Idgie keeps attacking Texas. I have magnets of all the States I’ve been to on my refrigerator (reproducing the map of the U.S., of course) and the cat keeps attacking and stealing Texas (not because it’s the lowest; she can reach them all.) She never goes after Oklahoma, or Arkansas. Just Texas. I think it’s a Bush protest.
We got the Diversity Library moved yesterday to it’s new location at Central Christian Church. It’s going to be a neat place.
1) Went to see Barbara Higbie & Suzanne Westenhoeffer in concert Friday night. Barbara was great and I talked to her mom afterwards. After the concert, I went to Utopia [2019-04-16: former lesbian bar in Indianapolis] and hung out with my friend Jennie.
2) Went with my brother and sister-in-law to an antique mall on Saturday and bought a fez, then met my other brothers and nieces at the Children’s Museum, where I realized there are tons of big things there that I need to photograph, then visited my mom until late and my nieces & brother & sisters-in-law made shrinky dinks and pretty much exhausted the dink-supply.
3) On Sunday, I went to my friend Karl’s to watch the superbowl with a bunch of my friends/co-workers, got drunk, stayed late and crawled to work the next morning hung. Fun.
Also found out this weekend that my landlady is asking me to sign a lease and she’s going to raise my rent by $50. Since I’m already paying more than I’d like for this apartment, I’m going to have to move.
(to the tune of "What a Wonderful World" by Sam Cooke) What they are humming in the Governor’s mansion. Okay shrubs, all together now…
Don’t know much about history
Don’t know much foreign policy
Don’t remember how I got through school
I’m sure I didn’t break the rules
But what’s it matter ’cause my granny says
"Boy, if you want to you can be the prez
And what a wonderful world this will be"
Don’t know much about the women’s vote
Don’t know much about the bill I wrote
Don’t know much about the foreign vets
I’ve never voted for ’em yet
But I do know if your dad tries hard
He can get you in the National Guard
And what a wonderful place that can be
Now I never claimed to be an A student
But what’s wrong with C’s?
And maybe by knowing the names of my cabinet
I can win their love for me
Don’t know much about air pollution
Don’t know much about the constitution
Don’t know much about th’economy
It never much affected me
But there’s one thing that I know for sure
If the rich stay rich and the poor stay poor
What a wonderful world this will be
Don’t know much about the national debt
I’ve never had to pay one yet
If we need to we can sell the States
To the Japanese at discount rates
But I do know if things get bad
Dick and I can always call my dad
And what a wonderful world this will be.
January 1, 2000
Dear Valued Employee:
Re: Vacation Pay
Our records indicate that you have not used any vacation time over the past 100 year(s). As I’m sure you are aware, employees are granted 3 weeks of paid leave per year or pay in lieu of time off.
One additional week is granted for every 5 years of service. Please either take 9,400 days off work or notify our office and your next pay check will reflect payment of $8,277,432.22 which will include all pay and interest for the past 1,200 months.
Sincerely,
Automated Payroll Processing
I got home Friday night and found a blackbird in my apartment flying around, scaring the crap out of the cat. I got him to fly out the window, but not before he knocked over everything on ever counter and shelf out of arms reach.
My party was great. Lots of people came, we made Shrinky Dinks… it was cool. That was a pretty big hit as a party theme. People had fun making them to patterns that you wouldn’t as a kid; Jen made a shrinky dink Eleanor Roosevelt. Todd drew all his own freehand, which was very cool. Then I spend Sunday in bed with a cold.
Tomorrow Night is my party! Yeah! I invited so many people they’ll never fit in my apartment! Yeah!
Tomorrow Night is also: Twelfth Night, AKA The Feast of the Epiphany, AKA the Twelfth Day of Christmas. So named because this the the night when the Three Wise Guys arrived at Bethlehem to view the Baby Jesus, which was an “Epiphany” to them.
It is also the first official day of Mardi Gras, which continues until Fat Tuesday, February 27. So a month and a half to party down before Lent!
There were no riots over the fact that the wrong man is President of the United States, but in Portland, they had a riot because people wanted to see fireworks on New Year’s Eve. I think the people in Portland are a bit dim.
Also, it wasn’t a holy-roller that put the “Jesus is the reason for the season” plastic disk thingy under my windshield and almost killed me. It was my friend Dan. He thought it was funny that I was almost killed. Needless to say, revenge is in order. If I have time.
All the books I read in 2000. Click on a title to purchase it from Amazon.com.
Benet’s Readers Encyclopedia
Author: Harper and Row Publishers: New York, 1987.
I’ve been reading this reference encyclopedia from front to back (wierd, I know); I’ve finished from Letter A to K.
A Letter of Mary: A Mary Russell Mystery
Author: Laurie R. King
Affinity
Author: Sarah Waters
Angela’s Ashes
Author: Frank McCourt
The Archivist
Author: Martha Cooley
At Home in Mitford
Author: Jan Karon
Black Ajax
Author: George MacDonald Fraser
Carry On, Jeeves
Author: P. G. Wodehouse
The classic story of the hapless Bertie Wooster and his dazzlingly efficient manservant Jeeves.
e: A Novel
Author: Matt Beaumont
A very fun little novel entirely of composed of fictional e-mails inside a fictional ad agency in London. Despite the almost total incompetence and scheming of most of the staff of the ad agency, they have a bid on one of the largest campaigns ever; a Coca-Cola promo. I was tempted to start labeling the characters with people from work, but as the novel progressed, I was really afraid to. The best part, though, is the author bio: “Matt Beaumont worked at several London advertising firms before he sold his first novel. In anticipation of the publication of in the United States and United Kingdom in Fall 2000, he is taking a break from corporate life.” I’d imagine that he has to!
Frederica
Author: Georgette Heyer
The Golden Compass
Author: Phillip Pullman
Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire
Author: J.K. Rowling
The Inimitable Jeeves
Author: P. G. Wodehouse
The classic story of the hapless Bertie Wooster and his dazzlingly efficient manservant Jeeves.
Jimmy Corrigan: The Smartest Kid On Earth
Author: F. C. Ware
A beautifully illustrated hard-bound cartoon book, it tells the story of Jimmy Corrigan, an Irish kid from Chicago going to visit his estranged father. I bought it because I’ve seen other work by Ware, mostly book jackets, and it’s an amazing illustration. The story is very depressing though; it bounces back and forth from the modern day Jimmy to his grandfather’s (also named Jimmy) story of his relationship with his father. These stories, interlaced with dream states, fantasy tangents, and diagrams (including a cut out 3-D assembly of the elder Jimmy’s childhood home) are a very entertaining if disturbing read.
Killing Time
Author: Caleb Carr
The Late Mr. Shakespeare
Author: Robert Nye
The Moor: A Mary Russell Mystery
Author: Laurie R. King
Orlando
Author: Virginia Woolf
The Phantom Tollbooth
Author: Norman Juster
Milo’s a cynical little kid with nothing to do, until a tollbooth appears in his bedroom one day, and he hops in his car, rides through it, and finds himself in a kingdom where, with the help of a large ticking dog and an equally cynical bug, he becomes responsible for rescuing the princesses Rhyme and Reason to save the kingdom. That’ll learn him to be cynical and bored.
The Queen’s Man
Author: Sharon Kay Penman
Right Ho, Jeeves
Author: P. G. Wodehouse
The classic story of the hapless Bertie Wooster and his dazzlingly efficient manservant Jeeves.
Sailing to Sarantium
Author: Guy Gavriel Kay
Sarum
Author: Edward Rutherfurd
Like the book London, this novel takes several English families through their whole family trees from the Ice Age up to modern day England. As they build, tear down, lose and then unearth and misinterpret their heritages, we get to see the history of the island, the hubris and humility of mankind, the triumph and sorrow of good and bad people, and the inescapable stamp of their ancestors on their faces and personalities.
Very Good, Jeeves
Author: P. G. Wodehouse
The classic story of the hapless Bertie Wooster and his dazzlingly efficient manservant Jeeves.
Wheel of Time Series – The Eye of the World [Book 1]
Author: Robert Jordan
Wheel of Time Series – The Great Hunt [Book 2]
Author: Robert Jordan
Wheel of Time Series – The Dragon Reborn [Book 3]
Author: Robert Jordan
Wilma Loves Betty: And Other Hilarious Lesbian Parodies
Editors: Julie Trevelyan, Scott Brassart
Wrong Information is Being Given Out at Princeton: The Chronicle of One of the Strangest Stories Ever to Be Rumoured About Around New York
Author: J. P. Donleavy
The Activist’s Handbook: A Primer for the 1990s and Beyond
Author: Randy Shaw
Ancient Mysteries
Author: Peter James and Nick Thorpe
Buffy The Vampire Slayer: The Watcher’s Guide
Authors: Christopher Golden, Nancy Holder
Buffy The Vampire Slayer: The Monster Book
Author: Christopher Golden, Stephen R. Bissette, Thomas E. Sniegoski
The Cluetrain Manifesto
Author: Rick Levine, Christopher Locke, Doc Searls, David Weinberger
The Culture Jam: The Uncooling of America
Author: Kalle Lasn
“Lasn views contemporary existence as one in which people have almost entirely succumbed to the cultural mandates of consumer capitalism, turning to corporations for guidance about how to look and what to desire.” I agree with him about most of these ideas – and I think this is a very important book. Some of Lasn’s logic stumbles here and there, and needs further analysis and study, but from and intuitive perspective, I think he’s on to something.
Curse of Madame C: A Far Side Collection
Author: Gary Larson
Designing Web Usability: The Practice of Simplicity
Author: Jakob Nielsen
Do What I Say: Ms. Behavior’s Guide to Gay and Lesbian Etiquette
Author: Meryl Cohn
Feel This Book: An Essential Guide to Self-Empowerment, Spiritual Supremacy, and Sexual Satisfaction
Author: Janeane Garofalo, Ben Stiller
Flash 4 for Windows and Macintosh
Author: Katherine Ulrich
Foster Child: an Intimate Biography of Jodie Foster
Author: Buddy Foster and Leon Wagener
A(n unauthorized?) biography of Jodie Foster by her erstwhile brother Buddy. A somewhat embarrassing book to read, partly because you feel like a voyeur, and partly because you feel strange about the confessional nature of her brother’s story. It also seems to be told through a glass darkly, as though Buddy doesn’t really have all that much contact with his sister, or rather that he does but she doesn’t talk much when she’s around. I read it because I’ve always thought that Jodie was somewhat of an enigma; even when she’s onscreen, there always seems to be a part of her that isn’t there. The book didn’t enlighten me much.
The Frailty Myth
Author: Colette Dowling
Heroes Rogues and Lovers: Testosterone and Behavior
Author: James McBride Dabbs, Mary Godwin Dabbs
This book seemed balanced and well-researched. They observed not just men, but the effects of testosterone on both men and women, and the consequences for both sexes of having high or low testosterone, as well as the positive and negative effects having high testosterone has on men and women. It was also interesting to read how testosterone interacts with other hormones, like serotonin. Their conclusions were consistent with human behavior I’ve observed. I think it would be fascinating to do a similar study on the effects of estrogen; perhaps there’s already a book.
Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat: A Calvin and Hobbes Collection
Author: Bill Watterson
In The Groove: Vintage Record Graphics 1940-1960
Author: Eric Kohler
Lies Across America: What Our Historic Sites Get Wrong
Author: James W. Loewen
The Lost Treasure of the Knights Templar: Solving the Oak Island Mystery
Author: Steve Sora
A worthless book that ultimately founders on the rocks of “unreadability,” I’m only linking it to Amazon for consistency’s sake, not as a suggestion that you should actually buy it. It spins out a mass of conspiracy theories about a mysterious lost treasure of the Knights of Templar and about a mysterious well/munitions dump/buried treasure vault on Oak Island in Nova Scotia. The theories are as implausible as they are contradictory and illogical. The gist of them is that a) Christ didn’t die on the cross, b) Christ DID die on the cross but left a child in the womb of Mary Magdalene, c) Mary Magdalene and her child, and perhaps Christ himself, went to live in the south of France, where they and their decendants were protected by the Knights Templar who planned to put them on the papal throne or maybe the throne of Jerusalem, d) the Knights Templar took their treasure and the secret lineage of Christ and the holy Grail and the Spear of Longinus to Scotland when they were persecuted in France, e) the Scots explored the North American mainland centuries before the Vikings and built settlements there, f)The Scots buried the treasure of the Templars, the Grail, the spear, the lineage of Christ and several pink elephants in a fantastically engineered vault on Oak Island, planning to return for it later or to just leave it there, or something, g) all attempts to excavate the Oak Island vault have been cursed, h) although the vault is elaborately booby-trapped to flood, the constructors left several markers urging on excavators.
May I Kiss You On The Lips, Miss Sandra?
Author: Sandra Bernhard
Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary of Allusions
Author: Elizabeth Webber and Mike Feinsilber
It’s a reference book, but it was a nice read, not too long, and I learned the origins of many expressions I didn’t already know.
Never Be Lied to Again: How to Get the Truth in 5 Minutes or Less in Any Conversation or Situation
Author: David J. Lieberman
The Onion’s Finest News Reporting
Author: The Onion
Pope-Pourri: Little-Known Facts You May Not Remember from Sunday School
Author: John Dollison
The Portable Pundit: A Crash Course in Cocktail Party Conversation
Author: T. E. Krieger
The Queen of Whale Cay
Author: Kate Summerscale
Singing For Your Supper: Entertaining Ways to Be a Perfect Guest
Author: Edith Hazard
Snowmen: Snow Creatures, Crafts, and Other Winter Projects
Author: Frankie Frankeny (Photographer), Peter Cole, Leslie Jonath
Strange Sisters: The Art of Lesbian Pulp Fiction 1949-1969
Author: Jaye Zimet
Suits Me: The Double Life of Billy Tipton
Author: Diane Wood Middlebrook
The Way We Never Were: American Families and the Nostalgia Trap
Author: Stephanie Coontz
Who Moved My Cheese?: An Amazing Way to Deal With Change in Your Work and in Your Life
Author: Spencer Johnson
On a night quite unenchanting, when the rain was downward slanting,
I awakened to the ranting of the man I catch mice for.
Tipsy and a bit unshaven, in a tone I found quite craven,
Poe was talking to a Raven perched above the chamber door.
"Raven’s very tasty," thought I, as I tiptoed o’er the floor,
"There is nothing I like more"
Soft upon the rug I treaded, calm and careful as I headed
Towards his roost atop that dreaded bust of Pallas I deplore.
While the bard and birdie chattered, I made sure that nothing clattered,
Creaked, or snapped, or fell, or shattered, as I crossed the corridor;
For his house is crammed with trinkets, curios and weird decor –
Bric-a-brac and junk galore.
Still the Raven never fluttered, standing stock-still as he uttered,
In a voice that shrieked and sputtered, his two cents’ worth –
"Nevermore."
While this dirge the birdbrain kept up, oh, so silently I crept up,
Then I crouched and quickly lept up, pouncing on the feathered bore.
Soon he was a heap of plumage, and a little blood and gore –
Only this and not much more.
"Oooo!" my pickled poet cried out, "Pussycat, it’s time I dried out!
Never sat I in my hideout talking to a bird before;
How I’ve wallowed in self-pity, while my gallant, valiant kitty
Put and end to that damned ditty" – then I heard him start to snore.
Back atop the door I clambered, eyed that statue I abhor,
Jumped – and smashed it on the floor.
Once upon a midnight dreary, fingers cramped and vision bleary,
System manuals piled high and wasted paper on the floor,
Longing for the warmth of bed sheets,
Still I sat there, doing spreadsheets:
Having reached the bottom line,
I took a floppy from the drawer.
Typing with a steady hand, I then invoked the SAVE command and waited
for the disk to store,
Only this and nothing more.
Deep into the monitor peering, long I sat there wond’ring, fearing,
Doubting, while the disk kept churning, turning yet to churn some more.
"Save!" I said, "You cursed mother! Save my data from before!"
One thing did the phosphors answer, only this and nothing more,
Just, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
Was this some occult illusion? Some manical intrusion?
These were choices undesired, ones I’d never faced before.
Carefully, I weighed the choices as the disk made impish noises.
The cursor flashed, insistent, waiting, baiting me to type some more.
Clearly I must press a key, choosing one and nothing more,
From "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
With my fingers pale and trembling
Slowly toward the keyboard bending,
Longing for a happy ending, hoping all would be restored,
Praying for some guarantee
Timidly I pressed a key.
But on the screen there still persisted words appearing as before.
Ghastly grim they blinked and taunted, haunted, as my patience wore,
Saying "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
I tried to catch the chips off-guard
I pressed again, but twice as hard.
I pleaded with the cursed machine: I begged and cried and then I swore.
Now in desperation, trying random combinations,
Still there came the incantation, just as senseless as before.
Cursor blinking, angrily winking, blinking nonsense as before.
Reading, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
There I sat, distraught, exhausted by my own machine accosted
Getting up I turned away and paced across the office floor.
And then I saw a dreadful sight: a lightning bolt cut through the night.
A gasp of horror overtook me, shook me to my very core.
The lightning zapped my previous data, lost and gone forevermore.
Not even, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
To this day I do not know
The place to which lost data goes.
What demonic nether world is wrought where data will be stored,
Beyond the reach of mortal souls, beyond the ether, into black holes?
But sure as there’s C, Pascal, Lotus, Ashton-Tate and more,
You will one day be left to wander, lost on some Plutonian shore,
Pleading, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?