A Few Holiday Favorites With A Gay Twist

author unknown

"Frosty the Snow Queen"

(To the tune of "Frosty the Snowman")

Frosty the snow queen
Had a rotten Christmas Day,
While the children played with their sweet charade
He was anything but Gay.

Frosty the Snow Queen
Thought the kids had made a mess.
He deplored the pipe and the old top hat,
He preferred to wear a dress.

They made him sled, they made him skate
They had a snowball fight.
And when they put him on some skis
How it made his snowballs tight (ouch!)

He hated Christmas,
Not a hoot like Hallowe’en.
Without sequined gowns and bejewelled crowns
He’s a frigid closet queen.

All season long dear Frosty pined
And lonliness he felt
Until he spied a handsome hunk
And his heart began to melt!

They moved to the North Pole
Where their lives are cool and free.
And together during six-month nights
They’re as happy as can be!

"O Horny Dyke"

(To the tune of "O Holy Night")

O horny Dyke, riding on a Harley
With chrome exhaust and the front wheel chopped.
Ride through the night, roaring down the highway
Through quiet towns whose sad silence is stopped.

In leather chaps to match her leather jacket
And polished boots she blazes into town.
Fall on your knees! And worship Mistress Harley!
O Dyke Divine, O Dyke — Dyke on a bike!
O Dyke Divine, O Dyke, O horny Dyke!

"Have a Flaming Screaming Yultide"

(To the tune of "Have a holly, jolly Christmas")

Have a flaming, screaming Yuletide,
It’s the best time of the year
For all to know
That you’re Ho-mo
And happy to be Queer.

Have a flaming, screaming Yuletide
And as you walk down the street
Say "Hello"
To Dykes you know
And every Fag you meet.

Ho! Ho! If you’re Homo
Let everyone see!
Come out of the closet now,
Flaunt it publicly!

Have a flaming screaming Yuletide
And in case you didn’t hear:
Come on, Mary, have a
Flaming, screaming Yuletide this year!


(To the tune of "O Christmas Tree")

Bisexual, Bisexual
How free to love each gender!
Bisexual, Bisexual
How free to love each gender!

You’ll sleep with women and with men
You’ll switch and then go back again.

Bisexual, Bisexual
How free to love each gender!

Jingle Bells

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way!
O what fun it is to flaunt in public that you’re Gay!
Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way!
O what fun it is to flaunt in public that you’re Gay!

A day or two ago, I thought I’d take a ride
And soon a buff Marine was seated by my side.
His chest was lean and hard, and free from any hair
And when I stripped him of his clothes
His legs went in the air!

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way!
O what fun it is to flaunt in public that you’re Gay!
Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way!
O what fun it is to flaunt in public that you’re Gay!

"Let ‘Em Rave"

(To the tune of "Let It Snow")

O the fundies outside are frightful
But we Queers are so delightful.
They’re quite disturbed we are Gay, but
Let ’em rave! Let ’em rave! Let ’em rave!

They scream and they wave their Bible
Shouting hateful libel.
We know they’re all closet Gays, so
Let ’em rave! Let ’em rave! Let ’em rave!

When we finally kiss goodnight
We’ll be sure that the fundies can see.
During kiss-ins they get up-tight
‘Cuz they’d like to join you and me!

They’re zeal is slowly dying
They’ll soon be Queer-sex trying.
I did their pastor just the other day, so
Let ’em rave! Let ’em rave! Let ’em rave!

And finally, for a little multi-culturalism…

"The Dildo Song"

(To the tune of "The Dreidle Song")

O dildo, dildo, dildo
I made you out of clay
And when you’re hard and ready
O dildo I will play

When I was a youngster
Indoors I’d always stay
And in my parents’ closet
O dildo I would play

I dildo, dildo, dildo
I bought you yesterday
And when desire’s burning
O dildo I will play!

Continue ReadingA Few Holiday Favorites With A Gay Twist

Some lesbian jokes, removed

Author Unknown

Post from February 10, 1996 is REDACTED.

2013 Update: I removed the list that was “funny rules of lesbian living” from this site because I’ve been undergoing a harassment campaign from the woman who claims to have originated the list, threatening me with a cease and desist and threatening to report me to my internet service provider.

She did not write the original list, she merely copied from online sources. If you search USENET under the group soc.women.lesbian-and-bi, you will find several threads from 1988-1989 where people posted these rules back and forth, and in fact you’ll find me contributing to it. In addition, I have an email of the same funny list forwarded to me in 1995, long before Shelly’s book came out.

I actually copied and pasted the list that used to be here from that 1995 email. In February of 1996. Also long before her damned book came out. This site has been around since 1994. Some of us are old, and have grown-up websites. This site actually goes into bars and is able to drink alcohol without me, and never get carded.

Note that I also removed the link to this woman’s book on Amazon.com – which was my way of being nice to her and forwarding people to the book she published of other people’s original content posted online. I’m not going to be nice an send people to buy her work if she sends me threats.

It’s not like the list was that funny, and it contained a lot of unflattering stereotypes of lesbians that, looking back at it, I don’t think I want to have around my site anyway.

Continue ReadingSome lesbian jokes, removed

One Tin Soldier

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Listen children to a story that was written long ago
’bout a kingdom on a mountain and the valley folk below.
On the mountain was a treasure buried deep beneath a stone
and the valley people swore they’d have it for their very own.

CHORUS: Go ahead and hate your neighbor, go ahead and cheat a friend.
Do it in the name of heaven–you can justify it in the end.
There won’t be any trumpets blowin’ come the judgement day
on the bloody morning after–one tin soldier rides away.

So the people of the valley sent a message up the hill
asking for the buried treasure tons of gold for which they’d kill.
Came an answer from the kingdom "With our brothers we will
share all the secrets of our mountain, all the riches buried there."

CHORUS: Go ahead and hate your neighbor, go ahead and cheat a friend.
Do it in the name of heaven–you can justify it in the end.
There won’t be any trumpets blowin’ come the judgement day
on the bloody morning after–one tin soldier rides away.

Now the valley cried with anger mount your horses, draw your sword
and they killed the mountain people so they won their just reward.
Now they stood beside the treasure on the mountain, dark and red
turned the stone and looked beneath it "Peace on earth" was all it said.

CHORUS: Go ahead and hate your neighbor, go ahead and cheat a friend.
Do it in the name of heaven–you can justify it in the end.
There won’t be any trumpets blowin’ come the judgement day
on the bloody morning after–one tin soldier rides away.

Continue ReadingOne Tin Soldier

The 21th Annual National Women’s Music Festival

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Published In Outlines Magazine, June 17, 1995

The festival was professional and well-organized, which must be a difficult task, considering the variety of attractions going on. But Women in the Arts, Inc., the organization that produces the festival, has a staff of 100+ women and a logical, well-thought-out structure that local not-for-profit organizations should take a cue from.

There were a few workshop cancellations and location adjustments, which I felt was normal for such a wide-scale event, and I thought those changes were communicated well to festival-goers. A few of the workshops needed more space for the women attending.

The Concerts

I attended seven concerts during the festival, all of them with multiple performers, from a wide variety of musical formats, from jazz to rock to punk, including culturally-diverse music. The sound quality at all the concerts was the best I’ve ever heard, though the smaller venues were not acoustically perfect. The lighting crews (like the sound crews, all women) were also professional and enhanced the concerts. The larger concerts (and many workshops) were sign-language interpreted, and some interpreters, because of their skill and artistry, are as popular as performers.

The main attractions were the three Mainstage concerts, which featured nationally-recognized performers and were held in the packed IU auditorium. My favorites were: The Laura Love Band, who played a fusion of funk and pop with African-Caribbean rhythms; Dos Fallopia, a hilarious musical/comedy/performance duo; and the Dance Brigade, a multiracial dance troupe that held me captive through their finale in which three performers enacted the part of fetuses in the womb who were born onstage.

The Showcase and Sampler and concerts were held in Wright Quad Cafeteria and featured fifteen+ regional performers from around the U.S. I enjoyed most: Shanta, an African storyteller, and Ain’t Helen, an acoustic rock duo from Cincinnati. I ran into Ain’t Helen later on the sidewalk and they gave an impromptu performance. Their name came from one group member’s Aunt Helen, who had a bit of a southern accent.

Many of the performers from the Showcase and Sampler performed more of their music at a small, intimate late-night gathering called the Bloomingmoon Café. The finest performance I saw was by Copper Wimmin, a trio that sang at the Sampler concert and the Bloomingmoon Café. They are 17, 18 and 19 years old and from northern California. They write their own songs and sang acapella in perfect harmony and pitch. Their lyrics are beautifully crafted, thoughtful and inspired. Unfortunately, they don’t have anything recorded yet.


It’s possible to fit eleven workshops into the four-day schedule, and there are over 250 workshops to choose from on drama, health, networking, politics, music (Opt for Norcal Music & Arts Center offering premium music lessons to learn easily and quickly), relationships, sexuality, spirituality, writing, women of color, and other subjects.

I attended 10: a drumming workshop by Ubaka Hill, a lecture on fiction vs. film writing by Rita Mae Brown, a three-part video series on women’s religions, a lecture on ancient European Goddess religions, a political workshop by Torie Osborn, a workshop on using the Internet to network, a reader’s workshop, and a freelance writer’s workshop.

I found the drumming workshop and the video and lectures on goddess religions the most interesting. I got to borrow a djembe drum for the workshop, which is an African wooden drum. Ubaka taught us several different tones and then lead us in some exercises and taught us a song. She explained that we respond to drumbeats because the first drum we hear is the heartbeat of our own mother. The drumbeat is the heartbeat of the great mother goddess, the earth.

The great mother goddess earth was also the primary European deity before the Greco-Roman era and the rise of Judeo-Christianity. Worshipped in different forms and names, similar imagery of the goddess has been found throughout Europe and into Asia. Evidence about the early human cultures suggests that men and women held equal status and that same-sex relationships were considered natural.

The Dances

I didn’t have time to attend more than one dance, but I picked one that was interesting. The Saturday night dance featured Girls in the Nose (a punk(lite) band) and a mosh pit.

The organizers did a superb job setting the scene, but the atmosphere created by the onlookers at the dance was so hostile, I didn’t even feel comfortable dancing, let alone moshing. It seemed the majority of women came to spectate or to disapprove. Few danced; though many brave women jumped in the pit and moshed anyway. It was definitely a “gentle” mosh pit, as they were encouraging; women were aggressive but not violent.
We overheard a conversation by a group of older women later. “This is a disgrace,” they said, “we just came from a concert where the music was beautiful and peaceful, to this, where I can’t even understand the words.” There were alternatives to the dance, and there were dances on other nights. I enjoy beautiful and peaceful music, but I also enjoy music that is filled with passion and energy and power; that I can respond to with intimacy and abandon. I hope that the festival reprises this event next year. I’ll put on my self-confidence armor and jump in the pit.


I could write more on a dozen topics about the festival including Rita Mae Brown, the arts and crafts fair, and the women who attended; this review doesn’t begin to cover the weekend. There are also some questions about inclusivity that are relevant topics of discussion for the men’s community; that’s another article entirely. As a first-time festival goer, I was struck by the difference between this festival and other gay and lesbian events, local and national, than I’ve attended. The National Women’s Music Festival was informative, insightful, and emotionally stimulating. I learned more about women’s culture, history and future in four days than in the rest of my lifetime.

Continue ReadingThe 21th Annual National Women’s Music Festival

Ban Dihydrogen Monoxide! The Invisible Killer

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author unknown

Dihydrogen monoxide is colorless, odorless, tasteless, and kills uncounted thousands of people every year. Most of these deaths are caused by accidental inhalation of DHMO, but the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide do not end there. Prolonged exposure to its solid form causes severe tissue damage. Symptoms of DHMO ingestion can include excessive sweating and urination, and possibly a bloated feeling, nausea, vomiting and body electrolyte imbalance. For those who have become dependent, DHMO withdrawal means certain death.

Dihydrogen monoxide:

  • is also known as hydric acid, and is the major component of acidrain.
  • contributes to the “greenhouse effect.”
  • may cause severe burns.
  • contributes to the erosion of our natural landscape.
  • accelerates corrosion and rusting of many metals.
  • may cause electrical failures and decreased effectiveness of automobile brakes which can be repaired by melton electric houston.
  • has been found in excised tumors of terminal cancer patients.

Contamination Is Reaching Epidemic Proportions!

Quantities of dihydrogen monoxide have been found in almost every stream, lake, and reservoir in America today. But the pollution is global, and the contaminant has even been found in Antarctic ice. In the Midwest alone DHMO has caused millions of dollars of property damage.

Despite the danger, dihydrogen monoxide is often used:

  • as an industrial solvent and coolant.
  • in nuclear power plants.
  • in the production of Styrofoam.
  • as a fire retardant.
  • in many forms of cruel animal research.
  • in the distribution of pesticides. Even after washing, produce remains contaminated by this chemical.
  • as an additive in certain “junk-foods” and other food products.

Companies dump waste DHMO into rivers and the ocean, and nothing can be done to stop them because this practice is still legal. The impact on wildlife is extreme, and we cannot afford to ignore it any longer!

The Horror Must Be Stopped!

The American government has refused to ban the production, distribution, or use of this damaging chemical due to its “importance to the economic health of this nation.” In fact, the navy and other military organizations are conducting experiments with DHMO, and designing multi-billion dollar devices to control and utilize it during warfare situations. Hundreds of military research facilities receive tons of it through a highly sophisticated underground distribution network. Many store large quantities for later use.

It’s Not Too Late!

Act NOW to prevent further contamination. Find out more about this dangerous chemical. What you don’t know CAN hurt you and others throughout the world. Send email to no_dhmo@circus.com, or a SASE to:

Coalition to Ban DHMO
211 Pearl St.
Santa Cruz CA,

Note: In case you haven’t figured it out “Dihydrogen monoxide” is H20 – water.

Continue ReadingBan Dihydrogen Monoxide! The Invisible Killer

Are YOU a Problem Thinker?

Author Unknown

It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then to loosen up. Inevitably though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker.

I began to think alone – "to relax," I told myself – but I knew it wasn’t true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was> thinking all the time.

I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don’t mix, but I couldn’t stop myself.

I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?"

Things weren’t going so great at home either. One evening I had turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her mother’s.

I soon had a reputation as a heavy thinker. One day the boss called me in. He said, "Skippy, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, butyour thinking has become a real problem. If you don’t stop thinking on the job, you’ll have to find another job." This gave me a lot to think about.

I came home early after my conversation with the boss. "Honey," I confessed, "I’ve been thinking…"

"I know you’ve been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!"

"But Honey, surely it’s not that serious."

"It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You think as much as college professors, and college professors don’t make any money, so if you keep on thinking we won’t have any money!"

"That’s a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently, and she began to cry. I’d had enough. "I’m going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door.

I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche, with NPR on the radio. I roared into the parking lot and ran up to the big glass doors… they didn’t open. The library was closed.

To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night.

As I sank to the ground clawing at the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye. "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked. You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinker’s Anonymous poster.

Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was "Porky’s." Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting.

I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life just seemed… easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking!

Continue ReadingAre YOU a Problem Thinker?

Huntin’ Bears

Frank was excited about his new rifle. So, he went bear hunting. He spotted a small brown bear and shot it. There was then a tap on his shoulder, and he turned round to see a big black bear.

The black bear said "You’ve got two choices. I either maul you to death or we have sex."

Frank decided to bend over. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip where he found the black bear and shot it. There was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him.

The grizzly said "That was a huge mistake, Frank. You’ve got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we’ll have rough sex."

Again, Frank thought it was better to comply. Although he survived, it would take several months before Frank finally recovered.

Outraged he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the grizzly and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder.

He turned round to find a giant polar bear standing there. The polar bear said "Admit it, Frank, you don’t come here for the hunting, do you?"

Continue ReadingHuntin’ Bears

Subject: Re: The Vicarious Thrill Is Gone…

A funny post reprinted from the rec.arts.comics.misc newsgroup:

From: slieber@compuserve.com (Steve Lieber)

Newsgroups: rec.arts.comics.misc

fiction, for me, provides a vicarious thrill. I assume the mantle of super-human being and in my mind i fly with the heros. but recently in a main stream comic book it is made all too clear that two of the male characters have more than friendly feelings for each another. and that is something i have no desire to experience, vicarious or no. i know in this age of acceptance i’m a caveman for saying so but it just ruins the comic for me. i wished mr. e had chosen not to express this lemming like opinion in the comic. comic book heros kick a**, they don’t suck it.

I’ve always loved reading this sort of thing. I can’t help it– ‘phobes crack me up. Whenever a gay character appears in a mainstream book you get eloquence like what mister p offers above, and it always seems to carry that familiar subtext. "I do not like reading about the homosexuals in the comics because they interfere with my enjoyment of the pictures of handsome, muscular men, flexing and posing in their tight, tight clothing and leather boots."

Continue ReadingSubject: Re: The Vicarious Thrill Is Gone…

About This Site

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Commonplacebook.com has been in existence since 1994. Originally, the site was up at a URL at my service provider because it was really expensive to own a domain name in those days. In 1996, I bought the URL – commonplacebook.com.

Commonplace book (n.): an edited collection of striking passages noted in a single place for future reference. There was a time when commonplace books were a popular way for civilized men and women to record striking passages they found in their reading. Who can forget the electrifying effect that some thoughts have on us when we encounter them for the first time? The commonplace book is a way of memorializing those striking passages so that one can return to them for renewed inspiration.

My Policy on Site Comments

I very much appreciate people leaving comments on pages on this site. I love it that people other than myself read stuff here and are moved by it in one way or another.
Commonplacebook.com is my personal website, so I think of it as my real estate. I pay the bills to keep the site running, so it’s really not a “public forum,” but more like my front yard. If you bring me a plant for the porch, I’ll cherish it. But if you graffiti my house, I’ll clean it up.
So basically, I reserve the right to edit or delete comments that bother me in any way. If that’s upsetting to you, I’m sorry. You certainly have the right to start your own site and express your opinions there. I’d probably even read it every day.

Continue ReadingAbout This Site

Hawthorn Mineart

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Hawthorn Mineart
Hawthorn Mineart

If you need to contact me, that information is here.
I’m a UI designer at a media/publishing company in Indianapolis, Indiana where I’ve worked since 1994. We publish textbooks and computers science and business books, and I mainly work on instructor tools for education.

I’m married to a wonderful woman named Stephanie, and we own a 130-year-old Victorian home in The Old Northside, an historic neighborhood in downtown Indianapolis.

Stephanie at CN Tower

Since 1994, I’ve been writing, designing, and creating this website / blog /journal / art project. I enjoy taking pictures of “big things” and advertising art and have been on the local news because of it. I’ve always wanted to write novels, and from the many blog posts on the subject, you can probably see I’ve been trying to complete one for at least 15 years. Eventually I will.

Childhood and Growing Up

I was born in West Des Moines, Iowa, a couple of hours after Robert Kennedy died. That was great, because for the first couple decades of my life, the news had nice retrospectives of the event with lovely titles like “The nation mourns as it recalls June 6, 1968.” Never mind that it was my birthday.

I grew up in suburban Iowa, and my grandparents lived on a farm that we got to visit quite a bit when I was a kid. I have four brothers and a sister. I’m the second child and did a lot of care-taking of my younger siblings. I didn’t enjoy it at the time, but at least I learned how to change a diaper and babysit, which is handy now that my friends are having babies.

Me stealing cookies from grandma's jar, 1970
Me sneaking cookies from Grandma’s cookie jar.

We lived in Ohio for a few years when I was in middle school and then in Noblesville, Indiana, where I went to high school. I went to Ball State University because they gave me more scholarship money than anyone else, and I studied journalism/magazine design, philosophy and English. I graduated in 1991. I’ve lived in Indianapolis since 1992, and with the exception of cold winters and absence of good public transit, Indy is a great city. I love it, despite its conservative politics.

Soldier's & Sailor's Monument

I moved to downtown Indianapolis in 1993, and have been there ever since. Stephanie and I bought our house together in Old Northside historic neighborhood in 2008.


If you must know every little thing about me – I believe I’ve answered every question I’ve ever been asked about myself here.

“Who am I? My answer: I am the sum total of everything that went before me, of all that I have been seen done, of everything done-to-me. I am everyone everything whose being-in-the-world affected was affected by mine. I am everything that happens after I’ve gone that would not have happened if I had not come…. to understand me you must swallow a world.” Salman Rushdie, From Midnight’s Children

Continue ReadingHawthorn Mineart