Country Songs about Pickup Trucks

I made this mix to play in my pickup, because people kept joking about me becoming a country music fan after I bought one.

1 Redneck Woman – Gretchen Wilson – Redneck Woman – Single
2 What Was I Thinkin’ – Dierks Bentley – Dierks Bentley
3 Big Ol’ Truck – Toby Keith – Toby Keith: Greatest Hits, Vol.1
4 Pickup Man – Joe Diffie – Joe Diffie: Super Hits
5 Park the Pickup (Kiss the Girl) – Chad Brock – III
6 Passenger Seat – SHeDAISY – Passenger Seat – Single
7 She Want to Drive My Truck (Special Dance Mix Track) – Jim Wise – She Wants to Drive My Truck
8 That Ain’t My Truck (Back Porch Acoustic Version) – Rhett Akins – Friday Night in Dixie
9 My Ole Pickup Truck Never Lets Me Down – Doc Bates – You Should Be Here
10 The Truck Song – Lyle Lovett – My Baby Don’t Tolerate
11 Pickup Truck – Jason Spooner – Lost Houses
12 Ragged Old Truck – Johnny Paycheck – The Soul & The Edge – The Best of Johnny Paycheck
13 Corvette, Cadillac, Pickup Truck – Don Papillon – Corvette, Cadillac, Pickup Truck
14 Drive a Truck – J. Stephen Howard – Dreams
15 Girls in Pickups – Kent Earl Housman – Wham Bam Man
16 If This Old Truck Holds Out – Bryan James – Always Be Kind Pt.1
17 Love Like a Truck – Steve Goodbar – A Track in Time
18 My Truck – Pat Dailey – Freshwater
19 Pickup Truck – Rodney Carrington – Rodney Carrington: Greatest Hits
20 That Old Truck – J.C. Hyke – Fallin’
21 The More I Know About Women, the Better I Like My Truck – Tony Villar – Tima 2000
22 This Old Truck – John Williamson – John Williamson

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Henry Kissinger

I’m not much of an autograph hound. I’ve never really understood the attraction of getting a celebrity to sign a piece of paper for you. I can see it on some things, like baseball. If you happen to catch the record-breaking home run of so-and-so player and you get him/her to sign the ball, that’s sort of like owning a piece of history. That’s kind of cool. But just getting something signed, that seems weird to me. Is it so you can prove you met the person? Because, well, who cares? It’s not like that somehow makes you cool because you met a random person. And the concept really gets lost on my when people start selling autographs, because then you can’t even say you met the person, you just bought something they once put a pen to, and how is that cool, exactly?

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Teen Death Songs

In the fifties, there was a whole trend of sappy songs about young love misunderstood and cut short by the tragedy of death. I tried to track down many of the titles, but they were pretty hard to come by. This is the CD of sorrowful tunes I was able to put together. If you know of any others, please comment.

1 Think of Laura – Christopher Cross
2 Patches – Dickie Lee
3 Ebony Eyes – The Everly Brothers
4 Last Kiss – J. Frank Wilson and the Cavali
5 Endless Sleep – Jody Reynolds
6 Running Bear – Johnny Preston
7 I Want My Baby Back – Mark Chesnutt
8 Teen Angel – Mark Dinning
9 Leader Of The Pack – Melissa Etheridge
10 Moody River – Pat Boone
11 Give Us Your Blessings – The Shangri-Las
12 I Can Never Go Home Anymore – The Shangri-Las
13 Leader Of The Pack – The Shangri-las
14 Johnny Angel – Shelley Fabares
15 Green, Green Grass of Home – Tom Jones
16 Tell Laura I Love Her – Valance, Ricky
17 The Night The Lights Went In Georgia – Vicki Lawrence
18 Laurie, Strange Things Happen – William Ward

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The Batty Hymn of the Repugnant

Tinky Winky Waves Hi!
Tinky Winky Waves Hi!

Author Unknown

(Obviously sung to the tune of the Battle Hymn of the Republic)

Mine eyes have seen the Teletubby and his cutsey little purse.
He wears a purple outfit, and, dear friends, what’s even worse,
He doesn’t scratch or spit or belch, He doesn’t even curse.
What kind of guy is he?

CHORUS
Tinky Winky is a fairy.
Moral Morons must be wary.
Ignorance like their’s is scary.
And Tinky Winky’s gay.

I have seen his little triangle where it sits upon his head,
And we all know it’s a symbol for the shame that can’t be said.
Now we have to purge this danger or our little boys will wed
A wife whose name is Ed.

CHORUS

His defenders say his purse is nothing but a magic little bag.
That’s a cover-up, as we all know, he’s just a little fag!
We cannot let a Teletubby appear in purple drag,
Moron Morality.

CHORUS

Yes, they call him Tinky Winky. Does that name sound straight to you?
If he weren’t homosexual, his clothing would be blue!
He’s subversive and perverted, and his pal’s a Laa-Laa, too.
Moron Morality.

CHORUS

We have seen this Tinky Winky near the San Francisco bay.
He’s the marshal of the big parade they hold on Gay Pride Day.
We’ll all join hands and hold a protest as we march the Moron way.
Moron Morality.

CHORUS

He’s teaching all our 2 year-olds that gayness is no curse.
He is tearing down the fabric of our moral universe.
If left unchecked, our kids may grow up unperverse.
Moron Morality.

CHORUS

Jerry Falwell is our hero, he’s the one to lead the fight.
He has seen the truth and spoken out, he’ll lead us further right,
Where we will join the multitude who just ain’t none too bright.
Moron Morality.

CHORUS

In a quiet Southern village Jerry was born into a haze,
With an anger in his bosom that would last him all his days.
As he works to teach us hatred, let us go and bash some gays.
Moron Morality.

CHORUS

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Chanukah Song (Version Two)

Star of David

Adam Sandler

Time to take out those menorahs!

Chanukah is the festival of lights
Instead of one day of presents
We get eight crazy nights
So when you feel like the only kid in town
Without a Christmas tree
Here’s a new list of people who are Jewish
Just like you and me

Winona Ryder drinks Manachevett’s wine
Then spins a dreidel with Ralph Lauren and Calvin Klein
Guess who gives and receives loads of Chanukah toys
The girls from Veruca Salt and all three Beastie Boys
Lenny Kravits is half Jewish
Courtney Love is half, too
Put them together
What a funky, bad-ass Jew!

We got Harvey Keitel
And flash dancer Jennifer Beals
Yasmine Bleeth from Baywatch is Jewish
And, yes, her boobs are real

Put on that yarmulke
It’s time for Chanukah
Two time Oscar winner Dustin Hoffmonica celebrates Chanukah

OJ Simpson, still not a Jew
But guess who is
The guy who does the voice for Scooby Doo
Bob Dylan was born a Jew
Then he wasn’t, but now he’s back
Mary Tyler Moore’s husband is Jewish
‘Cause we’re pretty good in the sack

Guess who got barmitzvahed on the PGA Tour
No, I’m not talking about Tiger Woods
I’m talking about Mr. Happy Gilmore
So many Jews are in the showbiz
Bruce Springstein isn’t Jewish
But my mother thinks he is

Tell that ho Lamonica
It’s time to celebrate Chanukah
It’s not pronounced CH-anukah
The C is silent in Chanukah
So read your hooked on phonica
Get drunk in Tiajuanica
If you really, really wanna-ka
Have a happy, happy, happy, happy, Chanukah
Hapyy Chanukah!

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Invisible libraries, fake band names, and gardens of forking paths

Funny and/or cool websites I’ve noticed lately:

Garden of Forking Paths
Welcome to the Garden of Forking Paths, one of the most intriguing areas of the Libyrinth of Allexamina. Here you will find access to the garden planted by J.L. Borges, the Argentine writer, poet and philosopher. Although I tend the garden as well as I can, beware: among these sprawling labyrinths you will find illusions most seductive and truths most elusive. Let me show you around.

The Invisible Library [link updated in 2013]
a catalog of “imaginary books, pseudobiblia, artifictions, fabled tomes, libris phantastica, and all manner of books unwritten, unread, unpublished and unfound.”
2011 Update: a Salon article on the idea of an “Invisible Library”

Rocklopedia Fakebandica
T h e U l t i m a t e F a k e B a n d L i s t

The Lipstick Librarian

You’ve seen her darting into the stacks in search of Moody’swearing Chanel knock-offs and Kenneth Cole shoes. You’ve glanced at her from the corner of your eye during conferences wolfing down free scones while decked in what you’d swear was last year’s Mizrahi. Or you’ve seen her with that Linda Evangelista-like pout and Oliver Peoples frames as the umpteenth person has asked her where the bathroom is. And you wonder, “who is that exquisitely attired woman and are my tax dollars paying for it?” Who is she? She’s a Lipstick Librarian!

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Cecelia, you’re breaking my heart

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Cecelia, you’re breaking my heart
you’re shaking my confidence daily.
Cecelia, I’m down on my knees
I’m begging you please to come home.
Making love in the afternoon with Cecelia
Up in my bedroom
I get up to wash my face
when I come back to bed
someone’s taken my place.
Cecelia, you’re breaking my heart
you’re shaking my confidence daily.
Cecelia, I’m down on my knees
I’m begging you please to come home.
Jubilation,
She loves me again,
I fall on the floor and I’m laughing
Okay, doesn’t this song seem a bit unfinished? Shouldn’t their be a couple of verses before the “jubilation” verse that explain why she came back? I’m just going to make up my own version of the song so I know what happened in between.

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