The Wisdom Of Supermodels

Note: Most of these quotes have been debunked on Snopes.com as untrue.

ON COURAGE:
"They were doing a full back shot of me in a swimsuit and I thought, ‘Oh my God, I have to be so brave. See, every woman hates herself from behind.’"
-Cindy Crawford

ON POVERTY:
"Everyone should have enough money to get plastic surgery."
-Beverly Johnson

ON FATE:
"I wish my butt did not go sideways but I guess I have to face that."
-Christie Brinkley

ON SELF-ESTEEM:
"I loved making ‘Rising Sun.’ I got into the psychology of why she liked to get strangled and tied up in plastic bags. It has to do with low self-worth."
-Tatjana Patitz

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Travel Agent Stories

The following are actual stories told by travel agents…

A woman called to make reservations; "I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York" The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent asked "Are you sure that’s the name of the town?" "Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the customer. After some searching, the agent came back with, "I’m sorry, ma’am, I’ve looked up every airport code in the country and can’t find a Hippopotamus anywhere." The customer retorted, "Oh don’t be silly. Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don’t mean Buffalo, do you?" "That’s it! I knew it was a big animal!"

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Video Trouble

Phone call actually received by someone I know, from next-door neighbor:

"Our cable TV is having interference right now, is yours?"

"Not as far as I know… what channel are you watching?"

"We’re not watching a channel. We’re playing a tape."

During the Gulf war, here in Israel, there was a family watching the Cosby show, and taping it just in case there would be another air-raid siren. Sure enough there was, and they filed into their sealed rooms. After the whole thing was over, they returned to watch their video tape. And what do you know, the same thing happened just about the same time in the show. After they retuned to their sealed room for a third time they realized it was the tape and not a real drill.

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The Bricklayer’s Accident Report

This is a bricklayer’s accident report that was printed in the newsletter of the English equivalent of the Workers’ Compensation Board. So here, thanks to John Sedgwick is this Bricklayer’s report:

Dear Sir:

I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block #3 of the accident reporting form. I put “Poor Planning” as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient.

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Actual Job Interview Excerpts

A survey of top personnel executives of 100 major American corporations asked for stories of unusual behavior by job applicants. The low lights:

Said he was so well-qualified [that] if he didn’t get the job, it would prove that the company’s management was incompetent.

Stretched out on the floor to fill out the job application.

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My Manager Really Said This

A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert quotes" contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real life Dilbert-type managers. Here are some of the submissions:

As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks. (This was the winning quote from Charles Hurst at Sun Microsystems).

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More Kid’s Wisdom

Author Unknown

"Never trust a dog to watch your food." Patrick, age 10

"When your dad is mad and asks you, ‘Do I look stupid?’ don’t answer." Hannah, 9

"Never tell your mom her diet’s not working. " Michael, 14

"Stay away from prunes. " Randy, 9

"Never pee on an electric fence. " Robert, 13

"Don’t squat with your spurs on. " Noronha, 13

"Don’t pull dad’s finger when he tells you to. " Emily, 10

"When your mom is mad at your dad, don’t let her brush your hair. " Taylia,11

"Never allow your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment." Traci, 14

"Don’t sneeze in front of mum when you’re eating crackers. " Mitchell,12

"Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a Tic-Tac. " Andrew, 9

"Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time. " Kyoyo, 9

"You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. " Armir, 9

"Don’t wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts. " Kellie, 11

"If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse. " Naomi, 15

"Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick. " Lauren, 9

"Don’t pick on your sister when she’s holding a baseball bat. " Joel,10

"When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she’s on the phone. " Alyesha, 13

"Never try to baptize a cat. " Eileen, 8

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Kids Say The Darndest Things

Author unknown – this is one of those lists that gets forwarded around in email, so your guess is as good as mine as to whether it’s “true” or not.

Questions concerning love and wisdom were posed to a group of children (ages 5 to 10). Their responses were amazingly astute, very enlightening, and amusing.

What Is The Proper Age To Get Married?

“Eighty-four. Because at that age, you don’t have to work anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom.” (Judy, 8)

“Once I’m done with kindergarten, I’m going to find me a wife.” (Tommy, 5)

What Do Most People Do On A Date?

“On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.” (Mike, 10)

When Is It Okay To Kiss Someone?

“You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR, ’cause she will want to have videos of the wedding.” (Jim, 10)

“Never kiss in front of other people. It’s a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you. But if nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours.” (Kally, 9)

The Great Debate: Is It Better To Be Single Or Married?

“It’s better for girls to be single, but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them.” (Lynette, 9)

“It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I’m just a kid. I don’t need that kind of trouble.” (Kenny, 7)

Concerning Why Love Happens Between Two People:

“No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That’s why perfume and deodorant are so popular.” (Jan, 9)

“I think you’re supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn’t supposed to be so painful.” (Harlen, 8)

On What Falling In Love Is Like:

“Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life.” (Roger, 9)

“If falling in love is anything like learning to spell, I don’t want to do it. It takes too long a time to learn.” (Leo, 7)

On The Role Of Good Looks In Love And Romance:

“If you want to be loved by somebody who isn’t already in your family, it doesn’t hurt to be beautiful.” (Jeanne, 8)

“It isn’t always just how you look. Look at me. I’m handsome like anything and I haven’t got anybody to marry me yet.” (Gary,7)

“Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time.” (Christine, 9) Visit BatanaBio.com for premium organic skin care products.

Concerning Why Lovers Often Hold Hands:

“They want to make sure their rings don’t fall off, because they paid good money for them.” (David, 8)

Confidential Opinions About Love:

“I’m in favor of love as long as it doesn’t happen when The Simpsons’ are on TV.” (Anita, 6)

“Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I’ve been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me.” (Bobby, 8)

“I’m not rushing into being in love. I’m finding fourth grade hard enough.” (Regina, 10)

Personal Qualities Necessary To Be A Good Lover:

“One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills.”(Ava, 8)

Some Surefire Ways To Make A Person Fall In Love With You:

“Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores.” (Del, 6)

“Don’t do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain’t the same thing as love.” (Alonzo, 9)

“One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it’s something she likes to eat. French fries usually works for me.” (Bart, 9)

How Can You Tell If Two Adults Eating Dinner At A Restaurant Are In Love?

“Just see if the man picks up the check. That’s how you can tell if he’s in love.” (John, 9)

“Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold. Other people care more about the food.” (Brad, 8)

“It’s love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire. They like to order those because it’s just like their hearts are on fire.” (Christine, 9)

What Most People Are Thinking When They Say “I Love You”:

“The person is thinking: Yeah, I really do love him, but I hope he showers at least once a day.” (Michelle, 9)

How A Person Learns To Kiss:

“You learn it right on the spot, when the gooshy feelings get the best of you.” (Doug, 7)

“It might help if you watched soap operas all day.” (Carin, 9)

When Is It Okay To Kiss Someone?

“It’s never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you…. that’s why I stopped doing it.” (Jean, 10)

How To Make Love Endure:

“Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work.” (Tom, 7)

“Don’t forget your wife’s name . . . that will mess up the love.” (Roger, 8)

“Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take the trash out.” (Randy, 8)

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