You’ve Got To Be Kidding Me
That’s not really for sale on Amazon, is it? a Sexual Sound Effects CD? Because, well… Okay.
That’s not really for sale on Amazon, is it? a Sexual Sound Effects CD? Because, well… Okay.
Check out this bizarre collection of mp3s. There’s some great wacky songs and spoken word items there, and hilarious comedy bits.
Now we have congressional hearings suggesting that if you download mp3s from the internet, you’re funding Terrorism. Yeah, Right.
Crap, I thought I was only riding with Hitler and channeling Satan. I guess now I’m also funding the terrorists. Looks like the folks at Modern Humorist were ahead of their time.
Speaking of things that piss me off and make me angry… the original court documents alleging sexual abuse of a child on the part of Michael Jackson. Just for the record, Michael, stay far the hell away from me. I’m not inclined to be nice to you.
In case you ever have to make up a little song, here’s an important link to have… the Rhyme Zone. Just type in a word, and find the rhymes to it. For example, the word vagina, contrary to popular belief, has plenty of rhymes, such as bone china, erwina, and dinah. “Someone’s in the kitchen with Dinah, someone’s in the kitchen, I know….”
Cute Russian lesbian teenage musical duo tops the U.K. singles chart. Yum. I’ll have to look up T.a.t.u., and their single “All The Things She Said.” I hope it’s in English. What the hell. If it’s not I’ll listen anyway.
Time to take out those menorahs!
Chanukah is the festival of lights
Instead of one day of presents
We get eight crazy nights
So when you feel like the only kid in town
Without a Christmas tree
Here’s a new list of people who are Jewish
Just like you and me
Winona Ryder drinks Manachevett’s wine
Then spins a dreidel with Ralph Lauren and Calvin Klein
Guess who gives and receives loads of Chanukah toys
The girls from Veruca Salt and all three Beastie Boys
Lenny Kravits is half Jewish
Courtney Love is half, too
Put them together
What a funky, bad-ass Jew!
We got Harvey Keitel
And flash dancer Jennifer Beals
Yasmine Bleeth from Baywatch is Jewish
And, yes, her boobs are real
Put on that yarmulke
It’s time for Chanukah
Two time Oscar winner Dustin Hoffmonica celebrates Chanukah
OJ Simpson, still not a Jew
But guess who is
The guy who does the voice for Scooby Doo
Bob Dylan was born a Jew
Then he wasn’t, but now he’s back
Mary Tyler Moore’s husband is Jewish
‘Cause we’re pretty good in the sack
Guess who got barmitzvahed on the PGA Tour
No, I’m not talking about Tiger Woods
I’m talking about Mr. Happy Gilmore
So many Jews are in the showbiz
Bruce Springstein isn’t Jewish
But my mother thinks he is
Tell that ho Lamonica
It’s time to celebrate Chanukah
It’s not pronounced CH-anukah
The C is silent in Chanukah
So read your hooked on phonica
Get drunk in Tiajuanica
If you really, really wanna-ka
Have a happy, happy, happy, happy, Chanukah
Hapyy Chanukah!
Put on your yarmulke
It’s time for Chanukah
So much fun-uka
To celebrate Chanukah
Chanukah is, the festival of lights
Instead of one day of presents
We get eight crazy nights
When you fell like the only kid in town
Without a Christmas tree
Here’s a list of people who are Jewish
Just like you and me
David Lee Roth lights the menorah
So does James Concord Douglas and the late Dina Shora
Guess who eats together at the Carnegie Deli
Bowser from Sha NaNa and Arthur Fonzerelli.
Ponoman’s half Jewish, Goldie Hawn’s half, too.
Put them together, what a fine looking Jew
You don’t need deck the halls or Jingle Bell Rock
‘Cuz you can spin a dreidel with Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock
Both Jewish!
O.J. Simpson, not a Jew
But guess who is? Hall of Famer Rod Carew
We got Ann Landers and her sister Dear Abby
Harrison Ford’s a quarter Jewish –
Not too shabby
Some people think that Ebenezer Scrooge is Jewish
Well he’s not, but guess who is?
All three stooges
So many Jews are in show biz
Tom Cruise isn’t, but I heard his agent is
Tell your friend Veronica
It’s time to celebrat Chanukah
Don’t forget harmonica
On this lovely, lovely Chanukah
So drink your gin and tonic-a
And smoke your maraijuana-ca
If you really, really, really, really wanna-ka
Have a happy, happy, happy, happy, Chanukah
Happy Chanukah
01 – I Believe I Can Fly (Radio Edit) – R. Kelly – Club Mix ’98 (Disc 2) – 4:39
02 – Wonder – Natalie Merchant – Tigerlily – 4:27
03 – O-O-H Child – The 5 Stairsteps – Chicken Soup For The Soul -Triumph Of The Spirit – 3:16
04 – Everything is Beautful – Ray Stevens – Songs of Peace and Freedom – 3:30
05 – The 59th Street Bridge Song (Feelin’ Groovy) – Simon & Garfunkel – Simon & Garfunkel Greatest Hits – 1:50
06 – I’d Like To Teach the World To Sing – The New Seekers – Songs of Peace and Freedom – 2:22
07 – Garden Song – Peter Paul & Mary – Songs of Peace and Freedom – 4:05
08 – Weave Me The Sunshine – Peter Paul & Mary – Songs of Peace and Freedom – 3:42
09 – I Can See Clearly Now – Johnny Nash – Chicken Soup For The Soul -Triumph Of The Spirit – 2:47
10 – Easy People – The Nields – Play – 3:49
11 – Soolaimon – Neil Diamond – The Neil Diamond Collection – 4:24
12 – Sunshine Day – The Brady Bunch – Jon’s Beach Bash – 2:33
13 – Unworthy – Cheryl Wheeler – Sylvia Hotel – 3:21
14 – With A Little Help From My Friends – The Beatles 1967-1970 (Disc 1) – 2:43
15 – Bridge Over Troubled Water – Simon & Garfunkel – Simon & Garfunkel Greatest Hits – 4:52
16 – Trouble Me – 10,000 Maniacs – MTV Unplugged – 3:40
17 – Climb On (A Back That’s Strong) – Shawn Colvin – Fat City – 4:16
18 – I’ll Be Your Shelter – Taylor Dayne – Lesbian Favorites: Women Like Us – 4:09
19 – More Love – Dixie Chicks – Home – 5:07
20 – The Greatest Love Of All – Flesh Feat. Angie Brown – Handbag Heroines & Queen Bs (Disc 1) – 3:02
21 – Your Life Is Now – John Mellencamp – John Mellencamp – 3:59
22 – Unspeakable Joy (Razor N Guido Remix) – Victor Calderone – E=Vc2 – 7:47
You know, I own one Ani DiFranco album, and I’ve never been able to listen to the whole thing all the way through. This is one of those things I’ve never admitted to anyone, because everyone seems to think she’s the shit, despite that fact that you never actually hear anyone out just humming one of her tunes. But here I am admitting it, because, hey, I just found out I’m not the only one who’s not a big fan of hers. Well, that’s a relief.