funny

What Your Resume Really Means

Author Unknown

I Take Pride In My Work:
I blame others for my mistakes.

I’m Adaptable:
I’ve changed jobs a lot.

I’m Extremely Adept At All Manner Of Office Organization:
I can make my own coffee.

I’m Extremely Professional:
I carry a Day-Timer.

I’m Highly Motivated To Succeed:
The minute I find a better job, I’m outta there.

I’m Honest, Hard-Working And Dependable:
I only pilfer office supplies.

I’m Personable:
I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.

I’m On The Go:
I’m never at my desk.

My Pertinent Work Experience Includes:
I hope you don’t ask me about all the McJobs I’ve had.

Continue ReadingWhat Your Resume Really Means

Real Cowboy

  • Post author:
  • Post category:Gay Jokes

Author Unknown

An old cowboy dressed to kill with cowboy shirt, hat, jeans, spurs and chaps went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat there sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him.

After she ordered her drink she turned to the cowboy and asked him, "Are you a real cowboy?"

"Well, I have spent my whole life on the ranch herding cows, breaking horses, mending fences… I guess I am," replied the cowboy.

After a short while he asked her what she was.

"I’ve never been on a ranch so I’m not a cowboy, but I am a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning I think of women, when I eat, shower, watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women," the young woman said.

A short while later she left and the cowboy ordered another drink.

A couple sat down next to him and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

"I always thought I was, but I just found out that I’m a lesbian."

Continue ReadingReal Cowboy

Gay Sons

  • Post author:
  • Post category:Gay Jokes

author unknown

Four men went golfing together one day; three headed to the first tee and one went into the club house to take care of the bill. The three men started talking, bragging about their sons. The first man told the others, "My son is a home builder and he”s so successful that he gave a friend a new home – for free."

The second man said, "My son was a car salesman and now he owns a multi-line dealership. He”s so successful that he gave a friend two Cadillacs."

The third man, not wanting to be outdone bragged, "My son is a stock broker and he”s doing so well that he gave his friend an entire stock portfolio."

The fourth man joined them on the tee after a few minutes of taking care of business. The first man mentioned, "We were just talking about our sons. How is yours doing?" The fourth man replied, "Well, my son is gay. I”m not totally thrilled about it, but he must be good. His last three boyfriends gave him a house, two cars, and a stock portfolio."

Continue ReadingGay Sons

The Intelligence of Dogs

  • Post author:
  • Post category:Journal

According to Intelligence Ranking by breed:

Adaptive Intelligence (learning and problem-solving ability): this is specific to the individual animal and is measured by canine IQ tests.

Instinctive Intelligence: this is specific to the individual animal and is measured by canine IQ tests.

Working/Obedience Intelligence: this is breed dependent.

For my dog:

Chihuahua: 67 – Fair Working/Obedience Intelligence.
Shih Tzu: 70 – Lowest Degree of Working/Obedience Intelligence.

In other words, I have a pretty dumb dog. But that’s okay, because he’s CUTE.

Continue ReadingThe Intelligence of Dogs

The Golden Days of Usenet: Godwin’s Law

  • Post author:
  • Post category:Brain Food

Godwin’s Law: prov. [Usenet] “As a Usenet argument grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches one.” There is a tradition in many groups that, once this occurs, that thread is over, and whoever mentioned the Nazis has automatically lost whatever argument was in progress. Godwin’s Law thus practically guarantees the existence of an upper bound on thread length in those groups. However there is also a widely- recognized codicil that any intentional triggering of Godwin’s Law in order to invoke its thread-ending effects will be unsuccessful.

Continue ReadingThe Golden Days of Usenet: Godwin’s Law

Alanis: Irony Defined.

Irony defined — by the British, of course, because they did invent the language after all. I’m posting this here because I’m resisting the temptation to send it directly to people.
Favorite part so far: “every one of us, I’d guess, has a friend who engages in an argument, waits patiently until you’ve said something really trenchant and probably wrong, then cocks his (or her) head to one side and says, “Do you think that’s true?” thereafter pursuing each one of your most ridiculous points and challenging them from a perspective of utter (pretended) ignorance. Weirdly, this is never called irony, even though every other bloody thing that anyone ever says is.”

Continue ReadingAlanis: Irony Defined.