My Precious New Baby

Tonight after work I get to bring my brand new puppy Spike home. I think I have everything ready. We’ve got: kennel, baby gates, collar, leash, tie-up line for outside, puppy chow, canned puppy food, puppy biscuits, training treats, nylabones, chew bones, a kong toy, a stuffed hippo, a brush, a fine-tooth comb, puppy shampoo, tons of newpaper, cleaning supplies. I still need to buy a doggy bed, but I didn’t like the ones I saw, so I’ll shop for that today. And we have a vet appointment. Yup, I think I’m ready.

Spike's first day at my house

What a good boy!

Photo Set: Our Pets

Continue ReadingMy Precious New Baby

Missing Idgie, and visiting Spike

Whenever I’m home, I hear a noise, and think it’s Idgie. I start to look around, and then I remember. When I walk in the door after work, I open the door and say, “I’m home!” to the cat. I didn’t realize I did that every day until last night when I did it, and nobody came running. This is freaking me out.

I went over yesterday and played with Spike. He’s way too little to come home with me, but Jim, the guy who’s giving him to me, wants me to take him next Monday. That freaks me out worst than I’m already freaked out, because he’s too small to be away from his mom, and I don’t want to leave him alone all day. I want him, but I’m scared to death I’ll screw up and he’ll get sick or something. I think I’m going to try to take a week of vacation when I first bring him home so he can get used to me and the house.

Spike with siblings
Continue ReadingMissing Idgie, and visiting Spike

Goodby, Idgie

I had to put Idgie to sleep this morning. There was nothing they could do for her; her kidneys were already in failure and they couldn’t operate. I just lost my best friend.

Continue ReadingGoodby, Idgie

Idgie keeps attacking Texas

Idgie keeps attacking Texas. I have magnets of all the States I’ve been to on my refrigerator (reproducing the map of the U.S., of course) and the cat keeps attacking and stealing Texas (not because it’s the lowest; she can reach them all.) She never goes after Oklahoma, or Arkansas. Just Texas. I think it’s a Bush protest.

We got the Diversity Library moved yesterday to it’s new location at Central Christian Church. It’s going to be a neat place.

Continue ReadingIdgie keeps attacking Texas

Instructions For Giving Your Cat A Pill

  • Post author:
  • Post category:Jokes
  • Post comments:0 Comments

Author Unknown

Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat’s throat vigorously.

Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered Doulton figures from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse’s forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

Retrieve cat from neighbor’s shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges.

Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Throw Tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.

Tie cats front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed, force cat’s mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour * pint of water down throat to wash pill down.

Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

Arrange for ASPCA to collect cat and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

Continue ReadingInstructions For Giving Your Cat A Pill