Journal

Twenty Keys to a Happy Life

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1. Compliment three people every day.

2. Watch a sunrise.

3. Be the first to say "Hello."

4. Live beneath your means.

5. Treat everyone as you want to be treated.

6. Never give up on anybody; miracles happen.

7. Forget the Jones’s.

8. Remember someone’s name.

9. Pray not for things, but for wisdom and courage.

10. Be tough-minded, but tender-hearted.

11. Be kinder than you need to be.

12. Don’t forget that a person’s greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated.

13. Keep your promises.

14. Learn to show cheerfulness even when you don’t feel it.

15. Remember that overnight success usually takes 15 years.

16. Leave everything better than you found it.

17. Remember that winners do what losers do not want to do.

18. When you arrive at work in the morning, let the first thing you say brighten everyone’s day.

19. Don’t rain on the parades of others.

20. Don’t waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them.

Continue ReadingTwenty Keys to a Happy Life

I want to be Batgirl

I miss making out. Not that I don’t do it anymore, but not the way I used to. I mean that I miss kissing that’s unaccompanied by sex, or thoughts of sex, or thoughts of a relationship, or thoughts of anything other than just — making out.

That’s the best part of being a teenager – you can kiss without having to worry about all the stuff that comes after. I guess that’s not true anymore, really, is it? But it was when I was a teenager.

You know that kiss that isn’t going anywhere, but might? Unhurried, undistracted. “Long, slow deep wet kisses that last three days.” You know that line had to come from a movie, because no actual man ever said that and meant it as anything other than a pick-up line.

That kiss where you know your partner’s tongue as well as you know your own? The kind that starts our a little frantic and then you get each other’s rythym and eventually you almost feel like the same person, until you realize your foot fell asleep and you really need to move?

I imagine myself kissing women all the time.
I wanted to be Batgirl. I wanted to kiss Wonder Woman.
I wanted to be Dorothy. I wanted to kiss Glinda.
I want to be Buffy Summers. I want to kiss Willow.
I want to be Gillian Anderson. I want to kiss Jodie Foster.
I really want to kiss Holly Marie Coombs, but if I were Holly Marie Coombs, I’d want to kiss Shannen Dorhety.

Gina Gershon has me all twisted up in knots. I want to kiss her and be her at the same time.

Continue ReadingI want to be Batgirl

Accidental Peeping Tom

When I was a kid, I was cutting through my neighbor’s side yard to get to the next street over, and as I passed Kloberdanz’ house, I saw a motion in one of the basement windows and glanced down. I saw Matt Kloberdanz in the basement, and he looked up and saw me. I was walking pretty quickly, so I really didn’t see much, but apparently they thought I did.

Mrs. Kloberdanz called my mother to complain that I was peering in their windows, implying that I had been kneeling down by the basement window looking in, with my hands cupped around my face. Of course, my mother yelled at me, and no matter what I said, no one believed that I happened to glance at the window while walking past.

This past summer, I was leaving for work, and as I was walking out the front door, I heard a noise and looked around to see my landlady walking through the dining room door naked. I said, Oh! and hurried out the door so I wouldn’t see any more of her. Apparently she got up to let the dog out and since it was hot, didn’t throw on any clothes.

Every day I walk up the stairs to my apartment. The windows on the stairs face the house next door, and happens to look directly into a bedroom window where a woman sits in bed watching TV almost every night, sometimes partially undressed, and sometimes nude. She’s usually smoking in bed, too, which sort of freaks me out. I can’t possibly avoid seeing her, and she has to know when she sees the light come on in the stairwell that I can see her as well as she can see me.

Why is it I’m always seeing people that I don’t want to see?

Kodama
Kodama
Continue ReadingAccidental Peeping Tom

My Family Christmas Letter – 1999

My cousin Sarah wrote her family’s Christmas letter this year, which I just got in the mail. If I’d written the Christmas letter for my family, it probably would have gone something like this:

This year was pretty amazing for the Mineart family — no one flunked out of school, or got thrown in jail, divorced or held up at gunpoint. Stacy found a dead guy on her doorstep one morning when leaving for school, but it turned out he was a resident in her building and he just died of old age, so it was all okay.

In addition, practically everyone in the family who isn’t already married got engaged in the past year, which just goes to prove two things: we can be a charming bunch when we have to be, and there’s a sucker born every minute.

No one went broke this year, and as usual, Dad made a big pile of cash, but there’s nothing new about that. He bought ANOTHER Corvette, which I think is just about enough for any one guy. I mean really, you can only drive one car at a time. (Kidding, Dad.) Stacy and Scott both finally graduated from college, and Riley went to kindergarten that was set up by Ivy Kids Franchise, which means, folks, that we are getting OLD.

Mom got a big dog and an invisible fence, and Todd and Denise got a second cat. My fish died.

I think Dad and Carol went to Australia, because I got this cool aboriginal art thingy for Christmas, and all the boys got boomerangs. I’ll bet it was a swell trip.

Stacy went to England for about the bajillionth time, but this time is different because she actually conned them into letting her stay there permanently by getting engaged to Roger. Those English don’t know what they’re in for. Then Stacy ruined the whole thing by actually giving us her address and telephone number, which means we can go over and visit her, which defeats the purpose of her leaving the country to get the heck away from us.

My only trip this year was to Chicago, but I had fun and I did get to see all those cows on the Miracle Mile.

Paul ran in the mini-marathon, and Gary’s still swimming. I actually played volleyball all summer. Seriously, I did.

I worked on my webpage constantly, but Scott hasn’t touched his in ages, and I’m thinking of turning it in to the “Cobweb Sites of the Month” website and see if it wins an award. Dude, get to work.

Nobody was in any musicals or anything, but that’s probably good, because I’m the only one who can carry a tune, and that’s after years of practice.

Continue ReadingMy Family Christmas Letter – 1999

Prayer for the new year (2000)

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May you get a clean bill of health from your dentist at a teeth cleaning & prevention service, your cardio-logist, your gastro-enterologist, your urologist, your proctologist, your podiatrist, your psychiatrist, your plumber, and the I.R.S. You can check this content if you are looking for quality and affordable dental services.

May your hair, your teeth, your face-lift, your abs, and your stocks not fall; and may your blood pressure, your triglycerides, your cholesterol, your white blood count and your mortgage interest not rise.

May you find a way to travel from anywhere to anywhere in the rush hour in less than an hour, and when you get there may you find a parking place.

May Friday evening, December 31, find you together with your beloved family and cherished friends, bring in the New Year. You will find the food better, the environment quieter, the cost much cheaper, and the pleasure much more fulfilling than anything else you might ordinarily do that night.

May you wake up on January 1st, finding that the world has not come to an end, the lights work, the water faucets flow, and the sky has not fallen.

May you go to the bank on Monday morning, January 3rd and find your account is in order, your money is still there, and any mistakes are in your favor.

May you ponder on January 4th; How did this ultramodern civilization of ours manage to get itself traumatized by a possible slip of a blip on a chip made out of sand.

May we relax about the Third Millennium of the Common Era, and realize that we still have 240 years until the dawn of the Sixth Millennium of the Jewish calendar by which time the computer is long since obsolete and so are we.

May God give you the strength to go through a year of presidential campaigning, and may some of the promises made be kept. May you believe at least half of what the candidates propose, and may those elected fulfill at least half of what they promise, and the miracle of reducing taxes and balancing budgets happen.

May you be awe struck by God’s sense of humor as you wrestle with the possibility that a professional wrestler could become president of the United States.

May what you see in the mirror delight you, and what others see in you delight them.

May someone love you enough to forgive your faults, be blind to your blemishes, and tell the world about your virtues.

May the telemarketers wait to make their sales calls until you finish dinner, and may your check book and your budget balance, and may they include generous amounts for charity.

May you remember to say “I Love You” at least once a day to your spouse, your child, your parent; but not to your secretary, your nurse, your masseuse, your hairdresser or your tennis instructor.

And may we live in a world at peace and the awareness of God’s love in every sunset, every flower’s unfolding petals, every baby’s smile, every lover’s kiss, and every wonderful, astonishing, miraculous beat of our heart.

Continue ReadingPrayer for the new year (2000)

Sarah Michelle Gellar Dreams – Parts 2, 3, and 4

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Sarah Michelle GellarOkay, I’ve had three more dreams recently about Sarah Michelle Gellar. In the past, I’ve had reoccurring dreams and sex dreams, but never a reoccurring sex dream. This is very cool, and I hope it lasts.

Actually, only one of these three new dreams — the first — was really a sex dream per se, and was very similar to the one I had earlier, except that I remembered (!) to shut up and not ask questions. (I actually remembered the other dream *in* this one. Weird.)

The second dream I had was one in which I made spinach lasagna for Sarah, and she ate it at my apartment. (This is the second time I’ve dreamed about my apartment where it actually *looked* like my real apartment.) She loved it, and wrapped up the rest to take home with her. We didn’t do anything but kiss, but the whole thing seemed erotically charged. Especially the part where she liked the lasagna.

The third dream was related to something I was doing earlier in the day when I was awake. I had been trying to figure out the best way to rearrange the furniture in my apartment, and was frustrated because all the floor plans that I came up with wouldn’t work — I’m limited by the location of electrical outlets.

I finally gave up in frustration and went to bed, and dreamed that I came home from work to find that Sarah had rearranged my apartment. Perfectly. I was thrilled. Then we made out on the couch. But I woke, up, so I got up and rearranged my apartment in the exact way she did in the dream, at three in the morning.

Cool, she likes the way I cook, wants to make out with me, and does all my lateral thinking. Too bad she’s not real.

Continue ReadingSarah Michelle Gellar Dreams – Parts 2, 3, and 4

Dream Fragments

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I keep a pad of paper near my bedside so that I can write down vivid dreams if I have them. Sometimes, though, if I haven’t quite shaken off the sandman, or if they aren’t particularly memorable, I won’t be able to fill in the details later – that’s what’s happened here. I can’t remember the actual dreams from any of these. But the notes are… well interesting. Honestly, I DON’T dream about my brother Todd that much, I just happen to have written some of them down.

Woman telling me that after you’ve been single for so many years, it’s basically over.

Singles Group pitch-ins

Trying to change clothes

Priestess – malevolent look

The Lemon Orchard

picking lemons and putting them in the back of a truck

Neal and Mitch with tatoos

Peg all dressed up invading the bathroom

Dre & Ten – the pond

Outside someone’s building – still waters – everyone’s swimming

Fire in the house – at first part of 2nd floor gone, come back, my “room” gone. Looters that I chase off

Dream One – Accidentally reformatted Steve’s Hard drive

Titanic – dream with lamb

House dream – Beer cam (yes, that’s “cam” not can)

Kite dream – flying kite with real people into radiation — 50 people’s skeletons, they start to fall off the kite – Todd was flying it

I was at some sort of archeological dig in swampland – tarpits?

Their were piers running out into the water.

They found people holding onto poles – as though the poles were holding them up out of the mud. It was some form of ancient torture.

Ellen (Degeneres) was there – and she was helping demonstrate how to walk thorugh the tarpits on the poles. It was all about how deeply you pushed your poles down in the mud.

At the end of the dream – I demonstrated that I could pole my way across the mud pit by using my poles lightly.

the roof dream

the rat dream

the electricity dream

Bathroom dream – my own room but two bathrooms – fighting with Todd.

Continue ReadingDream Fragments

Gay Indy Mailing List

On the bright side – I saw two movies this past weekend – Dogma and Run Lola Run. Both were good.

On the dark side – It surprises me sometimes what other people find to be important. I say this because I’m on the GayIndy mailing list, and it’s kind of a joke. The mailing list, I mean, not the fact that I’m on it.

The list has been shut down for a week or so because of controversy — and as soon as it started back up again, everyone’s posting information to it as though nothing has happened.

The controversy was about some of the gay groups in Indianapolis and how they don’t give information to the community about how they spend money or what their goals are or what they plan to accomplish or whether they’ve met any of their goals, etc. Which wouldn’t be a big deal except that they get on the news and talk to public officials claiming that they’re “community leaders” and that they represent people like me.

One of the people raising these questions was me, and one was Bruce Seybert, a publisher of one of the gay magazines in town. After the debate started heating up, someone started to get on the mailing list with an anonymous email address from yahoo and post libelous insults about Bruce.

That’s why they shut down the list; because of the unhealthy tone people were unsubscribing. But the questions raised have never been answered, and it looks as though they never will, because people are posting frivolous information to it.

I despair of Indianapolis sometimes. I think I’m going home to read some poetry.

Continue ReadingGay Indy Mailing List