It’s never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you…. that’s why I stopped doing it." (Jean, 10)

How To Make Love Endure:

"Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work." (Tom, 7)

"Don’t forget your wife’s name . . . that will mess up the love." (Roger, 8)

"Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take the trash out." (Randy, 8)

Continue ReadingKids Say The Darndest Things

Love, Lust and Marriage

Author Unknown

Love: When you take a bubble bath together
Lust: When you take a bath in Jell-o together
Marriage: When you give the kids a bath

Love: A romantic candle-light dinner for two
Lust: "Do I have to buy you dinner first?"
Marriage: 4 McDonald’s Happy Meals . . . to go

Love: Giving your love some candy
Lust: Thinking you are the candy
Marriage: Scraping the kids’ candy off of the carpet

Love: Sex every night
Lust: Sex 5 times a night
Marriage: What’s sex?

Love: A night out at the symphony
Lust: A night out at the Holiday Inn
Marriage: A night out at Sesame Street On Ice

Love: French perfume
Lust: Brut aftershave
Marriage: "The baby needs changing. . ."

Love: Lending your jacket to your love when he/she is cold
Lust: "I can think of a way to stay warm . . ."
Marriage: Your teenaged daughter has borrowed all of your jackets

Love: Talking and cuddling
Lust: Rolling over and falling asleep
Marriage: Getting up to wash your hands . . .

Love: Finding the "Fell in Love on AoL" room
Lust: Finding the "Blonde Dominatrix" room
Marriage: Finding the "Married and Looking" room

Love: Long drives through the countryside
Lust: Long parking sessions at Lover’s Lookout
Marriage: Long drives with the kids screaming in the backseat

Continue ReadingLove, Lust and Marriage

So Why Aren’t You Married Yet?

Quick Comebacks to that ever annoying Question…

I already have enough LAUNDRY to do, thank you.

Because I think it would take all the spontaneity out of dating.

It gives my mother something to live for.

It didn’t seem worth a blood test.

I was hoping to do something meaningful with my life.

What? And spoil my great sex life?

Nobody would believe me in white.

Because I just love hearing this question.

(Bonus reply for Single Mothers) Because having a husband and a child would be redundant.

Do you know how hard it is to get TWO tickets to Miss Saigon?

My co-op board doesn’t allow spouses. (A New York Special)

I guess it just goes to prove that you can’t trust those voodoo doll rituals.

I wouldn’t want my parents to drop dead from sheer happiness.

Continue ReadingSo Why Aren’t You Married Yet?

The Prophet "on Marriage"

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Khalil Gibran
From the Book: The Prophet

Then Almitra spoke again and said…
"And what of Marriage, master?"
And he answered saying:

You were born together,
and together you shall be forevermore.

You shall be together
when the white wings of death scatter your days.

Aye, you shall be together
even in the silent memory of God.

But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another, but make not a bond of love.
Let it rather be a moving sea
between the shores of your souls.

Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.

Sing and dance together and be joyous,
but let each of you be alone,

Even as the strings of a lute are alone
though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.

And stand together, yet not too near together.
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,

And the oak tree and the cypress
grow not in each other’s shadow.

Continue ReadingThe Prophet "on Marriage"