I heard from several people that this online game is really the bomb: the anti-Bush online adventure — “Which can only be experienced and not described!” I don’t have time to play it right now, but I’m noting it here in hope that I will, someday in the distant future, actually have some free time.
Somehow, you have to believe concurrently that:
1. Jesus loves you, but shares your deep hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.
2. The United States should get out of the United Nations, but our highest national priority is enforcing U. N. resolutions against Iraq.
3.”Standing Tall for America” means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India.
4. A woman can’t be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all humankind without regulation.
5. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you’re a conservative radio host. Then it’s an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.
6. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches, while slashing veterans’ benefits and combat pay.
7. Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins, unless you someday run for governor of California as a Republican.
8. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won’t have sex.
9. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, but then demand their cooperation and money.
10. HMOs and insurance companies make profits and have the interest of the public at heart.
11. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.
12. Global warming and tobacco’s link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.
13. It is okay that the Bush family’s “Carlisle Group” has done millions of business with the Bin Laden family.
14. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him and Rumsfeld reassured him he was our buddy, a bad guy when Bush’s daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him, but then a bad guy again when Bush junior needed a prop for his re-election campaign as the “war president.”
15. A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying about WMD existence, to enlist support for an unprovoked, undeclared war and occupation, in which thousands soldiers and civilians die, is, somehow, solid “defense” policy in a “War against Terrorism”.
16. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which should include “banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet”.
17. The public has a right to know about Hillary’s cattle trades, but George Bush’s Harken Oil stock trade should be sealed in his Daddy’s library, and is none of our business.
18. What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s was of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the ’80s is irrelevant.
19. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a “spirit of international harmony”.
20. Affirmative Action is wrong, but that it is OK for your Daddy and his friends (here and in Saudi Arabia) to get you to graduate from Yale without studying much, to dodge the draft in the Texas Air National Guard, to bail out your company Harken Oil and the Texas Rangers, to get the Governorship of Texas and then to have the Supreme Court appoint you President of the USA.
21. You are a conservative, but it is OK to spend like there is no tomorrow and run up deficits that your grandchildren will have to pay, while at the same refunding as much tax money as possible to rich people who do not need it.
This illogical behavior can take a toll on a healthy mind. So if a friend of yours has been acting a bit dazed and confused lately, be nice: he or she may be a Republican.
How many members of the Bush administration are required to replace the proverbial light bulb?
The Answer is SEVEN:
(1) one to deny that a light bulb needs to be replaced;
(2) one to attack and question the patriotism of anyone who has questions about the light bulb;
(3) one to blame the previous administration for the need of a new light bulb;
(4) one to arrange the invasion of a country rumored to have a secret stockpile of light bulbs;
(5) one to get together with Vice President Cheney and figure out how to pay Halliburton Industries one million dollars for a light bulb;
(6) one to arrange a photo-op session showing Bush changing the light bulb while dressed in a flight suit and wrapped in an American flag;
(7) and finally one to explain to Bush the difference between screwing a light bulb and screwing the country
Holy crap. Well, you tell them, Al.
One of the clearest indications of the impending loss of intimacy with one’s soul is the failure to recognize the existence of a soul in those over whom power is exercised, especially if the helpless come to be treated as animals, and degraded. We also know – and not just from De Sade and Freud – the psychological proximity between sexual depravity and other people’s pain. It has been especially shocking and awful to see these paired evils perpetrated so crudely and cruelly in the name of America.
Those pictures of torture and sexual abuse came to us embedded in a wave of news about escalating casualties and growing chaos enveloping our entire policy in Iraq. But in order understand the failure of our overall policy, it is important to focus specifically on what happened in the Abu Ghraib prison, and ask whether or not those actions were representative of who we are as Americans? Obviously the quick answer is no, but unfortunately it’s more complicated than that. …
What happened at the prison, it is now clear, was not the result of random acts by “a few bad apples,” it was the natural consequence of the Bush Administration policy that has dismantled those wise constraints and has made war on America’s checks and balances.The abuse of the prisoners at Abu Ghraib flowed directly from the abuse of the truth that characterized the Administration’s march to war and the abuse of the trust that had been placed in President Bush by the American people in the aftermath of September 11th. …
The unpleasant truth is that President Bush’s utter incompetence has made the world a far more dangerous place and dramatically increased the threat of terrorism against the United States. Just yesterday, the International Institute of Strategic Studies reported that the Iraq conflict ” has arguable focused the energies and resources of Al Qaeda and its followers while diluting those of the global counterterrorism coalition.” The ISS said that in the wake of the war in Iraq Al Qaeda now has more than 18,000 potential terrorists scattered around the world and the war in Iraq is swelling its ranks.
Wow, Bush’s poll numbers are hitting an all-time low of less than 40% approval rating, so the Administration is whipping out a brand new “warning of imminent terrorist threat” to scare people into getting the ratings back up.
Quick, everyone hide under the desk and vote for Bush, or the terrorists are gonna get ya! Or the gays! Or the gay terrorists! Or the libruls! Everybody panic!
Bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit.
Heritage Foundation vice president Rebecca Hagelin, in a recent column published on Townhall.com, tries to suggest that American soldiers were influence to commit the torture by sexual excesses, including homosexuality, at home in the US. Nevermind that the whole thing was really Rumsfeld’s idea.
See Yahoo’s picture slideshow of 173 photos of same sex partners marrying in Massachusetts. My favorite is the one where the hearts are projected on the side of the church…
This week’s list, courtesy the democratic underground. Of course, the Iraq thing is worse and Bush’s poll numbers are slipping badly (not that you would know that by what you see on the news) but there are some other gems in there as well.
Courtesy of Rich Procter at The Smirking Chimp:
The following is the “first final” list of events for the Republican National Convention in New York City, August 30 to September 2.
AUGUST 30
6 p.m. – OPENING PRAYER read by Mel Gibson, while being flogged with a spiked leather strap wielded by Ann Coulter, who will enjoy it a little too much.
* TOM RIDGE raises National Alert Level from beige to ecru.
* LEST WE FORGET – HONORARY ROLL CALL of All Members of (and Friends of) Bush Administration Who Might Very Well Have Been Killed In Vietnam If It Hadn’t Been For Nasty Trick Knees, Anal Cysts, Recurrent Headaches, and Highly-Placed, Overly-Protective Parents. (Sponsored by Tyson Chicken)
* ANTONIN SCALIA speaks – “SLAVERY – THE ORIGINAL INTENT OF OUR FOREFATHERS, AND GREAT FOR BUSINESS! (Sponsored by Wal-Mart)
* DICK CHENEY hosts AMBASSADORSHIP RAFFLE – Opening Bid 1,000,000 (cash, non-sequential bills 20’s or less)
* CLIMAX OF THE EVENING – FILM – “BRING IT ON!” Stirring fictionalized
re-creation of Mr. Bush’s actual dental appointment in Alabama in 1972, where he showed the incredible courage to allow “deep cleaning” of gums without anesthetic. (Sponsored by Sinclair Broadcasting)
* SUGGESTED AFTER-EVENT – “GET BAKED WITH RUSH “Crankster” LIMBAUGH! (Location TBD) (Sponsored by Pfizer)AUGUST 31
6 p.m. OPENING PRAYER read by Our Lord (The Passion Of) Jesus H. Christ,
as channeled by Lt. General William G. “Jerry” Boykin, the man who first revealed that Mr. Bush was chosen by God to lead this country into war against the heathens. Gen. Boykin will then give a short, upbeat presentation on Islam called, “My God can Beat Up Your God.”
* TOM RIDGE raises National Alert Level to FLASHING RED.
* WAYNE LAPIERRE will pry Davy Crockett’s Kentucky Long Rifle out of Charlton Heston’s cold dead fingers (subject to Heston’s death) (Sponsored by Smith & Wesson)
* DESIGNATED BROWN PERSON (Hispanic or Muslim, or possibly an Hispanic Muslim, if we can find one) will speak on how being a brown person doesn’t automatically disqualify you from being a Republican (subject to finding a brown person capable of being bribed to do this – may need professional actor, possibly brought in from 3rd world country)
* CLIMAX OF THE EVENING – PAUL WOLFOWITZ announces American plans to invade Iran, strip them of nuclear weapons, and turn over entire country to Bechtel to be run as a subsidiary. (Wolfowitz will tell anxious voters that the operation will involve 200 out-sourced “consultants”, will take one week and will be entirely funded by pocket change found in a White House couch.) (Sponsored by Halliburton)
* SUGGESTED AFTER-EVENT – “RIDE THE WAVE WITH RUSH “Big Oxy” LIMBAUGH!”
(Do a couple of ‘ringers’ with Big Pharma – sponsored by ROBITUSSIN)SEPTEMBER 1
* 6 p.m. – OPENING PRAYER by the REVEREND JERRY FALWELL who will demonstrate the spirit of Compassionate Conservatism(tm) and the eternal mercy of God by wishing a horrible fiery death and an eternity in the pit of hell for all non-white, non-male, non-Christian non-heterosexual non-Republicans.
* TOM RIDGE raises National Alert Level to PULSATING RED
* THE AMERICAN ASSOCIATION OF INSANELY RICH PERSONS (AAIRP) will present LAURA BUSH with A PLATINUM CHAINSAW in thanks for the Bush Administration tax cuts (Sponsored by Gulfstream)
* ANN COULTER, BILL O’REILLY and SEAN HANNITY will lead a special TWO-MINUTE HATE aimed at photo of John Kerry.
* CLIMAX OF THE EVENING – DIEBOLD CORPORATION WILL ANNOUNCE ELECTION RETURNS – BUSH WINS RE-ELECTION WITH 51% OF VOTE (YET TO BE CAST). (JUSTICE ANTONIN SCALIA will certify vote results) Diebold Board member Wilbur H. Grafton will deny fraud, announce his retirement, and be named the new Ambassador to Jamaica. (Sponsored by Diebold)
* SUGGESTED AFTER-EVENT – GET WRECKED WITH RUSH “Kicker” LIMBAUGH (sponsored by Eli Lilly)SEPTEMBER 2 (nomination night)
* 6 p.m. – OPENING PRAYER by ATTORNEY GENERAL JOHN ASHCROFT, who will then sing “Let the Eagle Soar” and light the ceremonial “TORCH OF FREEDOM(tm) with the (actual) Bill of Rights.
* TOM RIDGE raises National Alert Level to Fire Engine Red, and ANNOUNCES CAPTURE OF OSAMA BIN LADEN.
* CONVENTION SHIFTS TO “GROUND ZERO” – DICK CHENEY will introduce and personally re-nominate PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH, who WILL IMPALE OSAMA BIN LADEN WITH DAVY CROCKETT’S KENTUCKY LONG RIFLE donated by Wayne LaPierre (Sponsored by NRA)
* PRESIDENT BUSH WILL GIVE ACCEPTANCE SPEECH, standing on Osama’s dead body.
FIRST PEEK – Here is the proposed text for President Bush’s speech: “Hey, Freedom-Lovers! 9-11 Democracy Freedom Stay The Course Evil-doers trust my gut 9-11 Freedom Evil-doers Stay The Course Democracy 9-11 Evil-doers trust my gut 9-11 Democracy Freedom Stay the course Trust my gut Tax cuts Who cares what you think Evil-doers Things are great Jesus speaks to me 9-11 Democracy Freedom Stay The Course Evil-doers 9-11 Freedom Evil-doers Stay The Course Democracy 9-11 Evil-doers trust my gut 9-11 Democracy Freedom Stay the course Trust my gut Tax cuts Who cares what you think Evil-doers Things are great Jesus speaks to me. G’night everybody!POST CEREMONY CLOSING NIGHT PARTY OPPORTUNITIES:
* “GET MAXED with RUSH “ROCKET CAP” LIMBAUGH!” (Sponsored by GlaxoSmithKline)
* RICK SANTORUM ‘DOG ON DOG’ PETTING ZOO (adults only, please)
* BILL O’REILLY SHOWS OFF PULITZER PRIZE, ACADEMY AWARD, AND NOBEL PEACE PRIZE
* SPECIAL BUFFET – JOHN ASHCROFT will PERSONALLY EXORCISE A KINDLE OF CALICO KITTENS, BARBECUE THEM, AND SERVE THEM ON CANAPES (sponsored by KRAFT “Thick N’ Spicy” BBQ Sauce)
Apparently, according to this report, the photos were intended as blackmail for the prisoners to get them to talk; if they didn’t give over information, the photos would be show to their families.