Jokes

A list of games to play at work, shamelessly cribbed from Jane McGonigal’s gaming blog, but she received it in e-mail from her mom, so fair sharing must apply. I recognize some of these from some of my other lists of pranks you can play.

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ONE-POINT OFFICE DARES

1) Run one lap around the office at top speed.
2) Ignore the first five people who say ‘good morning’ to you.
3) Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say, “Just called to say I can’t talk right now. Bye.”
4) To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.
5) Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, “Sorry, I really prefer it this way.”
6) Walk sideways to the photocopier.
7) While riding in an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.

THREE-POINT DARES

1) Say to your boss, “I like your style” and shoot him with double-barreled fingers.
2) Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask, “Did you get all that, I don’t want to have to repeat it.”
3) Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise your voice).
4) Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle(there must be a ‘non-player’ within sight).
5) Shout random numbers while someone is counting.

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FIVE POINT DARES

1) At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (5 extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).
2) Walk into a very busy person’s office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
3) For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as “Bob.”
4) Announce to everyone in a meeting that you “really have to go do a number two.”
5) After every sentence, say ‘Mon’ in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in “The report’s on your desk, Mon.” Keep this up for 1 hour.
6) While an office mate is out, move their chair into the elevator.
7) In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, “Shut up, all of you just shut up!”
8) At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, “As God as my witness, I’ll never go hungry again.”
9) In a colleague’s DAY PLANNER, write in the 10am slot: “See how I look in tights.” (5 Extra points if it is a male, 5 more if he is your boss)
10) Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask, “You wanna trade?”
11) Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: “Do you hear that?” “What?” “Never mind, it’s gone now.”
12) Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, “I can’t talk about it.”
13) Posing as a maitre d’, call a colleague and tell him he’s won a lunch for four at a local restaurant. Let him go.
14) Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc) during a very important conference call.
15) Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.
16) Hang a 2′ long piece of toilet roll from the back of your pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.
17) Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuits, smashing each biscuit with your fist.
18) During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.
19) Arrange toy figures on the table to represent each meeting attendee, move them according to the movements of their real-life counterparts.

TEN POINT DARES

And if that wasn’t enough for you… How to keep a healthy level of insanity:
1) At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2) Tell your children over dinner. “Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go.”
3) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4) Put your waste basket on your desk and label it “IN”.
5) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6) Finish all your sentences with “In accordance with the prophecy.”