frogs

My Favorite Fairy Tale

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Once upon a time, in a land far away,
a beautiful, independent, self assured
princess happened upon a frog as she sat,
contemplating ecological issues
on the shores of an unpolluted pond
in a verdant meadow near her castle.
The frog hopped into the princess’ lap
and said: "Elegant Lady,
I was once a handsome prince,
until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.
One kiss from you, however, and I will
turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am
and then, my sweet, we can marry
and setup housekeeping in yonder castle
with my mother,
where you can prepare my meals,
clean my clothes, bear my children,
and forever feel grateful and happy doing
so." That night, as the princess dined sumptuously
on a repast of lightly sauteed froglegs
seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce,
she chuckled to herself and thought:
"I don’t fucking think so."

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Another Frog Story

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Author Unknown

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her name plate that the tellers name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I’d like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow. The frog says $30,000. The teller asks his name and the frog says it’s Kermit Jagger and that it’s okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything to use as collateral.

"Sure," the frog says. " I have this." He produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant about half an inch tall.

Very confused, Ms. Whack explains that she’ll have to consult the bank manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says: "There’s a frog out there called Kermit Jagger who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000 and he wants to use this as collateral."
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. " I mean what the heck is this?" So the bank manager looks at her and says:

"It’s a Knick Knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man’s a Rolling Stone."

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Honest – That’s The Way It Happened…

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A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, "Ribbit. 9 Iron" The man looks around and doesn’t see anyone. "Ribbit. 9 Iron." He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts his other club away, and grabs a 9 iron. Boom! he hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked.

He says to the frog, "Wow that’s amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?" The frog reply’s "Ribbit. Lucky frog." The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole. "What do you think frog?" the man asks. "Ribbit. 3 wood." The guy takes out a 3 wood and Boom! Hole in one. The man is befuddled and doesn’t know what to say. By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, "OK where to next?" The frog’s reply, "Ribbit. Las Vegas."

They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK frog, now what?" The frog says, "Ribbit Roulette." Upon approaching the roulette table, the man asks, " What do you think I should bet?" The frog replies, "Ribbit. $3000,black 6." Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game, the man figures what the heck. Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table.

The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don’t know how to repay you. You’ve won me all this money and I am forever grateful." The frog replies, "Ribbit, Kiss Me." He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him he deserves it. With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old BLONDE girl.

"And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room."

Continue ReadingHonest – That’s The Way It Happened…