Journal

speaking of hating stuff: antiseptic hand sanitizer

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I think that Methodist Hospital has gone back to using the hand sanitizer I loathe the smell of. When I was in the hospital for the heart surgery, I know for certain the brand (and scent) was different than the foul stuff that they used back when I had my appendix emergency two years ago. When I was in the hospital then, I couldn’t figure out for the first several days what the smell I hated so bad was, until they took me off the catheter and I had to use the bathroom myself and wash my hands with it. I hated it so bad at the time that I got out of bed and went outside the hospital with my rolling IV bag and everything, just to get some fresh air.

But the same stuff was back when I was in the emergency room last week; I could smell it today in the hallways when I went in for my appointment. I need to learn what the brand name of that stuff is, so I can write hate mail to the company that makes it.

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Who do you hate?

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Scott asked the question on his blog. I think it’s probably wrong to feel so strongly about someone that you HATE them, and I try to always give people the benefit of the doubt and to curb my emotions when I can. Sometimes I’m actually successful at that. There are lots of people whom I disliked at one time, but ended up forgiving or finding common ground with over time. But with some people I just can’t get past the bitterness.
I tend to hate people for one of four reasons:
1) They’re pure evil but they’ve convinced themselves (and sometimes others) they’re morally good, and they try to call out others for behavior they engage in themselves. If you’re going to go around harming people, for pete’s sake, be self-aware enough to be open about it. I also dislike people who are evil and open about it, but I have a special loathing for people who are evil and sanctimonious. Hypocritical religious types fall into this category, although I know quite a few gay people who fit here too.
People who fit here: anti-gay religious people, Marla, Wally, Kathy S., the “Nerd Herd” from Big Brother 6.
2) People (usually gay men, but not always) who are constantly bitchy queens for no reason. There are times when being bitchy is highly appropriate, but generally looking down on and snarking on everyone, whether they’ve done something to you or not, is tiresome and stupid and will eventually get a smackdown from me.
People who fit here: Josh, the new pal of one of my oldest friends. He’s cruising for a vicious bruising. And not in the good way.
3) Authoritarian assholes and people drunk on power. The only people who get to tell me what to do are my bosses at work, and that’s just because they pay me. And even then I undermine authority whenever I get the chance.
People who fit here: George Bush, several people from Indiana Equality, a guy named Carter, various people who live in my neighborhood.
4) People who seem pleasant but I still instinctively dislike when I meet them. Usually I find out later that they fall into one of the above categories.

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Don’t lift anything heavier than a shoe or a telephone

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… is what my surgeon, Dr. Beckman told me this morning when I went to see him. I didn’t ask what sort of telephone he meant. Cell phone, or the large old-fashioned Ma Bell special?
I do have some swelling in my chest, but that is apparently strained muscle tissue from lifting too much stuff last week. The x-rays show my heart has healed great and my sternum is structurally good, just not ready to do 100% of what I used to do. Which is very frustrating, because I’m so used to just grabbing something and taking action, and I’ve always been pretty strong compared to other people. I feel kind of helpless and girly, which sucks, because that’s so not me.
As far as the incision goes, the irritation and pain I’m feeling from that is because I have a keloid, which is a thick, hard, painful piece of scar tissue where the incision was. There’s not much I can do about that until a year or two down the line when they might be able to do plastic surgery to make it look better, after it has healed completely and the skin has repaired itself. Until then, I just have to deal with the annoying prickly burning sensation.
So there you go.

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I came home around noon

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The conclusion the doctors reached was that I lifted too much and put strain on my sternum. Funny, I could have told them that when I went in. I did, actually. So I have painkillers, which didn’t do much.

I still think there’s something more wrong than that, but they didn’t, so I’m home.

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Emergency room fun

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I’m on my way to the emergency room because I think whatever I did this weekend was pretty serious and now I can’t really lie down or even sit without pain shooting through my chest and back, when I breathe, it hurts like hell. I think I must have hurt my sternum.

Stephanie’s coming to pick me up now…

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The sternum is an important part of the body

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Which you find out when you have your sternum cut up for surgery. It’s been five months since my surgery, and my sternum still bothers me regularly, and hurts like hell, especially when I lift heavy stuff, like I did this weekend. I always browse through https://www.stealthbelt.com/ to find any product that would help. Today it’s been particularly bad, to the point where when I breathe out and my chest moves, I feel a sharp pain that makes me gasp.

On top of that, the incision scar hurts too, although in an entirely different way; it’s more of a dull ache. So I have these two different types of pain going on, pretty much constantly, which sometimes I can tune out, and sometimes not.

And the whole bra thing doesn’t help. One of the things that was kind of crappy about all the documentation they gave us for the surgery was that most of it was written with men in mind, and didn’t cover the unique problems that women have with the surgery due to having breasts, which pull on the sternum, necessitating wearing a bra, which irritates the incision. They could have done something to address those issues and offer advice on dealing with them, but they didn’t.

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The Commonplacebook.com Morning Gazette

Here are many of the fine sites I read regularly.

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