Creepy Halloween
We had 195 trick-or-treaters at our house last night. I wish I could say our house was the draw, but in reality we tend to get quite a few because there are some awesome Spooky Victorian Gothic houses on our street, and a few of the neighbors go all out decorating for the holiday.
The Motes across the street have this awesome Victorian Gothic with gargoyles on the roof.
This amazingly restored Victorian Stick mansion up the street is always a big draw.
And the neighbors on either side of this nicely landscaped lot put together this awesome fake graveyard that people drive over to see.
We’re Hiding in the House With the Lights Off
Because we ran out of candy about 10 minutes ago. Holy crap! We gave away not only all of our candy, but the candy our neighbor brought over because he had to leave. We had about 150 kids or so. And we can still hear them out there walking up and down the street. Next year — way more candy.
We didn’t expect to get many kids; we asked the neighbors and they said there are only ever a few. If this is a few, I’m worried what they think a lot would be.
Happy Halloween, everyone!
Halloween Decorating
We put a few decorations out for Halloween, including the fun bucket below for our mums.
But we pale in comparison to our neighbors, who have an entire cemetery set up in the yard next to their house.
See all the photos of Halloween Decor.
I’ve also taken quite a few photos around Indianapolis lately. See the whole set here.
Ten Reasons Why Halloween is Better than Sex
10. You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
9. If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
7. You don’t have to compliment the person who gives you some.
6. It’s O.K. when the person you’re with fantasizes you’re someone else, because you are.
5. Forty years from now you’ll still enjoy candy.
4. If you don’t like what you get, you can always go next door.
3. It doesn’t matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.
2. Less guilt the morning after.
1. YOU CAN DO THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD.
Ways To Confuse Trick-Or-Treaters
Give away something other than candy. (Toothpicks, golf balls, bags of sand, etc.)
Wait behind the door until some people come. When they get near the door, jump out, wearing a costume, and holding a bag, and yell, "Trick or Treat!" Look at them, scratch your head, and act confused.
Fill a briefcase with marbles and crackers. Write on it, "TopSecret" in big letters. When trick-or-treaters come, look around suspiciously, say, "It’s about time you got here," give them the briefcase, and quickly shut the door.
Get about 30 people to wait in your living room. When trick-or-treaters come to the door, say, "Come in." When they do, have everyone yell, "Surprise!!!" Act like it’s a surprise party.
Get everyone who comes to the door to come in and see if they can figure out what’s wrong with your dishwasher. Insist that it makes an unnatural "whirring" sound.
After you give them candy, hand the trick-or-treaters a bill.
Open the door dressed as a giant fish. Immediately collapse, and don’t move or say anything until the trick-or-treaters go away.
When you answer the door, hold up one candy bar, throw it out into the street, and yell, "Crawl for it!"
When you answer the door, look at the trick-or-treaters, act shocked and scared, and start screaming your head off. Slam the door and run-around the house, screaming until they go away.
Insist that the trick-or-treaters each do ten push-ups before you give them any candy.
Hand out menus to the trick-or-treaters and let them order their candy. Keep asking if anyone wants to see the wine list.
Get a catapult. Sit on your porch and catapult pumpkins at anyone who comes within 50 yards of your house.
When people come to the door, jump out a nearby window, crashing through the glass, and run as far away from your house as you can.
Answer the door dressed as a pilgrim. Stare at the trick-or-treaters for a moment, pretend to be confused, and start flipping through a calendar.
Instead of candy, give away colored eggs. If anyone protests, explain that the eggs are the only thing you had left over from Easter.
Answer the door dressed as a dentist. Give the trick-or-treaters a two-hour lecture on tooth decay.
Answer the door with a mouthful of M & M’s and several half-eaten candy bars in your hands. Act surprised, and close the door. Open it again in a few seconds, and insist that you don’t have any candy.
Hand out cigarettes and bottles of aspirin.
Put a crown on a pumpkin and put the pumpkin on a throne on your porch. Insist that all of the trick-or-treaters bow before the pumpkin.
Dress up like a bunny rabbit. Yell and curse from the moment you open the door, and throw the candy at the trick-or-treaters. Slam the door when you’re finished.
Everything I Need To Know, I Learned From 1980s Horror Movies
With the fast-approaching Halloween season here are some helpful hints:
When it appears that you have killed the monster, *never* check to see if it’s really dead.
If you find that your house is built upon or near a cemetery, was once a church that was used for black masses, had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices in your house — move away immediately.
Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.
If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, or if they speak to you using a voice which is other than their own, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. NOTE: It will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared.
When you have the benefit of numbers, *never* pair off and go it alone.
As a general rule, don’t solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
Never stand in, on, above, below, beside, or anywhere near a grave, tomb, crypt, mausoleum, or other place of the dead.
If you’re searching for something which caused a noise and find out that it’s just the cat, *leave the room immediately if you value your life.*
If appliances start operating by themselves, move out.
Do not take *anything* from the dead.
If you find a town which looks deserted, it’s probably for a reason. Take the hint and stay away.
Don’t fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you’re sure you know what you are doing.
If you’re running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along,it’s still moving fast enough to catch up with you.
If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness,and so on, get away from them as fast as possible.
Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.
If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help.
Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawn mowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any device made from deceased companions.
A Halloween Story
A Halloween Story
A man was walking home alone late one night when he hears a…….
BUMP…
BUMP…
BUMP… behind him.
Walking faster he looks back, and makes out the image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street towards him
BUMP…
BUMP…
BUMP…
Terrified, the man begins to run towards his home, the coffin bouncing quickly behind him …
faster…
faster…
BUMP…
BUMP….
BUMP….
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.
However, the coffin crashes through his door, with the lid of the coffin clapping…
clappity-BUMP…
clappity-BUMP…
clappity-BUMP…
clappity-BUMP…
on the heels of the terrified man….
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps. .
With a loud CRASH the coffin starts breaking down the door. Bumping and clapping towards him.
The man screams and reaches for something heavy, anything… his hand comes to rest on a large bottle of Robitussin.
Desperate, he throws the Robitussin as hard as he can at the apparition…….
and………..
…………………….the coffin stops.