politics

Poker with Dick Cheney

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I read this classic blog post from The Poor Man last year when it was first posted, but it’s won some awards since then and I had a chance to re-read it. Check out the whole post, because it’s one of the funniest things you’ll ever read. Unfortunately, the page is screwed up a bit, but scroll down and you’ll see the whole thing.

Judith Miller: Dick Cheney has revealed a straight flush, confirming his pre-collection claims about beating two pair.
TE: Those cards are of different suits. It’s not a flush.
Mark Steyn: When will it end? Now liberal critics complain that Dick Cheney’s cards are not all the same suit. Naturally, these are the same liberals who are always whining about a lack of diversity in higher education. It seems like segregation is OK with these liberals, as long as it damages Republicans.
MD: ****DRUDGE REPORT EXCLUSIVE****
*****MUST CREDIT THE DRUDGE REPORT*****
A witness has come forward claiming that The Editors engage in racial profiling in blog-linking. Developing …
TE: Wait! It’s not even a straight! You’ve got a eight and ten of hearts, a six of clubs, and the seven and five of diamonds. You have a ten high. That’s nothing.

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Bush Dimbulbs

How many Bush administration officials does it take to change a light bulb?
None. There’s nothing wrong with that light bulb. There is no need to change anything. We made the right decision and nothing has happened to change our minds. People who criticize this light bulb now, just because it doesn’t work anymore, supported us when we first screwed it in, and when these flip-floppers insist on saying that it is burned out, they are merely giving aid and encouragement to the Forces of Darkness.

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Cheney Tries To Scare America into Voting Against Kerry

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Cheney tries to claim that voting for Kerry will cause another terrorist attack. The terrorist don’t want Kerry in office. They want Bush. He’s the best recruiting tool they’ve ever had, and he has no support from any important country in the world. They also do a lot of business with him through the Saudi Royal Family. Bush makes the terrorist’s job easy, and they’re dying to keep him.
Let me repeat it — you are NOT IN ANY DANGER FROM FOREIGN TERRORISTS. The only terrorists you should be afraid of are the Christian Terrorists the blew up the Oklahoma City building, that set off a bomb at the Atlanta Olympics, that sent Anthrax to Democrats and the So-Called Liberal Media. These are they terrorists that are getting away with it… because they’re Republicans. Of course no one’s looking for them.

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Bigotry and anti-gay hate at the Republican National Convention

Pastor Donnie McClurkin will be performing at the Republican National Convention. Among other things, McClurkin thinks homosexuality is a “curse,” that it’s caused by men raping small children, that being gay is a choice, that it can be cured, and most explosively, that gays are trying to “kill our children.”
He’s come to those conclusions through his personal experience. He was molested by an uncle as a child, and believes his homosexual feelings came as a result of that.
While I’m sorry about what happened to McClurkin as a child, he’s blaming the wrong people. Homosexuality is not caused by being molested as a child. I was not molested, and neither were the vast majority of gay people. And most molested children do not turn out to be gay. Most gay people are not in the least interested in children. Most child molesters molest children of the opposite sex. Almost all children who are molested, nearly 90% are girls molested by adult men.
The numbers just don’t support what he’s saying here.
And if we truly want to get serious about children being molested, we need to looking at adult heterosexual males.

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President Gore calls Bush evil, soulless, incompetent

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Holy crap. Well, you tell them, Al.

One of the clearest indications of the impending loss of intimacy with one’s soul is the failure to recognize the existence of a soul in those over whom power is exercised, especially if the helpless come to be treated as animals, and degraded. We also know – and not just from De Sade and Freud – the psychological proximity between sexual depravity and other people’s pain. It has been especially shocking and awful to see these paired evils perpetrated so crudely and cruelly in the name of America.

Those pictures of torture and sexual abuse came to us embedded in a wave of news about escalating casualties and growing chaos enveloping our entire policy in Iraq. But in order understand the failure of our overall policy, it is important to focus specifically on what happened in the Abu Ghraib prison, and ask whether or not those actions were representative of who we are as Americans? Obviously the quick answer is no, but unfortunately it’s more complicated than that. …
What happened at the prison, it is now clear, was not the result of random acts by “a few bad apples,” it was the natural consequence of the Bush Administration policy that has dismantled those wise constraints and has made war on America’s checks and balances.

The abuse of the prisoners at Abu Ghraib flowed directly from the abuse of the truth that characterized the Administration’s march to war and the abuse of the trust that had been placed in President Bush by the American people in the aftermath of September 11th. …

The unpleasant truth is that President Bush’s utter incompetence has made the world a far more dangerous place and dramatically increased the threat of terrorism against the United States. Just yesterday, the International Institute of Strategic Studies reported that the Iraq conflict ” has arguable focused the energies and resources of Al Qaeda and its followers while diluting those of the global counterterrorism coalition.” The ISS said that in the wake of the war in Iraq Al Qaeda now has more than 18,000 potential terrorists scattered around the world and the war in Iraq is swelling its ranks.

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Bush Lies

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John Kerry was given a hard time recently for calling the Bush White House a bunch of crooked liars. Well, I’m not running for public office, so I can feel free to call him a big giant lying liar pants. And here’s the Proof, six comparison sites that illustrate what Bush said, versus what actually occurred:

1. Caught on Film: The Bush Credibility Gap
2. Bush Lies
3. Bush Watch: Bush Lies
4. The Lies of George W. Bush
5. Did George W. Bush Invade Iraq by Lying?
6. IRAQGATE: How Bush Justified A War With Lies

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Pope speaks out against equal marriage rights for gay people

On Sunday, Pope John Paul spoke out against equal marriage rights for gay and lesbian people.

“In our times, a misunderstood sense of rights has sometimes disturbed the nature of the family institution and conjugal bond itself,” John Paul said.

Let me repeat: never setting foot in a Catholic church again.

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Most Interesting Theatrical Synopsis

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Salon magazine reviews an underground, possibly illegal, play staged in New York, entitled “I’m Going to Kill the President.” The plot, which sounds quite fun, is this (quoted from Salon):

The plot, such as it is, centers around Skip, a revolutionary who’s bereaved after his girlfriend, Bess, handcuffs herself to a Southern senator and sets off a suicide bomb in a posh Washington restaurant. (When he objects, she cries, “Don’t go Gandhi on me now!”) He’s played by an amazingly quick, dolefully funny actor whose name, like everyone else’s in the show, is redacted in the program.

Dejected and on the lam, Skip meets NYU student Fifi at an Identity Fair, where she’s shopping for a new persona. Alternately sarcastic and bubbleheaded, she coos, “I’ve never met a real revolutionary before,” to which he responds, “Well, it’s a word used only in advertising, and even then incorrectly.”

Soon, she’s signed on to his plan to kidnap the president, igniting so much chaos in the country that the United Nations, also known as the Superfriends, will be forced to intervene and install a “puppet democracy,” as it has in various other nations troubled by “corrupt regimes” and “screwy elections.”

Skip and Fifi set off on an insurrectionary picaresque, meeting a violent, armless veteran of Gulf War I, a group of activists driven to sectarian meltdown by the challenges of ordering a pizza, Fifi’s “edgy, arty” ex-boyfriend, and Ralph Nader. They are dogged by a feral green sleeping bag that attacks the politically uncommitted, turning them into reactionary zombies, and by the Man, who tries to steal Fifi’s heart with fantasies of bourgeois comfort.

Threaded throughout are all kinds of genius low-tech gags and humor that alternates between bleak deadpan and manic physical comedy. There’s a tour-de-force three-way phone call between a cop, the dean of NYU and the head of Homeland Security in which BANG plays all the parts and, toward the end, a repeat of an early scene entirely in French. Like the bastard child of Valerie Solanas and Mel Brooks, BANG combines an astonishing talent for fleet-footed physical humor and rapid-fire repartee with a kamikaze downtown nihilism.

I think it’s the feral green sleeping bag that grabs my imagination.

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Recent News Headlines

I was having a conversation recently with someone from work, who said that they thought things were getting much better for gay people in America and they felt that there are no real incidences of homophobia any more. For their benefit, these news headlines from the past week.
Conservative Supreme Court justice ridicules sodomy ruling
Wisconsin assembly passes defense of marriage act
Alabama college removes gay-suggestive photo exhibit
Antigay Baptist school appeals voucher program rejection
Embattled bishop-elect defends his position
Patricia Ireland fired from YWCA for sexual orientation
Lesbian hiker murder trial delayed
Tennessee congressman joins growing call for marriage amendment
Oklahoma gays criticize “ex-gay” summit
Head of Poland’s Catholic Church opposes gay rights
Christian group asks lawmakers to sign pledge opposing gay marriage
Expelled gay student sues Christian school
Tennessee man who strangled gay activist back in court
Connecticut gay beating case settled
Injunction issued against suspect in Boston gay bashing
Israeli gay man denied partner’s inheritance

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