You Know You Are No Longer A Kid If…

You’re asleep, but others worry that you’re dead.

You can live without sex but not without glasses.

Your back goes out more than you do.

You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

You buy a compass for the dash of your car.

You are proud of your lawn mower.

Your best friend is dating someone half their age and isn’t breaking any laws.

Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.

You sing along with the elevator music.

You would rather go to work than stay home sick.

You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.

You enjoy hearing about other people’s operations.

You consider coffee one of most important things in life.

You make an appointment to see the dentist.

You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

Neighbors borrow your tools.

People call at 9pm and ask "Did I wake you?"

You have a dream about prunes.

You answer a question with "because I said so!"

You send $ to PBS.

The end of your tie doesn’t come anywhere near the top of your pants.

You take a metal detector to the beach.

You wear black socks with sandals.

You know what the word "equity" means.

You can’t remember the last time you lay on the floor to watch television.

Your ears are hairier than your head.

You talk about "good grass" and you’re referring to someone’s lawn.

You get into a heated argument about pension plans.

You got cable for the weather channel.

Continue ReadingYou Know You Are No Longer A Kid If…

You Know You’ve Already Grown Up When…

1. Your potted plants stay alive.

2. You keep more food than beer in your fridge.

3. 6 AM is when you get up, not when you go to sleep.

4. You hear your favorite song on the elevator.

5. You carry an umbrella and watch the Weather Channel.

6. You don’t remember when Taco Bell closes.

7. A $4 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."

8. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

9. You’re the one calling the cops because the kids next door don’t know how to turn their stereo down.

10. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hooking up and breaking up.

Continue ReadingYou Know You’ve Already Grown Up When…

You Know You’re Not in College Anymore When…

You’re waking up at 6 am instead of going to bed.

Beers at lunch get you reprimanded.

College sweatshirts are ‘casual’ instead of dress up.

Your parents charge rent.

The four food groups are no longer beer, pizza, chips and cereal.

It’s ‘getting late’ when it’s 9:30 p.m.

Three words: Student Loan Payments.

You make thousands of dollars a year – and still can’t afford that dream Porsche.

You start eyeing the Light Beer Section appreciatively.

Pickup football games mean that at least one person will be in the hospital by game’s

Discussing with your friends:
THEN: GPA’s, spring break plans, and tonsil hockey;
NOW: mutual funds, interest rates, and wedding plans.

Sleeping on the couch is a no-no.

Naps are no longer available between noon and 6 p.m.

Sneakers are now ‘weekend shoes’.

Dinner and a movie – The whole date instead of the beginning of one.

Pregnancy now brings thought of tax deductions instead of coronaries.

Jack and Cokes become Dewers on the Rocks.

The only drugs you take are Tums and Tylenol.

The weak single you hit in the intramural softball game is now remembered as a Varsity dinger for the League Championship.

You get your news from sources other than USA Today, ESPN Sportscenter, and MTV News.

Random hook-ups are no longer socially acceptable.

You wear more ties in a week than you even owned while taking in college.

You find yourself reminiscing fondly of 2-hour Calculus exams.

You empathize with the characters from ‘Friends.’


Wine appreciation expands beyond Boone’s and Mad Dog.

You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.

Grocery lists actually contain relatively healthy food.

When drinking, you say at least once per night, ‘I just can’t put it down the same as I used to.’

Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work, not video games.

You’re actually willing to pay a bit more to drink in a bar that’s not full of ’21-year-old kids.’

Golf is beginning to seem a lot less silly.

Continue ReadingYou Know You’re Not in College Anymore When…