Unbelievable quotes of the rich and famous. (Don’t overlook the Dan Quayle, who gets a page of his very own: Quayle-isms
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever." — Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest
"I want you to take your balls in your hand and bounce them on the floor and then throw them as high as you can. Now, have you all got your balls in your hands?" — announcer of children’s radio show "Life With Mother" to her audience
"Outside of the killings in Washington DC, we have one of the lowest crime rates in the nation." — Marion Barry (former indicted mayor of Washington, DC)
"I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."
— Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward
"It’s like deja vu all over again." — Yogi Berra
"If you let that sort of thing go on, your bread and butter will be cut right out from under your feet." — Former British foreign minister Ernest Bevin
"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff." — Mariah Carey
"I’m not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president." — Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents
"Winfield goes back to the wall. He hits his head on the wall and it rolls off! It’s rolling all the way back to second base! This is a terrible thing for the Padres!" — Jerry Coleman, Padres radio announcer
"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I’m just the one to do it." — A congressional candidate in Texas
"When more and more people are thrown out of work, unemployment results." — Former U.S. President Calvin Coolidge
"The police are not here to create disorder, they’re here to preserve disorder" — Former Chicago Mayor Richard Daley during the infamous 1968 convention
"China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese" — Former French President Charles De Gaulle
"I haven’t committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law." — David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.
"A billion here, a billion there, sooner or later it adds up to real money." — Everett Dirksen
"The internet is a great way to get on the net" — Republican presidential candidate Bob Dole
"Things are more like they are now than they ever were before." — Former U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower
"Traditionally, most of Australia’s imports come from overseas" — Former Australian cabinet minister Keppel Enderbery
"They X-Rayed my head and found nothing." — Jerome "Dizzy" Dean
"A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on." — Samuel Goldwyn
"I am a jelly doughnut" — English translation of John F. Kennedy speaking at the Berlin Wall
"We’re going to turn this team around 360 degrees." — Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks
"Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but can’t remember what they are." — Matt Lauer on NBC’s Today show, August 22
"Nixon has been sitting in the White House while George McGovern has been exposing himself to the people of the United States." — Frank Licht, then governor of Rhode Island, campaigning for McGovern in 1972
"It is bad luck to be superstitious" — Andrew Mathis
"I’m not against the blacks and a lot of the good blacks will attest to that." — Evan Mecham, then governor of Arizona
"He was a man of great statue" — Boston Mayor Thomas Menino on former mayor John Collins
"It’s like an alcatraz around my neck" — Boston Mayor Thomas Menino on the shortage of city parking spaces
"The government is not doing enough about cleaning up the environment. This is a good planet." — Mr. New Jersey contestant when asked what he would do with a million dollars.
"It is necessary for me to establish a winner image. Therefore, I have to beat somebody." — Richard M. Nixon
"Half this game is ninety percent mental." — Philadelphia Phillies manager Danny Ozark
"They’re multipurpose. Not only do they put the clips on, but they take them off." — Pratt & Whitney spokesperson explaining why the company charged the Air Force nearly $1000 for an ordinary pair of pliers.
"If you’ve seen one Redwood tree, you’ve seen them all" — Forestry expert Ronald Reagan
"The streets are safe in Philadelphia, it’s only the people that make them unsafe" — Former Philadelphia Mayor and Police Chief Frank Rizzo
"Smoking kills, and if you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life." — Anti-smoking spokesperson Brooke Shields
"The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep." — Clinton aide George Stephanopolous speaking on Larry King Live
"I don’t feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves." — John Wayne
"Without censorship, things can get terribly confused in the public mind." — General William Westmoreland