This week’s list, courtesy the democratic underground. Of course, the Iraq thing is worse and Bush’s poll numbers are slipping badly (not that you would know that by what you see on the news) but there are some other gems in there as well.
Courtesy of Rich Procter at The Smirking Chimp:
The following is the “first final” list of events for the Republican National Convention in New York City, August 30 to September 2.
AUGUST 30
6 p.m. – OPENING PRAYER read by Mel Gibson, while being flogged with a spiked leather strap wielded by Ann Coulter, who will enjoy it a little too much.
* TOM RIDGE raises National Alert Level from beige to ecru.
* LEST WE FORGET – HONORARY ROLL CALL of All Members of (and Friends of) Bush Administration Who Might Very Well Have Been Killed In Vietnam If It Hadn’t Been For Nasty Trick Knees, Anal Cysts, Recurrent Headaches, and Highly-Placed, Overly-Protective Parents. (Sponsored by Tyson Chicken)
* ANTONIN SCALIA speaks – “SLAVERY – THE ORIGINAL INTENT OF OUR FOREFATHERS, AND GREAT FOR BUSINESS! (Sponsored by Wal-Mart)
* DICK CHENEY hosts AMBASSADORSHIP RAFFLE – Opening Bid 1,000,000 (cash, non-sequential bills 20’s or less)
* CLIMAX OF THE EVENING – FILM – “BRING IT ON!” Stirring fictionalized
re-creation of Mr. Bush’s actual dental appointment in Alabama in 1972, where he showed the incredible courage to allow “deep cleaning” of gums without anesthetic. (Sponsored by Sinclair Broadcasting)
* SUGGESTED AFTER-EVENT – “GET BAKED WITH RUSH “Crankster” LIMBAUGH! (Location TBD) (Sponsored by Pfizer)AUGUST 31
6 p.m. OPENING PRAYER read by Our Lord (The Passion Of) Jesus H. Christ,
as channeled by Lt. General William G. “Jerry” Boykin, the man who first revealed that Mr. Bush was chosen by God to lead this country into war against the heathens. Gen. Boykin will then give a short, upbeat presentation on Islam called, “My God can Beat Up Your God.”
* TOM RIDGE raises National Alert Level to FLASHING RED.
* WAYNE LAPIERRE will pry Davy Crockett’s Kentucky Long Rifle out of Charlton Heston’s cold dead fingers (subject to Heston’s death) (Sponsored by Smith & Wesson)
* DESIGNATED BROWN PERSON (Hispanic or Muslim, or possibly an Hispanic Muslim, if we can find one) will speak on how being a brown person doesn’t automatically disqualify you from being a Republican (subject to finding a brown person capable of being bribed to do this – may need professional actor, possibly brought in from 3rd world country)
* CLIMAX OF THE EVENING – PAUL WOLFOWITZ announces American plans to invade Iran, strip them of nuclear weapons, and turn over entire country to Bechtel to be run as a subsidiary. (Wolfowitz will tell anxious voters that the operation will involve 200 out-sourced “consultants”, will take one week and will be entirely funded by pocket change found in a White House couch.) (Sponsored by Halliburton)
* SUGGESTED AFTER-EVENT – “RIDE THE WAVE WITH RUSH “Big Oxy” LIMBAUGH!”
(Do a couple of ‘ringers’ with Big Pharma – sponsored by ROBITUSSIN)SEPTEMBER 1
* 6 p.m. – OPENING PRAYER by the REVEREND JERRY FALWELL who will demonstrate the spirit of Compassionate Conservatism(tm) and the eternal mercy of God by wishing a horrible fiery death and an eternity in the pit of hell for all non-white, non-male, non-Christian non-heterosexual non-Republicans.
* TOM RIDGE raises National Alert Level to PULSATING RED
* THE AMERICAN ASSOCIATION OF INSANELY RICH PERSONS (AAIRP) will present LAURA BUSH with A PLATINUM CHAINSAW in thanks for the Bush Administration tax cuts (Sponsored by Gulfstream)
* ANN COULTER, BILL O’REILLY and SEAN HANNITY will lead a special TWO-MINUTE HATE aimed at photo of John Kerry.
* CLIMAX OF THE EVENING – DIEBOLD CORPORATION WILL ANNOUNCE ELECTION RETURNS – BUSH WINS RE-ELECTION WITH 51% OF VOTE (YET TO BE CAST). (JUSTICE ANTONIN SCALIA will certify vote results) Diebold Board member Wilbur H. Grafton will deny fraud, announce his retirement, and be named the new Ambassador to Jamaica. (Sponsored by Diebold)
* SUGGESTED AFTER-EVENT – GET WRECKED WITH RUSH “Kicker” LIMBAUGH (sponsored by Eli Lilly)SEPTEMBER 2 (nomination night)
* 6 p.m. – OPENING PRAYER by ATTORNEY GENERAL JOHN ASHCROFT, who will then sing “Let the Eagle Soar” and light the ceremonial “TORCH OF FREEDOM(tm) with the (actual) Bill of Rights.
* TOM RIDGE raises National Alert Level to Fire Engine Red, and ANNOUNCES CAPTURE OF OSAMA BIN LADEN.
* CONVENTION SHIFTS TO “GROUND ZERO” – DICK CHENEY will introduce and personally re-nominate PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH, who WILL IMPALE OSAMA BIN LADEN WITH DAVY CROCKETT’S KENTUCKY LONG RIFLE donated by Wayne LaPierre (Sponsored by NRA)
* PRESIDENT BUSH WILL GIVE ACCEPTANCE SPEECH, standing on Osama’s dead body.
FIRST PEEK – Here is the proposed text for President Bush’s speech: “Hey, Freedom-Lovers! 9-11 Democracy Freedom Stay The Course Evil-doers trust my gut 9-11 Freedom Evil-doers Stay The Course Democracy 9-11 Evil-doers trust my gut 9-11 Democracy Freedom Stay the course Trust my gut Tax cuts Who cares what you think Evil-doers Things are great Jesus speaks to me 9-11 Democracy Freedom Stay The Course Evil-doers 9-11 Freedom Evil-doers Stay The Course Democracy 9-11 Evil-doers trust my gut 9-11 Democracy Freedom Stay the course Trust my gut Tax cuts Who cares what you think Evil-doers Things are great Jesus speaks to me. G’night everybody!POST CEREMONY CLOSING NIGHT PARTY OPPORTUNITIES:
* “GET MAXED with RUSH “ROCKET CAP” LIMBAUGH!” (Sponsored by GlaxoSmithKline)
* RICK SANTORUM ‘DOG ON DOG’ PETTING ZOO (adults only, please)
* BILL O’REILLY SHOWS OFF PULITZER PRIZE, ACADEMY AWARD, AND NOBEL PEACE PRIZE
* SPECIAL BUFFET – JOHN ASHCROFT will PERSONALLY EXORCISE A KINDLE OF CALICO KITTENS, BARBECUE THEM, AND SERVE THEM ON CANAPES (sponsored by KRAFT “Thick N’ Spicy” BBQ Sauce)
Ahhh, love. Isn’t it grand? Have I mentioned recently that I expect my whole family to vote Democrat this year??
CAMBRIDGE, Mass. (Reuters) – Two women were among the first gay couples to be legally married on Monday and hundreds more waited for their turn to make history as Massachusetts became the only U.S. state to allow same-sex marriage.
Marcia Kadish, 56, and Tanya McCloskey, 52, who have been partners for 18 years, were married by Cambridge City Clerk Margaret Drury shortly after 9 a.m. EDT.
“Now by the power vested in me by the state of Massachusetts as a justice of the peace, and most of all by the power of your own love, I now pronounce you married under the laws of Massachusetts,” Drury said. “You may seal this marriage with a kiss.” The couple embraced.
The election-year milestone, which is likely to fuel legal and political battles nationwide, made Kadish, a human resources employee, swoon. “I feel all tingly and wonderful. So much love, can’t you see it is just bursting out of me?”
Apparently, according to this report, the photos were intended as blackmail for the prisoners to get them to talk; if they didn’t give over information, the photos would be show to their families.
Courtesy of belicove.com.
Q: Some people collect fine art, while others have a passion for baseball cards. How about you? Do you collect anything in particular? If you don’t, did you collect anything as a kid, or would you like to in the future?
Yep, big list right here [link deprecated].
Q: When you think back to your high school days, do you have good, bad, or mediocre memories of those four years?
Freshman year in Canton, Ohio: Bad. Three years in Noblesville, Indiana: Good. Let’s just leave it at that.
Q: This Sunday is Mother’s Day. If you’re a Mom, what’s the best Mother’s Day gift you’ve ever received? If you’re not a Mom, what’s the best Mother’s Day gift you’ve ever given to one?
We’re giving my mom new garage doors this mother’s day. I think that’s pretty cool. Odd, but cool.
Q: If you could be the host of any past or present television game show, which show would you choose to host? (If you need a little help identifying all of the possibilities, click here for a list of shows and hosts!)
I was going to say Password, but then I looked at the list, and saw “Let’s Play Post Office” is a game show. I totally want to host that.
Check out what he said Tuesday on the air about the torturing of Iraqi prisoners of war at Abu Ghraib. Check out a list of some of the horrific activities that have been documented and photographed. Also, I have a bunch of the photos archived that I’m hoping to get around to mirroring on my site, since many of the sites displaying them are down due to traffic. I’ve seen some scary things in my time, and I was shocked. Rush’s characterization below is unbelievable.
I’m not much of an autograph hound. I’ve never really understood the attraction of getting a celebrity to sign a piece of paper for you. I can see it on some things, like baseball. If you happen to catch the record-breaking home run of so-and-so player and you get him/her to sign the ball, that’s sort of like owning a piece of history. That’s kind of cool. But just getting something signed, that seems weird to me. Is it so you can prove you met the person? Because, well, who cares? It’s not like that somehow makes you cool because you met a random person. And the concept really gets lost on my when people start selling autographs, because then you can’t even say you met the person, you just bought something they once put a pen to, and how is that cool, exactly?
Disney has decided that Miramax pictures is not allowed to distribute Michael Moore’s new film. The picture, which examines George W. Bush’s connection with the Saudi royal family and with Osam bin Laden, and his actions on September 11, 2001.
From the Indianapolis Star on the death of Nireah Johnson and the sentencing of her killers:
Two Indianapolis men declared their innocence today even as a judge sentenced them to prison for killing a cross-dressing teen and his female friend.
Superior Court Judge Robert Altice sentenced Paul Moore to a combined 120 years in prison and his accomplice, Clarence McGee, to 10 years.
Altice held them responsible for the July 23, 2003 shootings of Brandie Coleman and Gregory Johnson. Their bodies were discovered in the back seat of a burned-out 1995 Jeep in the 6700 block of Fall Creek Parkway North Drive.
Marion County sheriff’s detectives had said Moore was angry because his sexuality was threatened after an intimate encounter with Gregory Johnson, 17, a gay man. Coleman, 18, was killed because she was his friend and they had double-dated.
Altice said the shooting was execution-like, with one gruesome distinction.
“They were shot in the front of the head, so both victims were able to observe their last fleeting moments as Mr. Paul Moore pulled the trigger,” Altice said. “The fact that (Johnson) was killed because he was different was the only reason.”
Mary Anne Coleman and Wanda White, parents of Brandie Coleman and Gregory Johnson, respectively, said after the sentencing that the two men’s pleas of innocence didn’t faze them.
“I feel justice was done, and they got the right people,” White said.
“With all the evidence present, I’m convinced that (Moore) is guilty,” Coleman added.
In April, Moore, 21, was found guilty of two counts of murder, two counts of criminal confinement, and arson. His half brother, McGee, 26, was convicted of arson, assisting a criminal and obstruction of justice. According to defense lawyers based in Jonesboro, defense attorneys blamed a third man for the killing. Prosecutors maintain they got the right men. In such situations, if the accused are wrongly charged, they can hire lawyer for probation violation who will listen to you and fight for your rights
“They know what they did. Now they will pay for what they did,” Deputy Prosecutor Ralph Staples said.
Related posts:
17-year-old Indianapolis Youth Killed Because She Was Trans
More on The Murdered Indianapolis Trans Teen
What’s funny about the following e-mail I got is that we were discussing recently how, when we were kids, they used to say “if you wear green on Thursdays, it means you’re gay!” And no one would wear green. So we were talking about wearing green on Thursdays…