The Ultimate Survey

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Every so often, someone sends around one of those massive “getting to know you” questionnaires and everyone answers. I’ve done it so many times that I finally just created a web page for mine, added questions that hadn’t already been included, and sent the URL to them. So if you want to know more about me than my own mother (or any living person actually should know) here’s the big, fat list.

Who Are You?

What is your full name as it appears on you birth certificate: Redacted

What do you like to be called: Hawthorn

What are your nicknames: Hawthorn

What is your alias? (Middle name, street you grew up on): Redacted Belmont

What’s your Mobster Nickname: "Aces" Mineart

What’s your Star Wars Nickname: Hawmi Grdes, trafox of Zyrtec

What’s your Spell Check name (words that replace your name in spell check): Hawthorn Minaret

Number of candles that appeared on your last birthday cake: 50

What’s your Sun sign: Gemini

What’s your Moon sign: Gemini

What’s your Constellation Rising: Gemini. I know… this means I’m not two people, but six. Scary.

Notable Events on the Day You Were Born: Robert Kennedy was shot on June 5, 1968 and died an hour before I was born.

Hometown: Indianapolis, Indiana

Current Residence: Indianapolis, Indiana

Height: 5′ 6"

Eye color: Blue

Hair color: Blonde

Piercings: 4 (ears)

Tattoos: 1 – a rose on my ankle that I wish were something else

What’s your most attractive feature: My eyes, and my perfect, white teeth.

Pets:Dog Baxter, Cat Salem. Deceased pets: My Dog Spike, and Cats Lucy, Drusilla, Huckleberry, Annabelle, Idgie, and Grendel the Betta Fish.

What are the perks of your job: Good pay, casual dress, cheap sodas

How much do you love your job: A LOT.

Are you an inside or outdoors person? Outdoors, now that I have a lawn.

Do you have children? No. I’d like one. Don’t care what kind.

What Laundry detergent do you use? Whatever’s cheapest.

What color is your underwear: Blue

Color of socks: white

What color is your bedroom’s carpet: no carpet

What color is your bedroom: Dark Gray. Soon to be pink.

What color is your bathroom: White. I have plans to change that, but haven’t gotten to it.

What did you want to be when you were little?Originally, a knight in shining armor, until I learned that wasn’t still a viable profession. Then a magazine writer.

Favorite childhood memory: Playing on the rocket slide at Grandma M’s, listening to my Grandpa G. talk about flowers in his garden, my dad carrying me on his shoulders, watching musicals with mom.

When Was The Last Time You:

Took a shower: This morning

Danced: This weekend

Received flowers and from whom: a few months ago, from Stephanie

Watched Bambi: Years ago.

Cried: some time last month.

Got a real letter: Major holidays from my grandmother.

Gave to charity: Goodwill, recently

What did you have for breakfast? cold pizza

What was the last book you read: Books I’ve Read

What was the last CD you bought: The Black Parade, My Chemical Romance

What was the last movie you saw: Stranger Than Fiction

What will be the next CD you buy: I don’t know.

Do you play the lottery: Once in a while when I want to fantasize about having a lot of money.

Ever win? I never expect to win.

From whom did you get your last e-mail? A spam site.

Last person you went to dinner with? Jen, Mike

What are you listening to right now? The water bubbling in the aquarium

Best thing that happened to you today: Free Chinese food at work.

Any new and exciting news you’d like to share with everyone? Stephanie’s dad won a trip to Europe for us!

What is Your Favorite:

Flavor: almond, vanilla

Breakfast cereal: Kellogg’s Smart Start or Almond Nut Clusters

Candy: Reeses cups, whoppers

Salad Dressing: Caesar

Food: Chicken prepared almost any way, pizza.

Cuisine: Italian.

Breakfast Food: Sausage and Egg Casserole

Pie: Pumpkin.

Lunch: Quarter pounders with cheese. But I try not to do that much.

Alcoholic beverage: Sour Ales (beer), Dirty Vodka Martinis, Amaretto Sours

Type of Ice: Um, frozen? Oh. Crushed.

Your favorite potato chip? Lime Tostitos

Favorite sandwich? Roast Chicken from Subway

Ice cream: Chocolate Chip cookie dough

Sobe flavor: Dunno.

Soda: unsweetened ice tea, Diet Dr. Pepper

Restaurant: Mandarin Inn, Colorado Steakhouse, Oceanaire

Fast Food Restaurant: Taco Bell, Arby’s

Toothpaste: Crest

Deodorant: Gillette

Shampoo or conditioner: Aveda Rosemary Mint.

Perfume/cologne: Annabel Lee from Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab.

Type of Underwear: Honestly, I wear boxers.

Shoes: Flame shoes, Fluevogs, my super hero boots, brown boots, old skool vans.

Accessory: Hanuman necklace, empire state building ring.

Possession: My iPod. I have a pallid bust of Pallas above my chamber door. Also a very rare old book, Curious Myths of the Middle Ages, and this really cool optical sign I bought at a junk shop.

Clothes: I have a shirt with a Devil on the front and flames down the sleeves. I also have a tiger-striped velour shirt. Old Navy Ringer Tees, Gap Blue Jeans, Old Navy Black Hoodie, Quidditch Baseball cap.

Favorite brand of clothing? GAP

Color: Blue, black

Number: 7

Stone: Moonstone, pearl, onyx, amber

Holiday: Hands down, it’s Christmas

Day of the week: Saturday

Favorite time of day? Sunrise

Flower: Daisies, Gladiolas, Tulips

Smell: Chocolate chip cookies baking.

Grade: Sophomore year of High School – moved to Noblesville – yeah!

Subject in school: Philosophy. Like it so much I majored it it.

Teacher: Dr. Susan Lawrence from Ball State Univ. Western Civ. class.

Birthday Present Ever: Very cool Pilsner glass from Pinkus Mueller brewery from Cate.

Fairy tale: Arabian Nights

Poem(s): Favorite Poems

Type of music: rock, alternative, punk, oh, anything really.

Song(s): Favorite Song Lyrics

Song you love but are embarrassed to admit to: Islands in the Stream, Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton

Christmas Carol: We Three Kings of Orient Are, Il Est Ne Le Divine Enfant, I’ve Got My Love to Keep Me Warm

Movie: Favorite Movie List

TV show: Heroes, Ugly Betty, Grey’s Anatomy, Veronica Mars, Lost, Battlestar Galactica, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

TV star: Alexis Bledel, Amy Acker, Julia Sawalha, Jennifer Garner, Ellen Degeneres

Magazine: Entertainment Weekly, Utne Reader

Celebrity: Renee Zellwenger, Gwyneth Paltrow, Jennifer Garner

Super Hero: Peter Petrelli, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Wonder Woman, ElectraSteph

Fraggle: Gobo

Sesame Street Character: Grover

Zoo Exhibit: Monkey Island!! Monkey Island!! Monkey Island!!

Favorite sport to watch on TV: Ugh. I hate watching sports on TV.

Sport to Watch at the game: Quidditch

Sports team: Gryffindor House Team

Car: Red Ford Truck. But I like station wagons, mini coopers and VW beetles. My dream car is a VW Microbus.

Web Site: My own – of course. But if I have to pick others, here’s a list: Funny Web Sites

Amusement Park Ride: The Beast – King’s Island

What do you want for Christmas: DVDs and Books. Amazon Wish List

If you were stranded on a desert island what book, album, and video would you want with you: Complete Shakespeare, One of my compilation CDs, Shakespeare in Love.

Which store would you choose to max your credit card: Barnes & Noble, Fluevog, Pottery Barn, GAP

If you could be any age, past, present, or future, what would it be: 25

If you could live in any decade in history, what would it be: The 1810s England – The Regency

What childhood toy do you wish you still had: My Barbie clothes

What movie makes you cry: A River Runs Through It, Fahrenheit 9/11, An Inconvenient Truth

What appliance could you not live without: iPod.

Your lucky charm: A tiki charm that hangs from my car mirror.

The person you worship the most: William Shakespeare, Jane Austen

Your bedroom is like: A cool hangout with a loft space.

Favorite Places

Place to live: My house.

Town to chill in/ Vacation spot: Tucson, Münster, Amsterdam, Chicago

Place to retire: Our paid-off house.

Places you want to see but haven’t: I want to take a big USA road trip, and see the southwest, especially California. And I want a more diverse European vacation, especially France and London.

What is Your Least Favorite:

Food: green peppers

Cuisine: Mexican, although that’s only because there’s a salsa that I’m allergic to and I don’t like green peppers.

School Subject: Math, although I was good at it.

The worst song you ever heard: Whatever song that was that Tammy Faye sang.

Most embarrassing CD in your collection: A CD of goofy songs like “the Streak” and “the Witchdoctor.”

Characteristic: Deviousness, trickery, dishonesty for the sake of dishonesty.

Which Is Better:

Hot tubs or pools: Pools.

Diamonds or pearls? Pearls — my birthstone, and not cold and icy like diamonds.

TV or radio: Computers, with the TV on across the room.

Short or tall: Hmmm. Undecided.

Toilet paper over or underhand: Under (My grandpa said just be thankful you have TP.) For a great deal more on this subject, visit The Great Toilet Paper Debate at my brother’s website.

Coke or Pepsi: unsweetened iced tea

Sprite or 7 Up: Diet 7 Up

Coffee or Coffee Ice Cream: Coffee ice cream

Creamy or crunchy peanut butter: Crunchy.

Croutons or Bacon Bits: both

What’s the right way to eat a Reese’s: Bite into it.

Does cheese go on the bumpy or flat side of the Ritz: Bumpy

White or brown bread: Brown

Beavers or ducks? Aflac, aflac, AFLAC!!!!

Beatles or Elvis: Beatles

Who are the most attractive male and female celebrities: Nathan Fillion, Kate Winslet

Are you a morning person or a night owl? Early Bird

Disney or Warner Brothers: Disney

Pedicure or manicure? Pedi.

What first catches your eye in the opposite (or same) sex (ie, legs, boobs, etc): a Beautiful Face

What do you look for in a person: Intelligence, a strong sense of humor, a passion about something artistic, and loyalty. (I’m using my friend Jason’s answer on this because it’s perfect.)

If you could be any place right now, where would you choose: In bed with a stack of books, lots of chocolate and my girlfriend.

Are you a dog or a cat person: Cat & Dog.

Razor, cream, or wax: Razor

Plane, train, or automobile: Train

Car or SUV: Truck, Microbus

Lake, Ocean or River: River

2 doors or 4 (on a car): 2: I have a truck.

Childhood Blanket or Stuffed Animal: Teddy Bear, Bud the bear

One pillow or two: Four.

Which came first; the chicken or the egg? Creationists would say the chicken came first, invented by God. Scientists would say the egg came first, from an ancestor of the chicken that mutated. So I believe the egg came first, of course. Freaking loony creationists.

Do You Believe In…

Horoscopes: Only the ones from Real Astrology ’cause they’re funny.

Past lives: yes. no. yes.

Ouija boards: fun, but only a toy

Love at first sight: Hmmm. No. I believe in intense fascination at first sight which can turn into love. Or it can go famously, hideously wrong.

God: Um, get back to me on this one. Lately I’ve been praying Hanuman, the monkey god.

Religion: Taoism. Although Hinduism is interesting.

Aliens: Yes. But I don’t think they’ve been here.

Ghosts: Nope.

Evil: Yep. I can point it out, too.

Abortion: Most women who have abortions do it because they don’t have health insurance or child care, and they don’t want to have to go on government assistance to care for the baby. Giving women a living wage and health care coverage would drastically reduce the number of women who have abortions.

Alternative music: Like it.

Do you love yourself: Yep. Although I like to nag myself to lose weight, and get my life more organized, much as if I were married to myself.

Does life have a meaning: yes.

Do you know what it is: not yet.

Is honesty the best policy: Ideally yes. Realistically, no. Sometimes you have to tell people their haircut is wonderful.

Are you the jealous type: Nope.

What’s your pet peeve: People having the nerve to drive in front of me. People should just stay behind me.

What are you afraid of: Death.

Forgive and forget or hold a grudge: Depends on whether I won or not. But I will win eventually, and after you’re humiliated, I’ll forgive and forget.

Where do you see yourself in 10 years: successful novelist, celebrated web designer.

Most annoying thing is: George Bush.

What is your motto: Funny Quotes

Who do you look up to:

Life Statement: Inspirational Quotes

What Stuff Do You Do?

What kind of work do you do: Web design/development

Do you cleanse your chakras: No. Hell, I don’t clean the house.

What are you listening to right now: Co-workers playing Unreal Tournament over the LAN.

What is your favorite solitary activity: Reading, writing, mowing the lawn

What do you do most often when you are bored: I don’t have time to get bored.

Word or phrases you overuse: "Cool."   "I told you so."

Hobbies: Reading, writing, working on my web page, reading, buying books, reading…. mowing the lawn

Bedtime: 11 p.m. I’d like to to be 10 p.m., but there’s too much reading to do.

Have You Ever…

What was the name of your first best friend: Sheri Castle, Kay Kaufmann.

What was the name of your summer camp: Potowatomee ?, I believe.

Do you remember the camp song: No.

Been toilet-papering: yes

Been Ding-dong-ditching: yes

Been toilet-papered: yes

What was your first job: Page at the Noblesville Public Library

How many times did you fail your permit or driver’s test: None

How old were you when you had your first kiss: 13

Most romantic thing that ever happened to you: A girl I had a huge crush on in high school kissed me in the bathroom during drama club rehearsals.

How many people have you kissed romantically: 28, until the time when I was in a contest to kiss a girl from every state. I did not win, but I lost track of the number.

Can you remember all of their names: I used to have them written down, but I lost the list.

Been in love before: Omigod yes.

How many times: twice. Three times.

Dumper or Dumpee: dumpee

Loved somebody so much it made you cry: yes

Ever fell in love at first sight: Nope.

Ever been on a blind date: yes.

Ever been cheated on: Yep, practically every time.

Ever cheated: No.

Ever had sex in a public place: Please keep in mind, this was back in college, where I didn’t have a place to bring girlfriends. Now I have a house and a bed, thank you very much. In the parking lot at the bar (see above), in the car in Sahm’s park, in a car in the next housing development over from my Mom’s house (where we got caught by the Police), On the Fort Benjamin Harrison artillery range when it was still a Fort.

Most humiliating moment: Throwing up on the airplane on the way home from a trip to Arizona. Here’s a tip: don’t fly while hung over.

Have you ever gone skinny dipping: Yes

Played strip poker: Yep.

Lied: Yep.

Paid for it: Oh yes. Every evil thing you do comes back to haunt you, multiplied by 2. Besides that, it’s impossible to remember the stupid things you said. It’s just easier to tell the truth.

Cheated on a test: Only by helping other people.

Run away from home: No, but I’m doing that tomorrow.

Broken the law: Yes.

Ever ridden in a police car: Ahem.

been arrested: Ahem.

been convicted of a crime: Nope.

Ever ridden in an ambulance: Nope.

Have you ever been in a car crash: three times; once with Dan, once when I was rear-ended, once when I backed up into someone.

When was your last hospital visit: April 2005, when I had open-heart surgery to repair my Mitral Valve.

Ever broken a bone: Yup.

Ever been in a fistfight: Yep.

Had a medical emergency: My appendix exploded on July 5, 2003.

Gotten beaten up: Technically, yes; I was raped in college.

Ever seen a dead body: Nope. My sister has, though. She found her neighbor dead on the doorstep. It was natural causes, but still….

Ever seen a ghost: Yeah, sure. 🙂

Been to Africa: no

Have you ever seen a black swan: Nope. Can’t say I’ve been looking for one.

What was your most embarrassing hair incident: Oh, all of them until recently.

What was the best costume you ever wore: King Kong suit for a theme party.

Which of your accomplishments in the last year are you most proud of: Not dying of exploded appendix, Not dying of congestive heart failure.

What do you hope to have accomplished in the next year: CSS redesign.

What Would You Name Your…

Future home: Courtyard of Perpetual Motion.

Kids: Pesto, Cilantro, and little Gorgonzola.

Future Pets: Jonquil. Europa. Anaximander. Sterling. Pavlov. Schrodinger.

Car: Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

Self: Anne Belmont

People In My Life

Who are your best friends: My girlfriend Stephanie, Dan and Doug, Cate

Who you chat with most: Dan and Doug, Kathy, Stephanie

Name the person that you are friends with that lives the farthest away: Cate Ryan

Say a nice thing about the person you miss the most: My sister has a tremendous sense of humor and is hands-down the most intelligent person I know. My grandpa had the most awesome gardening skills. Also, Cate is creative and intelligent and always shows me a point of view I never notice before.

Craziest/silliest person you know: Dan, when he’s in one of those moods.

Do you get along with your parents: I try not to, but I do in spite of myself.

What color is the underwear of the person next to you: There’s someone sitting next to me?

Who did you last tell you loved them: My wife Stephanie.

Last person you went to dinner with? Probably my lovely wife, Stephanie

What food does your mom cook better than anyone else: Almost any dessert, Thanksgiving dinner especially pumpkin pie, pizza, lasagna. Breakfasts.

Who has been your friend the longest: My sister Stacy, Cate Ryan

Does it feel nice that someone told you all this stuff about themselves: Pretty cool.

Does it feel nice that someone wants to know so much about you: They must be very bored. 🙂

This Post Has 3 Comments


    All those farging surveys

    And there’s only one way to stop them: Answer all the questions in advance. (Steph, did I mention you’re brilliant?)…

  2. Val

    OH MY GOD this is hilarious!!!!! Can I use your list … I love this!

  3. Laura

    Love it!

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