It’s a Minstrel Show, Folks.

My friend Lori posted some thoughts on the new season of Queer As Folk, and this caught my eye:

interesting – the showtime website has a question in the FAQ – “Which of the cast members are gay in real life?” Showtime’s answer: “Some of the actors are gay, and some of them are straight.” – not mentioning who’s who….i found a larry king interview with the cast, and it turns out only two of em, Randy Harrison and Peter Paige are truly fags…just seems a bit strange that there’s this huge queer show and only 2 of em are really gay… not good strange, not bad strange, just strange….

Here’s my two cents: it’s bad strange. I challenge you to go to any restaurant in Califor-ni-ay and not have your food served by a gay actor. There are thousands of them out there, if not hundreds of thousands. So it’s not just strange that 98% of all gay characters on TV and in the movies are played by straight actors, while the gay actors wait tables. It’s happening because of discrimination, for the same reason that Amos and Andy used to have black characters played by white people in black face. Because people aren’t comfortable knowing the the guy playing the gay role is actually gay. But it’s okay if it’s all pretend.

Case in point: Several years ago, Spin City has a gay male character kiss a straight male character as a joke. It got huge laughs, and played in prime time with no objections. That same night, Ellen Degeneres’ character kissed a straight female character as a joke. It did not get huge laughs. It was pushed back to a later time slot, and it got a parental advisory warning. What was the difference between the two? On Ellen, the actor playing the part was gay. On Spin City, the actor playing the gay character was straight.

Continue ReadingIt’s a Minstrel Show, Folks.

Things You Learn About Computers In The Movies…

Author Unknown

Word processors never display a cursor.

You never have to use the space-bar when typing long sentences.

All monitors display 2 inch high letters.

High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA, or some such governmental institution, have easy-to-understand graphical interfaces. As per their explanation, these computers too will need timely services to work efficiently.

Those that don’t will have incredibly powerful text-based command shells that can correctly understand and execute commands typed in plain English.

Corollary: You can gain access to any information you want by simply typing ‘ACCESS ALL OF THE SECRET FILES’ on any keyboard.

Likewise, you can infect a computer (even those of advanced alien life forms capable of travelling trillions of light years) with a destructive virus simply by typing ‘UPLOAD VIRUS’. Viruses cause temperatures in computers, just like they do in humans. After a while, smoke billows out of disk drives and monitors, so getting the right IT Services in Jacksonville can be essential to take care of this issue.

All computers are connected. You can access the information on the villain’s desktop computer (or Agent Scully’s), even if it’s turned off.

Powerful computers beep whenever you press a key or whenever the screen changes. Some computers also slow down the output on the screen so that it doesn’t go faster than you can read. The *really* advanced ones also emulate the sound of a dot-matrix printer as the characters come across the screen.

All computer panels have thousands of volts and flash pots just beneath the surface. Malfunctions are indicated by a bright flash, a puff of smoke, a shower of sparks, and an explosion that forces you backwards. (see #7 above)

People typing away on a computer will turn it off without saving the data.

A hacker can get into the most sensitive computer in the world before intermission and guess the secret password in two tries.

Any PERMISSION DENIED has an OVERRIDE function.

Complex calculations and loading of huge abounts of data will be accomplished in under three seconds. In the movies, modems transmit data at two gigabytes per second.

When the power plant/missile site/whatever overheats, all the control panels will explode, as will the entire building.

If you display a file on the screen, and someone deletes the file, it also disappears from the screen. There are no ways to copy a backup file-and there are no undelete utilities.

If a disk has got encrypted files, you are automatically asked for a password when you try to access it.

No matter what kind of computer disk it is, it’ll be readable by any system you put it into. All application software is usable by all computer platforms.

The more high-tech the equipment, the more buttons it has. However, everyone must have been highly trained, because the buttons aren’t labeled.

Most computers, no matter how small, have reality-defying three-dimensional, real-time, photo-realistic animated graphics capability.

Laptops, for some strange reason, always seem to have amazing real-time video phone capabilities and the performance of a CRAY Y-MP.

Whenever a character looks at a monitor, the image is so bright that it projects itself on to his/her face.

Computers never crash during key, high-intensity activities. Humans operating computers never make mistakes under stress.

Programs are fiendishly perfect and never have bugs that slow down users.

Continue ReadingThings You Learn About Computers In The Movies…

Read the book before the movie

Favorite thing that happened yesterday: I was watching Entertainment Tonight, where they were covering the premiere of Harry Potter in England, and they interviewed all the celebrities going to see the movie, including Cher. And they asked them “Are you excited about the premiere of the movie?” And every one of the had to admit they hadn’t read the books. That’s pretty funny.

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My Birthday

Dan and Doug took me out to dinner, and gave me North By Northwest and Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, and My sister gave me a fondue pot, ice crusher, and goth chick Barbie. So my birthday turned out pretty damned cool.
Fake book on Amazon: American Foreign Policy by G. W. Bush
Fake reviewers on Amazon: Henry Raddick and Andrew Lloyd Webber.

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Will & Grace, Things Are Not Better for Gay People on Television

Despite the presence of gay characters on TV, there are still no openly gay actors on television, and that’s a problem. The real problem with Ellen wasn’t that her character was gay, or that there were too many gay themed shows, as some people claimed.

It was that Ellen Degeneres, not the character Ellen Morgan, was gay. During the debate over ratings and issues that surrounded the cancellation of her show, the example that proves that point, the real reason the show was no longer on the air, got overlooked.

During Ellen’s last season, there was an evening in which Ellen show aired at 9 p.m. Airing that same night at 8 p.m. there was an episode of Spin City. On that show, the gay character Carter, (played by a heterosexual man) kisses the heterosexual character Mike Flaherty as a joke. The fact that it happened was practially ignored, except that it aired as the promo for the show for days before hand.

That same evening on Ellen at 9 p.m., Ellen Morgan, a gay character, kisses her heterosexual friend Paige as a joke. Not only was it a big deal, it was given a warning prior to the show, and was universally criticized afterwards.

What was the difference between the two events? Both featured a gay character kissing a straight character in a romantic way, but as a joke. The only difference was that one of the real-life actors in the second show was gay in real life.

Continue ReadingWill & Grace, Things Are Not Better for Gay People on Television

On The Subject Of Feminism and The Film ‘American Beauty’

Last night I had an argument with a woman about Feminism and the movie ‘American Beauty.’ The woman – lets call her Ann – said that she had severe problems with the movie, and after giving a brief explanation of what those problems were (more on that later), and seeing that I wasn’t buying what she was selling, she shrugged the whole thing off, saying “Well, you know I’m a feminist.”

Now the more I think about that, I realize what I should have said to her. I am a Feminist. with a capital ‘F.’ In fact, I’m the best feminist I know. And yet, I disagreed with Ann strongly about this movie. And she was trying to tell me that I didn’t get her explanation because I wasn’t a feminist.
The fact is, I did ‘get’ her explanation, I just didn’t agree with it, and not because I’m not a feminist but because what she was trying to tell me wasn’t a legitimate view point.

Here’s what she was saying: she had a problem with the fact that they showed the breasts of two teenaged girls (or at least women who were protraying teenaged girls) in the movie. She didn’t see any reason why they should do that, didn’t think that it advanced the plot, and decided that it was gratuitous and therefore made the whole movie invalid.

I totally disagreed with her, but I didn’t really push my opinion, mostly because we were in someone else’s living room in a social situation, and I didn’t want to cause any more discomfort in the room than was already present. When I waved off the conversation, Ann said “well, that’s right, because you’re not going to change my mind.”

That also pissed me off – I wasn’t crying off because I realized I couldn’t change her mind – I could change her mind under the right circumstances. I just wasn’t willing to be rude to my hosts my taking over their living room while doing it. (Not that any such nicety stopped her.)

So now were in my living room, so to speak, and I’m going to hold forth on the subject. They showed the breasts of these two teenaged girls for a reason – to make a point about the image each of them had about their own bodies.

Jane Burnham, the dark-haired daughter of the movie’s protagonist, doesn’t think she’s attractive. She’s saving all her money to have breast enlargement done – something she refers to several times during the movie.

And Jane is envious of the attention her friend Angela receives. Jane’s friend Angela Hayes, a blond bombshell that catches the eye of Jane’s dad, knows darned well she’s attractive. Not only does she say so often, so does everyone else. She seems to have no problems with her body.

When you see Jane’s breasts – she’s showing them to her voyeur/boyfriend who’s filming her from his bedroom window – the first thought that crosses your mind is that there’s no way she needs to have a breast enlargement (not that anyone really does, but still). Jane had fairly large, very beautiful breasts.

Toward the end of the movie, when Angela is attempting to seduce Jane’s father, we see Angela’s breasts – and the contrast is startling; her breasts are much smaller than Jane’s; the exact opposite of the original impression I had of the two characters at the beginning of the movie, and obviously the opposite of what the characters think about themselves.

So why do these two teenagers have totally different feelings about their bodies? Jane has a distorted self-image. Part of that is based on the amount of attention she receives in contrast to her friend – she thinks that the attention is because of her friend’s physical appearance, when in reality it’s Angela’s demeanor and attitude that attract attention.

In fact the film is taking a pro-female point of view about women’s body images and the messages we give to young women about their appearance. Young women who have very normal, healthy bodies, like Jane, feel they need to alter their appearance to get attention and feel a sense of value in this world, when in reality it’s their sense of confidence in their identity and abilities that cultivate attention from other people.

I think that’s a very legitimate point to make in a movie.

Continue ReadingOn The Subject Of Feminism and The Film ‘American Beauty’

Top 12 Sexual Lines in Star Wars

1. She may not look like much, but she’s got it where it counts, kid.

2. Curse my metal body, I wasn’t fast enough!

3. Look at the size of that thing!

4. Sorry about the mess…

5. You came in that thing? You’re braver than I thought.

6. Aren’t you a little short for a storm trooper?

7. You’ve got something jammed in here real good.

8. Put that thing away before you get us all killed!

9. Luke, at that speed do you think you’ll be able to pull out in time?

10. Get in there you big furry oaf, I don’t care WHAT you smell!

11. You’re all clear, kid. Now let’s blow this thing and go home!

12. Get on top of it!

And Top 11 Sexual Lines in The Empire Strikes Back:

1. And I thought they smelled bad on the outside!

2. Possible he came in through the south entrance.

3. I must’ve hit it pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up like that, huh kid?

4. Hurry up, golden rod…

5. That’s OK, I like to keep it on manual control for a while.

6. But now we must eat. Come, good food, come…

7. Control, control…You must learn control!

8. There’s an awful lot of moisture in here.

9. Size matters not…judge me by my size do you?

10. I thought that hairy beast would be the end of me!

11. Would it help if I got out and pushed?

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English Subtitles

From Harper’s Magazine July issue

From a list of English subtitles used in films made in Hong Kong, compiled by Stefan Hammond and Mike Wilkins for their book Sex and Zen and a Bullet in the Head, to be published in August by Fireside.

I am damn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.

Fatty, you with your think face have hurt my instep.

Gun wounds again?

Same old rules: no eyes, no groin.

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