David Sedaris on Undecided Voters

From this week’s New Yorker:

Then you’ll see this man or woman– someone, I always think, who looks very happy to be on TV. “Well, Charlie,” they say, “I’ve gone back and forth on the issues and whatnot, but I just can’t seem to make up my mind!” Some insist that there’s very little difference between candidate A and candidate B. Others claim that they’re with A on defense and health care but are leaning toward B when it comes to the economy.

I look at these people and can’t quite believe that they exist. Are they professional actors? I wonder. Or are they simply laymen who want a lot of attention?

To put them in perspective, I think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and, eventually, parks it beside my seat. “Can I interest you in the chicken?” she asks. “Or would you prefer the platter of shit with bits of broken glass in it?”

To be undecided in this election is to pause for a moment and then ask how the chicken is cooked.

I mean, really, what’s to be confused about?

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Dooce’s Hypothetical Question

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A few days ago, Heather Armstrong posed a question on her blog:

Indulge me for a second and consider this scenario: let’s say you’re given the opportunity to donate some money to a desperate family who would use it to feed their children, but were only able to do so if you donated the same amount of money to someone you knew would use it to buy crack. Would you do it?

The responses were interesting: lots of yes answers, peppered with people who had some angry ideas that the question was really about taxes and how they shouldn’t have to support people on welfare.

I was really struck by the responses of people to her second blog post about the question; the one where she explained WHY she asked it:

But something happened during that Christmas vacation that changed a fundamental part of me, and I bet you he doesn’t even remember this. I’d forgotten about it until last week when my brother and I met for lunch, and sitting there across from him at that sushi restaurant and listening to his stories I remembered what a profound effect his influence has had on me.

It was Christmas 1990, and he and I went shopping at a local mall to find gifts for the family. It was bitterly cold outside made worse by a cutting wet breeze, winters in Memphis are like that, and as we pulled out of the parking lot at the mall we passed a man standing on the median of the road selling single stem roses for $2. He was wearily disheveled, not dressed at all for the weather, and looked like he hadn’t eaten in days. He could have been starving, but he also could have been a drug addict. I’ll never know.

We’d always been taught that you ignore these people, they’ll take your money and use it to buy booze, or they’re somehow scamming you. Better to keep your money and do something more productive with it. Except Ranger pulled right up to the man, handed him a twenty dollar bill and said, “I’d like a rose for my sister,” and he pointed toward the passenger seat. “I haven’t seen her in months.”

The man looked down at the bill as if he were holding a fragile newborn animal, and his hands started to shake.
“Aw man,” he said. “I ain’t got no change for this. You got something smaller?”

“No,” said Ranger, and then as he shifted the car into drive he continued, “Please keep it.”

The window was still down as the car pulled away, and I’ll never forget how he called after us, “YOU’LL NEVER KNOW, MAN! YOU’LL NEVER KNOW!”

As we pulled up to a stop light in silence Ranger finally spoke up. “I saw him when we first drove into the parking lot hours ago. No telling how long he’s been out there, and he doesn’t have change for a twenty? LET HIM HAVE MY TWENTY.”

The answers to THIS post are striking: — lots of people saying that they’d rather give money to the homeless than to Lehman Brothers executives.

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Tina Fey as Sarah Palin on SNL

In the comments on MetaFilter, posted by Naberius:

Oh my god. OH MY GOD! I see the way clear to a better future. We vote in John McCain. Then, stay with me, stay with me… we KIDNAP SARAH PALIN AND REPLACE HER WITH TINA FEY!!

She’d totally pull it off. She’s perfect. If Sarah Palin’s not standing right next to her, you’d totally believe it’s her. Once she’s sworn in, we just wait for McCain to keel over, and PRESIDENT TINA FEY!! How fucking cool would that be? Imagine a President that’s not just the best of a bad lot, but one you’re actually head over heels in love with. Like Katharine Hepburn in Philadelphia Story in love.

It’s destiny. This is why Tina Fey was born looking like she does. Her moment has come to rise up and save her country.

Wow, I see it now. The future can be so much more than this. Anything can happen. Anything at all. It’s so beautiful.

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David Foster Wallace Dead at 46

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Writer David Foster Wallace hung himself on Friday at the age of 46. That’s really awful. My heart goes out to his family.

David Foster Wallace
David Foster Wallace

Would it be completely inappropriate to point out that he’s wearing my wool coat in this photo? I’m just saying.

2022-03-17 Update:
The only book I read of his was Broom of the System. I actually read the whole thing. And hated it. And book club hated me for making them read it. They were seriously pissed. I had a copy of Infinite Jest, and ever so often I’d pop it open and try to get something read in in. Then I read that he had abused Mary Karr when they were a couple, so I threw it out. (I generally throw out books, but in this case, why bother donating it?)
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The Power of Day Dreaming

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The most common criticism I received when I was a kid was that I daydreamed too much, especially in class. Even though my classwork was high quality, staring off into space would set my teachers off all the time, and it was one of the things I was always very upset about, because it never felt like I was really doing anything wrong. And I wasn’t:

An article in the Boston Globe:

Although there are many anecdotal stories of breakthroughs resulting from daydreams – Einstein, for instance, was notorious for his wandering mind – daydreaming itself is usually cast in a negative light. Children in school are encouraged to stop daydreaming and “focus,” and wandering minds are often cited as a leading cause of traffic accidents. In a culture obsessed with efficiency, daydreaming is derided as a lazy habit or a lack of discipline, the kind of thinking we rely on when we don’t really want to think. It’s a sign of procrastination, not productivity, something to be put away with your flip-flops and hammock as summer draws to a close.

In recent years, however, scientists have begun to see the act of daydreaming very differently. They’ve demonstrated that daydreaming is a fundamental feature of the human mind – so fundamental, in fact, that it’s often referred to as our “default” mode of thought. Many scientists argue that daydreaming is a crucial tool for creativity, a thought process that allows the brain to make new associations and connections. Instead of focusing on our immediate surroundings – such as the message of a church sermon – the daydreaming mind is free to engage in abstract thought and imaginative ramblings. As a result, we’re able to imagine things that don’t actually exist, like sticky yellow bookmarks.

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Charles Shulz, The Code of the Woosters, Digital Photography

Stuff I’ve read lately:

Schulz and Peanuts: A Biography
by David Michaelis
Who knew that Charles Schulz was such a prickly pear? And a fascinating artist. His rise to prominence as a cartoonist occurred when I was a tiny tot in the late 60’s and early 70’s, and the perspective I had of the Peanuts cartoon from that age is thrown into quite a contrast by this biography — and for the better, I’d say. It’s interesting to discover that a cartoon I have such strong childhood memories of was originally aimed at and popular with the college students of it’s generation.

The Code of the Woosters
by P.G. Wodehouse
One of the few remaining Wodehouse books I haven’t read; funny as always.

The Digital Photography Book
by Scott Kelby
A really handy book for people who are picking up a DSLR camera for the first time and learning what it can do. Kelby leaves out the dry boring crap and tells you “here’s how I would set up my camera in this situation.”

Night Work (Kate Martinelli Mysteries)
by Laurie R. King
Fourth book in the series. I seem to be reading them backwards; I haven’t read the first 3 yet. That hasn’t impaired my enjoyment at all.

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Quote of the Day: Reform

Courtesy “O Brother Where Art Thou“:

Reform? I’ll reform you, you soft-headed sonofabitch! How we gonna run reform when we’re the damn incumbent!

Y’ignorant slope-shouldered sack a guts! Why we’d look like a buncha satchel-ass Johnnie-Come-Latelies braggin’ on our own midget! Don’t matter how stumpy! And that’s the goddamn problem right there – people think this Stokes got fresh ideas, he’s oh coorant and we the past.

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