True Stories

Delicious Nut Sale – Update

Several years ago, I posted a memo that went around at work — It was a fund-raising notice from Spay-Neuter Services of Indiana announcing their “Delicious Annual Nut Sale” to raise money for their programs. Funny, right?

Yesterday, one of the folks from the organization found the post on my blog and wrote me to let me know that they still have nut sales going on to fund-raise for their not-for-profit work:

Just wanted to say “thanks” for posting … even in humor we hope to bring more attention to the importance of spay/neuter for dogs and cats.

By the way, we still have nuts to sell. Even malted milk balls. Delicious is right!

Spay-Neuter Services of Indiana, Inc.
P.O. Box 55917
Indianapolis, IN 46205-0917
Voice Mail 317.767.7771
Fax 866.771.0358
www.spayneuterservices.org
Available:
27 almond $7
17 clusters $8
8 malted milk $6
22 peanut $5
45 pecans $8
60 deluxe mixed $7
(sorry, no more cashews)

The also have some fun t-shirts for sale at their website.

Delicious, funny, and for a great cause – that’s quite a trifecta.

Continue ReadingDelicious Nut Sale – Update

Delicious Annual Nut Sale (Spay-Neuter Serv.)

I know this “true story” is true, because it’s an actual memo that got sent around our work email.

It’s this time of year again!

The wonderful nut assortments are once again available, benefitting Spay-Neuter Services of Indiana. Included are pecan halves, mixed nuts, chocolate pecan clusters, whole cashews, honey roasted peanuts, white chocolate pretzels, and chocolate-covered almonds.

Order deadline is Oct. 9. Please stop by my desk on 5th floor (5062).

Thanks — take it from those who ordered them last year — they’re delicious and reasonably priced!

Update – One of the folks from Spay-Neuter Services of Indiana found this on my blog and wrote me to let me know that they still have nut sales going on to fund-raise for their not-for-profit work — you can find out how to order here:

Spay-Neuter Services of Indiana, Inc.
P.O. Box 55917
Indianapolis, IN 46205-0917
Voice Mail 317.767.7771
Fax 866.771.0358

www.spayneuterservices.org
Available:
27 almond $7
17 clusters $8
8 malted milk $6
22 peanut $5
45 pecans $8
60 deluxe mixed $7
(sorry, no more cashews)

They also have some fun t-shirts for sale at their website.

Delicious, funny, and for a great cause – that’s quite a trifecta.

Continue ReadingDelicious Annual Nut Sale (Spay-Neuter Serv.)

Darwin Awards 2000

The Darwin Awards, for those not familiar, are for those individuals who contribute to the survival of the fittest by eliminating themselves from the gene pool before they have a chance to breed.

Sighting #1 (a rare "double sighting"): A friend had a brilliant idea for saving disk space. He thought if he put all his Microsoft Word documents into a tiny font they’d take up less room. When he told me I was with another friend. She thought it was a good idea too.

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Silly State Laws

NOTE: I’m not sure how many of these are actually true – this came to me in an email forward in 2000 and I posted it here.

Arkansas:
–A man can legally beat his wife, but no more than once a month.

California:
–In, LA, a man may legally beat his wife with a leather strap, as long as it is less than 2 inches wide, or she gives him permission to use a wider strap.
–It is a misdemeanor to shoot any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale.

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The Raft

And you thought this only happened in the movies. Jerry swears this story about a rubber boat really happened to him…

OK. Here goes. I was 17, and had mentioned to my father that I was thinking of buying a rubber boat for use as a scuba platform. My father managed to get me one from the F.A.A. where he worked. (Don’t ask, I never did).

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A Heartwarming Story

The following letter was forwarded by someone who teaches at a junior high school in Memphis, Tennessee; the letter was sent to the principal’s office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly.

This story is a credit to all human kind. Read it, soak it in, and bask in the warm feeling that it leaves you with.

Dear Reyer School:

God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizen’s luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the county home for the aged. All my people are gone. It’s nice to know that someone thinks of me. God bless you for your kindness to an old forgotten lady.

My roommate is 95 and always had her own radio, but would never let me listen to it. The other day her radio fell and broke into a lot of pieces. It was awful and she was in tears.

She asked if she could listen to mine, and I said fuck you.

Sincerely,

Edna Johnston

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Customer "Support" At A Phone Company

From: Jay Sekora

I work in Boston, Massachusetts. A co-worker just told me this true story that happened to him this morning. He had a dispute about a phone-card bill for long distance service from his long-distance carrier, which we shall refer to by the three-letter acronym TLA to protect the guilty. Towards the end of his very long and unproductive call he was starting to get exasperated, and the following (paraphrased) exchange ensued.

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Accidental Accident Reports

Author Unknown

The following quotes taken from the Toronto News on July 26, 1977, are actual statements from insurance forms where car drivers tried to summarize accident details in as few words as possible, mostly in an attempt of recovering compensation for personal injuries.  Such instances of faulty writing serve to confirm that incompetency can be highly entertaining.

Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don’t have.

The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intent.

I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.

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In the Park

Actual comments received in 1996 from the Bridger Wilderness registration sheets and comment cards:

Trails need to be wider so people can walk while holding hands.

Instead of a permit system or regulations, the Forest Service needs to reduce world-wide population growth to limit the number of visitors to wilderness.

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