fortune cookies

You have an ambitious nature and may make a name for yourself.

Executive ability is prominent in your makeup.

You have a keen sense of humor and love a good time.

Drink to your health!

Your luck has been completely changed today.

Put the data you have uncovered to beneficial use.
That’s an interesting if slightly paranoid cookie. I wonder what “data” this is.

People in your background will be more co-operative than usual.

Through greater effort and hard work a precious dream will come true.
And my house will get renovated….

We must always have old memories and young hopes.
in bed.

Your eyes are the windows of your soul – Don’t worry, be happy.
I love a cookie that’s a call back to the 80’s.

The world looks brighter from behind a smile.
They forgot to mention this only works if you’re Pollyanna.

The faith you seek lives within you.
Some cookies are so true you just can’t make fun of them.

You are going to have some new clothes.
See, the perfect fortune cookie. Specific, upbeat, to the point. I immediately went shopping.

You will soon take a very pleasant and successful trip.
That was Vegas, baby!!

Your eyes will be opened to a world full of beauty, charm and adventure.
Again, must have been my trip to Vegas.

Life is a tragedy for those who feel, and a comedy for those who think.
But the real question is, does it have a laugh track?

Life always gets harder near the summit.
So are you saying I’m almost over the hill? Because I don’t know if I like that idea

You will succeed to a fortune.
Hey, I like that one.

May life throw you a pleasant curve.
Geez, and what I really wanted was a knuckle ball.

“You are open-minded and quick to make new friends.”
This is less of a “fortune” cookie, and more of an encouraging “wishful-thinking” type cookie
“In love you could shine as a brilliant star.”
Or, I could be as gooky as a puddle of mud. There’s no telling, really.

“Your eyes will be opened to a world full of beauty, charm, and adventure.”
Hey, I must be going to Disneyworld!

“You are going to have some new clothes”
When I first read this, I thought, no, I’m buying a house, so I can’t shop for clothes. Then I thought, Emperor’s new clothes?
“Life always get’s harder near the summit.”
Like, is that supposed to cheer me up?

Your happiness is intertwined with your outlook on life.
In otherwords, if I’m unhappy, it’s my own fault?

Hands that touch this fortune shall remain young and strong.
Of course, I made everyone touch the fortune. Got to look out for your friends.

Now is the time to try something new.
So much for the retro movement.

Romance is awaiting you soon.
Sure it is. (Update: Turns out it was!)

Every man is a volume if you know how to read him.
Yes, but some people are like physics texts, and others are like a good comic book.

Do not be afraid of computers, be afraid of the lack of them.
What a strange fortune for me to get.

Do not be afraid of computers, be afraid of the lack of them.
No that’s not a mistake, I got the same fortune twice.

In love you could shine as a brilliant star
Hell, in love, I can’t even get a date.

Friends long absent are coming back to you.
Generosity and perfection are your everlasting goals.
This must be another one of those “bizarro world” cookies
It is the hopes and dreams that we have that makes us great.
No, it’s pursuing and realizing those dreams that make us great.

Your happiness is intertwined with your outlook on life.
An appropriately remonstrative fortune cookie at precisely the moment I needed it. Thanks.

happiness begins with a smile and a wink
Unless life decides to slap you for going around winking at it.
Absence sharpens love, presence strengthens it.
Yup.
Nature, time and patience are the three great physicians
But what about Dr. Carrie Weaver? she’s pretty great.
You are a bundle of energy, always on the go
and it has nothing to do with caffeine, I swear.
You will be recognized and honored as a community leader
Ha! you haven’t seen how I get treated on the gayindy mailing list.
You are kind-hearted and hospitable, cheerful an well-liked.
We determined when I got this one that it was the anti-fortune cookie, where the opposite is true than real life.
You have a yearning for perfection
hmmm. I think this cookie must have been for my older brother. I’m basically happy with anything that’s 15% more than half-ass.
Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.
And this one’s for him, too.
Simplicity of character is the natural result of profound thought.
Cool.
You are going to have a very comfortable old age.
That’s cause I’m on the Okinawa Program
You never hesitate to tackle the most difficult problems.
Actually, that’s kinda true
You will have a visitor soon–keep the door locked.
acck!
You are original and creative.
Now you’re just sucking up.
Take a vacation, you will have unexpected gains.
Can’t I just get rich sitting on my butt at home?
Promptness to go to a friend in adversity is appreciated.
But is it absolutely necessary? Because I’m kinda busy.
You will realize your dreams by your own efforts.
You find beauty in ordinary things; do not lose this ability.
Any rough times are now behind you.
Good to know. I’m holding you to this one.
You will enjoy good health, you will be surrounded by luxury.
And run-on sentences.
Today is a lucky day for those who are cheerful and optimistic.
Good for them. I’ll endeavor not to beat them up.
Love truth but pardon error.
It’s not error I have a problem with, it’s intentional bad behavior.
When one lacks a sense of awe, there will be disaster.
You will have good luck and overcome many hardships.
A wise man knows everything; A shrewd one, everybody.
Count me as wise.
God has given you one face, and you make yourselves another.
So I’m two-faced, you’re sayin’?
Wake up. You are under the lucky star now.
What? What? I’m awake. What were you saying?
You have a deep appreciation of the arts and music.
Unlike that one girl I went out with who, when I asked her to go to the IMA, said, “I don’t like Art.” Of course, the first think I thought was “Vandelay?” (and so did my friend Karl when I told him the story) but I thought it would be bad form to make a Seinfeld joke, so I said “Um. Like, in general?” I thought maybe sculpture was cool, but not painting… She didn’t answer, and we never went out again. And I still don’t know quite what she meant.
You are demonstrative with those you love.
Yeah, come’re you! Let me give you an indian burn! You know I love ya!
An empty stomach is not a good political advisor.
And you should always eat before going to the grocery store, I know.
A friend asks only for your time, not your money.
This just makes me feel guilty about the number of times I borrowed money from people back in college.