Mad World

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Tears for Fears, Gary Jule

donnie darko
donnie darko

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere

And their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I’m dying
Are the best I’ve ever had
I find it hard to tell you
‘Cos I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It’s a very, very
Mad World

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
Made to feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen

Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what’s my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me

And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I’m dying
Are the best I’ve ever had
I find it hard to tell you
‘Cos I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It’s a very, very
Mad World

Continue ReadingMad World

Sarah Michelle Gellar Dreams – Parts 2, 3, and 4

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Sarah Michelle GellarOkay, I’ve had three more dreams recently about Sarah Michelle Gellar. In the past, I’ve had reoccurring dreams and sex dreams, but never a reoccurring sex dream. This is very cool, and I hope it lasts.

Actually, only one of these three new dreams — the first — was really a sex dream per se, and was very similar to the one I had earlier, except that I remembered (!) to shut up and not ask questions. (I actually remembered the other dream *in* this one. Weird.)

The second dream I had was one in which I made spinach lasagna for Sarah, and she ate it at my apartment. (This is the second time I’ve dreamed about my apartment where it actually *looked* like my real apartment.) She loved it, and wrapped up the rest to take home with her. We didn’t do anything but kiss, but the whole thing seemed erotically charged. Especially the part where she liked the lasagna.

The third dream was related to something I was doing earlier in the day when I was awake. I had been trying to figure out the best way to rearrange the furniture in my apartment, and was frustrated because all the floor plans that I came up with wouldn’t work — I’m limited by the location of electrical outlets.

I finally gave up in frustration and went to bed, and dreamed that I came home from work to find that Sarah had rearranged my apartment. Perfectly. I was thrilled. Then we made out on the couch. But I woke, up, so I got up and rearranged my apartment in the exact way she did in the dream, at three in the morning.

Cool, she likes the way I cook, wants to make out with me, and does all my lateral thinking. Too bad she’s not real.

Continue ReadingSarah Michelle Gellar Dreams – Parts 2, 3, and 4

Fight The Power

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01 – Fight the Power – The Isley Brothers – It’s Your Thing (boxed set)
02 – Go – Indigo Girls – Come On Now Social
03 – Reclaim – Copper Wimmin – American Tyranny
04 – Power to the Meek – Eurythmics – Peace
05 – Pop Singer’s Fear of the Pollen Count – The Divine Comedy – A Secret History — The Best of…
06 – Steal My Sunshine – Len – You Can’t Stop the Bum Rush
07 – Gone Again – Indigo Girls – Come On Now Social
08 – Halo of Gold – Beck – Cold Brains [Import]
09 – Joy – Gay Dad – Leisure Noise
10 – Mistaken – Save Ferris – Modified
11 – Barrel of a Gun 4321 – Guster – Lost & Gone Forever
12 – Rafiki – Zap Mama – A Ma Zone
13 – Rappers, Rappers, Rappers – Aceyalone – Strength Magazine Presents Subtext
14 – Rockets on the Battlefield – Kool Keith – Black Elvis/Lost in Space
15 – Sucks to Be You – Prözzak – Hot Show
16 – Strangelove Addiction – Supreme Beings of Leisure – Supreme Beings of Leisure
17 – 17 Again – Eurythmics – Peace
18 – She’s So High – Tal Bachman – Tal Bachman
19 – Green – Copper Wimmin – American Tyranny

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Dream Fragments

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I keep a pad of paper near my bedside so that I can write down vivid dreams if I have them. Sometimes, though, if I haven’t quite shaken off the sandman, or if they aren’t particularly memorable, I won’t be able to fill in the details later – that’s what’s happened here. I can’t remember the actual dreams from any of these. But the notes are… well interesting. Honestly, I DON’T dream about my brother Todd that much, I just happen to have written some of them down.

Woman telling me that after you’ve been single for so many years, it’s basically over.

Singles Group pitch-ins

Trying to change clothes

Priestess – malevolent look

The Lemon Orchard

picking lemons and putting them in the back of a truck

Neal and Mitch with tatoos

Peg all dressed up invading the bathroom

Dre & Ten – the pond

Outside someone’s building – still waters – everyone’s swimming

Fire in the house – at first part of 2nd floor gone, come back, my “room” gone. Looters that I chase off

Dream One – Accidentally reformatted Steve’s Hard drive

Titanic – dream with lamb

House dream – Beer cam (yes, that’s “cam” not can)

Kite dream – flying kite with real people into radiation — 50 people’s skeletons, they start to fall off the kite – Todd was flying it

I was at some sort of archeological dig in swampland – tarpits?

Their were piers running out into the water.

They found people holding onto poles – as though the poles were holding them up out of the mud. It was some form of ancient torture.

Ellen (Degeneres) was there – and she was helping demonstrate how to walk thorugh the tarpits on the poles. It was all about how deeply you pushed your poles down in the mud.

At the end of the dream – I demonstrated that I could pole my way across the mud pit by using my poles lightly.

the roof dream

the rat dream

the electricity dream

Bathroom dream – my own room but two bathrooms – fighting with Todd.

Continue ReadingDream Fragments

Gay Indy Mailing List

On the bright side – I saw two movies this past weekend – Dogma and Run Lola Run. Both were good.

On the dark side – It surprises me sometimes what other people find to be important. I say this because I’m on the GayIndy mailing list, and it’s kind of a joke. The mailing list, I mean, not the fact that I’m on it.

The list has been shut down for a week or so because of controversy — and as soon as it started back up again, everyone’s posting information to it as though nothing has happened.

The controversy was about some of the gay groups in Indianapolis and how they don’t give information to the community about how they spend money or what their goals are or what they plan to accomplish or whether they’ve met any of their goals, etc. Which wouldn’t be a big deal except that they get on the news and talk to public officials claiming that they’re “community leaders” and that they represent people like me.

One of the people raising these questions was me, and one was Bruce Seybert, a publisher of one of the gay magazines in town. After the debate started heating up, someone started to get on the mailing list with an anonymous email address from yahoo and post libelous insults about Bruce.

That’s why they shut down the list; because of the unhealthy tone people were unsubscribing. But the questions raised have never been answered, and it looks as though they never will, because people are posting frivolous information to it.

I despair of Indianapolis sometimes. I think I’m going home to read some poetry.

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The Sarah Michelle Gellar Dream

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Sarah Michelle Gellar
Sarah Michelle Gellar
I had a dream where I was having sex with Sarah Michelle Gellar. Which is very weird, because she’s not really my type. I wouldn’t kick her out of bed, certainly, if she came up to me, and slid gracefully into my arms and squirmed around like she did in my dream. But she’s not the first celebrity I’d pick to have sex with, if I were allowed to go around picking them, which as far as I know, I’m not. I should probably check into that.

And in the dream, she was herself, not Buffy. Not that I know the difference, really, but I called her Sarah, and she said “hmm?” sort of absent-mindedly, because she was preoccupied with rubbing up against me, which was really nice, and I’m not sure why I was trying to distract her with all the talking.

I don’t remember much else except there was mostly a lot of kissing, and rubbing up against each other. And come to think of it, there wasn’t really any nakedness or actual sex, but I still think of it as a sex dream anyway, because it felt like it.

According to one website I read, when you have sex with someone in your dreams, it really means that the part of your personality that’s most like that person is experiencing growth, which is why you sometimes have sex in dreams with people that you aren’t necessarily attracted to. That’s a nice interpretation.

But I’ve noticed since the dream that I watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer like a fiend.

Update: Since this dream, I’ve had several more about Sarah Michelle Gellar.

Continue ReadingThe Sarah Michelle Gellar Dream

Fire In My Heart For You

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01 – Fire in My Heart – Super Furry Animals – Guerrilla
02 – Under the Sun – Big Kenny – Live A Little
03 – Teenage FBI – Guided By Voices – Do The Collapse
04 – Round the Bend – Beta Band – Beta Band
05 – Murder or a Heart Attack – Old 97s – Fight Songs
06 – Drunk is Better Than Dead – Push Stars – After The Party
07 – She Means Everything – Louis Phillipe – A Kiss In The Funhouse
08 – Strawberryfire – Apples in Stereo – Her Wallpaper Reverie
09 – For the Movies – Buckcherry – Buckcherry
10 – Shower Your Love – Kula Shaker – Peasants, Pigs And Astronauts
11 – This Kind of Love – Meg Hentges – Brompton’s Cocktail
12 – Asphalt Yards – Carl Hancock Rux – Rux Revue
13 – Detour – Bis – Social Dancing
14 – Tsunami – Prözzak – Hot Show
15 – Breakfast in Vegas – Praga Khan – Twentyfirstcenturyskin
16 – Gamen I Vulture – Garmarna – Vengeance
17 – Yesterday’s Over – Pietasters – Awesome Mix Tape #6
18 – Electricity – London Suede – Head Music
19 – Help Yourself – Portable – Secret Life
20 – The Skank Heads – Skunk Anansie – Post Orgasmic Chill

Continue ReadingFire In My Heart For You

The Official Roslyn’s Bakery Costume – Halloween 1999

Author Unknown

Note: For those of you who don’t know, Indianapolis’ Roslyn Bakeries (well-known local establishments for years) were closed because of the unsanitary conditions of their factory.

You have been chosen to wear the official Roslyn’s Bakery costume for Halloween 1999. As an Ex-employee your costume will consist of the following dress code – if you should take on this job, you will be paid minimum wage with all the pies and cookies you can eat free. Thank-you for your interest with Roslyn Bakery.

Sincerely, Jeff Clark

the official costume:

the following items need to be worn daily:

  • 1. (1) white waitress style dress or lab coat.
  • 2.(1) hair net or pill hat with logo.
  • 3. (1) box of roslyn pastries tied up in a white/pink box with attached strings.
  • 4. (1) name tag with employee name and ss# on company logo.
  • 5. (20) rubber toy cockroaches to be clipped on all over entire costume -may substitute rodents if needed.
  • 6. (1) box of rat poison if desired prop is needed.

Thank-you again for shopping at Roslyn’s Bakery!

If you’d like more information on becoming an ex-employee of Roslyn’s bakery…let’s talk. You supply the beverage – I’ll bring the yummy pie and droppings!

Equal opportunity employment-includes rodents and bugs.

Continue ReadingThe Official Roslyn’s Bakery Costume – Halloween 1999

On The Subject Of Feminism and The Film ‘American Beauty’

Last night I had an argument with a woman about Feminism and the movie ‘American Beauty.’ The woman – lets call her Ann – said that she had severe problems with the movie, and after giving a brief explanation of what those problems were (more on that later), and seeing that I wasn’t buying what she was selling, she shrugged the whole thing off, saying “Well, you know I’m a feminist.”

Now the more I think about that, I realize what I should have said to her. I am a Feminist. with a capital ‘F.’ In fact, I’m the best feminist I know. And yet, I disagreed with Ann strongly about this movie. And she was trying to tell me that I didn’t get her explanation because I wasn’t a feminist.
The fact is, I did ‘get’ her explanation, I just didn’t agree with it, and not because I’m not a feminist but because what she was trying to tell me wasn’t a legitimate view point.

Here’s what she was saying: she had a problem with the fact that they showed the breasts of two teenaged girls (or at least women who were protraying teenaged girls) in the movie. She didn’t see any reason why they should do that, didn’t think that it advanced the plot, and decided that it was gratuitous and therefore made the whole movie invalid.

I totally disagreed with her, but I didn’t really push my opinion, mostly because we were in someone else’s living room in a social situation, and I didn’t want to cause any more discomfort in the room than was already present. When I waved off the conversation, Ann said “well, that’s right, because you’re not going to change my mind.”

That also pissed me off – I wasn’t crying off because I realized I couldn’t change her mind – I could change her mind under the right circumstances. I just wasn’t willing to be rude to my hosts my taking over their living room while doing it. (Not that any such nicety stopped her.)

So now were in my living room, so to speak, and I’m going to hold forth on the subject. They showed the breasts of these two teenaged girls for a reason – to make a point about the image each of them had about their own bodies.

Jane Burnham, the dark-haired daughter of the movie’s protagonist, doesn’t think she’s attractive. She’s saving all her money to have breast enlargement done – something she refers to several times during the movie.

And Jane is envious of the attention her friend Angela receives. Jane’s friend Angela Hayes, a blond bombshell that catches the eye of Jane’s dad, knows darned well she’s attractive. Not only does she say so often, so does everyone else. She seems to have no problems with her body.

When you see Jane’s breasts – she’s showing them to her voyeur/boyfriend who’s filming her from his bedroom window – the first thought that crosses your mind is that there’s no way she needs to have a breast enlargement (not that anyone really does, but still). Jane had fairly large, very beautiful breasts.

Toward the end of the movie, when Angela is attempting to seduce Jane’s father, we see Angela’s breasts – and the contrast is startling; her breasts are much smaller than Jane’s; the exact opposite of the original impression I had of the two characters at the beginning of the movie, and obviously the opposite of what the characters think about themselves.

So why do these two teenagers have totally different feelings about their bodies? Jane has a distorted self-image. Part of that is based on the amount of attention she receives in contrast to her friend – she thinks that the attention is because of her friend’s physical appearance, when in reality it’s Angela’s demeanor and attitude that attract attention.

In fact the film is taking a pro-female point of view about women’s body images and the messages we give to young women about their appearance. Young women who have very normal, healthy bodies, like Jane, feel they need to alter their appearance to get attention and feel a sense of value in this world, when in reality it’s their sense of confidence in their identity and abilities that cultivate attention from other people.

I think that’s a very legitimate point to make in a movie.

Continue ReadingOn The Subject Of Feminism and The Film ‘American Beauty’

Top Ten Ways The White House Would Change If Bush Were Elected President

Al Gore Campaign

On Thursday, George W. Bush made an appearance on the David Letterman show and read his list of the top 10 ways the White House would change if he were elected president. In the interest of balanced reporting, the Gore campaign offered its own list of "changes" voters can expect if Governor Bush is elected.

10) The administration that "looks like America" is replaced by the administration that "looks like 1990."

9) Bridge to the 21st Century dismantled to make room for oil derricks

8) Replace Council of Economic Advisers with Cadre of Fuzzy Mathematicians

7) Rose Garden to be kept beautiful by the chemical industry

6) Secret diplomatic packages disguised as GAP pants

5) State Dinners become State Lunches so as not to interfere with bedtime

4) Replace West Wing with right wing

3) Outlaw "Washington" terms like "insurance," "health care," "solvency," "economic growth," "clean water," and "campaign finance reform."

2) Install cubicle in the Oval Office so Charlton Heston can have "some personal space."

1) There is no number one. Under Governor Bush’s tax plan, only the wealthiest 1 percent can afford a full Top 10 list.

Continue ReadingTop Ten Ways The White House Would Change If Bush Were Elected President