How Shit Happens
In the beginning, there was the plan.
And then came the assumptions.
And the assumptions were without form.
And the plan was completely without substance.
The employees told their supervisors: "It’s a crock of shit and it stinks!"
The supervisors then told the department heads: "It’s a pail of dung, and none may abide by the odor."
The department heads then told the managers: "It’s a container of excrement, and it is very strong such that none may smell it."
The managers then told the director: "It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide by its strength."
The director then told the VP: "It contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very strong."
The VP told the Executive-VP: "It promotes growth, and it is very powerful."
The Executive-VP told the President: "It is very strong and will promote growth and efficiency of the system."
And the President reviewed the plan, and said: "This is good."
And the plan became policy.
And this is how shit happens.
On the Subject of Swearing
Salon.com question: A Michigan man faces a possible jail term of up to 90 days and a $100 fine for swearing in front of children, after he was dumped from his canoe. His attorney has argued the charges are ludicrous, since profanity is so pervasive in our culture. While most of us might agree that loud swearing in public is rude, isn’t legal action over the top? Where do you place the line between freedom of speech and propriety? Does your role as a parent/non-parent affect your decision?
This censorship of some words but not others is a ridiculous throw-back to some bygone era where bodily functions weren’t okay to talk about at all. Well they are now, and we are all a lot better off for it. It’s time society changed these silly rules.
I went to see the movie South Park: Bigger, Longer, Uncut this weekend – even I was completely astonished at the volume of swear words in the movie, and the creative uses to which they were put. I was astonished, but not offended. In fact, I thought it was hysterical, and they certainly made their point in the movie’s plot – the town freaks out when the little kids all start using swear words they heard at a movie, but they don’t hesitate to show their children extreme violence.
I’m sick and tired of being the unwilling babysitter of all of the nation’s children. First the country censors record albums and television programs because parents are too lazy to look after their children and keep track of what they’re doing. Now they want to censor my own speech as well.
No. If I had a child, and he/she happened to overhear someone swearing, I would calmly explain to him/her why those are words that get people excited/upset, therefore we shouldn’t repeat them except in the privacy of our home, where it’s fun. Of course, this probably won’t ever happen, because my kids will know all the swear words anyway. And not by accident, either. I’ll teach them to my kids on purpose. As their first words. Imagine my mother’s surprise when she picks up her adorable little granddaughter, and the child says, not “grandma!” but “Shit!”
To some extent I am joking here, but I think I will be teaching my kids the swear words – and what the consequences are for saying them in front of people who aren’t as enlightened as I am.
As far as this man in Michigan is concerned, my understanding was that there were some serious differences of opinion amongst the witnesses in this case as to how long and loud this man swore when dumped out of his canoe; the people with him said one thing whereas the family downstream said something else. And the cop even further downstream seemed to think he was swearing louder and longer than anyone.
I’d consider this to be discourse. He was conveying to his friends his dismay, anger, fear at being unceremoniously dumped out of a canoe. There was a message sent and received. Discourse.
And just for the record:
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck shit fuck fuck fuck fuck shit fuck fuck fuck fuck shit fuck fuck fuck fuck shit fuck fuck fuck fuck shit fuck fuck fuck fuck shit fuck fuck fuck fuck shit fuck fuck fuck fuck shit fuck fuck fuck fuck shit fuck fuck fuck fuck shit fuck fuck fuck fuck shit fuck fuck fuck fuck shit fuck fuck fuck fuck shit fuck fuck fuck fuck shit fuck fuck fuck fuck shit fuck fuck fuck fuck shit fuck fuck fuck fuck shit fuck fuck fuck fuck shit fuck fuck fuck fuck shit fuck fuck fuck fuck shit fuck fuck fuck fuck shit fuck fuck fuck fuck shit fuck fuck fuck fuck shit fuck fuck fuck fuck shit.
There. I feel much better.