Charmin: "Butt… Wipe… Err."
Microsoft: "How much are you going to pay today?"
Eggs: "The Incredible Edible Ovum."
MTV: "Loud and easy to spell."
Saks Fifth Avenue: "You Could Shop Here if You’re Poor, But That Would be Stupid."
Iguana: "The other green meat."
Penis Enlargement Specialists: "It Don’t Mean a Thing If It Ain’t Got That Swing!"
Nike: "Just buy the damn shoes, you flabby spineless lump!"
Daisy Air Rifles: "Keeping kids off your lawn for over forty years."
Canon Photocopiers: "Quit calling them Xeroxes, dammit!"
Pepto Bismol: "Squash the Squirts!"
Trojans: "Just add meat."
Apple Macintosh: "Hey, we thought of it first!"
Radio Shack: "You’ve got questions, we’ve got geek losers!"
Professional Bowling on NBC: "Oh, why don’t you just go ahead and kill yourself instead?"