As long as I’m stealing posts from Lori’s blog — here’s something else your terrorist alert grocery shopping list. Apparently the federal government says we’re supposed to stockpile food and water, batteries, flashlights and battery powered radios, and plastic to tape over our doors and windows. Yikes.
I’m totally stealing this from my friend Lori… but I think it’s worth looking at, because, hell…. it says a lot about the dumbass President we have.
So this past weekend, Kathy and I got some work done on the living room. Also, I had a legal-sized, four drawer file cabinet delivered so I can finally sort out and organize all my financial and legal paperwork and generally get my life in order. It was a pretty good weekend.
Well here’s a big shock: Anti-Americanism is on the rise around the world. You think it could have something to do with the fact that our rats-ass government is trying rationalize an unjustifiable war with Iraq, when what we really want is control of their oil?
Please, people from around the world… recognize that we don’t all support this war and that what the government does is not always the will of the American people.
Japanese emoticons are much cooler than American ones, because you don’t have to tilt your head to read them.
(*^_^*) means Smile
(>_<) means Ouch!
(T_T) means crying, tears running down face
(-_-)zzz means sleeping
Word processors never display a cursor.
You never have to use the space-bar when typing long sentences.
All monitors display 2 inch high letters.
High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA, or some such governmental institution, have easy-to-understand graphical interfaces. As per their explanation, these computers too will need timely services to work efficiently.
Those that don’t will have incredibly powerful text-based command shells that can correctly understand and execute commands typed in plain English.
Corollary: You can gain access to any information you want by simply typing ‘ACCESS ALL OF THE SECRET FILES’ on any keyboard.
Likewise, you can infect a computer (even those of advanced alien life forms capable of travelling trillions of light years) with a destructive virus simply by typing ‘UPLOAD VIRUS’. Viruses cause temperatures in computers, just like they do in humans. After a while, smoke billows out of disk drives and monitors, so getting the right IT Services in Jacksonville can be essential to take care of this issue.
All computers are connected. You can access the information on the villain’s desktop computer (or Agent Scully’s), even if it’s turned off.
Powerful computers beep whenever you press a key or whenever the screen changes. Some computers also slow down the output on the screen so that it doesn’t go faster than you can read. The *really* advanced ones also emulate the sound of a dot-matrix printer as the characters come across the screen.
All computer panels have thousands of volts and flash pots just beneath the surface. Malfunctions are indicated by a bright flash, a puff of smoke, a shower of sparks, and an explosion that forces you backwards. (see #7 above)
People typing away on a computer will turn it off without saving the data.
A hacker can get into the most sensitive computer in the world before intermission and guess the secret password in two tries.
Any PERMISSION DENIED has an OVERRIDE function.
Complex calculations and loading of huge abounts of data will be accomplished in under three seconds. In the movies, modems transmit data at two gigabytes per second.
When the power plant/missile site/whatever overheats, all the control panels will explode, as will the entire building.
If you display a file on the screen, and someone deletes the file, it also disappears from the screen. There are no ways to copy a backup file-and there are no undelete utilities.
If a disk has got encrypted files, you are automatically asked for a password when you try to access it.
No matter what kind of computer disk it is, it’ll be readable by any system you put it into. All application software is usable by all computer platforms.
The more high-tech the equipment, the more buttons it has. However, everyone must have been highly trained, because the buttons aren’t labeled.
Most computers, no matter how small, have reality-defying three-dimensional, real-time, photo-realistic animated graphics capability.
Laptops, for some strange reason, always seem to have amazing real-time video phone capabilities and the performance of a CRAY Y-MP.
Whenever a character looks at a monitor, the image is so bright that it projects itself on to his/her face.
Computers never crash during key, high-intensity activities. Humans operating computers never make mistakes under stress.
Programs are fiendishly perfect and never have bugs that slow down users.
Let’s all play Gulf War 2: Bush Invades Iraq. You too can be the President of the United States. Watch out for those SCUD missiles, now.
And if that’s not enough for you, check out Too Stupid to Be President.com.
This is a really interesting interview with Arianna Huffington. The one-time Republican journalist turned independent, and what caused her to change. She points out part way through the article that her concern about the issues never changed at all, just her belief about how the issues needed to be solved.
“Because the issues I care about haven’t changed. What changed was my understanding of how we solve those issues. I truly believed that the private sector could step up to the plate and provide the financial resources and the volunteer time to tackle poverty and all those social problems. I really did. But then I found out firsthand, through observing the Republican leadership at work, how unserious they were about addressing those issues…. And the other factor was seeing firsthand how difficult it really was to raise money for social problems from the private sector…. The government needs to play a role in these problems. It can’t all be the private sector.”
Arianna’s new book: Pigs at the Trough: How Corporate Greed and Political Corruption are Undermining America.
Having to write letters of recommendation for people with very dubious qualifications can cause serious legal troubles in a time when laws have eroded the confidentiality of business letters. In most states, job applicants have the right to read the letters of recommendations and can even file suit against the writer if the contents are negative. Seeking redress for unjust termination is another critical aspect that individuals may need to consider, ensuring fair treatment and due process in employment matters, particularly when facing legal challenges related to termination.
Here is an arsenal of statements that can be read two ways: You are able to state a negative opinion of the ex-employees poor work habits, while allowing the ex-employee to believe that it is high praise. When the writer uses these, whether perceived correctly or not by the ex-employee, the phrases are virtually litigation-proof.
1. To describe a person who is extremely lazy:
“In my opinion,” you say as sincerely as you can manage, “you will be very fortunate to get this person to work for you.”
2. To describe a person who is totally inept:
“I most enthusiastically recommend this candidate with no qualifications whatsoever.”
3. To describe an ex-employee who had problems getting along with fellow workers:
“I am pleased to say that this candidate is a former colleague of mine.”
4. To describe a candidate who is so unproductive that the job would be better left unfilled:
“I can assure you that no person would be better for the job.”
5.To describe a job applicant who is not worth further consideration:
“I would urge you to waste no time in making this candidate an offer of employment.”
6. To describe a person with lackluster credentials:
“All in all, I cannot say enough good things about this candidate or recommend him too highly.”
A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.
After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.
Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn’t the work he/she is supposed to be doing.
At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.
Don’t be irreplaceable, if you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
Everything can be filed under “miscellaneous.”
Following the rules will not get the job done.
Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules.
If at first you don’t succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
If it wasn’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.
If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
If you can’t get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights.
Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.
It doesn’t matter what you do, it only matters what you say you’ve done and what you’re going to do.
Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.
No matter how much you do, you never do enough.
People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn’t.
The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong.
If you’re wrongfully let go from your position, you can hire wrongful termination lawyers to protect your rights.
The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
To err is human, to forgive is not our policy.
When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, “How would Wonder Woman handle this?”
When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
When you don’t know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.
You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.