1997 – Page 6 – commonplacebook.com

Mom’s Home Cooking

Post author:HFM
Post published:February 10, 1997
Post category:Gay Jokes

author unknown

A gay man, finally deciding he could no longer hide his sexuality from his parents, went over to their house, and found his mother in the kitchen cooking dinner. He sat down at the kitchen table, let out a big sigh, and said, "Mum, I have something to tell you: I’m gay."

His mother made no reply or gave any response, and the guy was about to repeat it to make sure she’d heard him, when she turned away from the pot she was stirring and said calmly, "You’re gay, doesn’t that mean you have oral sex with other men?"

The guy said nervously, "Uh, yeah, Mum, that’s right."

His mother went back to stirring the pot, then suddenly whirled around and WHACKED him over the head with her spoon and said, "Don’t you EVER complain about the taste of my cooking again!"

Dear Tech Support

Post author:HFM
Post published:February 10, 1997
Post category:Gay Jokes

author unknown

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 7.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected drama processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Husband 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Amateur Strip Night 10.3, Circuit Party 40.2, Drunken Boys Night 2.5 and Saturday Afternoon Gym Watch 5.0, and Sunday Tea Dance 2.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I can not seem to keep Husband 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of my other favorite applications. I am thinking about going back to Boyfriend 7.0, but the un-install does not work on this program. Can you help me? Please!!!

Thanks,

Joe

Dear Joe:

This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Boyfriend 7.0 to Husband 1.0 with the idea that Husband 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT program. Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Husband 1.0 and still convert back to Boyfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Boyfriend 7.0 to emulate Husband 1.0 so nothing is gained. It is impossible to un-install, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You can not go back to Boyfriend 7.0 because Husband 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Boyfriend 8.0 or Husband 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system.

Look in your manual under "Warnings – Palimony/Bitter Queens." I recommend you keep Husband 1.0 and just deal with the situation. Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause. The best course of action will be to enter the command C:\APOLOGISE. In any case avoid excessive use of the Esc key because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGISE command before the operating system will return to normal. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPFs. Husband 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Husband 1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Chocolates 5.0, Clothes 10.2, Toys 4.5, or Car 20.5. Do not, under any circumstances, install GymBuddyWithBody 3.3. This is not a supported application for Husband 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system. Best of luck.

Tech Support/XMP

5 Reasons Tinky Winky Can’t Be Gay

Post author:HFM
Post published:February 10, 1997
Post category:Funny Lists Gay Jokes

Author Unknown

The Purse doesn’t match the shoes. Purple AND Red, I mean really, clash-o-rama.
That headpiece. A gold star for its FABULOUS height, but it really doesn’t have much in the way of frills, its just a triangle. It absolutely demands bugle beads, or something lacey.
He hangs out in a meadow. Not a bush or tree in sight. A bit too daring for anything but the quickest quickie.
He’s a really bad dancer.
The name Tinky Winky. I don’t know a gay man on the planet who would go with a name like that…. HELLO, it screams "I’m small down there and I don’t care who knows it."

The Dream Where Prince Died

Post author:HFM
Post published:February 7, 1997
Post category:Dreams

In this dream, I found out that Prince had just died, and I was terribly upset, because I felt that we would be lost without his music. We (Me and who else? I don’t know) decided to go to his funeral.

While there, I ran into someone who was explaining how he died; this gets really abstract, and yet I understood it completely in the dream. He died of “clipline failure” whic was his sorrow at newspaper clippings about himself. (As if?)

Strangely, I not only understood this unusual cause of death, I could think of a similar story I’d once heard about a man who died from photo captions, because he was the person responsible for placing the captions on newspaper photos for years, and eventually died because of it.

We began to walk through the funeral, which looked like a combination between a performance art show and an carnival, with people acting out extraordinarily creative tableauxs. However, I noticed immediately that nowhere in the art works, or performers clothes, or indeed anywhere at the funeral, did the color purple appear; almost as though it were gone forever.