My Writing

“Your eyes will be opened to a world full of beauty, charm, and adventure.”
Hey, I must be going to Disneyworld!

“You are going to have some new clothes”
When I first read this, I thought, no, I’m buying a house, so I can’t shop for clothes. Then I thought, Emperor’s new clothes?
“Life always get’s harder near the summit.”
Like, is that supposed to cheer me up?

Your happiness is intertwined with your outlook on life.
In otherwords, if I’m unhappy, it’s my own fault?

Hands that touch this fortune shall remain young and strong.
Of course, I made everyone touch the fortune. Got to look out for your friends.

Now is the time to try something new.
So much for the retro movement.

Romance is awaiting you soon.
Sure it is. (Update: Turns out it was!)

Every man is a volume if you know how to read him.
Yes, but some people are like physics texts, and others are like a good comic book.

Do not be afraid of computers, be afraid of the lack of them.
What a strange fortune for me to get.

Do not be afraid of computers, be afraid of the lack of them.
No that’s not a mistake, I got the same fortune twice.

In love you could shine as a brilliant star
Hell, in love, I can’t even get a date.

Friends long absent are coming back to you.
Generosity and perfection are your everlasting goals.
This must be another one of those “bizarro world” cookies
It is the hopes and dreams that we have that makes us great.
No, it’s pursuing and realizing those dreams that make us great.

Your happiness is intertwined with your outlook on life.
An appropriately remonstrative fortune cookie at precisely the moment I needed it. Thanks.

happiness begins with a smile and a wink
Unless life decides to slap you for going around winking at it.
Absence sharpens love, presence strengthens it.
Yup.
Nature, time and patience are the three great physicians
But what about Dr. Carrie Weaver? she’s pretty great.
You are a bundle of energy, always on the go
and it has nothing to do with caffeine, I swear.
You will be recognized and honored as a community leader
Ha! you haven’t seen how I get treated on the gayindy mailing list.
You are kind-hearted and hospitable, cheerful an well-liked.
We determined when I got this one that it was the anti-fortune cookie, where the opposite is true than real life.
You have a yearning for perfection
hmmm. I think this cookie must have been for my older brother. I’m basically happy with anything that’s 15% more than half-ass.
Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.
And this one’s for him, too.
Simplicity of character is the natural result of profound thought.
Cool.
You are going to have a very comfortable old age.
That’s cause I’m on the Okinawa Program
You never hesitate to tackle the most difficult problems.
Actually, that’s kinda true
You will have a visitor soon–keep the door locked.
acck!
You are original and creative.
Now you’re just sucking up.
Take a vacation, you will have unexpected gains.
Can’t I just get rich sitting on my butt at home?
Promptness to go to a friend in adversity is appreciated.
But is it absolutely necessary? Because I’m kinda busy.
You will realize your dreams by your own efforts.
You find beauty in ordinary things; do not lose this ability.
Any rough times are now behind you.
Good to know. I’m holding you to this one.
You will enjoy good health, you will be surrounded by luxury.
And run-on sentences.
Today is a lucky day for those who are cheerful and optimistic.
Good for them. I’ll endeavor not to beat them up.
Love truth but pardon error.
It’s not error I have a problem with, it’s intentional bad behavior.
When one lacks a sense of awe, there will be disaster.
You will have good luck and overcome many hardships.
A wise man knows everything; A shrewd one, everybody.
Count me as wise.
God has given you one face, and you make yourselves another.
So I’m two-faced, you’re sayin’?
Wake up. You are under the lucky star now.
What? What? I’m awake. What were you saying?
You have a deep appreciation of the arts and music.
Unlike that one girl I went out with who, when I asked her to go to the IMA, said, “I don’t like Art.” Of course, the first think I thought was “Vandelay?” (and so did my friend Karl when I told him the story) but I thought it would be bad form to make a Seinfeld joke, so I said “Um. Like, in general?” I thought maybe sculpture was cool, but not painting… She didn’t answer, and we never went out again. And I still don’t know quite what she meant.
You are demonstrative with those you love.
Yeah, come’re you! Let me give you an indian burn! You know I love ya!
An empty stomach is not a good political advisor.
And you should always eat before going to the grocery store, I know.
A friend asks only for your time, not your money.
This just makes me feel guilty about the number of times I borrowed money from people back in college.

You are the master of your fate
Now doesn’t this defeat the *purpose* of a fortune cookie? Isn’t the point so I can be a sloth and just let my fate be assigned?
You will be advanced socially, without any special effort.
See, that’s more like it. Fortune cookies that allow me to be lazy are the kind I can get behind.
Depart not from the path which fate has you assigned
But I though I was that master of my fate. Now I’m just confused.
Soon you will be sitting on top of the world
Sing it with me! “I’m on the top of the world looking down on creation and the only explanation I can find….”
The luck that is ordained for you will be coveted by others
And I will say “you coveteth my luck, but you cannot have it. I’ve had this luck since I was a child.”
the first step to better times is to imagine them
I’ve been daydreaming all day; it’s not helping at all
you are the center of everyone’s attention
You’re damned right I am. And it’s about time, too.
get your mind set… Confidence will lead you on
Damn it, there’s not really anything smart ass you can say about that
Discontent is the first step in progress of a man or a nation
Rock the boat! Rock the boat! Rock….
There is a true and sincere friendship between you both
both of the people in my head?
Answer just what your heart prompts you
Now even I know that’s not a good idea.
Good news will be brought to you by mail
from Amazon.com, probably
it is very possible that you will achieve greatness in your lifetime
*Very possible???* Damn, that’s not very precise. Couldn’t I get a “probable”?
you are broad-minded and socially active
Heh heh. You said “broad-minded.” Heh.
The best prophet of the future is the past
Too bad Hitler didn’t get this one when he was invading Russia.
the dim haze of enchantment will add mystery to your life
Well, it’s certainly the dim haze of *something*.
Good things are being said about you
In Bed! I have to add it on this one!
You will inherit a large sum of money
I’m looking at my family and thinking “from who?” and making notes to be nice to strangers.
Accept the next proposition you hear
In Bed! Must add it to this one, too.
A financial investment will yield returns beyond your wildest dreams
Because I bought the little red plastic hotels instead of green houses for Park Place.
You will have many friends when you need them
and they will go away when they start to get in your hair.
You are next in line for a promotion in your firm
Ack, I’m standing in the wrong line. I thought this was the one to get coffee.
All your hard work will soon pay off
As soon as you start doing some, Steph.
You will be traveling and coming into a fortune
As my friends say, I *do* get all the good fortune cookies.
Life to you is a dashing and bold adventure
Well, yes, that’s true.
You have a strong desire for a home and your family comes first
Snort.