12. "To purchase our official applicator/turkey baster for an additional $6.99, click here."
11. After your purchase, you keep getting junk email with the subject "MAKE BABIES FAST!!!"
10. "Marketing Manager" keeps calling to offer "free home delivery."
9. Does the real Stephen Hawking even *have* an AOL account?
8. All of the "product" originates from Cheech, a middle-aged landfill manager who likes to login to the teenage girls chatroom as Buffy15.
7. Donors from yahoo.com are just that.
6. They send you a blue dress and tell you to start scraping.
5. Greater than 75% chance of getting a Top 5 List contributor.
4. No way to know if what you’re bidding on is new or refurbished.
3. Unless you live in a city with an NBA franchise, nobody will believe you actually "hooked-up" with Shawn Kemp.
2. No way to verify that Ernest Borgnine is indeed the donor.
1. Now there’s a coincidence — mine *also* came with a presidential seal.