Fun Things To Do In An Elevator

These are jokes, and not intended to be taken seriously. Please view the site disclaimer.

Make race car noises when people get on and off.

Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.

Grimace painfully while slapping your forehead and muttering, "Shut up dammit, all of you just SHUT UP!"

Whistle the first 7 notes of "It’s a Small World" incessantly.

Sell Girl Scout Cookies.

On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.


Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask, "Got enough air in there?"

Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear your upside-down.

Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to pull the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

Lean over to another passenger and whisper, "Ever had a Wet Willy?"

Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you "Admiral."

One word: Flatulence!

On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.

Do Tai Chi exercises.

Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I’ve got new socks on."

When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back, "Oh, not now, doggone motion sickness!"

Give religious tracts to each passenger.

Meow occasionally.

Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.

Frown and mutter, "Gotta go, gotta go," then sigh and say, "oops!"

Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.

Sing "Mary Had a Little Lamb" while continuously pushing buttons.

Holler, "Chutes away!!" whenever the elevator descends.

Walk on with a cooler that says "Human Head" on the side.

Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce, "You’re one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.

Burp, then say, "Mmmmm…..tasty!"

Leave a box between the doors.

Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.

Wear a hand puppet and talk to the other passengers "through" it.

Start a sing-along.

When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, "Is that your beeper?"

Play the accordion.

Shadow box.

Say, "Ding!" at each floor.

Lean against the button panel.

Say, "I wonder what all these do?" and then push ALL the red buttons.

Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."

Bring a chair along.

Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger, "Wanna see wha in muh mouf??"

Blow spit bubbles.

Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.

Announce in a demonic voice, "I must find a more suitable host body."

Carry a blanket a clutch it protectively.

Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.

Stare at your thumb and say, "I think it’s getting bigger."

If anyone brushes against you, recoil fiercely and scream, "BAD TOUCH!"

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Embarrassing Elevator Stories

Ah, the elevator. Such a delightful way to interact with your fellow man, especially in a workplace environment. Such a great way to act strangely in other people’s personal space.

Sixth Floor

I work on the fifth floor of a six floor office building here in Indianapolis. I was going home at the end of a long day, and instead of looking at the light to confirm that the elevator was actually headed in a downward direction, I just got on as soon as the doors opened, assuming it was going down.

Naturally, I was wrong. I rode up to the sixth floor. When the doors opened, the president of the company was standing there, waiting to get on. Since sitings of the company president are as rare as Elvis’s, I was so surprised that I didn’t even have presence of mind to jump out as though I had actually intended to get off on this floor, maybe to visit the lunchroom, or something.

I just stood there like a doofus, and as the doors closed and we rode down, he said to me, “Are you just joy riding on the elevator, or what?” To which I replied, somewhat inaudibly, “Uh, unintentionally, yes,” sounding remarkable like Butthead, when he’s trying to figure something out. The president said nothing. He looked like he wondered who I was and if there was any way he could conveniently fire me.

Fortunately, he never found out who I am.

Singing in the Elevator

Again, I was riding down the elevator on the way home, only this time I stopped to look at the light, hoping to avoid looking like a wonk in the same way twice.

On this trip, though, I was alone in the elevator, and I was so tired I couldn’t even think. Instead of going to the back of the elevator like most people do, I parked myself right in front of the doors. Also, though I didn’t realize I was doing it, I started singing, which I frequently do when I’m alone. I was performing that Possum Kingdom song that seems to be about vampires. I got all the way to the verse, “And I promise you, I will treat you well, my sweet angel, so help me, Jesus…” and the doors of the elevator opened on the last few words. In front of me was an older woman from Human Resources, looking a little surprised.

Three things dawned on me all at once:

  1. I was singing,
  2. she heard me,
  3. she wanted to get in the elevator and I was standing in the way.

So I said, “Hi!” and backed up so she could get on. After a second, she said to me, “That was you singing, wasn’t it?” I replied with a yes. She said, “OK,” and just gave me a look like, “stay over on that side of the elevator, and we’ll both be happy,” as we rode the rest of the way in silence. I am so grateful that I was not up to the end of the song, where he sings, “Do you want to die?” over and over. I’m pretty sure that she would never have gotten on the elevator at all. At the very least.

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