Rhyme Zone

In case you ever have to make up a little song, here’s an important link to have… the Rhyme Zone. Just type in a word, and find the rhymes to it. For example, the word vagina, contrary to popular belief, has plenty of rhymes, such as bone china, erwina, and dinah. “Someone’s in the kitchen with Dinah, someone’s in the kitchen, I know….”

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New Years’s traditions

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Here’s a list of New Years’s traditions (or superstitions) — a bit too late for me to do this year, but something to keep in mind for next.

Stuff I did do: Kissing at Midnight, stocking up, money in my wallet, black-eyed peas, pork and saurkraut.

  • Kissing at midnight:   We kiss those dearest to us at midnight not only to share a moment of celebration with our favorite people, but also to ensure those affections and ties will continue throughout the next twelve months. To fail to smooch our significant others at the stroke of twelve would be to set the stage for a year of coldness.
  • Stocking Up:   The new year must not be seen in with bare cupboards, lest that be the way of things for the year. Larders must be topped up and plenty of money must be placed in every wallet in the home to guarantee prosperity.
  • Paying Off Bills:   The new year should not be begun with the household in debt, so checks should be written and mailed off prior to January 1st. Likewise, personal debts should be settled before the New Year arrives.
  • First Footing:   The first person to enter your home after the stroke of midnight will influence the year you’re about to have. Ideally, he should be dark-haired, tall, and good-looking, and it would be even better if he came bearing certain small gifts such as a lump of coal, a silver coin, a bit of bread, a sprig of evergreen, and some salt. Blonde and redhead first footers bring bad luck, and female first footers should be shooed away before they bring disaster down on the household. Aim a gun at them if you have to, but don’t let them near your door before a man crosses the threshold. The first footer (sometimes called the “Lucky Bird”) should knock and be let in rather than unceremoniously use a key, even if he is one of the householders. After greeting those in the house and dropping off whatever small tokens of luck he has brought with him, he should make his way through the house and leave by a different door than the one through which he entered. No one should leave the premises before the first footer arrives — the first traffic across the threshold must be headed in rather than striking out. First footers must not be cross-eyed or have flat feet or eyebrows that meet in the middle. Nothing prevents the cagey householder from stationing a dark-haired man outside the home just before midnight to ensure the speedy arrival of a suitable first footer as soon as the chimes sound. If one of the partygoers is recruited for this purpose, impress upon him the need to slip out quietly just prior to the witching hour.
  • Nothing Goes Out:   Nothing — absolutely nothing, not even garbage — is to leave the house on the first day of the year. If you’ve presents to deliver on New Year’s Day, leave them in the car overnight. Don’t so much as shake out a rug or take the empties to the recycle bin. Some people soften this rule by saying it’s okay to remove things from the home on New Year’s Day provided something else has been brought in first. This is similar to the caution regarding first footers; the year must begin with something’s being added to the home before anything subtracts from it. One who lives alone might place a lucky item or two in a basket that has a string tied to it, then set the basket just outside the front door before midnight. After midnight, the lone celebrant hauls in his catch, being careful to bring the item across the door jamb by pulling the string rather than by reaching out to retrieve it and thus breaking the plane of the threshold.
  • Food:   A tradition common to the southern states of the USA dictates that the eating of black-eyed peas on New Year’s Day will attract both general good luck and financial good fortune in particular to the one doing the dining. Some choose to add other Southern fare (such as ham hocks, collard greens, or cabbage) to this tradition, but the black-eyed peas are key. Other “lucky” foods are lentil soup (because lentils supposedly look like coins), pork (because poultry scratches backwards, a cow stands still, but a pig roots forward, ergo those who dine upon pork will be moving forward in the new year), and sauerkraut (probably because it goes so well with pork). Another oft-repeated belief holds that one must not eat chicken or turkey on the first day of the year lest, like the birds in question, diners fate themselves to scratch in the dirt all year for their dinner (that is, bring poverty upon themselves).
  • Work:   Make sure to do — and be successful at — something related to your work on the first day of the year, even if you don’t go near your place of employment that day. Limit your activity to a token amount, though, because to engage in a serious work project on that day is very unlucky.
  • Also, do not do the laundry on New Year’s Day, lest a member of the family be ‘washed away’ (die) in the upcoming months. The more cautious eschew even washing dishes.
  • New Clothes:   Wear something new on January 1 to increase the likelihood of your receiving more new garments during the year to follow.
  • Money:   Do not pay back loans or lend money or other precious items on New Year’s Day. To do so is to guarantee you’ll be paying out all year.
  • Breakage:   Avoid breaking things on that first day lest wreckage be part of your year. Also, avoid crying on the first day of the year lest that activity set the tone for the next twelve months.
  • Letting the Old Year Out: At midnight, all the doors of a house must be opened to let the old year escape unimpeded. He must leave before the New Year can come in, says popular wisdom, so doors are flung open to assist him in finding his way out.
  • Loud Noise: Make as much noise as possible at midnight. You’re not just celebrating; you’re scaring away evil spirits, so do a darned good job of it! According to widespread superstition, evil spirits and the Devil himself hate loud noise. We celebrate by making as much of a din as possible not just as an expression of joy at having a new year at our disposal, but also to make sure Old Scratch and his minions don’t stick around. (Church bells are rung on a couple’s wedding day for the same reason.)
  • The Weather: Examine the weather in the early hours of New Year’s Day. If the wind blows from the south, there will be fine weather and prosperous times in the year ahead. If it comes from the north, it will be a year of bad weather. The wind blowing from the east brings famine and calamities. Strangest of all, if the wind blows from the west, the year will witness plentiful supplies of milk and fish but will also see the death of a very important person. If there’s no wind at all, a joyful and prosperous year may be expected by all.
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Books I’ve Read in 2002 (48 Titles)

Fiction

The Amber Spyglass: His Dark Materials, Book 3
Author: Philip Pullman

And Then There Were None
Author: Agatha Christie
Another classic detective novel. I read the entire Agatha Christie murder genre when I was a kid, and I happened to find one of my old paperbacks at my mom’s house, so I picked it up again. This is one of my favorites, because it was one that truly stumped me when I first read it.

The Ape That Guards the Balance: An Amelia Peabody Mystery
Author: Elizabeth Peters

Artemis Fowl
Author: Eoin Colfer
A children’s book along the lines of Harry Potter. Artemis is the main character and a bad guy to boot, which is makes for a bit of cognitive dissonance while you cheer for the real heroes, the fairies, whom Artemis is trying to cheat out of a lot of gold.

Auntie Mame
Author: Patrick Dennis

A Beau Brummel Mystery: Death on a Silver Tray
Author: Rosemary Stevens
The first of a new mystery series starring Beau Brummel, the famous arbiter of fashion during one of my favorite historical periods, The Regency, in England. It wasn’t a great novel, but they score points for a cute idea… the notoriously frivolous Brummel is secretly an intelligent crime solver in this series.

A Beau Brummel Mystery: The Tainted Snuff Box
Author: Rosemary Stevens
The second book in the Beau Brummel mystery series. If you want a completely non-stressful waste of time, this series is great.

The Body in The Library
Author: Agatha Christie

The Eleventh Hour: A Curious Mystery
Author: Graeme Base
The kids picture book with mystery puzzles embedded in the artwork.

Ex Libris
Author: Ross King

The Falcon at the Portal
Author: Elizabeth Peters

Fingersmith
Author: Sarah Waters

The French Lieutenant’s Woman
Author: John Fowles

The Gilded Chain: A Story of the King’s Blades
Author: Dave Duncan

Jane and the Unpleasantness at Scargrave Manor
Author: Stephanie Barron

Jane and the Man of the Cloth
Author: Stephanie Barron

Jane and the Wandering Eye
Author: Stephanie Barron

Kiss the Girls and Make Them Spy
Author: Mabel Maney

Lady of Quality
Author: Georgette Heyer
Heyer is one of my favorite authors, I managed to win this copy of one of her many out of print Regency books from eBay. It is, of course, a romance novel set it Regency England, but unlike most romances, and like all Heyer novels, it stands out as an excellent piece of characterization and farce.

Lemony Snickett: The Unauthorized Autobiography
Author: Lemony Snickett

The Lovely Bones
Author: Alice Sebold

Lord of the Fire Lands: A Story of the King’s Blades
Author: Dave Duncan

Murder At The Chess Board
Author: Black Dog & Leventhal Publishers

Pride and Promiscuity
Author: Arielle Eckstutt, Dennis Ashton

Sky of Swords: A Story of the King’s Blades
Author: Dave Duncan

Storm of Swords: A Song of Ice and Fire, Book 3
Author: George R. R. Martin

Three Weeks
Author: Elinor Glyn

Whose Body?
Author: Dorothy L. Sayers
Classic Lord Peter Wimsey detection story from a classic mystery author.

Wizards First Rule
Author: Terry Goodkind

Non – Fiction

All About Plumbing Basics
Author: Ortho

Dick Wolfsie’s New Book (Longer, Funnier, Cheaper)
Author: Dick Wolfsie

The Drag King Book
Author: Del Lagrace Volcano, Judith "Jack" Halberstam

Fast Food Nation
Author: Eric Schlosser

Fun Along the Road: American Tourist Attractions
Author: John Margolies

Gardening for Pleasure
Author: Barron’s Publishing

The Good Citizen’s Handbook: A Guide to Proper Behavior
Author: Jennifer McKnight-Trontz
Compiled from real guidebooks on good citizenship from the 1920s-1960s, including information on the importance of a meat diet and why it’s never right to poison the neighbors’d dog, this handbook is hysterically funny in a completely straight-faced way.

The Good, The Bad, and the Difference
Author: Randy Cohen

Indianapolis: A Pictoral History
Author: Edward Leary
I bought this book from eBay; a nice picture book of early Indianapolis. It’s out of print.

Inside the West Wing
Author: Paul Challen

Man Flies: The Story of Alberto Santos-Dumont
Author: Nancy Winters

Me Talk Pretty One Day
Author: David Sedaris

MTIV: Process, Inspiration and Practice For The New Media Designer
Author: Hillman Curtis

Puppies
Author: Forbush

Seventy Great Mysteries of the Ancient World
Editor: Brian M. Fagan

The Simpsons: A Complete Guide to Our Favorite Family
Author: Matt Groening

Stupid White Men
Author: Michael Moore

You Are Being Lied To
Author: Russ Kick, Editor. Disinformation.com
A collection of articles on political and social issues, examining cultural myth and disinformation from the government, big businesses, and religion.

Continue ReadingBooks I’ve Read in 2002 (48 Titles)

‘Twas the Night Before Christmas: Internet Version

Christmas Sweater

Author Unknown

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and throughout the net,
not a modem was chirping; (It wasn’t mail-hour yet).
The peripherals down and backed up with care,
In hopes that St. Echo soon would be there.

The grad students home all snug in their beds,
with hi-res dreams abuzz in their heads.
We Sysops lounged by the terminal’s glow,
With occasional bursts of RF snow.

When from the hard drives there came such a clatter,
To the consoles we sprang to see what was the matter.
The monitor cleared, then flashed red and green,
as we hunched in our chairs around the machine.

When what to our wondering eyes should appear,
but VGA graphics of a sleigh and reindeer,
with a bitmapped driver, a lively old fellow,
I knew right away it must be St. Echo.

Faster than mnp his packets they came,
and he whistled and shouted as he called them by name:
"Now, Arpa! now, Bitnet! now, Opus and D-Comm!
On, CC:Mail and Fido and SEAdog and TComm!
Over Watts and Pursuit, via long-distance call,
Now hack away, hack away, hack away all!

As fast as the switching that sends them about,
When they meet with a BUSY, change to "host route",
So onto the mailer, and protocol sync,
when the RD and SD lights ceased to blink.
There off the screen, I saw a reflection,
and turned ’round to look in the other direction.

Right there behind us, amidst the tech-toys,
Had appeared St. Echo, with not even a noise.
Wearing a grimy red jumpsuit from his feet to his beard,
None but a techie could look that weird.
Odd bits of surplus hung out of his sack,
that bulged at odd angles slung over his back.

His eyes did .twinkle, though somewhat bleary,
from staring at monitors, yet still quite merry.
the corners of his mouth were turned up in a ,
and a scraggly grey beard hung down from his chin.
A ‘486 portable in his left hand was held,
and a cellular modem was strapped to his belt.

I d to see him, this overweight gnome,
he settled down by the CP, as if it ’twere home.
A flip of the toggles, and a tug on his beard,
soon showed us that he was not to be feared.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to work,
filled all empty sockets, then with a swift jerk,
replaced a few boards inside the machine,
turned it back on and checked it out clean.

The screen cleared once more, flashed green and red,
as he faded from sight he (wave)d and said;
"Keep the net singing, and I’ll always be near,
Merry Christmas to all, and a Happy New Year!"

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The Net Before Christmas

by Jim Trudeau & Jay Trudeau (1991)

‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the nets
Not a mousie was stirring, not even the pets.
The floppies were stacked by the modem with care
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.

The files were nestled all snug in a folder
The screen saver turned on, the weather was colder.
And leaving the keyboard along with my mouse
I turned from the screen to the rest of the house.

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