My friend Jen, who is also our primary food reviewer on IndyScribe, now has a blog where she’s scanning in her grandmother’s recipes for public consumption. It’s fascinating, because the recipes are certainly from a different era than ours.
Check out the recipe for lime jello with chicken and curry.
I have some old cookbooks from my grandmother’s church group, and when I perused them once last summer, I discovered that many of them call for a key ingredient: Lard. Yum, yum!
So after seeing the musical, I’ve been listening to the new Wicked Soundtrack, and I seem to be stuck on one song that I keep playing over and over… Popular. Hee. I love this song. Possibly because it’s sung by Glinda, and I love Glinda, despite her character being a bubble-headed misguided person in this version of the story.
(spoken) Elphie – now that we’re friends, I’ve decided to
make you my new project.
ELPHABA
(spoken) You really don’t have to do that
GALINDA
(spoken) I know. That’s what makes me so nice!
(sung) Whenever I see someone
Less fortunate than I
(And let’s face it – who isn’t
Less fortunate than I?)
My tender heart
Tends to start to bleed
And when someone needs a makeover
I simply have to take over
I know I know exactly what they need
And even in your case
Tho’ it’s the toughest case I’ve yet to face
Don’t worry – I’m determined to succeed
Follow my lead
And yes, indeed
You will be:
Popular!
You’re gonna be popular!
I’ll teach you the proper ploys
When you talk to boys
Little ways to flirt and flounce
I’ll show you what shoes to wear
How to fix your hair
Everything that really counts
To be popular
I’ll help you be popular!
You’ll hang with the right cohorts
You’ll be good at sports
Know the slang you’ve got to know
So let’s start
‘Cause you’ve got an awfully long way to go:
Don’t be offended by my frank analysis
Think of it as personality dialysis
Now that I’ve chosen to be come a pal, a
Sister and adviser
There’s nobody wiser
Not when it comes to popular –
I know about popular
And with an assist from me
To be who you’ll be
Instead of dreary who-you-were: are:
There’s nothing that can stop you
From becoming popu-
Ler: lar:
La la la la
We’re gonna make
You popular
When I see depressing creatures
With unprepossessing features
I remind them on their own behalf
To think of
Celebrated heads of state or
Specially great communicators
Did they have brains or knowledge?
Don’t make me laugh!
They were popular! Please –
It’s all about popular!
It’s not about aptitude
It’s the way you’re viewed
So it’s very shrewd to be
Very very popular
Like me!
(spoken) Why, Miss Elphaba, look at you. You’re beautiful.
ELPHABA (spoken) I – I have to go:
GALINDA
(spoken) You’re welcome!
(sung) And though you protest
Your disinterest
I know clandestinely
You’re gonna grin and bear it
Your new found popularity
La la la la
You’ll be popular –
Just not as quite as popular
As me!
When I was in second grade, the following story was in my school reader, (which I’ve since discovered was called “Believe and Make-Believe (Sheldon Basic Reading Series)“) and I remember sitting with my mom at home listening to her read it out loud before bedtime. It was one of my favorite stories, and I was happy to stumble across it again out there on the internets. The credit I found was to “Caroline Feller Bauer” but I’ve since discovered (see comments below) that it was written by Betty Van Witsen.
There was once a little boy who ate cheese, peas and chocolate pudding. Every day he ate the same thing: cheese, peas and chocolate pudding.
For breakfast, he would have some cheese, any kind: cream cheese, American cheese, Swiss cheese, Dutch cheese, Italian cheese, cottage cheese, bleu cheese, green cheese, yellow cheese, even leiderkrantz. Just cheese for breakfast.
For lunch, he ate peas: green or yellow peas, frozen peas, canned peas, dried peas, split peas, black-eyed peas. No potatoes, though; just peas for lunch.
And for supper he would have cheese and peas and chocolate pudding for dessert. Cheese, peas and chocolate pudding. Cheese, peas and chocolate pudding. Every day, the same old thing: cheese, peas and chocolate pudding.
Once, his mother bought him a lamb chop. She cooked it in a little frying pan on the stove, and she put some salt on it and gave it to him on a little blue dish. The little boy looked at it. He smelled it (it smelled delicious!). He even touched it. but — “Is this cheese?” he asked. “It’s a lamb chop darling,” said his mother. The boy shook his head. “Cheese,” he said. So his mother ate the lamb chop herself, and the boy had some cottage cheese.
One day, his big brother was chewing on a raw carrot. It sounded so good and crunchy, the little boy reached his hand out for a bite. “Sure!” his brother said, “Here!” He almost put the carrot into his mouth, but at the last minute he remembered and asked, “Is this peas?” “No, it’s a carrot,” said his brother, “Peas”, the little boy said firmly, handing the carrot back.
Once his daddy was eating a big dish of raspberry pudding, It looked so shiny red and cool, the little boy came over and held his mouth open. “Want a taste?” asked his daddy. The little boy looked and looked at the raspberry pudding. He almost looked it right off the dish. “But, is it chocolate pudding?” he asked. “No, it’s raspberry pudding,” said his daddy. So the little boy frowned and backed away. “Chocolate pudding!” he said.
His grandma bought him an ice cream cone. The little boy shook his head. His aunt and uncle invited him for a fried chicken dinner. Everybody ate fried chicken and fried chicken and fried chicken, except the little boy. And you know what he ate. Cheese, peas and chocolate pudding. Cheese, peas and chocolate pudding. Every day the same old thing: cheese, peas and chocolate pudding.
But one day — ah, one day a very funny thing happened. The little boy was pretending to be a puppy. He lay on the floor and growled and barked and rolled over. He crept to the table where his big brother was having lunch. “Arf, arf!” he barked. “Good Doggie!” said his brother, patting his head. The little boy lay down on his back and barked again. But at that moment, his big brother dropped a piece of something right into the little boy’s mouth. The little boy sat up in surprise because something was on his tongue. And that something was warm and juicy and delicious!
And it didn’t taste like cheese. And it didn’t taste like peas. And it didn’t taste a bit like chocolate pudding. The little boy chewed slowly. Each chew tasted better. He swallowed the something.
“That’s not cheese,” he said. “No, it’s not,” said his brother. “And it’s not peas,” he said. “No, not peas,” said his brother. “It couldn’t be chocolate pudding.” “No, it’s certainly not chocolate pudding,” said his brother, smiling, “It’s hamburger.”
So the little boy thought very hard. “I like hamburger!” he said.
So ever after that, the little boy ate cheese, peas, chocolate pudding and hamburger.
Until he was your age, of course. Then he ate everything!
10. You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
9. If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
7. You don’t have to compliment the person who gives you some.
6. It’s O.K. when the person you’re with fantasizes you’re someone else, because you are.
5. Forty years from now you’ll still enjoy candy.
4. If you don’t like what you get, you can always go next door.
3. It doesn’t matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.
2. Less guilt the morning after.
1. YOU CAN DO THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD.
Give away something other than candy. (Toothpicks, golf balls, bags of sand, etc.)
Wait behind the door until some people come. When they get near the door, jump out, wearing a costume, and holding a bag, and yell, “Trick or Treat!” Look at them, scratch your head, and act confused.
Fill a briefcase with marbles and crackers. Write on it, “TopSecret” in big letters. When trick-or-treaters come, look around suspiciously, say, “It’s about time you got here,” give them the briefcase, and quickly shut the door.
Get about 30 people to wait in your living room. When trick-or-treaters come to the door, say, “Come in.” When they do, have everyone yell, “Surprise!!!” Act like it’s a surprise party.
Get everyone who comes to the door to come in and see if they can figure out what’s wrong with your dishwasher. Insist that it makes an unnatural “whirring” sound.
After you give them candy, hand the trick-or-treaters a bill.
Open the door dressed as a giant fish. Immediately collapse, and don’t move or say anything until the trick-or-treaters go away.
When you answer the door, hold up one candy bar, throw it out into the street, and yell, “Crawl for it!”
When you answer the door, look at the trick-or-treaters, act shocked and scared, and start screaming your head off. Slam the door and run-around the house, screaming until they go away.
Insist that the trick-or-treaters each do ten push-ups before you give them any candy.
Hand out menus to the trick-or-treaters and let them order their candy. Keep asking if anyone wants to see the wine list.
Get a catapult. Sit on your porch and catapult pumpkins at anyone who comes within 50 yards of your house.
When people come to the door, jump out a nearby window, crashing through the glass, and run as far away from your house as you can.
Answer the door dressed as a pilgrim. Stare at the trick-or-treaters for a moment, pretend to be confused, and start flipping through a calendar.
Instead of candy, give away colored eggs. If anyone protests, explain that the eggs are the only thing you had left over from Easter.
Answer the door dressed as a dentist. Give the trick-or-treaters a two-hour lecture on tooth decay.
If you plan to be a samurai or ninja for Halloween, you may want a wakizashi sword as part of your costume.
Answer the door with a mouthful of M & M’s and several half-eaten candy bars in your hands. Act surprised, and close the door. Open it again in a few seconds, and insist that you don’t have any candy.
Hand out cigarettes and bottles of aspirin.
Put a crown on a pumpkin and put the pumpkin on a throne on your porch. Insist that all of the trick-or-treaters bow before the pumpkin.
Dress up like a bunny rabbit. Yell and curse from the moment you open the door, and throw the candy at the trick-or-treaters. Slam the door when you’re finished.
With the fast-approaching Halloween season here are some helpful hints:
When it appears that you have killed the monster, *never* check to see if it’s really dead.
If you find that your house is built upon or near a cemetery, was once a church that was used for black masses, had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices in your house — move away immediately.
Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.
If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, or if they speak to you using a voice which is other than their own, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. NOTE: It will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared.
When you have the benefit of numbers, *never* pair off and go it alone.
As a general rule, don’t solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
Never stand in, on, above, below, beside, or anywhere near a grave, tomb, crypt, mausoleum, or other place of the dead.
If you’re searching for something which caused a noise and find out that it’s just the cat, *leave the room immediately if you value your life.*
If appliances start operating by themselves, move out.
Do not take *anything* from the dead.
If you find a town which looks deserted, it’s probably for a reason. Take the hint and stay away.
Don’t fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you’re sure you know what you are doing.
If you’re running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along,it’s still moving fast enough to catch up with you.
If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness,and so on, get away from them as fast as possible.
Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.
If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help.
Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawn mowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any device made from deceased companions.
A man was walking home alone late one night when he hears a…….
BUMP…
BUMP…
BUMP… behind him.
Walking faster he looks back, and makes out the image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street towards him
BUMP…
BUMP…
BUMP…
Terrified, the man begins to run towards his home, the coffin bouncing quickly behind him …
faster…
faster…
BUMP…
BUMP….
BUMP….
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.
However, the coffin crashes through his door, with the lid of the coffin clapping…
clappity-BUMP…
clappity-BUMP…
clappity-BUMP…
clappity-BUMP…
on the heels of the terrified man….
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps. .
With a loud CRASH the coffin starts breaking down the door. Bumping and clapping towards him.
The man screams and reaches for something heavy, anything… his hand comes to rest on a large bottle of Robitussin.
Desperate, he throws the Robitussin as hard as he can at the apparition…….
and………..
…………………….the coffin stops.
Q. Why don’t witches like to ride their brooms when they’re angry?
A. They’re afraid of flying off the handle!
Q. Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
A. No body
Q. What do skeletons say before they begin dining?
A. Bone appetit !
Q. Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
A. Dayscare centers
Q. Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
A. His ghoul friend.
Q. What monster flies his kite in a rain storm?
A. Benjamin Frankenstein
Q. What do ghosts serve for dessert?
A. Ice Scream
Q. What’s a monster’s favorite play?
A. Romeo and Ghouliet
Q. What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
A. Bamboo
Q. What’s a haunted chicken?
A. A poultry-geist
Q. How can you tell when you’re in bed with Count Dracula?
A. He has a big D on his pajamas
Q. What’s pink and gray and wrinkly and old and belongs to Grandpa monster?
A. Grandma monster
Q. Why did the monster eat a light bulb?
A. Because he was in need of a light snack
Q. Why are most monsters covered in wrinkles?
A. Have you ever tried to iron a monster?
Q. What kind of mistakes do spooks make?
A. Boo boos
Q. Why couldn’t Dracula’s wife get to sleep?
A. Because of his coffin
Q. Why do mummies make excellent spies?
A. They’re good at keeping things under wraps
Q. What kind of cereal do monsters eat?
A. Ghost-Toasties
Q. What kind of monster is safe to put in the washing machine?
A. A wash and wear wolf
Q. What’s the first thing ghosts do when they get into a car?
A. They boo-kle their seatbelts
Q. What has webbed feet, feathers, fangs and goes quack-quack?
A. Count Duckula
Q. What do you call a person who puts poison in a person’s corn
flakes?
A. A cereal killer
Q. Why are monsters huge and hairy and ugly?
A. Because if they were small and round and smooth they’d be M&M’s
Q. Why wasn’t there any food left after the monster party?
A. Because everyone was a goblin!
Q. How did the ghost patch his sheet?
A. With a pumpkin patch.
Q. What do witches use on their hair?
A. Scare spray
Q. What is as sharp as a vampires fang?
A. His other fang.
Q: What do the birds sing on Halloween?
A: Twick or Tweet
Q: What did the little ghost have in his rock collection?
A: Tombstones
Q: Why should a skeleton drink 10 glasses of milk a day?
A: It’s good for the bones
Q: What do baby ghosts wear on Halloween?
A: White Pillowcases
Q: What do you get when you drop a pumpkin?
A: Squash
Q: Why did the witches’ team lose the baseball game?
A: Their bats flew away
Q: What was the witches favorite subject in school?
A: Spelling
Q: Why did the mummy call the doctor?
A: Because he was coffin
Q: What does a vampire fear most?
A: Tooth decay
Q: Where did the vampire open his savings account?
A: At a blood bank
Q: What did the mad scientist eat on Halloween?
A: Frankenfurters with Ketchup
Q: Where do mummies go for a swim?
A: To the dead sea
Q: What is Transylvania?
A: Dracula’s terror-tory
Q: Where does dracula water ski?
A: On Lake Erie
Q: What kind of boat pulls Dracula when he water skis?
A: A blood vessel
Q: What do you get when you divide the diameter of a jack-o- lantern by it’s circumference?
A: Pumpkin Pi
Q: Why are there fences around cemeteries?
A: Because people are dying to get in.
Q: Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
A: He didn’t have the guts.
Q: What does a ghost eat for lunch?
A: A BOO-logna sandwich.
Q: How does the silly witch know what time it is?
A: She looks at her witch-watch.
Q: What did the Mommy ghost say to the baby ghost?
A: Don’t spook until your spooken to.
Q: What kind of protozoa likes Halloween?
A: An amoeboo!
Q: How do vampires get around on Halloween night?
A: By blood vessels.
Q: Why do ghouls and demons hang out together?
A: Because demons are a ghoul’s best friend!
Q: What happened to the guy who couldn’t keep up payments to his exorcist?
A: He was repossessed.
In my continuing quest to move my static html pages into Movable Type, early this morning I finished up entering my CD Mix Playlists. I also added a number of playlists that for one reason or other (mainly because it was a pain to do the old way) I never made a page for.
2019 Update: I didn’t realize I waited this long to move all my content into a content management system. I started using blogger in 2000 and moved to Movable Type after that, but it was still 10 years after I started this site that I finally moved everything onto a CMS. Surprising
Apple has a fascinating movie trailer for the movie Transamerica, starring Felicity Huffman. Really interesting, and it appears sympathetic, movie about a MtF transgendered person.