The Laws of Work

Author Unknown

A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.

After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn’t the work he/she is supposed to be doing.

At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.

Don’t be irreplaceable, if you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.

Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.

Everything can be filed under “miscellaneous.”

Following the rules will not get the job done.

Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules.

If at first you don’t succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

If it wasn’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.

If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.

If you can’t get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights.

Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.

It doesn’t matter what you do, it only matters what you say you’ve done and what you’re going to do.

Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.

No matter how much you do, you never do enough.

People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn’t.

The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong.

If you’re wrongfully let go from your position, you can hire wrongful termination lawyers to protect your rights.

The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.

To err is human, to forgive is not our policy.

When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, “How would Wonder Woman handle this?”

When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.

When you don’t know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.

You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

Continue ReadingThe Laws of Work

Computer One-Liners

Author Unknown

Home is where you hang your @

The E-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.

A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.

You can’t teach a new mouse old clicks.

Great groups from little icons grow.

Speak softly and carry a cellular phone.

C: is the root of all directories.

Don’t put all your hypes in one home page.

Pentium wise; pen and paper foolish.

The modem is the message.

Too many clicks spoil the browse.

The geek shall inherit the earth.

A chat has nine lives.

Don’t byte off more than you can view.

FAX is stranger than fiction.

What boots up must come down.

Windows will never cease.

In Gates we trust.

Virtual reality is its own reward.

Modulation in all things.

A user and his leisure time are soon parted.

There’s no place like <>

Know what to expect before you connect.

Oh, what a tangled website we weave when first we practice.

Speed thrills.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use the Net and he won’t
bother you for weeks.

Continue ReadingComputer One-Liners

One-Liners From Your Favorite Comics

A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. ‘You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?’ she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, ‘I didn’t know there were any witnesses. Now I’ll have to kill you too. – Jake Johansen

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh. –Conan O’Brien

A woman broke up with me and sent me pictures of her and her newboyfriend in bed together. Solution?? I sent them to her dad. –Christopher Case

Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that’s how dogs spend their lives. –Sue Murphy

I don’t do drugs anymore ’cause I find I get the same effect just by standing up really fast. – Johnathan Katz

I had a linguistics professor who said that it’s man’s ability to use language that makes him the dominant species on the planet. That may be. But I think there’s one other thing that separates us from animals. We aren’t afraid of vacuum cleaners. – Jeff Stilson

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. – Elayne Boosler

I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was, ‘You’ll never find anyone like me again!’ I’m thinking, ‘I should hope not? If I don’t want you, why would I want someone like you?’ –Larry Miller

I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by. – Douglas Adams

I think that’s how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, ‘Gee, I’m enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn’t cold enough. Let’s go west.’ –Richard Jeni

I voted for the Democrats because I didn’t like the way the Republicans were running the country. Which is turning out to be like shooting yourself in the head to stop your headache. – Jack Mayberry

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning towards sunlight. – Rita Rudner

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose. –Dennis Miller

I’ve been doing the Fonda workout: The Peter Fonda workout. That’s where I wake up, take a hit of acid, smoke a joint, and go to my sister’s house and ask her for money. –Kevin Meaney

If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me! – Bobcat Goldthwait

If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t either. – Dick Cavett

In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower? – Warren Hutcherson

Just when you think that you have been gypped, the Bearded Lady comes and does a double back-flip. – John Hiatt

My mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, ‘Mom, they weren’t trying to teach you how to swim.’ –Paula Poundstone

Now they show you how detergents take out blood stains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you’ve got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn’t your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash. – Jerry Seinfeld

Relationships are hard. It’s like a full-time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girl friend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp. – Bob Ettinger

Santa is very jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live. –Dennis Miller

Sometimes I think war is God’s way of teaching us geography. – Paul Rodriguez

The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever see that little Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there. Corkscrews. Bottle openers. ‘Come on, buddy, let’s go. You get past me, the guy in back of me, he’s got a spoon. Back off. I’ve got the toe clippers right here.’ –Jerry Seinfeld

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it’s you. – Rita Mae Brown

What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them? –Marilyn Pittman

When you look at Prince Charles, don’t you think that someone in the Royal family knew someone in the Royal family? – Robin Williams

Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God’s final word on where your lips end. – Jerry Seinfeld

Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I’m halfway through my fishburger and I realize, Oh my God….I could be eating a slow learner .. – Lynda Montgomery

Writing is nature’s way of letting you know how sloppy your thinking is. – Bob Mugele

Continue ReadingOne-Liners From Your Favorite Comics

Harsh Things To Say To A Naked Man

Author Unknown

I’ve smoked fatter joints than that.

Ahhhh, it’s cute.

Why don’t we just cuddle?

You know they have surgery to fix that.

Make it dance.

Can I paint a smiley face on it?

Wow, and your feet are so big.

It’s OK, we’ll work around it.

Will it squeak if I squeeze it?

Oh no… a flash headache.

(giggle and point)

Can I be honest with you?

How sweet, you brought incense.

This explains your car.

Maybe if we water it, it’ll grow.

Why is God punishing me?

At least this won’t take long.

I never saw one like that before.

But it still works, right?

It looks so unused.

Maybe it looks better in natural light.

Why don’t we skip right to the cigarettes?

Are you cold?

If you get me real drunk first.

Is that an optical illusion?

What is that?

It’s a good thing you have so many other talents.

Does it come with an air pump?

So this is why you’re supposed to judge people on personality.

I guess this makes me the ‘early bird’.

Continue ReadingHarsh Things To Say To A Naked Man

Computer Geek T-Shirts

Author Unknown

Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.

COFFEE.EXE Missing – Insert Cup and Press Any Key.

Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster.

2 + 2 = 5 for extrememly large values of 2.

Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.

Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.

My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.



<—————- The information went data way ———–

Best file compression around: "DEL . " = 100% compression

The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.

BREAKFAST.COM Halted…Cereal Port Not Responding

The name is Baud……. James Baud.

BUFFERS FILES_ 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!

Access deniedånah nah na nah nah!

c:\> Bad Command or file name! Go stand in the corner.

Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay…

Why doesn’t DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!"

As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.

Southern DOS: Y’all reckon? (Yep/Nope)

Backups? We don’ NEED no steenking backups.

E Pluribus Modem

>… File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)

Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny

A mainframe: The biggest PC peripheral available.

An error? Impossible! My modem is error correcting.

CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington, D.C.? (Y/N)

Does fuzzy logic tickle?

A computer’s attention span is as long as its power cord.

11th commandemnt – Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s Pentium.

24 hours in a day … 24 beers in a case… coincidence?

Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.

Windows: Just another pane in the glass.

SENILE.COM found … Out of Memory…

Who’s General Failure & why’s he reading my disk?

Ultimate office automation: networked coffee.

RAM disk is not an installation procedure.

Shell to DOS… Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS…

All computers wait at the same speed.

Computer: A device designed to speed and automate errors.

Press – to continue…

Smash forehead on keyboard to continue…

Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue…

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!

E-mail returned to senderåinsufficient voltage.

Help! I’m modeming… and I can’t hang up!!!

All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?

Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.

"640K ought to be enough for anybody." – Bill Gates, 1981


Hidden DOS Secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS

Press any key… no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!

Press any key to continue or any other key to quit…

Go ahead, make my data

Continue ReadingComputer Geek T-Shirts

Thoughts From The Workplace…

Author Unknown

Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.

We put the "k" in "kwality."

If at first you don’t succeed, try management.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.

TEAMWORK means never having to take all the blame yourself.

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.

We waste time, so you don’t have to.

A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all.

When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break.


Succeed in spite of management.

We waste more time by 8:00 in the morning than other companies do all day.

Work: It isn’t just for sleeping anymore.

Continue ReadingThoughts From The Workplace…

Funny Shakespeare

Hamlet is a course and barbarous play. One might think thework is a product of a drunken savage’s imagination. – Voltaire

Are the commentators on Hamlet really mad or are they just pretending to be mad?

Birnam Wood Reunion Staff

If I were Juliet, we’d have got away

If I were Romeo, we’d have got away

A most Extravagant Vagary – The Two Nobel Kinsman

Away! I do condemn mine ears, that have so long attended thee – Cymbeline

Confimer of False Reckonings – As You Like It

Brevity is the soul of wit – Hamlet

Dangerous & Unsuspected – Richard III

Confusion now hath made his masterpiece – Macbeth

He is not his craft’s master – Henry IV, Part 2

He thinks too much, such men are dangerous – Julius Caesar

Hell is empty, and all the Devils are here – Tempest

Here is a silly-stately style indeed – Henry VI, Part I

I do desire we may be better strangers – As You Like It

I muse you make so slight a question – Henry IV, Part 2

I took thee for thy better – Hamlet

Let’s meet as little as we can – As You Like It

Men’s vows are women’s traitors! – Cymbeline

More of your conversation would infect my brain – Coriolanus

O’ there has been much throwing about of brains – Hamlet

Sell when you can, you are not for all markets – As You Like It

Such bugs and goblins in my life! – Hamlet

The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers – Henry VI, Part 2

There’s a stewed phrase indeed! – Troilus & Cressida

These giddy loose suggestions! – King John

They have been at a great feast of languages and stolen the scrapes – Love’s Labor Lost

This effect defective comes by cause – Hamlet

This petty brabble will undo us all – Titus Andronicus

Though this be madness, yet there is method in it – Hamlet

We allowed your approach rather to wonder at you than to hear you – Twelth Night

What impossible matter will we make easy next? – The Tempest

Wilt thou show the whole wealth of thy wit in an instant? – Merchant of Venice

You are strangely troublesome – Henry VIII

You put sharp weapons in a madman’s hands – Henry VI, Part 2

Continue ReadingFunny Shakespeare

SciFi / Fantasy / SCA / D&D Jokes

Any sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from technology

Beyond the Final Frontier lies Bab 5

Could be a Hologram

Could be a figment of your imagination

Could be a mutation

Cross my hearts and hope to regenerate

Do you know where your towel is?

Dragon fodder

ELF: The Other White Meat

Free Mars Now!

He’s dim, Jed

How much is that in Federation Credits?

I am very interested in the future because I plan to spend the rest of my life there.

I don’t remember volunteering for this "Ring" business

I have no use for adventures — they’re nasty, disturbing, uncomfortable things and
make you late for dinner

If there is anything in the universe more important than my ego, I want it taken
out and shot immediately.

I’ll have some of what that gentlebeing on the floor is drinking

It’s not my damn planet, Monkey Boy

Live wrong and preposterously

Meddle not in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup

My parents went to Sol 3 and all I got was this stupid human

Not all who wander are lost

Of course I’m in a bad mood — someone just dropped a house on my sister

Old Gallifreyan riddle — which came first the future or the past?

On my planet we laugh occasionally

Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain

Reality corrupts. Absolute reality corrupts absolutely

Reality is just one option

Reality is the opiate of the people

Save the universe — collect all five

So much for the old code against killing

Sometimes I feel like a figment of my own imagination

Spending a year dead for tax purposes

There is a very fine line between reality and fantasy — and I’d just as soon obscure

Time paradoxes will have given me a headache

Anachronists do it knightly

Anfractous: n. Full of twists and turns. Torturous. See Game’

Any excuse to wear a sword is a good excuse

Are we all being disintegrated, or is it just me?

Arrant Fool


Bards are beautiful

Berserkers do it without thinking

Better Living through Alchemy

Buggeth Off



Chivalry is alive and well in the SCA

Concealed broadsword

Crossbows don’t kill people. Quarrels kill people


Even barbarians like chocolate chip cookies

Follow me to the current Middle Ages

Gamers make better lovers — They know how to handle themselves in the dark

Have you hugged your Wench today?

Have you oppressed your peasants today?

Heralds do it with their companions

I like the Knight life

I thought YOU silenced the guard!

If it’s not Scottish, it’s crap

Imperious Rex

Knight Errant

Lady of the Knight

Live by the sword — Die by the crossbow

Maiden in Distress

Maybe if we attack, it will get confused, and make a mistake

Merde Occureth

Never, EVER, throw a fireball in a closed room.

Never trust a smiling game master

No Quarter

No, seriously, how much damage did I take?


Oh Regrettable Knight!


Peace through superior swordplay

Practice save government — use kingdoms

Retired Barbarian


SCA – medieval re-creation and recreation


Shameless Hussy

So many monsters, so little time


SSDA — same s***, different age

Surely you Joust?


Take a journey through time, join the SCA

The Game Master is Not God. God is one of my little NPC’s.

The King is a fink

Those spurs are, I must say, a provocative addition to your wardrobe.


Umm… Can I UN-cast that Fireball? I think it made him mad

Unprincipled Rake

Uppity Wench

What guard?

Waste a Knight with me

You bash the Balrog, I’ll climb a tree

Continue ReadingSciFi / Fantasy / SCA / D&D Jokes

Little Known “Facts”

Many of these “facts” have been debunked at one time or another on So take them with a grain of salt.

101 Dalmatians and Peter Pan (Wendy) are the only two Disney cartoon movies where both parents are present and don’t die during the movie.

A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

A cat’s urine glows under a blacklight.

A cockroach will live nine days without it’s head before it starves to death.

A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.

A dragonfly has a lifespan of 24 hours.

A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.

A pig’s orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.

A polar bear’s skin is black. Its fur is not white, but actually clear.

A rhinoceros horn is made of compacted hair.

A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

A snail can sleep for 3 years.

Al Capone’s business card said he was a used furniture dealer.

All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.

All of the clocks in the movie "Pulp Fiction" are stuck on 4:20.

Almonds are a member of the peach family.

American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.

Americans on the average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.

Amount American Airlines saved in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first class: $40,000.

An ostrich’s eye is bigger than it’s brain.

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

Chances of a white Christmas in New York: 1 in 4.

Chances that an American lives within 50 miles of where they grew up: 1 in 2.

China has more English speakers than the United States.

City with the most Rolls Royce’s per capita: Hong Kong.

Coca-cola was originally green.

Conception occurs more often in December than any other month.

Did you know that you are more likely to be killed by a champagne cork than by a poisonous spider?

Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn’t wear pants.

Dreamt is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt."

Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.

Elephants are the only animals that can’t jump.

Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than for the US Treasury.

Every time you lick a stamp, you’re consuming 1/10 of a calorie.

Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of their birthplace.

Honey is the only food that doesn’t spoil.

“I am” is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.

If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.

If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.

If you keep a Goldfish in the dark room, it will eventually turn white.

If you toss a penny 10,000 times, it will not be heads 5,000 times, but more like 4950. The heads picture weighs more, so it ends up on the bottom.

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.

In Indiana it is illegal to ride public transportation for at least 30 minutes after eating garlic.

In Minnesota it is illegal to cross state lines with a duck on your head.

In ancient Egypt, Priests plucked EVERY hair from their bodies, including their eyebrows and eyelashes.

In most advertisements, including newspapers, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10.

It’s impossible to get water out of a rimless tire.

It’s impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

John Lennon’s first girlfriend was named Thelma Pickles.

Los Angeles’s full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula" – and can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size: "L.A."

Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.

Marilyn Monroe had six toes.

Mel Blanc (the voice of Bugs Bunny) was allergic to carrots.

Men can read smaller print than women; women can hear better.

More people are killed by donkeys annually than are killed in plane crashes.

More women Wash their hands in the bathroom than men. Women: 80%, Men: 55%

Mr. Rogers is an ordained minister.

No president of the United States was an only child.

No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.

On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament Building is an American flag.

On an American one-dollar bill, there is an owl in the upper left-hand corner of the "1" encased in the "shield" and a spider hidden in the front upper right-hand corner.

On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.

Only 14 percent of Ammericans say they’ve gone Skinny Dipping with the opposite sex.

Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.

Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.

Polar bears are left handed.

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do.

Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.

Shakespeare invented the word "assassination" and "bump."

Smartest dogs: 1) border collie; 2) poodle; 3) golden retriever. Dumbest dog: Afghan.

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.

Starfishes haven’t got brains.

State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska.

Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.

TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters on only one row of the keyboard.

The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one-mile in every five must be straight. These straight sections are usable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies.

The Hawaiian alphabet has 12 letters.

The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.

The average chocolate bar has 8 insects’ legs in it.

In his/her lifetime, the average person accidentally eats 8 spiders at night.

The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.

The average person’s left hand does 56% of the typing.

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds, making the catfish rank #1 for animal having the most taste buds.

The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra’s "It’s A Wonderful Life."

The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

The flea can jump 350 times its body length, that is like a human jumping the length of a football field.

The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world.

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.

The longest one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched."

The longest town name in the world has 167 letters.

The longest word in the English language is 1909 letters long and it refers to a distinct part of DNA.

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the males head off.

The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.

The name for Oz in the "Wizard of Oz" was thought up when the creator, Frank Baum, looked at his filing cabinet and saw A-N, and O-Z.

The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with. (That’s if you don’t use North and South for America.)

The national anthem of Greece has 158 verses. No one in Greece has memorized all 158 verses.

The only real person to be a Pez head was Betsy Ross.

The pop you get when you crack your knuckles is actually a bubble of gas bursting.

The shortest war in history was between Zanzibar and England in 1896. Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes.

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

The venom in a Daddy Long-Legs spider is more poisonous than a Black Widow’s or a Brown Recluse, but they cannot bite humans because their jaws won’t open wide enough.

The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.

The word "lethologica" describes the state of not being able to remember the word you want.

There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.

There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.

There are more chickens than people in the world.

There are only four words in the English language which end in "-dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.

There’s no Betty Rubble in Flintstones Chewable Vitamins.

Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.

Two-thirds of the world’s eggplant is grown in New Jersey.

Vatican City is the smallest country in the world, with a population of 1,000 and a size of 108.7 acres.

What separates 60 Minutes from every other TV show? No theme song/music.

What trivia fact about Mel Blanc (voice of Bugs Bunny) is most ironic? He was allergic to carrots.

When the University of Nebraska Cornhuskers play football at home, the stadium becomes the state’s third largest city.

Winston Churchill was born in a ladies’ room during a dance.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

You can’t kill yourself by holding your breath.

You share your birthday with at least 9 million other people in the world.

Continue ReadingLittle Known “Facts”

One-Liners About Cats

A cat is always on the wrong side of the door

A cat is the visible soul of a home

A home without a cat–and a well-fed, well-petted and properly revered cat–may be a perfect home, perhaps, but how can it prove title? — Mark Twain

After dark, all cats are jaguars

Anything not nailed down is a cat toy

Cat – a small furry organism with a tropism for where it’s not wanted

Cats are smarter then dogs. You can’t teach eight cats to pull a sled.

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything has a function

Cats are Zen made Fur — Jo Godwin

Cat Creed: Everything here is mine

Dogs come when called. Cats take a message and get back to you

If cats had longer attention spans, they’d be running the world

Is it ok if the cat watches?

Thousands of years ago, Egyptians worshipped cats. Cats have never forgotten this.

What part of MEOW don’t you understand?

Whatever you’re doing its not as important as petting the cat.

Continue ReadingOne-Liners About Cats