Chairman Mao’s Little Red Book

I heard this report first that a student from UMass Dartmouth had received a visit from the Department of Homeland Security after reserving a copy of Mao Tse-Tung’s “Little Red Book” of quotes through inter-library loan.
My initial impulse was to buy a copy of the book to see what would happen. Thankfully, I didn’t, because later I read on Boing Boing that the story was suspicious and that maybe all the elements of it didn’t add up.
If I’d ordered a copy of the book and nobody showed up, then I’d have a copy of the dumb old book lying around taking up room for no reason. Which made me wonder why DHS couldn’t investigate something more fun. Maybe I should start a rumor that there are secret hidden messages in the DVDs for the First Season of Fraggle Rock, or that page 28 of The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists has a hidden code that unlocks the secrets of the Pyramids. Or maybe that the Xbox game Destroy All Humans is REALLY about destroying all humans. Then I could buy one of them, enjoy myself, and still prepare to have men in black over for tea. I’m sure DAH is a two-player game. Those guys must practice on first-person shooters, right?
UPDATE: It appears that the story about visits from DHS may not really be a hoax. Huh. Maybe I shouldn’t be making jokes about it, then.
UPDATE: It was a hoax.

Continue ReadingChairman Mao’s Little Red Book

Time’s 100 Best Novels 1923-present

Bil asked the question: how many of Time’s list of 100 Best Novels have you read?
41 of them. Most of them in high school or college English classes. When I read the list I was disappointed at what was missing and some of the crap they included. These people can’t tell me they actually read Infinite Jest. I don’t believe it. And what the hell is “Are you there God, It’s me Margaret” doing on this list? If they needed to pick a teen novel, there are 30 better than that. I also wonder why they picked the year 1923 as the starting point. What’s significant about that year?

  1. The Adventures of Augie March
  2. Animal Farm
  3. Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret (what the hell?)
  4. Beloved
  5. The Blind Assassin
  6. The Bridge of San Luis Rey
  7. Catch-22
  8. The Catcher in the Rye
  9. A Clockwork Orange
  10. The Corrections
  11. Death Comes for the Archbishop
  12. The French Lieutenant’s Woman (TOTAL SUCKAGE!)
  13. Go Tell it on the Mountain
  14. Gone With the Wind
  15. The Grapes of Wrath
  16. The Great Gatsby
  17. The Heart Is A Lonely Hunter
  18. Herzog
  19. Invisible Man
  20. Light in August
  21. The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe
  22. Lolita
  23. Lord of the Flies
  24. The Lord of the Rings
  25. Midnight’s Children
  26. Mrs. Dalloway
  27. Neuromancer
  28. 1984
  29. One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
  30. Portnoy’s Complaint (SUCKED!)
  31. Possession
  32. The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie
  33. Rabbit, Run
  34. Slaughterhouse-Five
  35. Snow Crash
  36. The Sound and the Fury (Two Faulkners listed, but not “As I Lay Dying?” Shame.)
  37. The Sun Also Rises
  38. To Kill a Mockingbird
  39. To the Lighthouse
  40. Tropic of Cancer
  41. White Noise
Continue ReadingTime’s 100 Best Novels 1923-present

Cheese, Peas and Chocolate Pudding

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Original publication “Cheese, Peas and Chocolate Pudding”, by Betty Van Witsen, Humpty Dumpty’s Magazine, Copyright 1955, Bank Street College of Education. Subsequently published in Believe and Make-Believe (Sheldon Basic Reading Series)

When I was in second grade, the following story was in my school reader, (which I’ve since discovered was called “Believe and Make-Believe (Sheldon Basic Reading Series)“) and I remember sitting with my mom at home listening to her read it out loud before bedtime. It was one of my favorite stories, and I was happy to stumble across it again out there on the internets. The credit I found was to “Caroline Feller Bauer” but I’ve since discovered (see comments below) that it was written by Betty Van Witsen.

There was once a little boy who ate cheese, peas and chocolate pudding. Every day he ate the same thing: cheese, peas and chocolate pudding.

For breakfast, he would have some cheese, any kind: cream cheese, American cheese, Swiss cheese, Dutch cheese, Italian cheese, cottage cheese, bleu cheese, green cheese, yellow cheese, even leiderkrantz. Just cheese for breakfast.

For lunch, he ate peas: green or yellow peas, frozen peas, canned peas, dried peas, split peas, black-eyed peas. No potatoes, though; just peas for lunch.

And for supper he would have cheese and peas and chocolate pudding for dessert. Cheese, peas and chocolate pudding. Cheese, peas and chocolate pudding. Every day, the same old thing: cheese, peas and chocolate pudding.

Once, his mother bought him a lamb chop. She cooked it in a little frying pan on the stove, and she put some salt on it and gave it to him on a little blue dish. The little boy looked at it. He smelled it (it smelled delicious!). He even touched it. but — “Is this cheese?” he asked. “It’s a lamb chop darling,” said his mother. The boy shook his head. “Cheese,” he said. So his mother ate the lamb chop herself, and the boy had some cottage cheese.

One day, his big brother was chewing on a raw carrot. It sounded so good and crunchy, the little boy reached his hand out for a bite. “Sure!” his brother said, “Here!” He almost put the carrot into his mouth, but at the last minute he remembered and asked, “Is this peas?” “No, it’s a carrot,” said his brother, “Peas”, the little boy said firmly, handing the carrot back.

Once his daddy was eating a big dish of raspberry pudding, It looked so shiny red and cool, the little boy came over and held his mouth open. “Want a taste?” asked his daddy. The little boy looked and looked at the raspberry pudding. He almost looked it right off the dish. “But, is it chocolate pudding?” he asked. “No, it’s raspberry pudding,” said his daddy. So the little boy frowned and backed away. “Chocolate pudding!” he said.
His grandma bought him an ice cream cone. The little boy shook his head. His aunt and uncle invited him for a fried chicken dinner. Everybody ate fried chicken and fried chicken and fried chicken, except the little boy. And you know what he ate. Cheese, peas and chocolate pudding. Cheese, peas and chocolate pudding. Every day the same old thing: cheese, peas and chocolate pudding.

But one day — ah, one day a very funny thing happened. The little boy was pretending to be a puppy. He lay on the floor and growled and barked and rolled over. He crept to the table where his big brother was having lunch. “Arf, arf!” he barked. “Good Doggie!” said his brother, patting his head. The little boy lay down on his back and barked again. But at that moment, his big brother dropped a piece of something right into the little boy’s mouth. The little boy sat up in surprise because something was on his tongue. And that something was warm and juicy and delicious!

And it didn’t taste like cheese. And it didn’t taste like peas. And it didn’t taste a bit like chocolate pudding. The little boy chewed slowly. Each chew tasted better. He swallowed the something.

“That’s not cheese,” he said. “No, it’s not,” said his brother. “And it’s not peas,” he said. “No, not peas,” said his brother. “It couldn’t be chocolate pudding.” “No, it’s certainly not chocolate pudding,” said his brother, smiling, “It’s hamburger.”

So the little boy thought very hard. “I like hamburger!” he said.

So ever after that, the little boy ate cheese, peas, chocolate pudding and hamburger.
Until he was your age, of course. Then he ate everything!

Continue ReadingCheese, Peas and Chocolate Pudding

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

I finished reading the new Harry Potter book last night. Throughout the book I had a notion in my head of the answers to two of the mysteries; who the half-blood prince is, and who dies in the book (don’t yell at me about spoilers; the death is commonly known!). I was wrong on both counts, and regarding the half-blood prince, I shouldn’t have been at all. I should have guessed that one right away (and so should Harry and Hermione, frankly.)

I was so certain about both answers, though, that it colored my impression of the book, and I kept telling Stephanie all the way through that “this is my favorite of all of them!” Well when I found out the answers I was surprised, and it did change the way I feel. I was expecting a quite different ending.

I also thought there was way too much unresolved at the end of it; more so than in any of the others, and I hate that; it’s one of my pet peeves of sci-fi fantasy series novels, that they don’t wrap everything up from one book to the next so you’re left hanging for the release of the next book. If you’re going to do that, just write one big book, instead of chunking it up into pieces. My mind is littered with the half-way points of fantasy series that I gave up on in disgust because they insisted on dragging everything out for the cash from one more mass-market paperback. (Robert Jordan, I’m talking to you!)

In the case of Harry Potter, I’ve never felt like that with any of the rest of the books, and this series doesn’t follow any other sci-fi fantasy genre clichés, either, which makes them enjoyable to read. I know that the next book is the final one, and there’s no way I would miss it.

Continue ReadingHarry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Trivial Pursuit: Book Lover’s Edition

The Book Lover’s Edition is played very similarly to the regular editions of Trivial Pursuit; the goal is to collect pieces of pie representing different categories of questions, and then to land directly on the center of the board to answer a final question in the category chosen for you by your opponents. Unlike other versions, there are only four tokens to move around the board (a coffee mug, a stack of books, a book bag and a typewriter) and therefore at most four players or teams, instead of the usual six can play.

And of course, all the questions are regarding literature in six categories:

Children’s
Authors
Non-Fiction
Classics
Book Bag
Book Club

The first four categories are easy to figure out, but even after playing, I haven’t determined what the significance of Book Bag or Book Club is. The questions from them seem to be across genres and subjects, so I haven’t figured out a common theme, and there’s nothing in the directions that helps distinguish them. I wonder why they didn’t do categories in genres like mystery or sci-fi, which, like the regular game, would give people their specialities.

My strongest category in the regular editions of Trivial Pursuit was always literature, so I thought I’d do well at this version, but it’s quite difficult in regular play. As always, I seem to get easy questions on non-pie spaces and then I whiff on tough questions when a piece of pie is at stake. I thought that I knew a lot about literature, but playing this game makes me realize how much great literature is out there that I haven’t had a chance to read yet. I expected the Children’s category to be easy, but there were some tough questions in it, and I seemed to do my best in the Classics, if only because I had studies about the books on English classes, even if I hadn’t read them. The ambiguity of two of the categories made me want to avoid landing on those spots, and is the only flaw in an otherwise exciting game.

The reason I love Trivial Pursuit is that I enjoy the game even when my girlfriend kicks my butt, because I love asking and answering (or guessing) questions — I feel like I’m learning something new and interesting whether I get it right or not. The fact that this version is about my favorite subject makes it even more enjoyable. I could never quite muster up the same enthusiasm for the sports category.

The fact that only four players or teams can play at a time helps the length of the game, which can drag on in the regular edition with six tokens on the board. Four tokens means that pie is collected faster and the game winds up in just over an hour or so.

And of course I always recommend you add in the “Rachel Allen technique” of play, wherein you disconcert your opponents by singing “Piece of pie! Piece of pie. Pie, pie, pie!” when they’re about to answer a pie question, and then shout “no pie for you!” when they miss it. Of course this works best if everyone is drinking.

I was lucky enough to pick up the game at half the regular price at one of the calendar kiosks in the mall, so the price was great. Otherwise, the regular price would have been a bit out of my desired range for a board game.

Rating:

Four
Great Play
Price: $49.99 regular price

Continue ReadingTrivial Pursuit: Book Lover’s Edition

Books I Read in 2004 (39 Titles)

Fiction

A Saving Solace
Author: D. S. Bauden
[for women’s book club]

Angels & Demons
Author: Dan Brown

The Big Kerplop!: The Original Adventure of the Mad Scientists’ Club
Author: Bertrand R. Brinley

The Book of Ralph
Author: John McNally
[for work book club]

The Crimson Petal and the White
Author: Michael Faber

The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time
Author: Mark Haddon
[for work book club]

The Dante Club
Author: Matthew Pearl
[for work book club]

Ella Minnow Pea
Author: Mark Dunn
[for work book club]

The Eyre Affair
Author: Jasper Fforde

The Flanders Panel
Arturo Perez-Reverte

Good In Bed
Author: Jennifer Weiner

Half Magic
Author: Edward Eager

In the Bleak Midwinter
Author: Julia Spencer-Fleming
[for women’s book club]

An Instance of the Fingerpost
Author: Iain Pears

Instruments of Darkness (Harvest Original)
Author: Robert Wilson

Lost in a Good Book
Author: Jasper Fforde

Middlesex: A Novel
Author: Jeffrey Eugenides

Pattern Recognition
Author: William Gibson
[for work book club]

Second Glance: A Novel
Author: Jodi Picoult
[for women’s book club]

The Well of Lost Plots: A Thursday Next Novel
Author: Jasper Fforde

Non – Fiction

The Best American Nonrequired Reading 2003
Author: Dave Eggers (Editor), Zadie Smith (Editor)

Cat Vs. Cat: Keeping Peace When You Have More Than One Cat
Author: Pam Johnson-Bennett

Chip Kidd
Author: Veronique Vienne

The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Hinduism
Author: Linda Johnsen

Crimes Against Logic
Author: Jamie Whyte

Devil in the White City: Murder, Magic, and Madness at the Fair that Changed America
Author: Erik Larson

Good Vibrations Complete Guide to Sex
Author: Anne Semans and Cathy Winks

Google Hacks: 100 Industrial-Strength Tips & Tools
Author: Tara Calishain, Rael Dornfest

In Cold Blood
Author: Truman Capote
[for work book club]

Indianapolis Then & Now
Author: W. C. Madden

Lost Indianapolis
Author: John McDonald

My Lesbian Husband
Author: Barrie Jean Borich

The Ramayana: A Modern Retelling of the Great Indian Epic
Author: Ramesh Menon, Valmiki

Savage Beauty: The Life of Edna St. Vincent Millay
Author: Nancy Milford
[for women’s book club]

Schott’s Original Miscellany
Author: Ben Schott

Under the Banner of Heaven : A Story of Violent Faith
Author: JON KRAKAUER

Urban Tribes: A Generation Redefines Friendship, Family, and Commitment
Author: Ethan Watters

Weird U.S.
Author: Mark Sceurman, Mark Mora

The Whole Lesbian Sex Book: A Passionate Guide for All of Us
Author: Felice Newman

Continue ReadingBooks I Read in 2004 (39 Titles)

Books I Read in 2003 (34 Titles)

Fiction

American Gods
Author: Neil Gaiman

Between Girlfriends
Author: Elizabeth Dean

Charity Girl
Author: Georgette Heyer

The DaVinci Code
Author: Dan Brown

The Friendly Persuasion
Author: Jessamyn West

Jeeves In the Morning
Author: P.G. Wodehouse

Johnny Tremain
Author: Esther Forbes

Just Like Beauty
Author: Lisa Lerner

Life of Pi: A Novel
Yann Martel; Hardcover

McSweeney’s Mammoth Treasury of Thrilling Tales
Author: Edited by Michael Chabon

Neverwhere
Author: Neil Gaiman

Postern of Fate
Author: Agatha Christie

Revolutionary Girl Utena: To Plant
Author: Chiho Saito, Be-Papas

The Secret Life of Bees
Author: Sue Monk Kidd

Summerland
Author: Michael Chabon

Non – Fiction

100 Simple Secrets of Great Relationships
Author: David Niven, Ph.D.

ASPCA’s Complete Guide to Cats
Author: James R. Richards

Cascading Style Sheets: The Definitive Guide
Author: Eric A. Meyer

The Complete Guide to Personal and Home Safety
Author: Captain Robert L. Snow

Dear Friends: American Portraits of Men Together, 1840-1918
Author: David Dietcher

Designing with Web Standards
Author: Jeffrey Zeldman

The Dollhouse Murders: A Forensic Expert Investigates 6 Little Crimes
Author: Thomas Mauriello

Dr. Atkins’ New Diet Revolution
Author: Dr. Atkins

Ghosts In The Bedroom: A Guide for Partners of Incest Survivors
Author: Ken Graber

The Great Big Book of Tomorrow
Author: tom tomorrow

Indiana Curiosities: Quirky Characters, Roadside Oddities, and Other Offbeat Stuff
by Dick Wolfsie

Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them: A Fair and Balanced Look At The Right
Author: Al Franken

Living History
Author: Hillary Clinton

Living Rooms
Author: Diane Dorrans Saeks

Outgrowing the Pain: A Book For and About Adults Abused As Children
Author: Eliana Gil

Portrait of a Killer: Jack the Ripper Case Closed
Author: Patricia Cornwell

Slayer Slang: A Buffy The Vampire Slayer Lexicon
Author: Michael Adams, Jane Espenson

They Went Whistling: Women Wayfarers, Warriors, Runaways, and Renegades
Author: Barbara Holland

What Liberal Media? The Truth About Bias and the News
Author: Eric Alterman

Continue ReadingBooks I Read in 2003 (34 Titles)

Mad Tea Party

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From Alice in Wonderland:

The Hatter opened his eyes very wide on hearing this; but all he said was, “Why is a raven like a writing-desk?”
“Come, we shall have some fun now!” thought Alice. “I’m glad they’ve begun asking riddles.–I believe I can guess that,” she added aloud.
“Do you mean that you think you can find out the answer to it?” said the March Hare.
“Exactly so,” said Alice.
“Then you should say what you mean,” the March Hare went on.
“I do,” Alice hastily replied; “at least–at least I mean what I say–that’s the same thing, you know.”
“Not the same thing a bit!” said the Hatter. “You might just as well say that ‘I see what I eat’ is the same thing as ‘I eat what I see’!”
“You might just as well say,” added the March Hare, “that ‘I like what I get’ is the same thing as ‘I get what I like’!”
“You might just as well say,” added the Dormouse, who seemed to be talking in his sleep, “that ‘I breathe when I sleep” is the same thing as ‘I sleep when I breathe’!”
“It is the same thing with you,” said the Hatter, and here the conversation dropped, and the party sat silent for a minute, while Alice thought over all she could remember about ravens and writing-desks, which wasn’t much.

Continue ReadingMad Tea Party