quotes

Words To Live By

Carpe Diem

Discontent is the penalty we pay for being ungrateful for what we have.

Watch you thoughts; they become words
Watch your words, they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; they become destiny.

Life is a grindstone. Whether it grinds you down or polishes you up depends on what you are made of.

Temper is what gets most of us into trouble. Pride is what keeps us there.

The good news is that we’re still present to hear the bad news.

Goals are dreams with deadlines.

Dwight Eisenhower use to demonstrate the art of leadership with a simple piece of string. He’d put it on the table and say, Pull it, and it will follow you anywhere you wish. Push it, and it will go nowhere at all.

Life is too short to drink bad wine.

Love, like everything else in life is a risk.

Never send a ferret to do a weasel’s job.

Life is what happens while you’re standing still.

For thou hadst come from a kingdom of beauty, Thy trees have thorns and thy bushes blooms, Thy beauty is in thine own soul.

The line separating good and evil passes not through states, nor between political parties, but right through every human heart.

You can’t think your way into better living, you have to live your way into better thinking.

Share your wisdom, not your prejudices.

On the plains of hesitation, lie the broken bones of men who on the brink of victory rested and rested died!

Philosophy is the self-serving rationalization of a weak mind, unable to deal with the unknown and not having the wherewithal to figure it out.

Success is a journey… not a destination!

It is better to burn out than to fade away.

Be you. Nobody else can be.

Sometimes it takes an old friend to remind you who you are… and someone who you just met to show you what you can be.

Victory is what happens when ten thousand hours of training meet up with one moment of opportunity.

You can’t set sail for new seas if you’re afraid to lose sight of the shore.

My candle burns at both ends it will not last the night but, ah my friends and oh my foes, it casts a lovely light.

You have to choose happiness; It doesn’t chose you.

Luck is the residue of preparation.

You were once wild here, don’t let them tame you. – Isadora Duncan

Someone, somewhere, sometime is gonna love you for who you are.

Its good to have friends in both heaven and hell –George Herbert

One spark can set hundreds on fire.

Sorrow looks down. Worry looks back. Faith looks up.

Not everything that counts can be counted and not everything that can be counted, counts.

Happiness is wanting what you have, not having what you want.

If you are not living on the edge, you’re taking too much room.

I am what I like about others.

That which you cannot give away, you do not possess. It possesses you.

You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back.

You have to learn from the failures of others, you could not possibly live long enough to make them all yourself.

If you fail to try, you fail to succeed.

g’nothi s’auton – Know thy self- inscription on the wall of the temple at Delphi

Honey, I can upstage you with out even being on the stage.
–Tallulah Bankhead

Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.
–Ralph Waldo Emerson

Show me a thoroughly satisfied man and I will show you a failure.
–Thomas Edison

It is only with the heart that one can see rightly: what is essential is invisible to the eye.
— Antoine de Saint-Exupery

The times might have changed, but people haven’t
— Carol Brady (Brady Bunch)

If you are not a part of the solution, you are part of the problem.
— JFK

Use the talents you possess, for the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except the best.
— Henry Van Dyke

If you were happy every day of your life, you wouldn’t be a human being. You’d be a game show host.
— from the movie Heathers

He who cannot forgive others breaks the bridge over which he must pass himself.
— George Herbert

A man should never be ashamed to own he has been wrong, which is but saying in other words that he is wiser today than he was yesterday.
–Alexander Pope

Deal with the faults of others as gently as with your own.
–Henrichs

Late to Bed, Early to Rise; Work like Hell, and You’ll be Wise.
— Hyman G. Rickover, Father of the U.S. Nuclear Navy

Who you are speaks so loudly, I can’t hear what you’re saying.
–Ralph Waldo Emerson

If you want to keep on getting what you’re getting, keep on doing what you’re doing.

When nothing is sure, everything is possible.
— Margret Drabble

I’m an idealist. I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m on my way.
— Carl Sandburg

Dream as if you’ll live forever, live as if you’ll die today.
— James Dean

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength
While loving someone deeply gives you courage
— Lao Tzu

When you come to a fork in the road, take it.
–Yogi Berra

We are not Human Beings having a spiritual experience. We are Spiritual Beings having a human experience.
— Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

When choosing between two evils, I always take the one I haven’t tried before.
— Mae West

Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.
–Thomas Edison

Always listen to the experts. They’ll tell you what can’t be done and why. Then do it.
— Robert Heinlein

If you build it, they will come.
— From the movie, Field of Dreams

There is no security on this earth, there is only opportunity.
— Gen. Douglas MacArthur

Do the thing you’re afraid to do and the death of fear is certain.
–Emerson

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
— Oscar Wilde

Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living; the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
— Mark Twain

Success is a matter of luck. Ask any failure.
–Earl Wilson

I am a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it.
— Stephen Leacock

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The Wisdom Of Supermodels

Note: Most of these quotes have been debunked on Snopes.com as untrue.

ON COURAGE:
"They were doing a full back shot of me in a swimsuit and I thought, ‘Oh my God, I have to be so brave. See, every woman hates herself from behind.’"
-Cindy Crawford

ON POVERTY:
"Everyone should have enough money to get plastic surgery."
-Beverly Johnson

ON FATE:
"I wish my butt did not go sideways but I guess I have to face that."
-Christie Brinkley

ON SELF-ESTEEM:
"I loved making ‘Rising Sun.’ I got into the psychology of why she liked to get strangled and tied up in plastic bags. It has to do with low self-worth."
-Tatjana Patitz

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Funny Quotes

No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats–approximately one billion Chinese couldn’t care less.
— Lazlo’s Chinese Relativity Axiom

Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today? 1. Writing his memoirs of the Civil War. 2. Advising the President. 3. Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin.
— David Letterman

Of all the radio stations in Chicago…we’re one of them.
— Slogan of 105.9, the classic rock radio station in Chicago

I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.
— A Bit of Fry and Laurie

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.
— Douglas Adams, Last Chance to See

A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what’s left of your unit.
— In the August 1993 issue, page 9, of PS magazine, the Army’s magazine of preventive maintenance 44.

It’s like being ‘Xena, Warrior Princess.’
— Madeleine Albright, giving her stock response when asked what it’s like to be a female secretary of state

I think that the team that wins game five will win the series. Unless we lose game five.
— Charles Barkley

My initial response was to sue her for defamation of character, but then I realized that I had no character.
— Charles Barkley, on hearing Tonya Harding proclaim herself “the Charles Barkley of figure skating”

Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.
— Dave Barry

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant’s life, she will choose to save the infant’s life without even considering if there are men on base.
— Dave Barry

You mean we’re not gonna score? We came all this way and we’re not gonna score? It’s not fair; we never score. I’ll bet this old dude scored, like, a million times. But we never score.
— Beavis, from Beavis and Butthead Do America

When you come to a fork in the road, take it.
— Yogi Berra

Boundary, n. In political geography, an imaginary line between two nations, separating the imaginary rights of one from the imaginary rights of another.
— Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary

Life may have no meaning. Or even worse, it may have a meaning of which I disapprove.
— Ashleigh Brilliant

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
— Ashleigh Brilliant

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
— A. Whitney Brown

“I know you feel betrayed.”
“Well, yes, that is one of the unpleasant side effects of betrayal.”
— from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

from Buffy the Vampire Slayer:
Oz: Oh look! Monkey. And he has a little hat… and little pants.
Willow: Yeah, I see.
Oz: The monkey’s the only cookie animal that gets to wears clothes. You know that?
Oz: You have the sweetest smile I’ve ever seen.
Oz: So I’m wondering, do the other cookie animals feel sorta ripped? Like is the hippo going, “Hey, man. Where are my pants? I have my hippo dignity.” And you know the monkey’s just, [french accent] “I mock you with my monkey pants!” And then there’s a big coup in the zoo.
Willow: The monkey is French?
Oz: All monkeys are French. You didn’t know that?
Willow: No.
L’hippo a pique’ ses pantalons. (Translation: The hippo stole his pants.)

Delta: It always helps if you wear a tiara.
Rosie: While shellacing?
Delta: While doing anything.
— Delta Burke, On the Rosie O’Donnell Show

[upon discovering their TV has been stolen} This sucks more than anything has ever sucked before.
— Butthead, from Beavis and Butthead Do America

Calvin: People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don’t realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.
Hobbes: Isn’t your pants’ zipper supposed to be in the front?

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
— George Carlin

I’ve always enjoyed being told what to think. Of course I do the opposite of whatever is requested of me, but I find the attempted intrusion flirtatious.
— Lisa Carver

I like sweet little soft bunnies for girls, kind of dumb, giggly. Maybe a little drunk. Girls who smell good and do what I say.
— Lisa Carver

Caught masturbating on my wedding day — how low class!
— Lisa Carver

There’s so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?
— Dick Cavett, mocking the TV-violence debate

When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, “Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don’t believe?”
— Quentin Crisp

The only difference between me and a madman is that I am not mad.
— Salvador Dali

Oh, well, that’s the Lord’s Work. Name-calling.
— Ellen Degeneres, On being told that Jerry Falwell referred to her as Ellen Degenerate

Once at a social gathering, Gladstone said to Disraeli, “I predict, Sir, that you will die either by hanging or of some vile disease”. Disraeli replied, “That all depends, sir, upon whether I embrace your principles or your mistress.”

I promise the next time we get attacked by monkeys on an escalator, I will save you.
— Ben from Felicity

With every passing hour our solar system comes forty-three thousand miles closer to globular cluster M13 in the constellation Hercules, and still there are some misfits who continue to insist that there is no such thing as progress.
— Ransom K. Ferm

Oh my God, I’m my father! I’ve been trying so hard not to be my mother that I didn’t see this coming.
— Rachel from Friends

There’s only one thing better than getting what you want, and that’s getting what you want and pissing someone else off at the same time.
— Bender on Futurama

The obvious mathematical breakthrough would be development of an easy way to factor large prime numbers.
— Bill Gates from The Road Ahead, p. 265.

What is a committee? A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary.
— Richard Harkness, The New York Times, 1960

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
— William James

Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a mistake when you make it again.
— F. P. Jones

Man’s greatest joy is to slay his enemy, plunder his riches, ride his steeds, see the tears of his loved ones and embrace his women.
— Genghis Khan

Time’s fun when you’re having flies.
— Kermit the Frog

The most important thing in the programming language is the name. A language will not succeed without a good name. I have recently invented a very good name and now I am looking for a suitable language.
— D. E. Knuth, 1967

I am sick unto death of obscure English towns that exist seemingly for the sole accommodation of these so-called limerick writers–and even sicker of their residents, all of whom suffer from physical deformities and spend their time dismembering relatives at fancy dress balls.
— Editor of the Limerick Times (Limerick, Ireland)

The O.J. Simpson (Civil Trial) Jury has the chance to send a clear message to the world, which is, ‘If you kill someone in L.A., you’re looking at a very stiff fine.’
— Bill Mauher

The hypothalamus is one of the most important parts of the brain, involved in many kinds of motivation, among other functions. The hypothalamus controls the “Four F’s”: 1. fighting; 2. fleeing; 3.feeding; and 4. mating.
— Psychology professor in neuropsychology intro course

I think that all right-thinking people in this country are sick and tired of being told that ordinary, decent people are fed up in this country with being sick and tired. I’m certainly not! But I’m sick and tired of being told that I am!
— Monty Python

You coveteth my ice cream bar, but you cannot have it. I have had this ice cream bar since I was a child.
— Ren, from Ren and Stimpy

Son, you don’t have bad luck. Bad things happen to you because you’re a dumbass.
— That 70’s Show

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they’ve always worked for me.
— Hunter S. Thompson

Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
— Mark Twain

When choosing between two evils, I always take the one I haven’t tried before.
— Mae West

If triangles had a God, He’d have three sides.
— Old Yiddish proverb

G: If we do happen to step on a mine, Sir, what do we do?
EB: Normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet in the air and scatter oneself over a wide area.
— Somewhere in No Man’s Land, BA4

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Funny Shakespeare

Hamlet is a course and barbarous play. One might think thework is a product of a drunken savage’s imagination. – Voltaire

Are the commentators on Hamlet really mad or are they just pretending to be mad?

Birnam Wood Reunion Staff

If I were Juliet, we’d have got away

If I were Romeo, we’d have got away

A most Extravagant Vagary – The Two Nobel Kinsman

Away! I do condemn mine ears, that have so long attended thee – Cymbeline

Confimer of False Reckonings – As You Like It

Brevity is the soul of wit – Hamlet

Dangerous & Unsuspected – Richard III

Confusion now hath made his masterpiece – Macbeth

He is not his craft’s master – Henry IV, Part 2

He thinks too much, such men are dangerous – Julius Caesar

Hell is empty, and all the Devils are here – Tempest

Here is a silly-stately style indeed – Henry VI, Part I

I do desire we may be better strangers – As You Like It

I muse you make so slight a question – Henry IV, Part 2

I took thee for thy better – Hamlet

Let’s meet as little as we can – As You Like It

Men’s vows are women’s traitors! – Cymbeline

More of your conversation would infect my brain – Coriolanus

O’ there has been much throwing about of brains – Hamlet

Sell when you can, you are not for all markets – As You Like It

Such bugs and goblins in my life! – Hamlet

The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers – Henry VI, Part 2

There’s a stewed phrase indeed! – Troilus & Cressida

These giddy loose suggestions! – King John

They have been at a great feast of languages and stolen the scrapes – Love’s Labor Lost

This effect defective comes by cause – Hamlet

This petty brabble will undo us all – Titus Andronicus

Though this be madness, yet there is method in it – Hamlet

We allowed your approach rather to wonder at you than to hear you – Twelth Night

What impossible matter will we make easy next? – The Tempest

Wilt thou show the whole wealth of thy wit in an instant? – Merchant of Venice

You are strangely troublesome – Henry VIII

You put sharp weapons in a madman’s hands – Henry VI, Part 2

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One-Liners About Cats

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A cat is always on the wrong side of the door

A cat is the visible soul of a home

A home without a cat–and a well-fed, well-petted and properly revered cat–may be a perfect home, perhaps, but how can it prove title? — Mark Twain

After dark, all cats are jaguars

Anything not nailed down is a cat toy. You can find interesting cat toys at Catadorn.com.

Cat – a small furry organism with a tropism for where it’s not wanted

Cats are smarter then dogs. You can’t teach eight cats to pull a sled.

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything has a function

Cats are Zen made Fur — Jo Godwin

Cat Creed: Everything here is mine

Dogs come when called. Cats take a message and get back to you

If cats had longer attention spans, they’d be running the world

Is it ok if the cat watches?

Thousands of years ago, Egyptians worshipped cats. Cats have never forgotten this.

What part of MEOW don’t you understand?

Whatever you’re doing its not as important as petting the cat.

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One-Liners About Books

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A Room without books is a body without soul – Cicero

A truly great library contains something in it to offend everyone – Jo Godwin

Any Book worth banning is a Book worth reading

Are you sure it isn’t time for a colorful metaphor?

Censor: n. Someone who thinks they know more then you should

Don’t destroy the world in the first chapter. You’ll need it later.

Fight Prime Time — Read a Book

For every vision there is an equal and opposite revision

Give me six lines written by the most honorable of men, and I will find an excuse in them to hang him. – Cardinal Richelieu

I love being a writer. It’s the paperwork I can’t stand

Help! We are lost, crazed and starving and without any good books as well.

I am a bookaholic. If you are a decent person, you will not sell me another book

I write, therefore it is.

I’m word haunted – Virginia Woolf

Life? Of course I have a life. It’s a life filled with books

Migratory life form with a tropism for bookstores

Real writers don’t need to have their words processed

So many books, so little money

So many books, so little time

Some books are to be tasted, others to be swallowed, and some few to be chewed and digested – Sir Francis Bacon

Some people say life is the thing but I prefer reading.

The worst thing about censorship is

They got the library at Alexandria — they’re not getting mine

Where is human nature so weak as in a bookstore?

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Yes, They Really Said That…

Unbelievable quotes of the rich and famous. (Don’t overlook the Dan Quayle, who gets a page of his very own: Quayle-isms

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever." — Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest

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Quayle Quotes

No Dan Quayle
No Dan Quayle

Recently, Dan Quayle announced his intentions to run for President of the U.S. in 2000. Since many younger voters may not have been watching the news when these were said the first time, we provide you with this list of famous Quayle quotes.

"Mars is essentially in the same orbit… Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe."
— Vice President Dan Quayle, 8/11/89

"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation’s history. I mean in this century’s history. But we all lived in this century. I didn’t live in this century."
— Vice President Dan Quayle, 9/15/88

"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy – but that could change."
— 5/22/89

"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice president, and that one word is ‘to be prepared’."
— 12/6/89

"May our nation continue to be the beakon of hope to the world."
— The Quayles’ 1989 Christmas card.

"Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things."
— 11/30/88

"We’re going to have the best-educated American people in the world."
— 9/21/88

"I stand by all the misstatements that I’ve made."
— Vice President Dan Quayle to Sam Donaldson, 8/17/89

"Public speaking is very easy."
— to reporters in 10/88

"Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it."
— 5/20/92 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

"We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
— 9/22/90

"For NASA, space is still a high priority."
— 9/5/90

"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children."
— 9/18/90

"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between
a mother and child. "
— on Republican family values

"What a waste it is to lose one’s mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is."
— at a fundraising event for the United Negro College Fund. He was attempting to quote the line "a mind is a terrible thing to waste"

"When I have been asked during these last weeks who caused the riots and the killing in L.A., my answer has been direct and simple: Who is to blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame. Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are to blame."
— on the complex social issues behind the Los Angeles Riots

"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the
only regret I have was that I didn’t study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people"

"The loss of life will be irreplaceable."
— on the San Francisco earthquake

"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may
not occur."

"It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago."

"It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment.
It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."

"Welcome to President Bush, Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts."

"The future will be better tomorrow."

"People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history."

"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a *part* of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a *part* of Europe."

"I am not part of the problem. I am a Republican."

"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls."

"[It’s] time for the human race to enter the solar system."

"I support efforts to limit the terms of members of
Congress, especially members of the House and members of the Senate."

"If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure."

"I have made good judgments in the Past. I have made good judgments in the future."

"The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that Dan Quayle may or may not make."

"We’re all capable of mistakes, but I do not care to enlighten you on the mistakes we may or may not have made."

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Ode To The Malty Brew

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
–Dave Barry

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
–Dave Barry

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
–Humphrey Bogart

People who drink light "beer" don’t like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot.
–Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI

Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
–Winston Churchill

A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.
–W.C. Fields

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
–Benjamin Franklin

If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.
–Deep Thought, Jack Handy

Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
–by Jack Handy

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
–Ernest Hemingway

Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
–Ernest Hemingway

They who drink beer will think beer.
–Washington Irving

What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
–Tee Mans

You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
–Dean Martin

Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life.
— Michelle Mastrolacasa

Why is American beer served cold? So you can distinguish it from urine.
–David Moulton

I drink to make other people interesting.
–George Jean Nathan

When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let’s all get drunk and go to heaven!
— Brian O’Rourke

He was a wise man who invented beer.
–Plato

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