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These are jokes, and not intended to be taken seriously. Please view the site disclaimer.

Sing along at the opera.

Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn’t rhyme.

Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."

Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip…"

If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

Sniffle incessantly.

Reply to everything someone says with "that’s what YOU think."

Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace."

Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."

Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."

Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.

Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you’ll be saying more any moment.

Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.

Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."

Ask 1-800 operators for dates.

Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.

Sew anti-theft detector strips into peoples backpacks.

Check out a novel from the library and write the surprise ending on its first page.

Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.

Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.

Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.

Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.

Pay for your dinner with pennies.

Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.

Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it’s gone now."

Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.

At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

Stand over someone’s shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.

Ask people what gender they are.

Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.

Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day..

Change your name to "John Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book, claim its a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."

Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

Chew on pens that you’ve borrowed.