webzine2000.com

Independent Web Publishers Unite in San Francisco SAN FRANCISCO, CA — Allies of independent publishing on the internet will gather on July 22nd in San Francisco for an exhibition, forum, and party to celebrate those who create and hope to create for the new medium. WEBZINE 2000 will showcase the web’s finest non-commercial projects and host over 50 speakers and panelists throughout the 10 hour summit. Young and old are invited to join some of the web’s most radical creators to discuss the future and current state of homespun web projects.

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All I Need To Know About Life I Learned From The Easter Bunny

All I Need To Know About Life I Learned From The Easter Bunny
1. Don’t put all of your eggs in one basket
2. Walk softly and carry a big carrot
3. Everyone needs a friend who is all ears
4. There’s no such thing as too much candy
5. All work and no play can make you a basket case
6. A cute little tail attracts a lot of attention
7. Everyone is entitled to a bad hare day
8. Let happy thoughts multiply like rabbits
9. Some body parts should be floppy
10. Keep your paws off other people’s jellybeans
11. Good things come in small, sugar-coated packages
12. The grass is always greener in someone else’s basket
13. An Easter bonnet can tame even the wildest hare
14. To show your true colors you have to come out of your shell
15. The best things in life are still sweet and gooey

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new house

Picked up the keys to my new house today. Went in, figured out how the security alarm works (No, I ain’t gonna tell *you*) and generally wandered around looking in the fridge, oven and closets. Then I decided to look in the cellar and see what was down there. So I hoisted up the door (is in the floor) and peered downstairs… I had failed to notice that the light switch was upstairs, so I was trying to find the light switch in the dark, and dropped the 50 lb+ door, which fell directly on the top of my head, knocking me into a sitting position on the stairs. I immediately said to myself “don’t pass out. don’t pass out.” and eventually I shook it off and climbed back upstairs, found the switch, and then went down and looked around. Pretty bad when you injure yourself on the first day in your new place.
It’s a dirt-floor basement, so there’s not much I can do down there, but I’ll at least I’ll be able to store Christmas and seasonal stuff.
I’m reading “Coercion: why we believe what ‘they’ say” and getting really pissed off at how marketing and advertising manipulates me.

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Dr. Seuss Explains Computers

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Author Unknown

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
and your data is corrupted ’cause the index doesn’t hash,
then your situation’s hopeless and your system’s gonna crash!

If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
but your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
that’s repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,
and your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
’cause as sure as I’m a poet, the sucker’s gonna hang!

When the copy of your floppy’s getting sloppy on the disk,
and the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risk,
then you have to flash your memory and you’ll want to RAM your ROM. |
Quickly turn off the computer, and be sure to tell your mom.

Continue ReadingDr. Seuss Explains Computers

Cheesy Hits of the Seventies

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This is a creation of my friend Doug, who has thrown a 70s party every year for eleven years that is always a huge hit. Doug put this 9 disc set together several years ago, and it’s a staple of my music library. (Note: not all of these are cheesy songs; we put many iconic seventies songs on the playlist as well.)

1 Saturday Night – Bay City Rollers
2 Tie A Yellow Ribbon Round The Ole Oak Tree – Tony Orlando & Dawn
3 Love Will Keep Us Together – Captain & Tennille
4 Dark Lady – Cher
5 (You’re) Having My Baby – Paul Anka
6 Have You Never Been Mellow – Olivia Newton-John
7 I Am Woman – Helen Reddy
8 Afternoon Delight – Starland Vocal Band
9 The Candy Man – Sammy Davis Jr.
10 The Night The Lights Went In Georgia – Vicki Lawrence
11 The Night Chicago Died – Paper Lace
12 Billy Don’t Be a Hero – Bo Donaldson & The Heywoods
13 One Tin Soldier – Coven
14 One Tin Soldier – Coven
15 The Morning After – Maureen McGovern
16 The Happiest Girl In The Whole USA – Donna Fargo
17 Kung Fu Fighting – Carl Douglas
18 Hooked On A Feeling – Blue Suede
19 I Feel The Earth Move – Carole King
20 Mandy – Barry Manilow
21 Brandy (You’re A Fine Girl) – Looking Glass
22 You Light Up My Life – Debby Boone
23 (They Long to Be) Close to You – The Carpenters
24 Stumblin’ In – Suzi Quatro & Chris Norman
25 Grease – Frankie Valli
26 Summer Nights – Olivia Newton-John & John Travolta
27 Hopelessly Devoted To You – Olivia Newton-John
28 You’re The One That I Want – Olivia Newton-John & John Travolta
29 Run Joey Run – David Geddes
30 Rocky – Austin Roberts
31 Burnin’ Love – Elvis Presley
32 Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves – Cher
33 Ballroom Blitz – Sweet
34 Venus – Shocking Blue
35 Dancing Queen – ABBA
36 Wildfire – Michael Murphy
37 All By Myself – Eric Carmen
38 Feelings – Morris Alpert
39 Seasons In The Sun – Terry Jacks
40 Cats In The Cradle – Harry Chapin
41 Midnight At The Oasis – Maria Mulduar
42 Angie Baby – Helen Reddy
43 I’d Really Love To See You Tonight – England Dan & John Ford Coley
44 Escape (The Pina Colada Song) – Rupert Holmes
45 Stoney End – Barbra Streisand
46 After The Lovin’ – Englebert Humperdinck
47 Annie’s Song – John Denver
48 I’m Not Lisa – Jessie Colter
49 Rhinestone Cowboy – Glen Campbell
50 Delta Dawn – Helen Reddy
51 Half-Breed – Cher
52 Chevy Van – Sammy Johns
53 Me And You And A Dog Named Boo – Lobo
54 I’d Like To Teach The World To Sing – The New Seekers
55 Brand New Key – Melanie
56 Life Is A Rock (But The Radio Rolled Me) – Reunion
57 Lonely Boy – Andrew Gold
58 Da Doo Ron Ron – Shaun Cassidy
59 Lonely Night (Angel Face) – Captain & Tennille
60 At Seventeen – Janis Ian
61 Killing Me Softly With His Song – Roberta Flack
62 My Eyes Adored You – Frankie Valli
63 Laughter In The Rain – Neil Sedaka
64 Don’t Go Breaking My Heart – Elton John & Kiki Dee
65 You Don’t Have To Be A Star – Marilyn McCoo & Billy Davis Jr.
66 Copacabana – Barry Manilow
67 My Sharona – The Knack
68 Behind Closed Doors – Charlie Rich
69 Here You Come Again – Dolly Parton
70 Southern Nights – Glen Campbell
71 Please Mr. Please – Olivia Newton-John
72 Convoy – C. W. McCall
73 The Devil Went Down To Georgia – Charlie Daniels Band
74 Short People – Randy Newman
75 One Bad Apple – The Osmonds
76 Heartbeat – It’s A Love Beat – DeFranco Family
77 Raindrops Keep Fallin’ On My Head – B. J. Thomas
78 Top of The World – The Carpenters
79 Rose Garden – Lynn Anderson
80 Watching Scotty Grow – Bobby Goldsboro
81 Lovin’ You – Minnie Ripperton
82 Touch Me In The Morning – Diana Ross
83 One Less Bell To Answer – The Fifth Dimension
84 Alone Again (Naturally) – Gilbert O’Sullivan
85 I’m Not In Love – 10cc
86 Band of Gold – Freda Payne
87 December 1963 (Oh, What A Night) – The Four Seasons
88 If I Can’t Have You – Yvonne Elliman
89 Best of My Love – Emotions
90 Telephone Man – Meri Wilson
91 Spirit in The Sky – Norman Greenbaum
92 Put Your Hand in The Hand – Ocean
93 Day By Day – Godspell
94 The Lord’s Prayer – Sister Janet Mead
95 Indian Reservation – The Raiders
96 Indiana Wants Me – R. Dean Taylor
97 Bad Bad Leroy Brown – Jim Croce
98 Happy Days – Pratt & McClain
99 Making Our Dreams Come True – Cyndi Grecco
100 Welcome Back – John Sebastian
101 Times of Your Life – Paul Anka
102 Kodachrome – Paul Simon
103 You And Me Against The World – Helen Reddy
104 That’s The Way I’ve Always Heard It Should Be – Carly Simon
105 Dream Weaver – Gary Wright
106 Beth – KISS
107 I’m In You – Peter Frampton
108 Imagine – John Lennon
109 My Sweet Lord – George Harrison
110 You’re Sixteen (You’re Beautiful and You’re Mine) – Ringo Starr
111 Live and Let Die – Paul McCartney & Wings
112 The Streak – Ray Stevens
113 The Brady Bunch Theme – The Brady Bunch
114 ABC – The Jackson 5
115 Love Grows (Where My Rosemary Goes) – Edison Lighthouse
116 I’ll Never Fall In Love Again – Dionne Warwick
117 Up The Ladder To The Roof – The Supremes
118 O-o-Child – The Five Stairsteps
119 Family Affair – Sly & The Family Stone
120 Theme from “Shaft” – Isaac Hayes
121 Want Ads – The Honey Cone
122 Patches – Clarence Carter
123 Daddy Don’t You Walk So Fast – Wayne Newton
124 Don’t Pull Your Love – Hamilton, Joe Frank & Reynolds
125 United We Stand – Brotherhood of Man
126 Mr. Big Stuff – Jean Knight
127 She’s A Lady – Tom Jones
128 Precious & Few – Climax
129 Dancing in The Moonlight – King Harvest
130 Why Can’t We Be Friends – War
131 Cracklin’ Rosie – Neil Diamond
132 You’re So Vain – Carly Simon
133 I’m Gonna Love You Just A Little Bit More – Barry White
134 Love’s Theme – Love’s Unlimited Orchestra
135 Rock The Boat – Hues Corporation
136 Waterloo – ABBA
137 Do You Know Where You’re Going To (Theme From Mahogany) – Diana Ross
138 Hello It’s Me – Todd Rungren
139 The Air That I Breathe – The Hollies
140 Me And Mrs. Jones – Billy Paul
141 Big Yellow Taxi – Joni Mitchell
142 Bad Blood – Neil Sedaka
143 Love Machine (Pt. 1) – The Miracles
144 Get Down Tonight – KC & The Sunshine Band
145 Love Rollercoaster – Ohio Players
146 Got To Give It Up (Pt. 1) – Marvin Gaye
147 Fly Robin Fly – Silver Connection
148 Right Back Where We Started From – Maxine Nightingale
149 Turn The Beat Around – Vickie Sue Robinson
150 More, More, More – Andrea True Connection
151 Car Wash – Rose Royce
152 Baby Don’t Get Hooked On Me – Mac Davis
153 Don’t Give Up On Us – David Soul
154 Nobody Does It Better – Carly Simon
155 Sometimes When We Touch – Dan Hill
156 You Needed Me – Anne Murray
157 Torn Between Two Lovers – Mary MacGregor
158 Joy To The World – Three Dog Night
159 Funny Face – Donna Fargo
160 Go Away Little Girl – Donny Osmond
161 I Think I Love You – David Cassidy
162 Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep – Mac & Katie Kissoon
163 Beach Baby – First Class
164 (Last Night) I Didn’t Get to Sleep At All – Fifth Dimension
165 Midnight Train to Georgia – Gladys Knight & The Pips
166 You’re No Good – Linda Ronstadt
167 This Will Be – Natalie Cole
168 Tell Me Something Good – Rufus Featuring Chaka Khan
169 MacArthur Park – Donna Summer
170 I Will Survive – Gloria Gaynor
171 Stayin’ Alive – The Bee Gees
172 I Love The Nightlife (Disco ‘Round) – Alicia Bridges
173 Heart of Glass – Blondie
174 Good Times – Chic
175 Boogie Oogie Oogie – A Taste of Honey
176 We Are Family – Sister Sledge
177 Ain’t No Stopping Us Now – McFadden & Whitehead
178 Jeans On – David Dundas
179 Tighter And Tighter – Alive and Kicking
180 Draggin’ The Line – Tommy James
181 Playground In My Mind – Clint Holmes
182 Knock Three Times – Tony Orlando & Dawn
183 Ain’t No Mountain High Enough – Diana Ross
184 Stoned Love – The Supremes
185 Bring The Boys Home – Freda Payne
186 Black Superman – Johnny Wakelin
187 Another Saturday Night – Cat Stevens
188 Sunshine – Jonathan Edwards
189 It’s Too Late – Carole King
190 Rock On – David Essex
191 It’s A Heartache – Bonnie Tyler
192 Hot Child In The City – Nick Gilder
193 Let Your Love Flow – Bellamy Brothers
194 Undercover Angel – Alan O’Day
195 Shadow Dancing – Andy Gibb
196 Shame – Evelyn “Champaign” King
197 Got To Be Real – Cheryl Lynn
198 Makin’ It – David Naughton
199 Charlies Angels Theme – Henry Mancini
200 The Love Boat Theme – Jack Jones

Continue ReadingCheesy Hits of the Seventies

Bush Inaugural Theme Song

Author unknown

(to the tune of "What a Wonderful World" by Sam Cooke) What they are humming in the Governor’s mansion. Okay shrubs, all together now…

Don’t know much about history
Don’t know much foreign policy
Don’t remember how I got through school
I’m sure I didn’t break the rules
But what’s it matter ’cause my granny says
"Boy, if you want to you can be the prez
And what a wonderful world this will be"

Don’t know much about the women’s vote
Don’t know much about the bill I wrote
Don’t know much about the foreign vets
I’ve never voted for ’em yet
But I do know if your dad tries hard
He can get you in the National Guard
And what a wonderful place that can be

Now I never claimed to be an A student
But what’s wrong with C’s?
And maybe by knowing the names of my cabinet
I can win their love for me

Don’t know much about air pollution
Don’t know much about the constitution
Don’t know much about th’economy
It never much affected me

But there’s one thing that I know for sure
If the rich stay rich and the poor stay poor
What a wonderful world this will be

Don’t know much about the national debt
I’ve never had to pay one yet
If we need to we can sell the States
To the Japanese at discount rates
But I do know if things get bad
Dick and I can always call my dad
And what a wonderful world this will be.

Continue ReadingBush Inaugural Theme Song

Books I Read in 2000 (59 titles)

All the books I read in 2000. Click on a title to purchase it from Amazon.com.

Benet’s Readers Encyclopedia
Author: Harper and Row Publishers: New York, 1987.
I’ve been reading this reference encyclopedia from front to back (wierd, I know); I’ve finished from Letter A to K.

Fiction

A Letter of Mary: A Mary Russell Mystery
Author: Laurie R. King

Affinity
Author: Sarah Waters

Angela’s Ashes
Author: Frank McCourt

The Archivist
Author: Martha Cooley

At Home in Mitford
Author: Jan Karon

Black Ajax
Author: George MacDonald Fraser

Carry On, Jeeves
Author: P. G. Wodehouse
The classic story of the hapless Bertie Wooster and his dazzlingly efficient manservant Jeeves.

e: A Novel
Author: Matt Beaumont
A very fun little novel entirely of composed of fictional e-mails inside a fictional ad agency in London. Despite the almost total incompetence and scheming of most of the staff of the ad agency, they have a bid on one of the largest campaigns ever; a Coca-Cola promo. I was tempted to start labeling the characters with people from work, but as the novel progressed, I was really afraid to. The best part, though, is the author bio: “Matt Beaumont worked at several London advertising firms before he sold his first novel. In anticipation of the publication of in the United States and United Kingdom in Fall 2000, he is taking a break from corporate life.” I’d imagine that he has to!

Frederica
Author: Georgette Heyer

The Golden Compass
Author: Phillip Pullman

Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire
Author: J.K. Rowling

The Inimitable Jeeves
Author: P. G. Wodehouse
The classic story of the hapless Bertie Wooster and his dazzlingly efficient manservant Jeeves.

Jimmy Corrigan: The Smartest Kid On Earth
Author: F. C. Ware
A beautifully illustrated hard-bound cartoon book, it tells the story of Jimmy Corrigan, an Irish kid from Chicago going to visit his estranged father. I bought it because I’ve seen other work by Ware, mostly book jackets, and it’s an amazing illustration. The story is very depressing though; it bounces back and forth from the modern day Jimmy to his grandfather’s (also named Jimmy) story of his relationship with his father. These stories, interlaced with dream states, fantasy tangents, and diagrams (including a cut out 3-D assembly of the elder Jimmy’s childhood home) are a very entertaining if disturbing read.

Killing Time
Author: Caleb Carr

The Late Mr. Shakespeare
Author: Robert Nye

The Moor: A Mary Russell Mystery
Author: Laurie R. King

Orlando
Author: Virginia Woolf

The Phantom Tollbooth
Author: Norman Juster
Milo’s a cynical little kid with nothing to do, until a tollbooth appears in his bedroom one day, and he hops in his car, rides through it, and finds himself in a kingdom where, with the help of a large ticking dog and an equally cynical bug, he becomes responsible for rescuing the princesses Rhyme and Reason to save the kingdom. That’ll learn him to be cynical and bored.

The Queen’s Man
Author: Sharon Kay Penman

Right Ho, Jeeves
Author: P. G. Wodehouse
The classic story of the hapless Bertie Wooster and his dazzlingly efficient manservant Jeeves.

Sailing to Sarantium
Author: Guy Gavriel Kay

Sarum
Author: Edward Rutherfurd
Like the book London, this novel takes several English families through their whole family trees from the Ice Age up to modern day England. As they build, tear down, lose and then unearth and misinterpret their heritages, we get to see the history of the island, the hubris and humility of mankind, the triumph and sorrow of good and bad people, and the inescapable stamp of their ancestors on their faces and personalities.

Very Good, Jeeves
Author: P. G. Wodehouse
The classic story of the hapless Bertie Wooster and his dazzlingly efficient manservant Jeeves.

Wheel of Time Series – The Eye of the World [Book 1]
Author: Robert Jordan

Wheel of Time Series – The Great Hunt [Book 2]
Author: Robert Jordan

Wheel of Time Series – The Dragon Reborn [Book 3]
Author: Robert Jordan

Wilma Loves Betty: And Other Hilarious Lesbian Parodies
Editors: Julie Trevelyan, Scott Brassart

Wrong Information is Being Given Out at Princeton: The Chronicle of One of the Strangest Stories Ever to Be Rumoured About Around New York
Author: J. P. Donleavy

Non – Fiction

The Activist’s Handbook: A Primer for the 1990s and Beyond
Author: Randy Shaw

Ancient Mysteries
Author: Peter James and Nick Thorpe

Buffy The Vampire Slayer: The Watcher’s Guide
Authors: Christopher Golden, Nancy Holder

Buffy The Vampire Slayer: The Monster Book
Author: Christopher Golden, Stephen R. Bissette, Thomas E. Sniegoski

The Cluetrain Manifesto
Author: Rick Levine, Christopher Locke, Doc Searls, David Weinberger

The Culture Jam: The Uncooling of America
Author: Kalle Lasn
“Lasn views contemporary existence as one in which people have almost entirely succumbed to the cultural mandates of consumer capitalism, turning to corporations for guidance about how to look and what to desire.” I agree with him about most of these ideas – and I think this is a very important book. Some of Lasn’s logic stumbles here and there, and needs further analysis and study, but from and intuitive perspective, I think he’s on to something.

Curse of Madame C: A Far Side Collection
Author: Gary Larson

Designing Web Usability: The Practice of Simplicity
Author: Jakob Nielsen

Do What I Say: Ms. Behavior’s Guide to Gay and Lesbian Etiquette
Author: Meryl Cohn

Feel This Book: An Essential Guide to Self-Empowerment, Spiritual Supremacy, and Sexual Satisfaction
Author: Janeane Garofalo, Ben Stiller

Flash 4 for Windows and Macintosh
Author: Katherine Ulrich

Foster Child: an Intimate Biography of Jodie Foster
Author: Buddy Foster and Leon Wagener
A(n unauthorized?) biography of Jodie Foster by her erstwhile brother Buddy. A somewhat embarrassing book to read, partly because you feel like a voyeur, and partly because you feel strange about the confessional nature of her brother’s story. It also seems to be told through a glass darkly, as though Buddy doesn’t really have all that much contact with his sister, or rather that he does but she doesn’t talk much when she’s around. I read it because I’ve always thought that Jodie was somewhat of an enigma; even when she’s onscreen, there always seems to be a part of her that isn’t there. The book didn’t enlighten me much.

The Frailty Myth
Author: Colette Dowling

Heroes Rogues and Lovers: Testosterone and Behavior
Author: James McBride Dabbs, Mary Godwin Dabbs
This book seemed balanced and well-researched. They observed not just men, but the effects of testosterone on both men and women, and the consequences for both sexes of having high or low testosterone, as well as the positive and negative effects having high testosterone has on men and women. It was also interesting to read how testosterone interacts with other hormones, like serotonin. Their conclusions were consistent with human behavior I’ve observed. I think it would be fascinating to do a similar study on the effects of estrogen; perhaps there’s already a book.

Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat: A Calvin and Hobbes Collection
Author: Bill Watterson

In The Groove: Vintage Record Graphics 1940-1960
Author: Eric Kohler

Lies Across America: What Our Historic Sites Get Wrong
Author: James W. Loewen

The Lost Treasure of the Knights Templar: Solving the Oak Island Mystery
Author: Steve Sora
A worthless book that ultimately founders on the rocks of “unreadability,” I’m only linking it to Amazon for consistency’s sake, not as a suggestion that you should actually buy it. It spins out a mass of conspiracy theories about a mysterious lost treasure of the Knights of Templar and about a mysterious well/munitions dump/buried treasure vault on Oak Island in Nova Scotia. The theories are as implausible as they are contradictory and illogical. The gist of them is that a) Christ didn’t die on the cross, b) Christ DID die on the cross but left a child in the womb of Mary Magdalene, c) Mary Magdalene and her child, and perhaps Christ himself, went to live in the south of France, where they and their decendants were protected by the Knights Templar who planned to put them on the papal throne or maybe the throne of Jerusalem, d) the Knights Templar took their treasure and the secret lineage of Christ and the holy Grail and the Spear of Longinus to Scotland when they were persecuted in France, e) the Scots explored the North American mainland centuries before the Vikings and built settlements there, f)The Scots buried the treasure of the Templars, the Grail, the spear, the lineage of Christ and several pink elephants in a fantastically engineered vault on Oak Island, planning to return for it later or to just leave it there, or something, g) all attempts to excavate the Oak Island vault have been cursed, h) although the vault is elaborately booby-trapped to flood, the constructors left several markers urging on excavators.

May I Kiss You On The Lips, Miss Sandra?
Author: Sandra Bernhard

Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary of Allusions
Author: Elizabeth Webber and Mike Feinsilber
It’s a reference book, but it was a nice read, not too long, and I learned the origins of many expressions I didn’t already know.

Never Be Lied to Again: How to Get the Truth in 5 Minutes or Less in Any Conversation or Situation
Author: David J. Lieberman

The Onion’s Finest News Reporting
Author: The Onion

Pope-Pourri: Little-Known Facts You May Not Remember from Sunday School
Author: John Dollison

The Portable Pundit: A Crash Course in Cocktail Party Conversation
Author: T. E. Krieger

The Queen of Whale Cay
Author: Kate Summerscale

Singing For Your Supper: Entertaining Ways to Be a Perfect Guest
Author: Edith Hazard

Snowmen: Snow Creatures, Crafts, and Other Winter Projects
Author: Frankie Frankeny (Photographer), Peter Cole, Leslie Jonath

Strange Sisters: The Art of Lesbian Pulp Fiction 1949-1969
Author: Jaye Zimet

Suits Me: The Double Life of Billy Tipton
Author: Diane Wood Middlebrook

The Way We Never Were: American Families and the Nostalgia Trap
Author: Stephanie Coontz

Who Moved My Cheese?: An Amazing Way to Deal With Change in Your Work and in Your Life
Author: Spencer Johnson

Continue ReadingBooks I Read in 2000 (59 titles)

The End of the Raven (by Edgar Allen Poe’s Cat)

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Henry Beard
From The Book: Poetry for Cats
A Parody of “The Raven” from Edgar Allan Poe

On a night quite unenchanting, when the rain was downward slanting,
I awakened to the ranting of the man I catch mice for.
Tipsy and a bit unshaven, in a tone I found quite craven,
Poe was talking to a Raven perched above the chamber door.
"Raven’s very tasty," thought I, as I tiptoed o’er the floor,
"There is nothing I like more"

Soft upon the rug I treaded, calm and careful as I headed
Towards his roost atop that dreaded bust of Pallas I deplore.
While the bard and birdie chattered, I made sure that nothing clattered,
Creaked, or snapped, or fell, or shattered, as I crossed the corridor;
For his house is crammed with trinkets, curios and weird decor –
Bric-a-brac and junk galore.

Still the Raven never fluttered, standing stock-still as he uttered,
In a voice that shrieked and sputtered, his two cents’ worth –
"Nevermore."

While this dirge the birdbrain kept up, oh, so silently I crept up,
Then I crouched and quickly lept up, pouncing on the feathered bore.
Soon he was a heap of plumage, and a little blood and gore –
Only this and not much more.

"Oooo!" my pickled poet cried out, "Pussycat, it’s time I dried out!
Never sat I in my hideout talking to a bird before;
How I’ve wallowed in self-pity, while my gallant, valiant kitty
Put and end to that damned ditty" – then I heard him start to snore.
Back atop the door I clambered, eyed that statue I abhor,
Jumped – and smashed it on the floor.

Continue ReadingThe End of the Raven (by Edgar Allen Poe’s Cat)