Revised State Mottoes

Author Unknown

Alabama: At Least We’re not Mississippi

Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can’t be Wrong!

Arizona: Dehyd-rific! – or – But It’s a Dry Heat

Arkansas: Litterasy Ain’t Everthang

California: As Seen on TV

Colorado: If You Don’t Ski, Don’t Bother

Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only Dirtier and With Less Character

Delaware: We Really Do Like the Chemicals in our Water

Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids

Georgia: We Put the "Fun" in Fundamentalist Extremism

Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha’ami Leeki Toru (Death to Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)

Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes… Well Okay, We’re Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good

Illinois: Please Don’t Pronounce the "S"

Indiana: 2 Billion Years, Tidal Wave Free

Iowa: Land of James T. Kirk – or – We Do Amazing Things With Corn

Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States

Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names

Louisiana: We’re Not All Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That’s Our Tourism Campaign

Maine: We’re Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster

Maryland: A Thinking Man’s Delaware

Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden’s (For Most Tax Brackets)

Michigan: First Line of Defense From the Canadians

Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes and 10,000,000 Mosquitoes -or-
Our Govenor Can Beat Up Your Govenor

Mississippi: Come Feel Better About Your Own State

Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars at Work

Montana: Land of the Big Sky, the Unabomer, Right-Wing Crazies, and Very Little Else

Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest

Nevada: Whores and Poker!

New Hampshire: Go Away and Leave Us Alone

New Jersey: You Want a ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here!

New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent Pets

New York: You Have the Right to Remain Silent, You Have the Right to an Attorney

North Carolina: Tobacco is a Vegetable

North Dakota: Um… We’ve got… Um… Dinosaur Bones? Yeah, Dinosaur Bones!

Ohio: Don’t Judge Us by Cleveland – or – We Wish We Were In Michigan

Oklahoma: Like the Play, Only No Singing

Oregon: Spotted Owl, It’s What’s For Dinner

Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal

Rhode Island: We’re Not REALLY An Island

South Carolina: Remember the Civil War? We Didn’t Actually Surrender

South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota

Tennessee: The Educashun State

Texas: Se Hablo Ingles

Utah: Osmondland -or- Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus

Vermont: Yep

Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs and Slackjaw Yokels Don’t Mix?

Washington: Help! We’re Overrun By Nerds and Slackers!

Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor?

West Virginia: One Big Happy Family — Really!

Wisconsin: Come Cut Our Cheese

Wyoming: Where the Men are Men, and the sheep are scared

Posted in Funny Lists, Jokes Tagged with: , ,

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