This make me feel so warm and fuzzy inside.
"A collection of attributes the Finnish architect Eero Saarinen found most attractive in his wife. First on his list is the fact she was very clever." – excellent. I knew I liked that guy.
Here's what your property tax protests and idiot Mayor and Governor have wrought. Fucking happy now? Idiots.
The American Family Association is urging a boycott of Desperate Housewives. Of course my response to TV censorship is always “unplug the TV” — but this time the nutjobs are addressing my retort:
Some people have said to pro-family viewers who dislike indecent network TV programming simply to turn it off, Wildmon notes. In response, he asks, “Why should we have to do that? Why do our children need to be exposed to such trash? Why do the networks keep putting out trash?
Because some of us are paying good money for that trash, mister, and we want it on our damn TVs. You can take my favorite TV shows when you pry them from my cold, dead hands. Which will never happen, because if it comes down to me or you biting it, it’s gonna be you.
Some (idiot moron) parents in Lawrence Township schools are objecting to the book “The Kiterunner” being assigned in class, because they claim there is a scene that is “pornographic” in it.
The Kiterunner is a story of children living in contemporary Afghanistan, and is a wonderful, amazing book. It is, unfortunately, fairly true to life, and there is violence and brutality in it, including a scene where a young boy is brutally raped by other young men who are bullying him, and children who later become the victims of child exploitation. But that is a fairly real picture of what can happen in countries that are torn apart by strife, as Afghanistan is. And to be blunt, the story of children bullying and raping each other can and does happen here in Indiana, too. If you don’t think it does, you’re a naive fool.
The idea that the scenes are “pornographic” — I want to go to those parents (Julie and Tom Shake are their names) and say “I do not think that word means what you think it means.”
What really sucks about all this is that because some retarded parents complained about it to the school board, the township is considering having a panel of people review all teaching materials that will be presented to students. So a censorship board is being planned for Lawrence.
Too bad the response from the school couldn’t be giving the parents a ticket for stupidity and requiring them to come back to school and get a better education so they understand what the hell “pornography” is. Stupid is as stupid does, I guess.
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry midterm: "Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a proof." Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation’s driving school (read Saturday Traffic School for moving violation offenders.)
Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
A: What for? He can’t see my license plate.
Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don’t kill people. I do."
Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? Well, here’s a prime example of the differences between Men and Women offered by an English professor at Southern Methodist University:
SMU, Creative Writing
In-class Assignment for Wednesday:
"Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."
The beguiling ideas about science quoted here were gleaned from essays, exams, and class room discussions. Most were from 5th and 6th graders. They illustrate Mark Twain’s contention that the ‘most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop.’
Question: What is one horsepower?
Answer: One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second.
You can listen to thunder after lightening and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don’t hear it you got hit, so never mind.
He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. (Joseph Romm, Washington)
She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again. (Rich Murphy, Fairfax Station)
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t. (Russell Beland, Springfield)
. When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire.
. H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.
. To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.
. When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
. Nitrogen is not found in Connecticut because it is not found in a free state.