Really, How Hard Is Pimping?

I think need to watch the movie Hustle and Flow, because there must be something about this pimping business that I’m missing. ‘Cause now that it won an Oscar, I keep hearing the song “It’s Hard Out Here for a Pimp” and I’m wondering what’s so difficult about it.

See, because my understanding of the pimping profession is this: you get some women. You send them out to have sex. They do all the work. When they come back, you smack them around until they give you all the money. Lather, rinse, repeat. Occasionally, if they don’t give you the money, you get your ho hooked on crack, so they have to keep coming back to you, until eventually they die. Lather, rinse, repeat. Then you put some rims on your car, and get a fuzzy hat. That’s pretty much what I took away from that documentary they did a few years back called “American Pimp.”

Occupational Hazard Chart
Occupational Hazard Chart

What’s hard about that? Maybe it’s tiring being a souless, evil, morally bankrupt waste of space who should have been aborted before birth — but really that just puts you in the same class at George Bush and Pat Robertson, and they seem to get up in the morning just fine.

I can see if someone wrote a song about “It’s Hard Out Here for the Hos.” ‘Cause that is hard. You go out and have sex with skanky, ugly men, get money, go home, get smacked around, get your money taken, find out you have a STD, have sex with more men, get knocked up, have your kids taken away because you’re out having sex with men, get addicted to crack, and eventually die of AIDS. That’s hard. Why not write a rap song about that?

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