Every Woman…

author unknown

Every Woman Should Have…

One old love she can imagine going back to, and one who reminds her how far she has come.

Enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own, even if she never wants to and needs to.

Something perfect to wear if the employer or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour.

A youth she’s content to leave behind.

A past so juicy enough that she’s looking forward to retelling it in her old age.

The realization that she is actually going to have an old age and some money set aside to fund it.

A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra.

One friend who always makes her laugh, and one who lets her cry.

A good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family.

Eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored.

A resume that is not even slightest bit padded.

Every Woman Should Know…

How to fall in love without losing herself.

How to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship.

When to try harder, and when to walk away.

How to have a good time at a party she’d never choose to attend.

How to ask for what she wants in a way that makes it most likely she’ll get it.

That she can’t change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents.

That her childhood may not have been perfect, but it’s over.

What she would and wouldn’t do for love or more.

How to live alone, even if she doesn’t like it.

Whom she can trust, whom she can’t, and why she shouldn’t take it personally.

Where to go, be it to her best friend’s kitchen table, or a charming inn in the woods, when her soul needs soothing.

What she can and can’t accomplish in a day, a month, and a year.

If nothing else, know that you are truly loved and thought of by the friend who sent this to you and that she only wishes the best for you and your life because you are the one that counts.

Continue ReadingEvery Woman…

The Bill of Rights

The first ten amendments to the constitution — and the most important document that America owns because it’s the document that makes our country unlike any other and the best country in the world.

Note: The following text is a transcription of the first 10 amendments to the Constitution in their original form. These amendments were ratified December 15, 1791, and form what is known as the “Bill of Rights.”

Amendment I
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

Amendment II
A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.

Amendment III
No Soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the Owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law.

Amendment IV
The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

Amendment V
No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offence to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation.

Amendment VI
In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the State and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the Assistance of Counsel for his defence.

Amendment VII
In suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, the right of trial by jury shall be preserved, and no fact tried by a jury, shall be otherwise reexamined in any Court of the United States, than according to the rules of the common law.

Amendment VIII
Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted.

Amendment IX
The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people.

Amendment X
The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people.

Continue ReadingThe Bill of Rights

I’ve Learned

Author Unknown

I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.

I’ve learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don’t care back.

I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.

I’ve learned that it’s not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts.

I’ve learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you’d better know something.

I’ve learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself to the best others can do but to the best you can do.

I’ve learned that it’s not what happens to people that’s important. It’s what they do about it.

I’ve learned that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I’ve learned that no matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides.

I’ve learned that it’s taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I’ve learned that it’s a lot easier to react than it is to think.

I’ve learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I’ve learned that you can keep going long after you think you can’t.

I’ve learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I’ve learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I’ve learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.

I’ve learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I’ve learned that learning to forgive takes practice.

I’ve learned that there are people who love you dearly, but just don’t know how to show it.

I’ve learned that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I’ve learned that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I’ve learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you’re down will be the ones to help you get back up.

I’ve learned that sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel.

I’ve learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I’ve learned that just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.

I’ve learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had and what you’ve learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.

I’ve learned that you should never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating, and what a tragedy it would be if they believed it.

I’ve learned that your family won’t always be there for you. It may seem funny, but people you aren’t related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again. Families aren’t biological.

I’ve learned that no matter how good a friend is, they’re going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I’ve learned that it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I’ve learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn’t stop for your grief.

I’ve learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I’ve learned that sometimes when my friends fight, I’m forced to choose sides even when I don’t want to.

I’ve learned that just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do.

I’ve learned that sometimes you have to put the individual ahead of their actions.

I’ve learned that we don’t have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I’ve learned that you shouldn’t be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I’ve learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I’ve learned that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt and you will hurt in the process.

I’ve learned that there are many ways of falling and staying in love.

I’ve learned that no matter the consequences, those who are honest with themselves get farther in life.

I’ve learned that no matter how many friends you have, if you are their pillar you will feel lonely and lost at the times you need them most.

I’ve learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don’t even know you.

I’ve learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

I’ve learned that writing, as well as talking, can ease emotional pains.

I’ve learned that the paradigm we live in is not all that is offered to us.

I’ve learned that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I’ve learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon.

I’ve learned that although the word "love" can have many different meanings; it loses value when overly used.

I’ve learned that it’s hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people’s feelings, and standing up for what you believe.

Continue ReadingI’ve Learned

Abraham Lincoln

Snopes.com does a nice job of investigating each of these dates and determining what’s true and what’s not.

1816 – Family was forced out of home, and he had to work to support them
1818 – His mother died
1831 – Failed in business
1832 – Lost election for legislature
1832 – Lost his job
1832 – Wanted to go to law school but couldn’t get in
1833 – Began a business and went bankrupt, spent next 17 years paying off the debt
1835 – Sweetheart died
1836 – Nervous breakdown
1838 – Sought to become speaker of legislature and was defeated
1843 – Defeated for Congress
1848 – Defeated for re-election to Congress
1849 – Rejected for job of land officer
1854 – Defeated for US Senate
1856 – Defeated for Vice President
1858 – Defeated for US Senate
1860 – Elected President of the United States

Something to think about. Never quit trying.

Continue ReadingAbraham Lincoln

Seattle Special Olympics

Author Unknown – email forward

Parts of this story have been proven to be untrue, according to this page on Snopes.com

A few years ago at the seattle special olympics, nine contestants, all physically or mentally disabled, assembled at the starting line for the 100 yard dash.

At the gun, they all started out, not exactly in a dash, but with a relish to run the race, to the finish, and win. All, that is, except one little boy who stumbled on the asphalt, tumbled over, and began to cry. The other eight heard the boy cry. They slowed down and looked back. Then they all turned around and went back. Every one of them. One girl with down’s syndrome bent down and kissed him and said," this will make it better."

Then all nine linked arms, and walked together to the finish line. Everyone in the stadium stood, and cheered; the cheering went on for several minutes.

People who were there are still telling the story. Why? Because deep down we know this one thing: What matters in life is more than winning for ourselves. What matters in this life is helping others win, even if it means slowing down, and changing our course.

Continue ReadingSeattle Special Olympics

Having My Baby…

Two gay men decide to have a baby. They mix their sperm, then have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated.

When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital. Two dozen babies are in the ward, 23 of which are crying and screaming. One, over in the corner, is smiling serenely.

A nurse comes by, and to the gays’ delight, she points out the happy child as theirs.

"Isn’t it wonderful?" Brad exclaims. "All these unhappy children, and ours is so happy."

The nurse says, "He’s happy now. But just wait until we take the pacifier out of his ass."

Continue ReadingHaving My Baby…

The Gay Agenda

I know that many of you have heard Pat Robertson, Jerry Fallwell and others speak of the "Homosexual Agenda," but no one has ever seen a copy of it. Well, I have finally obtained a copy directly from the Head Homosexual. It follows below:

6:00 am Gym
8:00 am Breakfast (oatmeal and egg whites)
9:00 am Hair appointment
10:00 am Shopping
12:00 PM Brunch

2:00 PM
1) Assume complete control of the U.S. Federal, State and Local Governments as well as all other national governments,
2) Recruit all straight youngsters to our debauched lifestyle,
3) Destroy all healthy heterosexual marriages,
4) Replace all school counselors in grades K-12 with agents of Colombian and Jamaican drug cartels,
5) Establish planetary chain of homo breeding gulags where over-medicated imprisoned straight women are turned into artificially impregnated baby factories to produce prepubescent love slaves for our devotedly pederastic gay leadership,
6) bulldoze all houses of worship, and
7) Secure total control of the INTERNET and all mass media for the exclusive use of child pornographers.

2:30 PM Get forty winks of beauty rest to prevent facial wrinkles from stress of world conquest
4:00 PM Cocktails
6:00 PM Light Dinner (soup, salad, with Chardonnay)
8:00 PM Theater
11:00 PM Bed (du jour)"

Continue ReadingThe Gay Agenda

Attention All Heterosexual Men!

Are you disillusioned by your lifestyle? Do you want more from life besides monster truck shows? Do Budweiser commercials confuse you? Are you tired of being a year behind in fashion? Do you wish you had a nice apartment like the ones you see on "Will & Grace"?

YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Act now, and you’ll be on your way to living a fabulous, glamorous life as a HOMOSEXUAL! We are now recruiting heterosexual men ages 18-65 to become homosexuals. Let us assist you in your transformation from bland to beautiful! We’ll give you all the steps you’ll need to be a happy fairy, such as:

  • Drag Queen make-up tips!
  • How to have sex with a man WITHOUT the six pack of beer!
  • How to decorate with frills and throw pillows to brighten up any room!
  • Essential Madonna and Cher records to own
  • That tongue trick invented circa 1978 in some alley in NYC
  • Ricky Martin’s fan club address
  • Style and grooming tips NO self respecting gay would be without (hope you’re not too attached to that uni-brow)
  • How to wear a G-string with poise and dignity (we’ll insert a few bucks to get you started)
  • Finger-snapping lessons, and a dialect coach to assist in "gaylingo"
  • Learn important historical dates, like: the year Donna Summer won her first Grammy, Barbra’s wedding anniversary, and the day Judy died!

ACT NOW AND YOU’LL RECEIVE A GOLD-PLATED CLOSET DOOR HINGE TO SYMBOLIZE YOUR FREEDOM!

Don’t delay any longer! Do you want to have more women hanging off you than when you were straight? Aren’t you tired of the snickers whenever you walk into a room?

Call 1-800-976-HOMO to BEGIN YOUR LIFE AS A FABULOUS FAG!!!

Call today. Operators are standing by . . . . .

Continue ReadingAttention All Heterosexual Men!

service engine soon

I’ve recovered, somewhat, from the stress of this weekend. My “service engine soon” light came on in my car, and I freaked out about that on Friday, but it turns out I didn’t put the gas cap on tight enough when I got gas, so when I got a new tank last night and fired up the car this morning, it was no longer a problem.
I went to the Pitch-in Friday night at Deb B.’s. It was pretty fun; we played Cranium. I spend all day Saturday doing laundry at my mom’s; hopefully that will “tide” me over until I can get in the new place. Yesterday I took pictures of some big stone mermaids my friend Lori told me about; they’re at her uncle’s business on the southside. I also took photos of my new rental house and wandered around in WalMart looking at gardening supplies and outdoor furniture.

Continue Readingservice engine soon